ROCK STAR: INXS 8/28/05 Recap: Myriad Musings on Mucus and Music

SnowflakeGirl · 08-29-2005, 08:46 AM

Esteemed reader, before proceeding any further with this recap, you need to understand three things: 1) I have never before seen an episode of this show; 2) while I appreciate the idea of a music competition with a [emphatic arena shriek]ROCK![/emphatic arena shriek] sensibility, I still find it slightly morbid that it is a search to replace a much-beloved front person whose life came to a tragic, high-profile end (what’s next, FOLK STAR: Mamas & the Papas, GRUNGE STAR: Nirvana, or GOTH STAR: Joy Division?); and 3) I just woke up from an all-day Benadryl coma that has left me in a hallucinogenic haze. For those of you who are accustomed to the high quality, well-informed recaps of Manny, Totoro, Speedbump, and Shazzer, I suggest you run…run like the wind!!! For those of you foolish enough to read on, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Pity Party

Our aspiring rockers mope at the mansion, listening to a song Deanna and Mig had worked on the night before Deanna’s elimination, all in varying stages of distress (i.e. slumped over, with tears in their eyes, stuffed noses, heads in hand—although honestly Suzie’s grimace of grief actually looks more like she is struggling to suppress a gigantic, poo-eating grin that she’s still there, and Deanna is not). They are basically acting like the ROCK STAR version of the creepy ex that is bound to call you drunk at 3 in the morning to alternately tell you how much they hate you and yet want you back. Note to Deanna: turn your ringer off tonight.

Jordis has survivor guilt over Deanna’s ousting, feeling she was the one more deserving of being up for elim. I personally have never seen anyone so glum over having made the cut. While she doesn’t seem on keen on the fact that voters bailed her out, she now feels even more determined to stay. Survivor guilt troubles not everyone, however: The former “Queen of the Bottom Three” has now dubbed herself “Queen of the Top One” with a maniacal laugh that brings the Grand Dame of Delusion, Norma Desmond to mind. Turns out Suzie was in fact suppressing a poo-eating grin, because she finally admits that as much as she’ll miss Deanna, all she wants to do tonight is paaar-tay.

ROCK! to the Future

Speaking of parties, this one’s crashed by Dave Navarro, who has something tucked under the tattooed tapestry of his arms which no doubt must be related to this week’s clinic. Like some sort of temporal argonaut’s ROCK! version of the Hokey Pokey, Dave says it is now time in the competition to “put a foot in the future.” What exactly does this entail; H.G. Wells, a DeLorean, a 6-foot-tall bunny? Nope, Dave reveals that rather than blueprints for a time machine, what’s tucked under his ROCKIN’ arm pit is actually sheet music for a brand-spanking new INXS song called “Us” that has [excessive use of caps in order to drum up non-existent interest]NEVER BEFORE BEEN HEARD BY THE PUBLIC UNTIL NOW! [/excessive use of caps in order to drum up non-existent interest]

Each of the final six will have the opportunity to lay down vocal tracks for this historical baggage-free song in the studio with INXS. Dave says that this is their best chance to send a musical message to the band. What no sexy “Hot Cop” singing telegrams? Pity. Everybody kisses ass and talks about how awesome an opportunity this will be to show them how great their “studio chops” are (I hope they’re as rad as Dave’s “mutton chops”). It’s Ty, however, who gets the brass ring of butt smooching when he says that the greatest thing for him about the competition is “the INXS future, so to me this is like gold—no, platinum.” It’s a useless remark that is the ROCK STAR equivalent of a beauty pageant contestant talking about how much she wants world peace.

Jordis, smoking a cig outside, exchanges ear-grating dialogue with Marty about how “pumped” they are for the recording clinic. These two sound so hoarse and raspy, it seems that smoke of either the first- or second-hand variety is not a good idea. I’m guessing perhaps that might be part of Marty’s trademark, as he talks about meeting INXS halfway in the studio in terms of his unique voice and their musical style.

