Greetings, fine people! Itís another week in this Sports Illustrated competition and Iím sure youíre as excited as I am. We'll debate on the level of excitement later on. Do you know what I enjoy in life? Apart from Reality TV and Starburst candy, that is. I enjoy learning new facts about random subjects. For example, when a sentence starts with ďDid you knowĒ, I smile and rejoice. Therefore, Iíll include some fun facts in the following recap. Are you ready for another look into the swimsuit-modeling world? Ready, set, dance!
Dude! Wanna Go Ride The Waves?
Last week, Alicia started her little diva act by chasing away the male models that were part of her photo shoot. Thereís no need to remind you all that it made me unhappy. This week, Miss A decides that pouting is in this season and walks away from her fellow contestants; she feels that they were bitching for no reason. Shannon and Ali argue for a bit, each of them believing they handled the situation in the best way possible. We are then treated to a supposedly touching scene where Alicia tells the viewers about her tough childhood, coming from a troubled family then being sent to a foster home. She cries in her interview and says that she wants to win.
The doorbell rings and itís a fake SI copy instructing the girls that itís time for another incredible Supermodel pass competition! Weíve had push-ups, extreme volleyball, dancing and nowÖ surfing! Jenna is teamed up with Alicia (whom she refers to as Diva Alicia) and Shannon is with Stacy. Weíll see a lot of Shannon this episode so here are the first facts weíll discover: her fianceís name is Kyle, they have been dating since high school and they are abstaining from having intercourse until marriage.
The competition is about to start and we learn that, who else but Shannon, is afraid of water. Fun Fact #2; she had to be rescued from a wave pool in an amusement park. Whereís David Hasselhoff when you need him? Yes, thatís right, heís busy recording his new record.
Malia Jones, pro surfer and SI swimsuit model back in 2000, explains the challenge; itís a paddleboard race, in which one member of the team has to paddle around a buoy then tag her partner. Then, the goal is to reach the beach and high-five Malia. Shannon is sporting a life jacket and is up against Jenna. The girls are fairly even but Jenna arrives first at the beach and tags Alicia. Meanwhile, Shannon arrives and Stacy just rides the waves like a pro. She finishes first for the win while Alicia is still paddling away. Itís time for a showdown between Shannon and Stacy; itís a tight race but somehow, Stacy keeps tripping near the beach and gets beaten by the girl who has a fear of drowning. Shannon receives a diamond ring along with the supermodel pass and gives the second one, which contains a necklace, to Jenna. Bling Bling yíall! Youíve guessed correctly, Stacy is fuming like a chimney. How dare she give the prize to pin-up girl! Alicia praises Shannon and we are back to the mansion.
I Never Had A Dream Come True
*Angels sing with harps in their tiny little hands, sitting on comfy clouds*
Iím a believer in the "ask and you shall receive" conception. Sign me up for anything now because my prayers have been answered. As I sit here, watching the show, everything fades to pink and a smile arrives upon my face. Josh, the hot bartender, is BACK! This calls for a small celebration. Take your right arm, then your left one and throw them up in the air like you just donít care! If you missed the show, you missed Josh. I canít show him to you in my recaps but heís very yummy-licious. Dodelidee, fact number 3 about Shannon; she doesnít drink! Whoa then, hold on, wait a minute, that doesnít mean they can fire Josh. Iím sure the other 3 enjoy some booze in their life. Donít.send.him.awayÖ Alicia! Dodelida, fact number 4 about Shannon; she is slightly on the obsessive-compulsive side. Josh then makes a rude remark saying that meds exist for that condition. Mean but pretty? Iím not so sure I like him anymore.
Misael Maldonado, a runway trainer, and the famous supermodel Petra Nemcova wake up the girls and inform them that theyíll have a real runway show soon, so they must be prepared. They practice their walking and some can do it better than others. Misael is hilarious walking down and having fun while you can see that Petra is a real pro.
Itís the time for the real runway show! By real, I mean with about fifty aspiring actors sitting in the audience along with the judges. Jenna is insecure about this event since she admits that the runwayís not her specialty. Iím all excited for this part since the previews promised some drama happening.
Shannon is up first, sporting the Nautica Cruises 2005 Swimwear Collection and she looks great, as all models do. Joel immediately says sheís too planned and needs to let loose more. Alicia is up next and Roshumba loves her attitude and the way she portrays her mysterious side. They then point out that Jenna is being safe this time around but she needs to smile a bit more. Stacyís new found confidence is showing and the judges appreciate it. The girls do their thing a few more times and receive the same comments, just in other words. Finally, Shannon and Jenna get to walk the runway with diamonds, since they were the recipients of the Supermodel Pass. Wait. The runway show is over and there was no drama to be found. Liars, all of them.
