Rock Star: Supernova 8/02/06 Recap: Wasted Ink
Hey! Welcome back to Rock Star: Supernova! Last night, we got to witness the man, himself, in action. That’s right; I’m talking about Tommy Lee! But it wasn’t the kind of action you’re thinking of. Sorry. Although, if he keeps wearing those low-rise jeans. . . .
Yes, Tommy Lee killed it on the drums, there were many outstanding performances, Lukas forgot nearly all of the words, and Zayra had another . . . well . . . do you prefer the term “abduction” or “UFO experience”? I’m partial to the latter, really. It was so bizarre that I had to call in a couple experts to help me figure it all out. Here’s what they had to say:
Mulder: “Well, it seems that Zayra is suffering from what I like to call ‘Post-Abduction Syndrome.’ It all seems consistent with commonly reported abductee behavior . . . the erratic body spasms, the abnormalities in vocal pitch. . . .”
Scully: “Come on, Mulder. There must be a logical explanation for this girl’s behavior. Any traumatic episode can bring on the symptoms to which you’re referring.”
Mulder: “Scully, are you implying that leopard-print spandex and a cape are logical?”
Anyway. If you missed last night’s show, you can read all up on the proceedings in Tots’ recap.
News of the World
Lukas had a bad night, and it haunts him back to the mansion. Everyone was wondering why he kept pacing to the back of the stage, and, as it turns out, it was because he couldn’t remember his lyrics. He’s embarrassed, so he just drinks some beer. Another beer always helps. Ryan notes that Lukas seemed to have lost some of his “sparkle” and star power. Lukas, however, is confident that his previous performances will be enough to pull him through, and even if he’s in the bottom three, he’ll be able to save himself.
Other notable bits in the “chat” segment:
- Dana has gone all rebellious and gotten a tattoo. It’s a . . . treble clef. Or, as Tommy says, a “trouble clef.” So, now Dana looks like a renegade music teacher. Awesome?
- Ryan could have fought for the song “Higher Ground” and received Tommy’s thumpa-thump, but he says he chose not in order to “to stay focused.”
- Patrice, who did perform “Higher Ground,” is asked if she considered the choice a risky move. She says that it was, indeed, a risk, but that it was “totally amazing.” “If you can’t pull it off, you shouldn’t be here,” she says.
- Magni, who received video footage of Magni Jr. taking his first steps, is questioned if he’ll be willing to be away from his family for so long during the Supernova tour. “We’re moving to Iceland, right?” jokes Magni, to which Jason replies with a resounding “No.” Jason does say that they’ll play both cities there, however . . . ZING!
Now it’s time for the encore performance. The band asks for whichever contestants that think they’ll win the encore to raise their hands. A few hands sort of go up, enthusiastic as Napoleon Dynamite on valium. “No good! We need enthusiasm and confidence!” exhorts the band. Thankfully, the contestant who won did bend his elbow/possibly scratch his head, and it’s Ryan Star! As much as I berate the guy for existing, I thought he did a fantastic job with R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion,” slightly clunky piano and all.
And . . . we have no piano onstage! Commerical break!
So, we come back and Ryan Star has his piano, and he does an okay job with the encore. Not as good as last night, but last night’s was so emotionally intense that I’ll forgive him. Frankly, I would have been surprised if anyone else had been picked.
Waiting for the Hatchet to Fall
Time to get to it and find out who is in the bottom three nucleus/surrounding electron cloud of despondency. At some point, all of these were in the bottom three:
Toby, Jill, Dana, Zayra, and Patrice, to whom Storm mouths a shocked “What!?”
Dave remarks that he’s surprised to see Toby in the group, as Dave believes all his performances have been excellent. Also, Dave is surprised that Lukas is not standing, as Lukas could use some standage after “Celebrity Skin.”
The first victim is Jill, who chooses to perform Heart’s ‘80s hit, “Alone.” Everybody loves this song—enough to call Ann Wilson up at work and tell her about it—but I fear that Jill will run it through the screamer, as it were. Hey, that’s a good cliche. I want royalties, now.
But wait! What is this! Oh my goodness, Jill is actually singing, and she sounds great! I see her sly trick now . . . she subjects the viewers to this torture during the regular show and saves the good performances to get herself off the chopping block. She just wants to make us ANGRY.
Before the next rocker takes the stage, we learn that a few of the contestants chose to skip out on the rehearsal with the House Band! GASP! Why? I would hang out with these guys all day, if I could! The guilty parties from the bottom five are Toby and Dana, and on that note, Dana is next to perform.
But, first, why did she skip rehearsal? As my old choir director/lesser deity Bob Crowder would say, “That’s bad news, kiddo. Not here.” He’d say some other things, too, but, trust me, we don’t have the time. Dana skipped because she went to the spa, which fills the guys in Supernova with glee. Spa and a tattoo, all in one week? “Shouldn’t she win by default?” they ask.
Dana chooses to sing the Animals’ classic “The House of the Rising Sun” and modernize it a bit, but, thankfully, she doesn’t throw in the Martian stripper moves like some other little arranger we know. It’s a pretty nice job, though her low range leaves a little to be desired. Like, um, sound.
Finally, the third to perform is Zay . . . Patrice!?!?! How!? Not . . . Z . . . I. . . .
Well, the good news is that Patrice does a great song, Jeff Buckley’s “Eternal Life.” (Wow, it just struck me that a Jeff Buckley song was just on reality television. Call it a sign of the times, I suppose.) Patrice does a decent job of the song, though it loses a lot of the impact the original had due to the relative range of her voice singing it and Jeff Buckley singing it. Also, the smiling was probably not necessary.
After much deliberation, Gilby announces that the contestants will have a new assignment next week—penning a melody and lyrics for original Supernova material. We’re getting down to the wire! Now, with Tommy’s horny devil hood up, it’s time for the Hatchet Man to strike. Tommy, doing some dangerous “thinking” since his drum stint is up, now declares himself “The Tommyhawk.” The collective time zones groan at appropriate intervals.
Jill’s performance was enough to save her from her previous disasters, so she is safe. Who will it be? Veteran performer Patrice or the dutiful apprentice, Dana?
It’s . . . Dana! The band all lauds the praise on her, but says she still needs time to grow. Jason also compliments Dana for handling everything in the competition so well, right down to the end, saying although she’s the youngest, she’s the most mature. Dana says it was amazing to be in the competition and meet everyone, especially the guys of Supernova. And . . . hey, she got that “awesome” tattoo out of the deal. Meh.
So, we bid Dana a fond adieu, but I, for one, greatly enjoyed watching her grow as a performer on the show. Still, we have a long road to travel together, and next week we’ll get our first real glimpse at the music of Supernova.
But . . . why is Zayra still here? Could this be an interplanetary conspiracy? The truth is out there. You just have to know where to look.