Practice Makes Perfect

Nearly all our rockers gather round the piano to practice the song which is described as being a “60s funk” affair. I say “nearly all” because conspicuously missing is J.D., who is sacked out like a ROCK! in bed. Marty is having difficulty with this already, because it’s a type of tune he’s never done before with his ROCK! background. The funk tune’s key lies “not in the powerful vocal, it’s in the sensitivity of the vocal,” Marty remarks. Ty observes that everyone has different styles, some of which are better suited to live performance “because you don’t have to hear it twice.” Rowr! Kitty has claws. He thinks the studio setting will leave some people (long lingering shot of a snoozing J.D.) “exposed.”

Long after everyone else has crawled into bed, Marty stays awake, practicing because he feels he has “something to prove” after having been in the bottom three for the first time. I heard some of his “practicing” which sounded like a ten million Lee press-on nails being raked across a million chalkboards, or a runaway trolley finally being brought to an abrupt stop. Egads. If this is his “style” I’m glad it’s unique. I would hate to think of any more people sounding like this.

Top o’ the Mucus to Ya

The next day, our rockers report to Westlake Studios, where INXS is recording their latest album. Dave Navarro, along with Andrew and Jon Farriss, meet them, and after the obligatory you’re-all-great-we’re-just-trying-to-figure-out-who’s-right-for-INXS speech, they start to lay down vocals beginning with Suzie. Suzie prefaces her performance by mentioning she has [TMI]“a lot of morning phlegm”[/TMI] filling her lungs and actually causing chest pain (has someone been smoking with Jordis?), yet despite her icky impediment, she turns in performance that literally wows the band with her perfect pitch.

Andrew Farriss, who looks alarmingly like Star Trek: TNG’s Commander Riker, says that Suzie nails it in one take, and if that’s what she sounds like sick, he’d love to hear what her singing’s like when she’s not sick. He also mentions that, as a songwriter, it’s wonderful when a singer “interprets your song to the way the song’s written.” The red flag is up instantly for Jordis, who’s next and says she’s interested in what they’ll think of the “different” way she’s decided to do the song. Andrew definitely notices the way she’s moved the melody around to her liking. “I personally prefer the way you wrote it,” Jon assures Andrew. Jordis, clueless, returns to where the others are waiting, declaring herself a “one take wonder.” Yeah, the band members wonder why the hell you didn’t perform the song correctly.

Sucky Pudding

Ty comes in and gives a strong, self-assured performance, followed by Mig’s soft, sensitive version that Commander Riker points out is more in keeping with the hopeful, come-together tone of the song. “You’re not going to embrace someone who yells at you,” Andrew says, and as if on cue, screechy screamer Marty bursts through the door. He takes the Farriss’s warm, fuzzy lyrics, and delivers them with all the sensitivity and depth of feeling of a violently constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth. Andrew says that once he becomes “Angry Marty” the song doesn’t work, and decides to give something new a try. They have Marty sing against the female key, resulting in a softer, more natural and appropriate sound. Ha ha, Marty sings girl’s tracks!!!

Sleeping Beauty, a.k.a. J.D., says he’s not nervous at all about going in to lay down vocals for INXS today, in addition to some hoo-ha about how “the proof will be in the pudding.” What sort of pudding is that? Horrible, sucky, poo-flavored pudding that can’t seem to get the performance of the chorus right even once after multiple takes? The band members seem frustrated as J.D. blows the chorus every time, occasionally swearing and halting recording several times. “Should learned the song,” Jordis laughs outside. Everyone’s taking potshots, even Ty, who sniffs at the irony that after all of J.D.’s talk of being INXS’s biggest fan, he didn’t even bother to learn their new song properly.

Scaramouch, Will You Do the Fandango?

