*DISCLAIMER* This recap was written under the influence of heavy duty antihistamines. Frankly, they’re not really doing much other than making me even more loopy and lightheaded. That’s probably perfect for this show, but I just thought I’d mention it. So, cue the kooky LSD trip music that’s been playing in my head and let’s get started!
First of all, didn’t you all think this was the finale? Me too. Then I went back and watched the last episode and that crafty Scott Hamilton said “in two weeks.” He didn’t say “two weeks from tonight.” Getting tricky with the semantics there, Hamilton. So – this is not the finale. This would be the short program episode. The real finale, featuring this show’s version of the long program will be recapped for you by the lovely waywyrd, who has agreed to step in at the last minute so I can go back to bed and suffer some more. <--- blatant play for sympathy
With only two couples remaining and a full-hour of show, this episode is going to be chocked full of filler-y goodness. That and lots of oh-so-witty banter from our hosts, Scott and Summer. Before we get to Mutt and Jeff, there’s a whole lotta recapping going on….and not from yours truly. No, my dearies, we get the whole season in, like, 10 minutes. I find this annoying since I recapped about 5 hours of this stuff and they went and condensed it down to 10 minutes.
Through a montage of clips, we’re reminded of all the celebs and their pro partners who got eliminated…. Just in case we forgot the last 5 weeks. There’s Todd Bridges (aka Frankenstein) and Jenni Meno, followed by Deborah Gibson and Kurt Browning and then the HI-larious Dave Coulier and Nancy Kerrigan. We also get more schmaltz about Bruce Jenner and Tai Bablilonia as the sentimental favorites. Next up is the recap of the last show, which you can read about in my last recap. Really, let’s move on, shall we?
Okay, so Here the Deal
We’re down to two pairs: Jillian and John against Kristy and Lloyd. Jillian and John have been consistently good, but might not be upping the difficulty of their routines as much as Kristy and Lloyd, who started off with the lowest score on the first night and have steadily improved. Tonight we’ll see who will
winbe in first place going into the next show. Really, could this be any more un-dramatic?
It’s almost fifteen minutes into the show and we finally see our hosts, Scott and Summer. They give us more filler about how tough this show has been on the pairs and how exciting it’s all been. At one point, Summer calls Scott the King of the Ice. It’s all very…..meh. Enough already, let’s get to the skating! Or at least to the last clip before we see some skating….
Not so fast. It’s time for another fillerific moment! Here come all of the former contestants who got knocked out of the competition…. You remember them: we saw clips of them like five minutes ago. Each couple is introduced and then they do a little bit at center ice. Everyone looks pretty much the same. Todd still looks uncertain on the ice. Jenni is perky and graceful. Kurt does do a little lift with Deborah, which I applaud him for. Nancy and Dave skate (and I can’t get enthused enough to write any more than that). Next up are Bruce and Tai. She, as usual looks gorgeous and perfect. Bruce still looks like a giraffe on skates. A giraffe on skates in sequins. Finally, out come John and Jillian, followed by Kristy and Lloyd. Jillian’s costumes are definitely getting smaller. This one looks like some suspenders and a handkerchief. Why is John still wearing so much clothing? Probably because if he took his shirt off, this recap would just descend into girly blathering… much like usual.
After yet another commercial break, there are more clips. First up, we see Nancy and Dave talking about their journey and how darn much fun they had. In summary: because, well, Dave can’t skate, they decided to have fun instead. This explains a lot.
Oh! We’re back to the ice! Someone might be skating soon, people! Seriously, my counter says 25 minutes and not one routine yet. This is worse than an American Idol results show. Back on the practice ice, Summer talks to John and Jillian about their journey. Jill does lots of talking about how hard this has been, but says that it has been the most rewarding experience of her career. John stands next to her and I go to my happy place watching him. He actually does speak but there’s this humming in my ears….it’s either medication or the effect of the leather pants. It’s a toss up.
After a quick introduction of the judges it’s time for (hot damn!) some skating! That is, after Scott tells us about the technical requirements for this week’s routine. First, they must complete a multi-jump sequence with a minimum of three connected half rotation jumps. Second, they have to perform a spin of at least four revolutions AND third, they have to do an above the shoulder lift.
John and Jillian
Lately, John and Jillian have been getting some criticism from the judges about the lack of difficulty in their routines. This week, they’re working to change their strategy and up the level of their skating. Choreographer Michael Siebert tells us that John and Jillian are working to add some very difficult elements to their routine. These elements are all the more difficult because John and Jill haven’t gotten enough practice time. John says that they want to risk everything and not regret anything.
