Hello, and welcome once again to “The Simple Life.” Everyone’s favorite implanted farm-girls are once again out for a new adventure this week. Unfortunately for Nicole and Paris, the job this week is somewhat less glamorous than the kissing booth from last week.
On the road to responsibility, Paris and Nicole head to the I-40 Livestok Auction. It’s really too bad that they didn’t make a wrong turn, because I have a feeling if they knew what was coming eventually they’d have turned and ran for their lives. At the Auction house, they have a job interview with the owner, Kent. He asks the girls general questions, such as “do you have any experience with cows?” However, the girls barely hear him because they are more intent on asking him questions. “Do a lot of guys work here? Are they hot? Are they all married?” After these oh so important details are worked out, Nicole comes up with an even more important question—“What do we wear?” Kent advises them to cover up and wear jeans. This answer, of course, is not satisfactory for Princesses Scantily-Clad. Nicole is already trying to figure out a way to beat the system by wearing shorts and thigh-high boots. Kent shakes his head, wondering what in the world he [err, and the producers at FOX] has gotten himself into.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, the Leding family, Paris, and Nicole are having family game night. The game is trivia, and they’re working on teams. “What does DKNY stand for?” Paris and Nicole immediately answer “DonnaKarenNewYork” and are impressed with themselves for flaunting their haute couture smarts. The next question, however, proves who has the real brains of the family when the young Braxton quickly names Colin Powell as U.S. Secretay of State.
The next morning, the girls are up and dressed (in the most clothes they’ve worn throughout the show’s duration) bright and early at 7:15 a.m. to start their new job. Once in the truck, they complain that they “don’t want to go to work.” They crank the truck and it makes its obligatory wheezing, grunting noises and releases smoke. Somewhere between home and the auction, Nicole and Paris decide they’re hungry, so they ditch the first part of work for a couple of number four’s with cheese at the local fast food restaurant. Needless to say, Kent is not too thrilled when they arrive, and he puts them right to work.
Round ‘em up, cowboy… Paris and Nicole are herding cows into gates in the barn at the auction. After a total of about 10 minutes of work, they stop to flirt with some of the boys nearby. Paris obviously dazzles them with her witty lines. After Kent interrupts the flirting session to get Paris and Nicole back to work, their suitors notice that Kent is “working the hell out of them.” Somehow I doubt.
Next, Paris and Nicole introduce the start of the auction. The men in attendance look unimpressed. While the auction is going on, Kent sends the girls to buy feed for the cows. They get to the store asking for “cow food” and the cashier asks if that’s all they want. He then makes the HUGE mistake of asking them if that is all they want. Then, he makes the even BIGGER mistake of mentioning that the bill will be charged to the I-40’s account. Ca-ching! At that moment, something clicked in Nicole’s brain. Charging an account was eerily similar to letting a sales associate swipe the plastic. Shopping spree!! In a hardware store!! After all these days of not shopping, Nicole is definitely ready. She picks out a mirror and a birdhouse and has them charged to the I-40 account as well. Paris and Nicole are sickeningly proud of themselves as they head back to the auction house. When they get back, Kent has decided that they’ve done enough and that they are officially FIRED . He pays them anyway, and they jump in the truck with mirror, birdhouse, and money in tow.
When they get home, Paris and Nicole proudly present the birdhouse to Janet as a Mother’s Day gift. She thinks that it’s beautiful, and is starting to believe that the girls just might be good for something after all. Richard and Curly say that they think the girls are finally learning some responsibility. With everyone’s hopes up, it’s really a shame that Janet had to be disenchanted later that afternoon by a phone call from Kent. He explains what the girls have done and says he’s going to come over later. Janet is disappointed in them for stealing and then giving her the birdhouse as a “gift.”
Later that day, the girls are at the Leding house alone doing what they do best—primping. They hear a knock at the door, and it’s Kent! Paris and Nicole are absolutely horrified, and pull the oldest trick in the book to get out of talking to him: They pretend they’re in the shower. He starts to leave but then comes back. The girls, who thought they were home free, had to devise a new plan. They run to the sink and Nicole splashes water on her face and goes to the door “crying.” She informs Kent that she just found out her cat died. *Jonny Fairplay flashbacks…I sense the beginning of the end* Kent acts like he falls for her obviously fake hysterics, but is not willing to forgive the hundred and twenty dollars the girls owe him. Nicole bawls and acts offended that he would even ASK her to pay him back, after all…. her cat just died!! Doesn’t this man have a heart?
Nicole runs back to the bedroom where Paris is, and Paris gives Nicole her credit card number to give to Kent. Nicole runs back out with the number, but Kent isn’t thrilled. He obviously is not from the same “School of Swiping” that Paris and Nicole have attended. Nicole manages to get rid of him, and she and Paris celebrate.
Unfortunately, the party doesn’t last long. Kent calls the girls back to the I-40 Livestok Auction to work off their debt. Paris and Nicole then wish they’d never heard the words “So, do you know how to test a cow for pregnancy?” One cow, one glove, and two extremely under-worked rich girls do not make for a pretty scene. The “lucky” Nicole goes first, donning plastic gloves to match the thigh-high boots she wanted to wear earlier in the show. She does the extremely complicated pregnancy test -- sticking her arm up the cow’s ass. She, and all of America, is thoroughly disgusted, but then, that’s a normal thing for this show. It gets even worse when Nicole’s done, and she chases Paris through the barn threatening to touch her with the contaminated glove. Paris and Nicole obviously learn their valuable lesson: Whenever you do something wrong, check for pregnancy.
Later that night, the girls are relaxing with the Leding family. Nicole, Queen of Intimate Questioning, reads from a book “When was your first sexual intercourse?” Mom and Curly look absolutely horrified and Justin shifts his eyes uncomfortably. Talk about humiliation. When no one jumps to answer, Nicole reads the next question. “When was the last time you stole something?” Nicole and Paris erupt in laughter, while no one else looks amused. After thinking for a minute, Paris says, “Well, charging is NOT the same as stealing.” I have my doubts as to whether this brilliant argument will hold up in the court of law, and the family keeps thinking to themselves, twelve more days, twelve more days, twelve more days. Hang in there Ledings, we have faith in you.
Join us next week for “The Simple Life” on December 23rd at 8:30 EST, with a recap courtesy of SnowflakeGirl.
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