Back from the studio, the ROCK! squad return home to find this week’s song selections pinned up on the board for them. J.D. immediately zeroes in on “Suspicious Minds” which is, apparently, an over-obvious choice for this former Elvis impersonator. J.D. is correct when he declares that this week’s songs are “awesome” because they include such classics of ROCK! as “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” “Imagine,” “Live And Let Die,” "Wish You Were Here," and my own personal favorite number to do at karaoke, the iconic ROCK magnum opus “Bohemian Rhapsody.” As if that’s not enough to make you start thrashing your head à la Wayne’s World, we also learn that “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” will be backed by a choir as well, which should bloody well make your head explode.

Suzie gets her little skunk-colored heart set on “Bohemian Rhapsody,” however, she has some competition from Mig who is not only named after the guy who flings his man-goo on Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs, but also considers “Bohemian Rhapsody” the greatest ROCK! song ever written, and by far his all-time favorite song. As they start numbering the songs, daggers start shooting from people’s eyes, and the tension in the room ratchets up. Referring to Suzie and Mig’s grab for the same song, J.D. snidely remarks to Mig that, “Maybe you should have given her the original last week, she would have let you have it.”

“Bohemian Rhapsody” becomes the only contested song this week, leading Mig to challenge Suzie to a game of “ROCK!, scissors, and paper” for it. Suzie’s not about to give it up that easily, especially as she still feels vulnerable after having just shrugged off the title of Queen of the Bottom Three. Ty, however, steps in with some sound advice which resolves the issue: he points out that doing “Bohemian Rhapsody” might remind folks of the criticism that Mig is too theatrical. It’s a valid point, and after having considered it, Mig decides to abdicate the song to Suzie.

Suzie struggles in rehearsal with the house band in a way that, honestly, does not inspire much confidence. Come performance day, will she be a classic ROCK! supernova or will she burn out before she even falls to earth? Tune in Tuesday to find out.

Anyway the wind blows...snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com

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AsIs · 08-29-2005, 09:14 AM

I don't know what you are talking about Snowflake Girl, your recap ROCKS!

Trippy · 08-29-2005, 10:52 AM

DoeBoy · 08-29-2005, 12:04 PM

Great recap Snowflake!

leeinsmyrna · 08-29-2005, 12:16 PM

Loved the recap Snowflake! Especially comparing Ty to a "constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth"!!! Hilarious!

SurferBlonde · 08-29-2005, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl

I still find it slightly morbid that it is a search to replace a much-beloved front person whose life came to a tragic, high-profile end (what’s next, FOLK STAR: Mamas & the Papas, GRUNGE STAR: Nirvana, or GOTH STAR: Joy Division?)

For all it's worth, I'd like to nominate Brandon for Folk Star, Marty for Grunge Star, and Jordis for Goth Star.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl

[Ty] takes the Farriss’s warm, fuzzy lyrics, and delivers them with all the sensitivity and depth of feeling of a violently constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth. Andrew says that once he becomes “Angry Marty” the song doesn’t work

Ha Ha!!! How cool!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl

Back from the studio, the ROCK! squad return home to find this week’s song selections pinned up on the board for them. J.D. immediately zeroes in on “Suspicious Minds” which is, apparently, an over-obvious choice for this former Elvis impersonator. J.D. is correct when he declares that this week’s songs are “awesome” because they include such classics of ROCK! as “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” “Imagine,” “Live And Let Die,” "Wish You Were Here," and my own personal favorite number to do at karaoke, the iconic ROCK magnum opus “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

I'm excited to see three of my suggestions on the "Songs you want to hear" thread made it to this week: Bohemian Rhapsody, Suspicious Minds, and Imagine. I'd like to see Marty try Imagine, and hope that Suzie does not become last week's Jordis - she may just need the Queen of Bottom 3 hat all over again.

Great job Snowflake.

LiteWeightLiz · 08-29-2005, 12:26 PM

Awesome re-cap, Snowflake Girl!! Actually, I enjoyed your [new to the ROCK! recap concept] fresh perspective on what was going on with the players[/new to the ROCK! recap concept]

totoro · 08-29-2005, 12:39 PM

Snowie,

Your recap bloody well made my head explode!

