Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Model Search Recap: Episode 2
Welcome back to the world of evil chocolate cake, bleached hair, strict judging and swimsuits. Two more ladies will be eliminated this week. Will I receive yet another phone call from Foreshadowing? Will Krisi make it through this round? Will Alicia be edited as the villain this episode? So many questions, so little time. Cue the Duran Duran music and letís see whatís happening in Malibu.
Back home, Stacy still feels Nancy had it all to win the competition. Too bad the judges didnít agree with you. The models discuss the eliminations for a bit and they quickly come to the realization that the Supermodel Pass didnít save Sabrina from being dropped. *Snaps* for you. Alicia states that these girls are not her best friends. Too bad for the girls who were eliminated, they wonít talk to them ever again. What a joy it is to be around her.
The doorbell rings and Roshumba arrives, looking great, as usual. She says that sheís here to make the girls look good and put them in top shape. She then presents celebrity stylist John Barrett, whoís used to be around models. The girls take turns to receive a hair consultation and I must admit the man seems to know what heís doing. Stacyís hair makes him scream and not in a "wow, I just won the lottery" way but more in a "You just stepped on my toes and I was wearing sandals" way. Alicia is perfect-o, from her long hair to her skin. He hates her, but in a good way. Sheís supposed to be the villain, remember? Jennaís hair is fine and dandy but we hear John scream again when he takes a look at Krisiís Ďdo. Now comes the fun part. Betti cut her hair a lot even before John arrived. Now, he repeats the same thing Roshumba told her the last time; they canít see her pretty face behind all that hair. He proceeds to get rid of her braids and cut her hair in an Afro style. I immediately think it makes her stand out but youíll see that she does not agree with me. "I am not smiling! Iím not happy! Iíve never seen a girl in Sports Illustrated with an afro! This is not me!" John and her argue for a bit. This doesnít leave a good impression of Betti on the other girls.
You Should Be Dancing
The doorbell rings again and itís another false Sports Illustrated magazine with indications for the ladies to read. They have to get ready for an athletic event and costumes are provided. Itís the competition for the Supermodel Pass. It turns out to be a dance rehearsal with the L.A. Clippers dance team. We see some of the girls freaking out a bit, as Adaora and Jenna apparently canít dance. This is where you are wrong ladies; everyone can dance! Some canít dance very well and look like a fool doing it (points to self), but it is called dancing anyway. This is where the recap becomes interactive. Ladies and gentlemen, while you are reading this (or after youíre done, your choice) you all will stand up and do a little dance. You can put some music, sing A Capella or even rap if you want. Help me prove my point.
Stella and Krisi both love to dance and donít have a problem with this competition. As we observe the models perform, I immediately see that Shannon stands out, in a very good way. She doesnít have this cheerleader vibe like Krisi or just stands there, bumping into another girl, like Alicia. When all is said and done, Shannon wins the Supermodel Pass and receives diamond earringsÖjust because the producers felt like it. This week, the winner can give another pass to someone else; Shannon decides to award it to Betti since she had a bad (hair) day.
Attack Of The Killer Pizza Crust
We see Alicia working out. Apparently, she takes what the Simon clone-crappy-dude has said to heart. What follows is another "Silver is really pissed off and blames the producers" moment. The girls arrive in the kitchen and there are at least 2 boxes of delicious, steamy, excellent pizza sitting on the counter. I hope that it was still hot. How long was it sitting there? Iím not that fond of cold pizza myself. Anyhow, screams of horror and total dismay are heard. For the love of Britney Spears, who knew food could be so dangerous? Adaora, Stella, Jenna and Shannon are seen eating it. As last week, Alicia condones this eating behaviour, saying that she wants to win and will have the perfect body. Sweetie, good for you, but would you please stop berating the others because they ate one small slice of pizza? If you donít want any, Iíll gladly eat it for you.
Time To Get Funky
Itís time to go to the beach and do what they all are there for: a photo shoot! Nikkoís color this week is orange! Why do I keep telling you this? Simply because I can. Heís there with last yearís winner of the same competition, Michelle Lombardo. The girls must pair up for this 70ís themed shoot. Since Shannon and Betti won the super duper pass, they decide to go last. Krisi and Stella go first, as Shannon feels they are the strongest competitors. Stella is sporting a gigantic white-ish Afro and I didnít recognize her. Krisi is her partner and they fool around (not in that way, people!) jumping, roller-skating and just acting silly. Before we cut to commercial break, we hear the always-endearing Joel whisper, "this is stupid." The one who says it first is the one who really is! Would you smile for once, Iím positive it wouldnít ruin your Botox treatments. Adaora is paired up with Stacy and they pose with hula-hoops and seem to be doing fine. Jenna is with Alicia and she immediately states that she feels her partner is her strongest competition. Alicia replies that while Jenna is a sweetheart, she doesnít want to be friends with anyone. I think we got that already, but the editors think we are stupid and must remind us of this fact over and over. Alicia= mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shannon and Betti are last and we hear Roshumba say that Betti has a style now and itís amazing. "Sunrise" from Duran Duran is ďcleverlyĒ playing as the sun is setting and the girls can do one last single shot each.
