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Thread: Simple Life Finale Recap - "Go Home Rich Bitches, Go Home"

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    Premium Member Bumpkin's Avatar
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    Simple Life Finale Recap - "Go Home Rich Bitches, Go Home"

    After 30 days on a family farm in Altus, Arkansas, it’s time for the socialites Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to head home. But not before they once again annoy and anger the townspeople. Not before Albert shakes his head in disgust once more, or before one more shot of the girls in skimpy and outrageous clothing.

    Since FOX chose to air the reunion show before the finale, there’s not much in this episode that we haven’t seen already. Scenes from their jobs at the dairy farm, Sonic, and the food mart end with “fired” or “dismissed” being stamped over the scenes to remind us that these gals aren’t good at holding down a job.

    The full moon rises over the Leding farm as it has done every night in each and every episode I’ve watched, and the girls head out for a night on the town. Much is apparently lost to editing, such as the amount of liquid beverages or other mind-altering substances which had been consumed previously, but Nicole suddenly begins screaming at the bar manager and patrons that her purse and jacket have been stolen.

    Stalking about with a pixilation infection caused by the dropping of f-bombs, Nicole goes to the back of the bar and finds a gallon jug of bleach which she throws toward the general area of folks having dinner. When the bottle doesn’t burst with the desired drama, she uncaps the bottle and pours bleach on the top of the pool table.

    Bar manager Shannon says, “These gals can be nice as pie then turn on you like the biggest bitches.” Yeah, it’s called manipulation, Shannon. Apparently good looks and charm have lost their appeal for folks in Altus. Helped by captioning, we hear “Go home, rich bitches. Go home” and “We don’t want to see you, go home.”

    Day 29, 30 Hours to Go
    Albert Leding comes to the girls’ room the next morning and asks Paris if he can have a moment alone with Nicole. Paris, of course, disappears behind the door to listen to the conversation. Cup of coffee in hand, Albert sits on the steps with a deep sigh and confesses he’s disappointed again.

    The conversation largely goes nowhere, as Albert is still trying to have the girls follow his set of guidelines, and after 29 days Paris and Nicole are tired of trying to pretend to follow them. “He acts like we killed somebody,” notes Paris.

    Later Janet sits the girls down and encourages them to pay off their debts in town and apologize for what they’ve done. After another superfluous visit to town mayor Veronica Potts, they are instructed to pay off $123 at Co-Op, and $170 at the food mart. Owner Buffy (of the famous Good Lawd line) says having the girls in town was more excitement than Altus had ever known, “We’ve never had the Barnum and Bailey circus in town.”

    At the bar and grill they pay off a $19.28 tab, then head over for a sit down with Shannon at Alligator Ray’s before forking over $400 to repair the pool table.

    Why Did The Raccoon Cross The Road? Because He Couldn’t.
    Driving home, the girls spy a dead coon in the road, and are delighted to witness actual “road kill” Paris, “You never see road kill in LA.” (Insert your favorite LA joke here, folks. I got nuthin.)

    With a rake and pitchfork the girls lever the dead coon into the back of the pickup, vowing to take it back to LA and have it made into a belt. Not that this belt wouldn’t be any more or less atrocious than the rest of their clothing choices. On the drive home they argue over ownership of the pelt, “I saw it first!” “But I picked it up!”

    Bow Chicka Bow Bow, Who Knew Albert Had It In Him?
    Day 29, and 16 hours to go. By way of penitence for all the embarrassment they’ve caused the family, Albert asks the girls to wash the truck before they go. I don’t know what Albert was thinking. After having been so staid and authoritarian throughout the show, could his motives for having the girls wash the truck be anything less than pure?

    Regardless, it makes for good TV. Fox TV that is. The truck washing soon devolves into a predictable water fight, with Paris’ jogging pants slipping lower the wetter they get. Okay, she’s wearing a bikini underneath, but still. Albert whispers to Justin and Cayne, daring them to throw the girls in the pool. Soon everyone has had a turn in the pool, amid much laughter.

    Night falls and as Nicole, Paris and the Leding men sit around the pool, a phone rings. Never at a loss for the right word, Nicole drops the f-bomb. Albert shakes his head and says, “There’s two souls in trouble.” Nicole clarifies, “That’s my favorite word.” And in case it wasn’t clear to the teenaged boys in the house, she adds, “My favorite action too.”

    The Final Goodbyes
    Albert must leave for work early on the girl’s final day, and the girls finally manage to wake up before six am to bid him goodbye. Once again, they apologize for causing so much trouble.

    As they pack, Nicole says she is looking forward to eating Sushi and having a manicure, while Paris dreams of driving in her car while talking non-stop on her cell-phone. While the taxi-man struggles bravely to put all their luggage in a four-door sedan, the girls say their final goodbyes.

    Paris gives Curly an afghan from home, which makes Curly cry. Janet cries as the girls hug her and tell her she should come to LA and ‘get some extensions.’ They hug Braxton and ask him to visit them in LA and promise a trip to Disney. Even Tinkerbell looks sad.

    We’re sad too to see the end to this fine, fine show. Okay, not really. But for those of you who are sad, take heart, a special ‘lost episode’ airs January 26.

    Thanks to all our readers, and a special thanks to each of the FORT recappers who have tackled this show before me: Sher, SnowFlake Girl, Bill_in_PDX, Wayner, and KylieGrant.

  2. #2
    Picture Perfect SnowflakeGirl's Avatar
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    Oh, Bumpkin, where do I begin...at the beginning I suppose. You had me at "Go Home, Rich Bitches, Go Home"--perhaps my favorite recap title of all time--kept me through "pixellation infection" and your raccoon joke, and had me laughing to the very end.

    You did a fine job of recapping the finale to this FOX fiasco, and at long last, it's finally over!


    Oh wait, it's not, there's the lost ep on the 26th. :deadhorse

    Damn you, FOX!!! You're evil!
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
    All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale
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  3. #3
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    I hear the girls are coming to Nashville for a second season Bump as they attempt to get into the country music scene. Are they staying with you?
    Bow Chicka Bow Bow, Who Knew Albert Had It In Him?
    Nice job.

  4. #4
    Premium Member Bumpkin's Avatar
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    Nah, Unk, they are staying with Sheri Lyn and Brenda Kay Jugg of Nash Trash Tours fame....

    http://www.nashtrash.com/

  5. #5
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpkin
    Nah, Unk, they are staying with Sheri Lyn and Brenda Kay Jugg of Nash Trash Tours fame....

    http://www.nashtrash.com/
    I've seen them around town when I've been home and also on TV quite a bit. Good choice.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    I say put them in the Bronx or East LA. I'm sure they will be able to just be themselves and get away with it.

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    Yo Mama Mama Harold's Avatar
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    Bumpkin, thank you so much for the recaps. I just knew I couldn't watch this show and retain my dinner. Thanks to you, I didn't have to. Your recaps ROCK.

  8. #8
    Premium Member Bumpkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Harold
    Bumpkin, thank you so much for the recaps. I just knew I couldn't watch this show and retain my dinner. Thanks to you, I didn't have to. Your recaps ROCK.
    Awww... thanks for the kind words, Mama. But I can only take credit for slipping in to recap the finale. The FORT team of recappers for Simple Life also included Sher, SnowFlake Girl, Bill_in_PDX, Wayner, and KylieGrant.

    But we're glad you enjoyed reading. The FORT has the best writers on the web.


  9. #9
    Yo Mama Mama Harold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumpkin

    But we're glad you enjoyed reading. The FORT has the best writers on the web.

    No argument here.

  10. #10
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    this show was so bad i could never make it thru an episode, and never tried a second time.

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