Back at the Lurve Shack, the girls chat up about their lives, whoís parents are still married and such emotional topics. Showcased again is Aliciaís tough upbringing and the way her whole life as been a competition. This pity editing is not working for me. Maybe her ice queen attitude from last week has rubbed off on me.
Look At Me, All Pretty.
Weíre now at zee evaluation, also known as the time where the judges repeat themselves. Stacy has more self-confidence and has a great body. However, she is lacking in the breast department and it is questioned if she still has what it takes. Joel then states that SI is a tasteful magazine and itís not about big boobs. One might agree with that, but youíre showcasing women in swimsuits so youíre not angels of purity in any way.
Moving on, Shannon has great potential but she wasnít the best on the runway. There was too much bouncing in her walk, according to Jule. Roshumba thinks she is marginal but they wonder if she has that SI look. Marginal? Oh man, their comments are so bizarre. Alicia has the attitude (whether it be bad or good) and they use the word phenomenal for her body. Nick Warnock, get out of here! Last but not least, Jenna is victim of the boobie talk. Joel asks Jule how she feels about Jennaís breast enlargements; she responds that sheís not too fond of it and thatís she tired of being bombarded with boobs. Since I am easily amused, this is a cry for help if Iíve seen one. I laugh at the fact that poor Jule has been working all her life with SI and sheís tired of seeing boobs.
Dooda Dooda Ooga Chakka, fun fact #5 about Shannon; she had a dream and in that dream, she was being dropped! Dum dum dumÖ The next elimination will be at the LA Coliseum where only one girl will go home. The weekly predictions are as follows: Jenna, Alicia and Shannon all think that Stacy is going home. Stacy doesnít think the same way, for some reason. I like to take walks when I write recaps, so itís time for me to take a breath of fresh air. What do I see but a letter in my mailbox from none other thanÖ Foreshadowing! Let me transcribe it for you: ďDear Silver, Iíve been doing such a good job that they might hire me for another episode! Will all the money Iím making, Iíll be buying you a mansion and a lifetime supply of Starburst candy. I also ran into Betti backstage and she thanked me because apparently, she had found someone with a worst haircut than her. With love, F.Ē
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Live, from the Coliseum, itís Roooooshumba! * Applause * Ladies! If you survive this week, need I remind you that one of you gals is going home to your mama, youíll be flown all expenses paid to the exotic location of Bora Bora! Ayayaye! *Cue some island music, the sound of waves and some dancing* Noted fashion photographer Walter Iooss and SI editor Diane Smith will be there, on location, to stroke your egos and offer you their autographs to sell on E-Bay. Good luck and donít forget your sunscreen. Back to you, Joel!
Stacy is up first and hereís what they had to say: Youíve come a long way, baby. You put a decent (and not Julia Roberts-y) smile on your face and you shook your little tush on the catwalk. Girl, you look like a star. /End pop song lyrics references. The MN confident starlet is safe for yet another week. It seems she can do no wrong lately.
Alicia took the (many) critics very well and worked on her flaws. Joel oh-so kindly tells her that she was the flabby-ass girl and now sheís transformed very well. Just another thing; donít become a diva because no one wants to see that. Reach out and kiss Joel because youíre going to Bora Bora! Wait a minute; I really didnít mean that! Oh well, Alicia jumps on Joel like he was a very healthy piece of food, cries, and thanks the judges. Never listen to me again!
Itís the final countdown for Shannon and Jenna. Shannonís critiques are up first and she realizes that she needs to stop posing. Roshumba, in all honesty, says that theyíre always considering Shannon for elimination! Ouch! 2 minutes for roughing! However, she rapidly states that this kind of survival skills will take her far in the business. As for Jenna, she is being complimented on her beautiful body. I then start to feel bad for her as Joel reinstates that she is still too pin-up for the magazine and she needs to grow up. Ouch again! 2 minutes for unsportsmanship like conduct. No time is being wasted when we hear the following: Jenna, weíre dropping you. Shannon runs and kisses the judges and everybody is crying tears of joy or sorrow.
Well, weíre past the halfway mark of this show and you donít want to miss next weekís episode! The final two will be revealed and the voting will surely begin. I propose a twist in which the runner-up gets Josh as a consolation prize. I miss the good ol' days where you couldnít possibly know who would be eliminated on a show. Thatís the price I have to pay for being friends with a super-human-being.
On a last note, I wish Petra a complete recovery. She was on vacation when the Tsunami hit and was badly injured. Our thoughts are with you.
Do you have anything to tell me? Do you like Starburst candy? firstname.lastname@example.org