Thanks for the fresh perspective on the show, and for your always humorous recaps! You ROCK!

fireflyer · 08-29-2005, 04:38 PM

Your recap is too funny! I so regret missing the show. You're right, the songs for this week are killer songs... I can't wait for Tuesday.

Thanks!

Blues Songstres · 08-29-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leeinsmyrna

Loved the recap Snowflake! Especially comparing Ty to a "constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth"!!! Hilarious!

Actually the comparison was of Marty to Bea Arthur...

08-29-2005, 08:46 AM	#1
SnowflakeGirl Picture Perfect Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the Limelight Posts: 7,348	ROCK STAR: INXS 8/28/05 Recap: Myriad Musings on Mucus and Music Esteemed reader, before proceeding any further with this recap, you need to understand three things: 1) I have never before seen an episode of this show; 2) while I appreciate the idea of a music competition with a [emphatic arena shriek]ROCK![/emphatic arena shriek] sensibility, I still find it slightly morbid that it is a search to replace a much-beloved front person whose life came to a tragic, high-profile end (what’s next, FOLK STAR: Mamas & the Papas, GRUNGE STAR: Nirvana, or GOTH STAR: Joy Division?); and 3) I just woke up from an all-day Benadryl coma that has left me in a hallucinogenic haze. For those of you who are accustomed to the high quality, well-informed recaps of Manny, Totoro, Speedbump, and Shazzer, I suggest you run…run like the wind!!! For those of you foolish enough to read on, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Pity Party Our aspiring rockers mope at the mansion, listening to a song Deanna and Mig had worked on the night before Deanna’s elimination, all in varying stages of distress (i.e. slumped over, with tears in their eyes, stuffed noses, heads in hand—although honestly Suzie’s grimace of grief actually looks more like she is struggling to suppress a gigantic, poo-eating grin that she’s still there, and Deanna is not). They are basically acting like the ROCK STAR version of the creepy ex that is bound to call you drunk at 3 in the morning to alternately tell you how much they hate you and yet want you back. Note to Deanna: turn your ringer off tonight. Jordis has survivor guilt over Deanna’s ousting, feeling she was the one more deserving of being up for elim. I personally have never seen anyone so glum over having made the cut. While she doesn’t seem on keen on the fact that voters bailed her out, she now feels even more determined to stay. Survivor guilt troubles not everyone, however: The former “Queen of the Bottom Three” has now dubbed herself “Queen of the Top One” with a maniacal laugh that brings the Grand Dame of Delusion, Norma Desmond to mind. Turns out Suzie was in fact suppressing a poo-eating grin, because she finally admits that as much as she’ll miss Deanna, all she wants to do tonight is paaar-tay. ROCK! to the Future Speaking of parties, this one’s crashed by Dave Navarro, who has something tucked under the tattooed tapestry of his arms which no doubt must be related to this week’s clinic. Like some sort of temporal argonaut’s ROCK! version of the Hokey Pokey, Dave says it is now time in the competition to “put a foot in the future.” What exactly does this entail; H.G. Wells, a DeLorean, a 6-foot-tall bunny? Nope, Dave reveals that rather than blueprints for a time machine, what’s tucked under his ROCKIN’ arm pit is actually sheet music for a brand-spanking new INXS song called “Us” that has [excessive use of caps in order to drum up non-existent interest]NEVER BEFORE BEEN HEARD BY THE PUBLIC UNTIL NOW! [/excessive use of caps in order to drum up non-existent interest] Each of the final six will have the opportunity to lay down vocal tracks for this historical baggage-free song in the studio with INXS. Dave says that this is their best chance to send a musical message to the band. What no sexy “Hot Cop” singing telegrams? Pity. Everybody kisses ass and talks about how awesome an opportunity this will be to show them how great their “studio chops” are (I hope they’re as rad as Dave’s “mutton chops”). It’s Ty, however, who gets the brass ring of butt smooching when he says that the greatest thing for him about the competition is “the INXS future, so to me this is like gold—no, platinum.” It’s a useless remark that is the ROCK STAR equivalent of a beauty pageant contestant talking about how much she wants world peace. Jordis, smoking a cig outside, exchanges ear-grating dialogue with Marty about how “pumped” they are for the recording clinic. These two sound so hoarse and raspy, it seems that smoke of either the first- or second-hand variety is not a good idea. I’m guessing perhaps that might be part of Marty’s trademark, as he talks about meeting INXS halfway in the studio in terms of his unique voice and their musical style. Practice Makes Perfect Nearly all our rockers gather round the piano to practice the song which is described as being a “60s funk” affair. I say “nearly all” because conspicuously missing is J.D., who is sacked out like a ROCK! in bed. Marty is having difficulty with this already, because it’s a type of tune he’s never done before with his ROCK! background. The funk tune’s key lies “not in the powerful vocal, it’s in the sensitivity of the vocal,” Marty remarks. Ty observes that everyone has different styles, some of which are better suited to live performance “because you don’t have to hear it twice.” Rowr! Kitty has claws. He thinks the studio setting will leave some people (long lingering shot of a snoozing J.D.) “exposed.” Long after everyone else has crawled into bed, Marty stays awake, practicing because he feels he has “something to prove” after having been in the bottom three for the first time. I heard some of his “practicing” which sounded like a ten million Lee press-on nails being raked across a million chalkboards, or a runaway trolley finally being brought to an abrupt stop. Egads. If this is his “style” I’m glad it’s unique. I would hate to think of any more people sounding like this. Top o’ the Mucus to Ya The next day, our rockers report to Westlake Studios, where INXS is recording their latest album. Dave Navarro, along with Andrew and Jon Farriss, meet them, and after the obligatory you’re-all-great-we’re-just-trying-to-figure-out-who’s-right-for-INXS speech, they start to lay down vocals beginning with Suzie. Suzie prefaces her performance by mentioning she has [TMI]“a lot of morning phlegm”[/TMI] filling her lungs and actually causing chest pain (has someone been smoking with Jordis?), yet despite her icky impediment, she turns in performance that literally wows the band with her perfect pitch. Andrew Farriss, who looks alarmingly like Star Trek: TNG’s Commander Riker, says that Suzie nails it in one take, and if that’s what she sounds like sick, he’d love to hear what her singing’s like when she’s not sick. He also mentions that, as a songwriter, it’s wonderful when a singer “interprets your song to the way the song’s written.” The red flag is up instantly for Jordis, who’s next and says she’s interested in what they’ll think of the “different” way she’s decided to do the song. Andrew definitely notices the way she’s moved the melody around to her liking. “I personally prefer the way you wrote it,” Jon assures Andrew. Jordis, clueless, returns to where the others are waiting, declaring herself a “one take wonder.” Yeah, the band members wonder why the hell you didn’t perform the song correctly. Sucky Pudding Ty comes in and gives a strong, self-assured performance, followed by Mig’s soft, sensitive version that Commander Riker points out is more in keeping with the hopeful, come-together tone of the song. “You’re not going to embrace someone who yells at you,” Andrew says, and as if on cue, screechy screamer Marty bursts through the door. He takes the Farriss’s warm, fuzzy lyrics, and delivers them with all the sensitivity and depth of feeling of a violently constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth. Andrew says that once he becomes “Angry Marty” the song doesn’t work, and decides to give something new a try. They have Marty sing against the female key, resulting in a softer, more natural and appropriate sound. Ha ha, Marty sings girl’s tracks!!! Sleeping Beauty, a.k.a. J.D., says he’s not nervous at all about going in to lay down vocals for INXS today, in addition to some hoo-ha about how “the proof will be in the pudding.” What sort of pudding is that? Horrible, sucky, poo-flavored pudding that can’t seem to get the performance of the chorus right even once after multiple takes? The band members seem frustrated as J.D. blows the chorus every time, occasionally swearing and halting recording several times. “Should learned the song,” Jordis laughs outside. Everyone’s taking potshots, even Ty, who sniffs at the irony that after all of J.D.’s talk of being INXS’s biggest fan, he didn’t even bother to learn their new song properly. Scaramouch, Will You Do the Fandango? Back from the studio, the ROCK! squad return home to find this week’s song selections pinned up on the board for them. J.D. immediately zeroes in on “Suspicious Minds” which is, apparently, an over-obvious choice for this former Elvis impersonator. J.D. is correct when he declares that this week’s songs are “awesome” because they include such classics of ROCK! as “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” “Imagine,” “Live And Let Die,” "Wish You Were Here," and my own personal favorite number to do at karaoke, the iconic ROCK magnum opus “Bohemian Rhapsody.” As if that’s not enough to make you start thrashing your head à la Wayne’s World, we also learn that “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” will be backed by a choir as well, which should bloody well make your head explode. Suzie gets her little skunk-colored heart set on “Bohemian Rhapsody,” however, she has some competition from Mig who is not only named after the guy who flings his man-goo on Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs, but also considers “Bohemian Rhapsody” the greatest ROCK! song ever written, and by far his all-time favorite song. As they start numbering the songs, daggers start shooting from people’s eyes, and the tension in the room ratchets up. Referring to Suzie and Mig’s grab for the same song, J.D. snidely remarks to Mig that, “Maybe you should have given her the original last week, she would have let you have it.” “Bohemian Rhapsody” becomes the only contested song this week, leading Mig to challenge Suzie to a game of “ROCK!, scissors, and paper” for it. Suzie’s not about to give it up that easily, especially as she still feels vulnerable after having just shrugged off the title of Queen of the Bottom Three. Ty, however, steps in with some sound advice which resolves the issue: he points out that doing “Bohemian Rhapsody” might remind folks of the criticism that Mig is too theatrical. It’s a valid point, and after having considered it, Mig decides to abdicate the song to Suzie. Suzie struggles in rehearsal with the house band in a way that, honestly, does not inspire much confidence. Come performance day, will she be a classic ROCK! supernova or will she burn out before she even falls to earth? Tune in Tuesday to find out. Anyway the wind blows...snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com __________________ *Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl* All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale Relive every beautiful moment of America's Next Top Model...Click here for links to prior season recaps & interviews.

