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OK, dance fans. It’s safe to come out from behind your couch now – it’s results night, and Mary Murphy has been muzzled. Well, not muzzled exactly, but it’s unlikely she’ll find anything to shriek about on a results show. And Nigel usually does most of the talking during the axe portion. So we’re safe…perhaps. If you’re not too distracted by the sight of her freckled décolletage (it’s all about the sunscreen, Mary – you’re at the age where you need to worry about getting too much sun), keep your thumb hovering over the mute button on your remote. Similar to commercials, her voice is a lot louder than the rest of the show.
Next time, use the jazz hands
Before we can get into the nasty elimination stuff, our spirits are raised with an energetic Wade Robson group number, “It Was All In Your Mind”. The final 18 leap about in shredded black outfits to hip-hop guy Shane Sparks’ choreography, and though it’s not as cool-in-a-freaky-way as last week’s group dance, it’s still fun to watch.
Host Cat Deeley is cute as a button in a swirly yellow strapless frock – as button-cute as an Amazon can be, that is (IMDB lists her height as 5’9”, but seriously, she must have been doing the Dorf on Golf thing when they measured her). She introduces the judging panel for the week, consisting of Proud ‘n’ Loud Mary, Nigel “I’m the boss here” Lythgoe, and Mia Michaels, who I like too much to make fun of. The threesome is smiling broadly, salivating at the chance to eliminate Cedric. It’s enough to put a smile on my face as well…now don’t disappoint me, judges. You owe me for the eardrum Mary pierced on Wednesday.
The first three pairs to learn their fates are Lauren and Neil, Jessi and Pasha, & Jaime and Hok. Lauren and Neil landed a hip-hop number on Wednesday that the judges lapped it up, and we get a replay of Mary’s first squeal of the evening. Hey, I warned you to keep on that mute button. The prettiest couple are declared safe, and up next are Jessi and Pasha, who did a kinda neat jazz routine in which they were supposed to be birds. Yeah, that Pasha dude can feather my nest anytime. I liked it, and the judges even thought it was amazing…but apparently not amazing enough, because they’re the first couple to land in the bottom 3. The judges are horror-stricken, and Mary grimly says she’s shocked and disappointed at this result. I like her better when she’s unhappy, don’t you? Jaime and Hok’s samba – which incidentally had the coolest music of the evening – divided the judges, with Mia loving it, Mary not being impressed, and Nigel liking the performance but not the technique. Technique, schmechnique – the voting fans liked it and they’re safe for another week.
Sabra and Dominic bring the “spice”
The next trio of couples are Lacey and Kameron, Anya and Danny, & Sabra and Dominic. Lacey and Kameron were hot-to-trot in their “Chicago” Broadway number, though the judges were split on their performance – Mia wanted yet more spice while Nigel thought the seasoning was just right. The voters were obviously fans of Lacey’s garter belt, though, and this pair is safe. Anya and Danny’s graceful Viennese waltz earned them Mary’s nuclear-alarm-siren screech, and the dubious distinction of being her favorite couple. Anya and Danny also receive a liberal tongue-bath from Mia and Nigel, and they’re easily safe. Sabra and Dominic clutch each other nervously, even though their contemporary dance to The Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You” was best of the night. In the humble opinion of someone who knows nothing about dance, that is. But the judges loved them as well – and as it turns out, so do the fans, because this week, they’re safe. The duo fall to the ground in a celebratory embrace, and they lay on the stage so long I’m thinking Cat will have to pry them apart so we can go to commercial break.
Kicked their cans all over the place
The final couples up for judgement are Sara and Jesus, Shauna and Jimmy, & Faina and Cedric. Sara and Jesus had to perform a Paso Doble to Queen’s “We Will Rock You”, and really, they should get a bye just for being saddled with that. The judges liked their performance but hated the music – like that’s their fault, somehow. Their results are put on hold while we hear about Shauna and Jimmy’s “step” hip-hop routine, which was preferable to their Good Witch/Scarecrow bit last week but still nowhere near the bar that’s been set by some of the other pairs. Finally, Faina is roundly praised for her work on her & Cedric’s foxtrot, while Cedric is just as roundly panned for his awkward partnering. Cat pauses for effect before revealing that Sara and Jesus are safe, sending Shauna, Jimmy, Faina and Cedric to the bottom 3. And somewhere up there, Freddie Mercury is laughing his ass off.
