We’re down to the top twelve, and the judges are getting loonier (and more inconsistent) by the week. Mia, with her fondness for made-up words, has apparently taken a violent turn this evening and should be kept away from the kitchen cutlery. More on that later. Mary is surprisingly coherent and hands out some constructive criticism this week, keeping the ear-splitting woohoos to a minimum. Nigel? I don’t know what to say about ol’ Nigel, except that he needs a cold shower. And a restraining order if he keeps up the lechery.
So anyway. Cat trots out yet another adorable dress I’d love to own, and introduces the remaining dancers, who will perform two dances each in another marathon show that’s fluff-free. Can I get a woohoo?!
Chelsie and Mark
Salsa - Alex Da Silva
Fuego by Joe Bataan
Chelsie and Mark start us off tonight with a nicely done Salsa - a wee bit stiff on Mark’s part for this kind of dance, perhaps, but not bad at all. I’m still not feeling the connection between these two, however. Mark is outfitted in a skin-tight black sleeveless bodysuit, Chelsie in a barely-there, glued-on fringy little dress, yet there was zip as far as sexiness. You’ve got to bring the sexy for these Latin dances, guys. Ah, well. Technically, it was pretty damn good. Emotionally? Meh.
Of course, Nigel feels the need to make a requisite dirty old man comment about where Chelsie’s dress touches and doesn’t touch. Perv. He does manage to throw Marky a compliment on how he always gets into character and how the pair’s footwork was good. Mary says it worked for her, chiding Mark for needing to loosen up but admiring his strength and the ease with which he spins and lifts Chelsie. “Beautiful dynamite” is how Mary describes Chelsie, while Mia says that “she is so friggin’ gorgeous...I want to stab you!”
Uh. What?! Watch your back offstage, Chelsie. Mia’s off her meds this week.
Chelsie and Mark, Round 2
Broadway - Tyce Diorio
I’m A Woman by Smokey Joe’s Café
Tyce’s routine this round requires tomboy Chelsie to vamp it up, much to Mark’s delight. She spends most of the time strutting about the stage while Mark runs after her, which is why it worked so well, I suppose. Art imitating life, and all that. This is another routine that is heavy on the performance aspect and light on the actual dancing. I’m starting to think they should change the name of the show to So You Think You Can Perform?
Nigel bellows about how hot the routine was, and pervs on Chelsie’s legs yet again. Great entertainment, he says. Sultry, sexy, and bluesy, screams Mary. She says that she loved the way Chelsie brought the attitude in how she pushed Mark away from her during the routine. I think that came naturally, Mary. Mia says she could see Mark’s lack of training and technique, and that Chelsie was hot, but lacked movement. At least she didn’t threaten her with sharp instruments again.
Comfort and Thayne
Hip Hop - Napoleon and Tabitha
Can We Chill by Ne-Yo
Yay for Nap and Tab coming back to choreograph! They tell the ever-grinning Thayne that he’s got to lose the smilies for this performance, but I still caught glimpses of him in the act during the routine. The boy just can’t help it, I suppose. Not a mind-blowing performance, but enjoyable to watch - I only saw two instances where their timing was a bit off. Thayne looked like he was really trying to lose his goofy white boy persona, but Comfort seemed to phone this one in.
Nigel starts off by slobbering over the awesomeness of the choreographers (enough of this, already) and then goes into ripping on Comfort for not putting any emotion into her dance, and not relating to Thayne. Cat tries to defend the dancers, noting that they’re a new couple, but Nigel shuts her down with “that’s not an excuse.” Mary continues with the “no chemistry” spiel, saying it was “just good.” Mia says it was a little better than just good, but not much. She tells Comfort that she’s always been a big supporter, but she’s going to have to back off the lurve train. *sniff sniff* I smell a bottom three couple right here, folks.
Comfort and Thayne, Round 2
Contemporary - Mandy Moore
A Different Corner by George Michael
Comfort is happy for this chance to show that she’s a real dancer and can handle new styles, and...fails miserably. This is Thayne’s style, so he does predictably well, but I don’t think Comfort’s facial expression changed once during the whole routine. Hold on, let me watch it again. Nope, not once. She looked either utterly bored, and/or ready to be sent home. Which she will, if she keeps this up. The choreography itself was lovely, with a lot of intricate moves and interaction between the dancers. It needed emotion, is all.
