Mixing Old Fashioneds
Shear Genius 5/16 Recap: Wedding Hair
I’ve just noticed that my roots are starting to come in. It has only been a month since my last color process, but I can see them under the florescent lights in the women’s bathroom at the office. This probably means I need to quit looking at my hair under those unforgiving lights--that would be sensible. On the other hand, I could take it as a sign to pursue one of my fantasy alternative careers and become a colorist and never have roots and possibly go on one of these Bravo reality shows. Of course, I could end up like poor Danna, who was high on life having won the prior challenge, only to get booted off the very next challenge last week. Or I could end up like Tyson who won the last competition; the guy was extremely lucky that none of the judges caught on that his “Elizabethan” style was really from some time period around the late 1700s and won for his preposterous look.
“Uh-oh children, we got news.”
On the morning following the last competition, the remaining six contestants are piddling around the apartment. Ben is really tired, Tabatha blow dries her hair while eating breakfast, and Dr. Boogie is just ready to go. Before long he spots a note on the bookless bookcase and calls everyone in. Opening the note, they find a map and no one knows where it will take them. Maybe buried treasure! Could this be a pirate challenge? One could only hope. They then find three ledger books on the shelf, despite there being six contestant. Daisy and Boogie shout “team competition” practically in unison, and Tabatha is crestfallen. You can just tell she’s not the kind of gal who likes to work with others. As I always say, there may not be an “I” in “team” but there’s no “team” in “success” either.
The contestants then pile in the van and are taken to the mysterious locale. I notice that they have a driver and wonder what the point of the map actually was, since none of them are driving the van. Eventually they roll up on some non-descript mall in Tarzana or Topanga or one of those California locales that starts with a T and ends with an A….errr, that could be the Sunset Strip, too, I suppose. Anyway, the whole scene reminds me of when Whopi Goldberg took Sally Fields to the mall in “Soap Dish.” The stylists are met by Jaclyn at the mall, and she comments on Ben’s attire. Ben, it seems, has decided that being weird for weirdness’ sake is as good as anything, and has dressed as a ninja. Not that he could actually ninja fight anyone, but that’s how he’s dressed.
Sidestepping that mess, she introduces the guest stylist/judge for the challenge: Jose Eber. You all know Jose; he’s the celebrity stylist who practically patented the idea of being a celebrity stylist. He always wears a tacky woven cowboy hat with long hair hanging out—the original Britney Spears, if you will. (And the rumor is he’s bald too. Ole Brit doesn’t have an original thought in her head, does she?) Jose says that, in order to build a client base, stylists must be able to cut hair for people from all walks of life. So, to see how good these guys are at what they do, they are going to have to split into teams of two and muster up customers from the mall shoppers. It will be up to the stylists to set the price, but whomever makes the most money at the end of two hours will win the challenge. Jaclyn gives Tyson the first choice to pick a teammate since he won last time.
Tyson picks Tabatha, which she chalks up to his desire to burry the hatchet. Anthony interviews that Tyson picked Tabatha because she is his strongest competitor. Tyson also gets to set the other teams, so he puts Daisy with Anthony—despite them not getting along well due to Anthony’s impatience with Daisy’s chattiness—and Ben and Boogie together.
The teams break out and try to sell haircutting and styling services. Ben is okay with working with Boogie, and is still wearing his ninja outfit. I don’t know how many people would willingly pay to let a ninja cut their hair. Tyson and Tabatha have an awful time at getting people in their chairs, and are asking a fairly steep price of about $60 to $75 for the cutting and styling. Ben and Boogie have developed a strategy of volume over dollars, and are offering their skills for $10 to $20. Daisy and Anthony also have a bit of a difficult time at first, and their price point is somewhere around $30. Anthony complains that people are off-put by a 6’2” black British man accosting them in the mall. I’m put off by kiosk workers in a mall, even if they’re 4 feet tall and in a girl scout uniforms, so I can identify with these shoppers.
Finally, the customers start rolling in. They get a lot of women in the chairs, and we get to see a grizzled old guy get a haircut and beard trim by Dr. Boogie. Most people walk away looking mighty fine and no one shouts that their hair is ruined. At the end of the two hours, Anthony and Daisy made $360, Boogie and Ben made $225, and Tyson and Tabatha made a whopping $790. Exacerbating the margin is that Tabatha and Tyson only had 15 clients, while the other two teams had 17 each. Were this the Trump show—which this challenge felt an awful lot like—Boogie and Ben would be fired for missing the price point and failing to deliver, and there would be lots of pink ties involved. Luckily, we’re not on that NBC station tonight. As the winners, Tyson and Tabatha will have an advantage that will be revealed in the next challenge.
