May 27, 2004 -- POOR Paris Hilton goes from begging to being trampled by a horse on the long-awaited sequel to "The Simple Life."
Well, to be honest, I wasn't long-awaiting it, but some people are, so here's a preview of what happens when "The Simple Life 2: Road Trip" premieres Wednesday, June 16, at 8 p.m. on Fox.
In "SL 2," Paris and her friend (now foe, according to the gossip columns), Nicole Richie, embark on a journey from Miami Beach to Beverly Hills.
This will give them the opportunity to touch down in a variety of hamlets, where they'll shack up with people we city folk derisively (and not too regretfully) refer to as "hicks."
The first gang of befuddled bumpkins to get the Paris-Nicole treatment are the Battens, who live among a collection of hunting trophies on a ranch somewhere in central Florida.
As revealed by a preview tape sent to critics earlier this week, Paris and Nicole arrive in Bumpkinville via a pink pickup truck towing a trendy, streamlined Airstream.
It's a pretty fancy way to go cross-country, but not for Paris and Nicole, who have been compelled to give up all their cash and credit cards.
Because of this forced (and contrived) poverty, the girls resort to begging — at a toll plaza, at a gas station and in a convenience store.
At the Batten Family Ranch, though, the girls go from begging to working, which includes picking up fresh cowpies with a shovel and removing them to a compost heap.
Here, the producers of "The Simple Life 2" have seen the need to videotape these great masses of manure in extreme closeup.
Mercifully, the excrement excitement soon subsides, and it's time for Paris and Nicole to saddle up and take two of the Battens' horses for a spin.
The girls seem experienced enough at riding, but when Paris kicks her mount into a full gallop, the animal bounces her off and steps on her — a scene caught on videotape and seen in its entirety on "The Simple Life 2."
While some meanies might be tempted to stand up and cheer at this point, Paris' injuries seem serious enough for her to be evacuated by helicopter to the nearest hospital.
The good news is, the injuries turn out to be minor and Paris is well enough to once again hit the road, where — among other things — she and Nicole will get a job stuffing sausage casings in one town and work as sheriff's deputies (and jail matrons) in another — neither of which sounds "Simple" to me.