Nigel says he would have preferred that another couple danced this one, because they totally blew it on a nicely choreographed piece. The crowd boos obligingly. Mary gives some useful critiquing about Comfort’s plodding footwork, and Mia echoes her, talking about the lack of connection. She does disagree with the other two about Thayne, saying that he is an amazing dancer. And to keep smiling! Yeah, I think Comfort is outta here Thursday night.
Jessica and Will
Contemporary - Tyce Diorio
Silence from the Unfaithful soundtrack
Tyce explains that there is no story behind this routine, it’s more of a primal, feeling kind of thing with a Garden of Eden theme. This would explain the serious lack of clothing on Will, who performs in tight little black shorts with a sash of fabric tied around his waist to cover his goodies. Jess isn’t wearing much, either. Also lacking in this routine are any dance moves - it consists of a bunch of writhing about on the floor with a few lifts and synchronized arm jerking. And may I add that gravity seems to have a special affinity for Jess - she always looks so...heavy. Not weight-wise, mind you, it’s more of an inability to “float” across the stage that lends an ungracefulness to the girl. But I digress.
Nigel crows about how wonderful the choreography was (if you say so) and tells the dancers that they brought a palpable connection to the routine. Mary calls it one of the most amazing pieces she’s ever seen on the show, and fans her blushing face, making a comment about Will’s nekkidness. Mia babbles on about Tyce’s brilliance and how gorgeous and fluid the performance was, comparing Will to Desmond Richardson. Jessica even got a compliment! Take note, that doesn’t happen often.
Jess and Will, Round 2
Quickstep - Tony and Melanie
Bandstand Boogie by Barry Manilow
Talk about getting screwed. Someone has it out for Jessica, seriously. They get the Quickstep, “This show’s equivalent of the short straw,” says Cat. AND it’s set to a Barry Manilow song. Ugh. The best thing about this routine was Will’s tumbling intro, and it went downhill from there. To call it sloppy is being kind. Both Will and Jess had a look on their faces that screamed “Please, please, let this be over soon!” Make room in the bottom three for this couple.
Nigel says the performance aspect was okay, but the actual quickstep part of it stunk. Mary comments that Will’s jacket was clunky and ruined the lines of the dance (like that’s his fault?) and rips them both for heavy, slow footwork. Mia is sad because she thought Jessica went back to that “stiff, disconnected place,” and tells Will that he looks tired. Tired of carrying Jessica. “You need a new partner,” she says. Damn. Why not just shoot the poor girl and get it over with? To her credit, Jessica forces a smile and holds up three fingers for their number to dial. I’d hold up one special finger just for the judges, myself.
Courtney and Gev
Cha Cha - Anya Garnis and Pasha Kovalev
Don’t Stop The Music by Rihanna
Last year’s Russian studmuffin Pasha is back with Anya to choreograph this one, and what a fine job they do. Much better than Benji’s mess of a dance last week. *ahem* I wouldn’t call it a true Cha Cha, but it was fun. So was watching Pasha teach Gev how to convey “The Message” to Courtney - basically a crotch bump into Courtney’s behind. Scores of girls everywhere would love to receive that message from Pasha, I’m sure.
“I got the message!” says Nigel. He gives Courtney congrats on her sexiness, then tells Gev that he was brilliant - not necessary technically great, but fun to watch. Except for the lip-pursing that Gev does, Nigel tells him to leave that to Court. Mary calls it hot, rips on Gev a bit for sloppy footwork and hip movements, but says sometimes that just doesn’t matter. She puts them on the Hot Tamale Train as Nigel “woo woos” over in his corner. Mia says it was “fabulosity.” Cat comments on the fact that Gev shaved his chest and Courtney is overjoyed at this, for some reason.
Courtney and Gev, Round 2
Jazz - Mandy Moore
Standing There by The Creatures
Ms. Moore created this routine about a couple lost in the jungle, complete with a map for a prop. Courtney and Gev look cute in their safari get-ups, and the number is fun as well - but it looks more Broadway than jazz to me. But, what do I know. What is the difference, anyway? Gev gets to show off his skillz with a couple of nifty horizontal handstands, and Courtney lights up the stage with her bubbly personality.
Nigel calls it fun, like cotton candy, but with no substance. Mary disagrees, saying it was rough and raw, tearing up the stage. She compliments Gev’s strength and Courtney’s dynamic personality. Mia says it was performed well, and was just great. “You guys are one of my top couples, for sure,” says Mia.