A cake with a message
Back in the apartment, the contestants sit around, chat, and have some beverages. Daisy is happy with her team, Boogie playfully blames Ben and his ninja costume, and Tyson half-jokingly asks Tabatha if she wants to open a kiosk with him. Then in walks a guy who looks scared out of his ever livin’ mind, carrying two layers of cake that look like the top of a wedding cake. A note comes with it that contains a clever little rhyme that leads everyone to conclude that the next challenge will involve brides, keeping the same teammate, and a double elimination.
Morning dawns and the contestants are back in the Shear Genius salon. Tyson sees that his last look has been put up on the Allure Wall of Fame. Rene is around and sporting a shirt with a giant “T” on the left side. Maybe it’s some kind of European tee-shirt humor; either that, or Rene has suspect taste in clothing. He announces that the elimination challenge will involve styling a bride, her maid of honor, and her mother. The stylists will stay in their current teams and have two hours to do all three styles. Tabatha says she’s not sure if Tyson has ever done wedding hair, but is certain he will say he has and has done the best job ever. Rene then adds that the stylists will be judged on their technical skills, client satisfaction, and how much the styles match the dresses. As winner of the first challenge, Tabatha and Tyson have first dibs on the models, which Tyson picks in short order. They also have the right to determine the order the other two teams will have to pick the models from the pool. Tabatha lets Anthony and Daisy go first, in part because Anthony is her friend and in part because Dr. Boogie is an excellent hair dresser and Ben will slow him down.
More up-dos than you can shake a stick at.
Rene kicks off the time clock with a big “shake it” and the stylists set to get everyone ready within the time allowed. Daisy takes charge of her team, determines she is going to do the bride, Anthony is going to do the maid of honor, and the mom is going to get her greyish-blonde hair colored ASAP. She thinks her skills at coordinating large jobs will help her team win. Anthony later comments that their energy has been really good and they’ve worked well as a team, despite his early reservations.
Dr. Boogie works with the bride; she wants her hair down, but he convinces her that her hair should be up. The bride acquiesces, much to my dismay. Meanwhile, Ben is using a large barrel curling iron on the mother’s hair, which Boogie puts a stop to. He insists that the hair will go flat quickly if only a large barrel iron is used and wants Ben to use rollers. Later on, Boogie takes a small barreled iron and makes the mom’s hair super curly and swept to one side.
Tyson works on the maid of honor’s hair, and decides to do a French twist. Tabatha thinks a French twist is a good idea in essence, but is not convinced Tyson will be able to execute it properly. As it turns out, Tabatha was correct; Tyson “finishes” the twist with hardly any time left, and there are still pieces of hair hanging down and it looks messier than if a pack of chipmunks had done it. Tabatha tries to fix the hair, cursing Tyson all the while, but the clock runs down.
At one point, Rene made his rounds to each station. Whereas Tim Gunn, Tom Colicchio, and Todd Oldham all usually had more than one interesting, helpful, or witty comment to make when evaluating the contestants mid-challenge, Rene, just is there for set dressing. Yeah, he’s pretty to look at, but only in that “tchotchke that is destined to be a dust catcher” way. Alright, maybe that’s harsh; he does call to Boogie’s attention the fact that Ben was about to apply hair color to the mom’s hair in the front about 20 minutes before time was up. Apply it, apparently, and not rinse it out, as the style was already done. Boogie put a stop to that right away.
Here comes the bride.
The clock has run down, the bridal parties have been dressed and made up, and it is finally time for the models to walk down the big runway of scissors. The judges are, of course, Jaclyn, Sally, and Michael Carl. Jose Eber and his hat show up as well, and we’re introduced to this gal called Mindy Weiss who is apparently “the” party planner to get for weddings and other large functions.
First down the runway are Tabatha and Tyson’s models. The bride has an up-do that reminds me of Monkey Bread; the hair is looped in curls around the back of the head, as though the rollers were just removed and spray was put on. I had a crazy great aunt who did this on her own; maybe she was ahead of her time. The mom has some wavy/curly shag thing going on, and the maid of honor had the sad Tyson French twist. Tabatha is not happy at all with the end results.