The judges express shock and awe at the results – Mia would have only picked Faina and Cedric for the bottom 3, and is astonished that Jessi and Pasha are among the cellar dwellers. Mary and Nigel agree, with Nigel adding that he’s not sure this is the right forum for Cedric’s talents. I’m not sure what would be the right forum for Elasto-boy – possibly a cameo in the next Incredibles movie.
Who’s yo’ Daddy?
It’s 10-second solo time, and first up is Jessi, who throws herself around to Kina’s “Hurts So Bad”. It’s a bit meh for me, and I’m more sure than ever that Pasha has been carrying her. Speaking of, Pasha is next with “Ain’t Nothing Wrong With That” and as far as I can tell, there wasn’t nothing wrong with his performance – particularly considering this is a ballroom dancer who’s being forced to dance solo. Shauna surprises everyone with a soul-bearing “Everything”, and maybe she’s too dance-school for the panel, but her technique is obviously superior to Jessi’s. Her partner Jimmy opts for Charlotte Martin’s “Veins”, and he is a bit meh as well, though he sure likes to fling his arms about. Faina goes all ‘50’s style with “Do You Love Me?”, and though it’s good, it’s not quite as good as her solo last week. Cedric is gyrating to Imogene Heap’s “Hide & Seek”, and to me it just looks like more of the same schtick we saw last week. He’s got the same deer-in-the-headlights look of fear this week as well, and tells Cat that he’s “at peace” regardless of whether he stays or goes.
Am I the only person on the planet who has never heard of this week’s musical guest, “Daddy Yankee”? Daddy Yankee, besides having the silliest rapper name ever (though it’s hard for anyone to top “Ludacris”), is a Latino rap dude with the requisite baggy name-brand clothing and heavy-duty bling. He’s pretty generic-sounding, but worse, the guy can’t dance. Is this the best this show can do? Even Dance With The Stars managed to get Rod Stewart and Tom Jones. I mean, they’re old but at least they know how to work their hips.
The fox trots home
The bottom 3 girls are brought onstage, and Nigel solemnly tells them that the judges were unanimous in their decision on who to send home. Note to the loser: everyone thinks you suck. Jessi is called forward first, and Nigel sternly tells her that no one liked her solo, and that she’s “lost quality” since last week. Shauna’s solo effort pleased the panel, and since they feel she really did “dance for her life”, she is safe. Faina’s solo, unfortunately, “didn’t really happen” for the judges, and although her foxtrot was superb and she certainly didn’t let her partner down, for some mysterious reason, she is being sent home while Jessi is safe. Well, Nigel is the boss, and in his world, it must make sense. Faina’s eyes stay resolutely dry during her video journey, and Cat tells her to keep her chin up. Because it’s not her fault she got screwed.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Turns out the judges didn’t spend all of the time during Daddy Yankee’s performance just sitting around and passing the hash pipe – rather, they harshed their mellow by arguing about which guy to send home. The decision, intones Nigel, was NOT unanimous. Pasha’s solo wasn’t good enough, but as there’s no earthly reason to send him home, he’s safe. Jimmy and Cedric are then forced to endure a speech from Nigel about uniqueness versus good dancers. You guess which one is which. Nigel drones on about how they let a good dancer (Ricky) go last week in favor of a unique one. Mia was still pissed that they let her favorite boy go last week, so she wanted to keep Uniqueness over Talent. Mary was having none of that, and cast her vote in favor of Talent. Nigel, of course, was torn – but in order to avoid hearing Mary shriek with joy, he decided to support Uniqueness. Translation: Jimmy is better than Cedric, but he’s still going home. He & Faina will have plenty to talk about on the ride home. Nigel warns Cedric that he’s not saving his ass again, and if he blows it next week, he’s out.
Shauna is the unfortunate girl who will now be Cedric’s partner, and quite possibly some of the tears Jimmy is shedding are for her. Check out Leo’s wonderfully witty performance recap to find out how Shauna fares with her new partner next week, or if you want a shriek-by-shriek refresher on this past week’s show, it’s all here. And you don’t have to worry about the mute button while you read it!
Next week, I want to see someone do the jive to “Icky Thump”. PM me your picks.
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Great cap, AJ! 
Originally Posted by AJane;2449493; 
Very funny recap, AJane! Great job! 