Kherington and Twitch
Krump - Lil’ C
2 Buck 4 TV by Tha J-Squad
Oh, Lord. Krump and Kherington in the same sentence scares me. So does Lil’ C’s continuous use of the word “buck.” Krumping is way down there on my list of things I like to watch, but they start off hitting it pretty hard. Then they promptly lost the intensity towards the end. Was it exhaustion? Kherington’s way-too-freaking-tight shiny pants? Or Twitch’s jacket, that looked to weigh about twenty pounds?
Let’s be honest, says Nigel after making a gross face and yammering on about constipation in an attempt to get “buck” (don’t ask). He says on paper, it was like a duet between Busta Rhymes and Miley Cyrus. However, he still liked it! Nigel says he was so impressed by the beginning of it, he’s willing to forget about the last 16 bars where they lost all the energy. Why? Because it’s Twitchington, of course. They can do no wrong. Mary drools over them too, as does Mia, bringing out her stankface and a ton of stupid adjectives. “You served gangsta on a platter,” she tells Twitch. Mia also readily tosses aside the suckiness of the last part of the routine, leading me to think that these two could lie down and take a two minute nap on stage and still get a standing O from the judges.
Kherington and Twitch, Round 2
Smooth Tango - Jean Marc Genereux
Assassin’s Tango from the Mr. & Mrs. Smith soundtrack
Supposedly inspired by the fight scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith, this dance promises to deliver. But doesn’t. I had high hopes for this one, but I thought it was pretty dull, actually. No fire, no spark, nothing. Angelina and Brad they are not. I can’t blame it all on choreography, because Twitchington just went through the motions. I can blame the judges for kissing their butts the majority of the time, making them believe they can give a half-assed performance and still be on top. Boo.
Nigel tells Twitch it wasn’t honest for him, saying that he looked uncomfortable. The steps weren’t quite right and it just wasn’t up to par. He then tells Kherington that he felt no passion from her - she murdered the routine. Mary loved the beginning and the end, but the middle sucked. Mia felt they were very non-committed, and didn’t feel the “fight” that the routine was based on. Mediocre.
Katee and Joshua
Viennese Waltz - Jean Marc Genereux
Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls
This one is supposed to have Joshua as a ghostly figure that Katee can “feel,” but not touch or see. Think Ghost, without the cheese. Once again, not even close to a traditional Viennese Waltz, but it’s beautiful to watch and Katee looks gorgeous in her long blue satiny gown. Joshua has no trouble at all with all the lifts and Katee floats across the stage like a feather. They nail the final move with Katee snaking down Joshua’s body in a circle.
Nigel no likey, telling Josh from the get-go that he was too bouncy and not flowy enough for his tastes. He tells Katee her lines were beautiful. Mary loved the lifts, but also thinks the dancing was too bouncy. Mia chimes in that Joshua was a little clumsy looking, like a football player trying to learn to dance, but tells Katee that she’s a gift to the dance world and her journey is just beginning. Poor Josh is getting the Jessica treatment this week, it seems.
Katee and Joshua, Round 2
Bollywood - Nakul Dev Mahajan
Dhoom Taana from the Om Shanti Om soundtrack
Bollywood? Well, this is new. Katee and Joshua get the pimp spot this week, ending the show with a brand new style that I sure hope they make a regular part of the competition. In fact, I vote that they dump that craptastic Quickstep in favor of Bollywood. Katee and Josh look like they have a blast performing this routine, all decked out in Indian costumes. Beautiful hand movements, high energy, all kinds of interesting spins. Superb!
Nigel says he’s been trying to get this style on the program for three years, and compares it to hip hop in certain aspects. Tremendous job, he says. You two always find a way to infuse a style with your personality, he tells the grinning duo. “On this stage we have one rule: Heart. Soul. Equals Stardom. You guys are stars tonight,” Mary says, veering dangerously close to Ms. Abdul’s territory. You're back on the Hot Tamale Train, squeals Mary. Mia tells Katee she needs to dress like that every day, and pours on the love for their performance.
And that’s it, dear readers. Next week, the couples get split up for the top ten - then we’ll really see who was carrying who. Let’s hope they invite Nakul back to choreograph a group routine sometime soon, too. Join us Thursday evening to see who gets the boot - will it be the robotic Comfort, or the judge’s favorite whipping girl, Jessica? I’m thinking smiley Thayne is toast, either way. Don’t forget to check out iguanachocolate’s snark-filled recap of the results show. Til next week!