Daisy and Anthony’s models come out next. The bride has her hair swept up off of her face and is very clean in the front. The back has this amazing arch-like drape of hair in a modified bun/chignon. The mom’s hair came out a beautiful natural shade of blonde and looked very age-appropriate on the style. Anthony put extensions in the maid of honor’s hair to accomplish an up-do, but you’d never know half that hair was fake.
Ben and Boogie’s ladies walk out last. The bride has a crazy piece-y up-do, with these tiny bits hanging down by her ears. The hair is way too heavy on the top for this petite woman. The mom has the psycho curliness on one side of her head, and the maid of honor has a decent up-do. Ben is happy that there is a continuity among the designs.
After the modeling, the clients come in for the Q and A portion of the show. Tabatha is asked about the bride’s style and she explains that the bride wanted something flat in the front but an up do. Tyson explains that the maid of honor’s sad French twist was done to have a clean shape and that the mother’s hair was given an alteration to her fringe. The judges then ask Tabatha if they worked together well, and she launches into how much she does not like Tyson, and how she’s made that perfectly clear for a long while. She can’t stand how he’s so egotistical. The judges ask the clients if they knew Tyson and Tabatha didn’t get along, and they said it was pretty obvious.
Turning to Daisy and Anthony, Daisy gets the chance to pack in the most words ever but essentially says that she knew what to do with the bride right away, Anthony handled the maid of honor and the mother went into color process. The mother loves the color and style and said her new look makes her really happy. Anthony and Daisy say they worked well together. Mindy, the party planner, really loves Daisy’s bridal look, noting that the attention is on the bride as she walks down the aisle, but the back of her hair also captivates.
As for Boogie and Ben, Boogie tries to top Daisy’s words-per-minute, and prattles on about how up-dos are it for weddings and how they have to hold shape for hours. Ben gets to jump in and say he was just an extra pair of hands for Boogie because Boogie is a better hairdresser. Under questioning, the bride says she likes her hair alright, but she’s not sure she’d do it that way for her wedding.
Wonder Twin Powers, Deactivate.
The judges dismiss the contestants and begin to discuss their options. Sally found Tabatha and Tyson’s bridal ‘do overwhelming and found a lack of continuity among the three designs. No one liked the bad French twist. Conversely, everyone liked Daisy’s bridal style, calling it elegant, refined, perfect for an editorial feature and worthy of Grace Kelly.
Jose comments that he thought Boogie was overwhelming, and Sally thought Ben should have spoken up to ratchet some of the wildness down. Jaclyn is put out by the fact that Boogie talked the bride into an up-do when her hair down would have been wonderful. No one liked the goofy icicle-like tendrils hanging down around the ears on the bride either.
The stylists return to stand before the judges panel. Tyson and Tabatha are chastised for allowing their clients to know they don’t get along. Daisy and Anthony are congratulated on a beautifully executed style, especially for the bride, but were also very pleased that the mother was so thrilled with her style. The judges comments that Boogie and Ben went against the bride’s wishes and it didn’t work out. After those comments, there is absolutely no surprise that Daisy and Anthony are named the winners and will be added to the Allure Wall of Fame.
Jaclyn then announces that it just hasn’t worked out for Tyson and Tabatha, and they are out. Boogie and Ben are safe, but they are shocked that they made it through. Tabatha and Tyson graciously say thanks to all remaining contestants and judges for the experience and opportunity. Jacklyn tries to soften the blow by saying that it was a very tough elimination. In his exit interview, Tyson says he will keep on growing as a stylist. In her interview, Tabatha blames Tyson in large part for the loss, but is thrilled that he didn’t stay in the competition longer than she did. Oddly, neither one blames the fumes from the inordinate amount of cream bleach they both must use to maintain their shiny white hair, which surely must have some side effects.
A pirate's life for me
Re: Shear Genius 5/16 Recap: Wedding Hair
Great job, Phonegrrrl!
Eventually they roll up on some non-descript mall in Tarzana or Topanga or one of those California locales that starts with a T and ends with an A….errr, that could be the Sunset Strip, too, I suppose.
Oddly, neither one blames the fumes from the inordinate amount of cream bleach they both must use to maintain their shiny white hair, which surely must have some side effects.
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