Clad in red – Jillian in the aforementioned handkerchief and suspenders number and John in a red shirt with the also aforementioned black, leather pants – skate to Britney Spears’ “Toxic.” Unlike Dancing with the Stars, this show is not so easy to watch with the sound muted, but I tried it anyway. They get through the jump sequence and the spin with no problem and they try a pretty tough lift where John almost doesn’t get Jill back on her feet. They also do another lift where Jill is spread eagle above John’s head and he spins around. That costume must be stuck on with Super Glue ‘cause I was sure the twins were coming out tonight. Scott is excited, as usual.
The judges say:
John Nicks: Really surprising. You had so much more energy and excitement than I’ve seen before. (and say it with me now) However, you were attacking things and took risks and made an error on the lift. The rest of the program was wonderful. Score: 9.7 / 9.6
Dorothy Hamill: Red hot! It was great to see that spark back. You’ve been consistent through the whole thing. Technically, it was very difficult. Very energetic. I’m impressed with how far you’ve come. Score: 9.8 / 9.8
Mark Lund: What I like about you guys is that you make very difficult elements look easy. That’s the mark of a good performer. I can’t fully agree with John on the mistake. You don’t always have to take points off. It was fun and fast. Score: 9.6 / 9.8
Now we’re back to the practice rink and Scott is having a talk with Kristy and Lloyd. Kristy babbles on about something and Lloyd says that this feels like his fifth Olympic Games. It. Is. Just. That. Dramatic.
Before we see Kristy and Lloyd skate, the other contestants are back to skate again. First Todd and Jenni do part of that “crowd pleasing” routine to “Wild Wild West.” They could have played a clip of this, you know? Kurt and Deb do a bit of their Grease routine and, yes, the nasty ducktail wig is back. He reminds me of this bad lounge singer we saw at Fort Con in Vegas….only Kurt can’t sing….okay, maybe it’s the same. Dave and Nancy perform some of their “Soul Man” routine and again, I can’t think of anything else to say about them. Next up are Bruce and Tai with a portion of their “Endless Love” routine. Bruce = not graceful. Still, I have to give him props for this whole thing. He’s probably a member of AARP and there he is working his tail off on the ice.
Back from the commercial, we see Jenni and Todd’s “journey montage.” Todd is still brooding over the fall he took during the second episode. Jenni tells him not to worry about it: it could just have easily been her. Uh-huh.
Kristy and Lloyd
Kristy and Lloyd have had a painful journey to the finals. After a poor performance in the first show, they worked hard and did great routines in shows four and five. The rewards weren’t without a price: Kristy is getting banged up and she may have bruised a rib. Lloyd’s in bad shape too: he’s got tendonitis and a bunch of other injuries. In spite of the fact that they’re like the walking wounded, they’re still going to pack their routines full of tough elements and try to win the competition.
The music starts and before I can hit my mute button, I hear the Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody.” This is bordering on abuse, people. Kristy and Lloyd are both wearing a lovely shade of blue and, mercifully, Kristy has more clothes on than Jillian did. The jump sequence goes well and, of course, they do a great over the head lift. Seeing as how they started out the show with faster music, this slower style really seems to suit them. It’s clear than their connection has been made….and that’s all I’m going to say about that.
The judges say:
Mark Lund: Your performances continue to improve. You’re really showing us all what it’s like to put together a beautiful program. Congratulations. Score: 9.7 / 9.8
John Nicks: A superb, musical, moving performance. In particular, Kristy, you showed so much confidence in those very difficult and dangerous adagio moves. Congratulations. I want to compliment Lloyd. He finally got his leg up level with Kristy’s in the spiral – it only took you 20 years to do it! Score: 9.7 / 9.8
Dorothy Hamill: As a judge or an audience member, you want to be taken on a journey. I thought that this piece you did tonight. You set the mood in the beginning and then did all of those wonderful lifts and technically difficult things. It was romantic and passionate and really lovely. Score: 9.8 / 9.9
Around this time, we see Bruce and Tai’s “journey montage,” along with Deborah and Kurt’s. In short: Bruce should be wearing full body padding whenever he takes the ice and Kurt and Deb relied on entertainment value in their routines. They all are great friends. Kumbaya.
Kristy and Lloyd are only .4 ahead of Jillian and John. Kristy says she never would have guessed at the beginning of the show that she and Lloyd would make it to the finals against John and Jillian. Coming up soon, the fabulous recap from waywyrd where you’ll find out who won the whole shebang!
Critical@fansofrealitytv.com is preparing to go through withdrawal over not having John Zimmerman on her television every week.