The mismatched trio deliberate on how the girls did with the 70ís pictures. As tradition wants it, Joel is head over heels impressed with Krisi. However, he does point out the obvious that she did have some work done in a certain area and that it shows. Stella is very pretty but she has no fire. I would normally say thatís a good thing since we donít want spontaneously combusting contestants on this show. They all love Jenna but point out that she could take her sexiness down a notch. Basically, she poses like sheís in Playboy and not in SI. Alicia is superb but seems to only have one expression on all of her pictures. Joel then mumbles something about her being having a fat and flabby ass. Iím seriously starting to get annoyed with this guy. If he trades his accent for a British one and starts using words such as "dreadful" and "horrendous", weíll have to call FOX about copyrights. It is Adaoraís turn to be analysed by the trio and my new friend Joel states that she has thick thighs. "Whatís the word, you use here, thighs?" What the heck is he talking about? Roshumba still thinks that Betti has a cool look, Stacy is praised for her raw talent since itís the first time sheís ever modeled and both Jule and Roshumba think Shannon is pretty. The clown, just to piss me off, says the opposite. He then goes off on a tangent, telling us that in 2005, we are looking for a model to properly represent SI etc. Will you shut up already? Maybe itís just me, but Iím not interested in what he has to say after his numerous rude comments.
Strike 3, Youíre Out
Back at the Barbie Mansion, the contestants are instructed to go to the Dodgers Stadium. I like baseball, so Iím thrilled to know yet another place they are going to. Before we go there however, we must have the obligatory interviews on whoís going and whoís
a witchsafe. Stella repeatedly says she doesnít want to go while Betti is still crying about her hair. Adaora doesnít feel confident about her chances and neither is our dear Stacy. Many girls think Bettiís diva attitude will get her booted. It seems that I didnít get a phone call from Foreshadowing. However, he left me a text message that read, "Canít call you, got replaced by a new guy called Tricky Editing. My hair looks better than his." Poor Foreshadowing. We all send you our love.
The girls are standing in line in the field and the judges are sitting far away from them. Shannon is called up first and her name appears on the Jumbotron. Now thatís what I call having a good budget. Please note that I will refrain from using baseball references from now on because Joel used one and I refuse to be even remotely linked to him.
He asks Shannon why she deserves to win. She answers that she does because sheís beautiful. Now, if youíll excuse me, I shall pull the editing card on this one, because thereís no way someone would only answer that. Plus, I like her so Iím giving her a break. Joel starts giving her endless nasty comments; he couldnít see her properly represent S.I., she needs to stop posing and needs to smooth ďitĒ out. After all this, he keeps the same tone of voice and tells her that sheís safe. What a ghastly performance by Joel.
Now, itís Krisiís turn. She took some weak pictures this time around and the judges think she needs to toughen up. However, since Joel has a bit of a weird crush on her, thereís no way sheís being eliminated this early. Krisi, you made the cut. I nearly fall off my sofa when I look at Krisi. She had this weird mix of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie look. I never want to see that again in my entire life. Weegasha!
Alicia is also asked why she deserves to win. She starts by explaining that she cares about the business of it all. Will her different approach work? What about her friends? The sassy lady responds that itís not about friends; itís about her kicking some ass. I thought this was about a swimsuit competition, but I must be wrong. Sheís not going anywhere.
Jule thinks Jenna has a Cameron Diaz vibe about her (I donít really see it personally, but then again, I think that Krisi looks like Paris and Nicole at the same time.) Joel tells her to tone it down a bit, because she looks too pin-up. Ha. They want the winning model to appeal to both men and women. Jenna, you look too much like a stripper, thatís pretty much what they want to say.
Adaora has great potential but she does weird things with her mouth. Darling, youíve been dropped. Up next is Betti. Uh oh. I hope John Barrett isnít near because sheís still mad. Roshumba praises her again for her new hairdo but she wants her to pose more boldly. Sheís as safe and secure as a Ziploc bag.
Down to Stacy and Stella. The judges repeat a bit of criticism to both of them and Joel closes the deal with his annoying character when he states that we wanted to see fire from Stella but all we saw was snow. All together now, boooooooooo! That felt good. So yes, they finally choose to say goodbye to Stella. As they show her leaving, Iím immediately appalled at the fact that they are making them cross a baseball field in heels! Oh! The cruelty of it all. I donít think Stella deserved to go but then again, Joel didnít seem to like her.
Pop-Disco-Dance-I love The Bee Gees Quiz: Did any of you notice that both Adaora and Stella were shown eating some pizza?
This wraps up another episode of this show. If you still want to tune in next week, we will probably discover a new food item thatíll bring screams and shock to all. Weíll also get more of Joel being his annoying self. Girls in swimsuits guaranteed! Josh the bartender might come back, too!
I hope you didnít forget to dance. Now would be a good time to try it out. What toppings do you like on your pizza? Please share with me: firstname.lastname@example.org