08-29-2005, 09:14 AM	#2
AsIs Helplessly Hoping Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 4,377	I don't know what you are talking about Snowflake Girl, your recap ROCKS! __________________ www.comicfusion.com Join the Fusion Club! Co-Owner of Online Comic Store. "How do you know the chosen ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his friend. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame... for one person. In the dark. Where no one will ever know or see." - Sebastion, Babylon 5

08-29-2005, 12:16 PM	#5
leeinsmyrna FORT Fanatic Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Smyrna, GA Posts: 686	Loved the recap Snowflake! Especially comparing Ty to a "constipated Bea Arthur on crystal meth"!!! Hilarious! __________________ kitty-cats rule!

08-29-2005, 12:26 PM	#7
LiteWeightLiz Reality Lite Weight Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South West Washington Posts: 330	Awesome re-cap, Snowflake Girl!! Actually, I enjoyed your [new to the ROCK! recap concept] fresh perspective on what was going on with the players[/new to the ROCK! recap concept] __________________ Quote: "Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds." -- Homer Simpson

08-29-2005, 12:39 PM	#8
totoro What do you DO all day? Join Date: Aug 2003 Age: 36 Posts: 2,857	Snowie, Your recap bloody well made my head explode! Thanks for the fresh perspective on the show, and for your always humorous recaps! You ROCK! __________________ I'll do graffiti if you sing to me in French

08-29-2005, 10:52 AM	#3
Trippy FORT Regular Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 145

08-29-2005, 12:04 PM	#4
DoeBoy FORT Fogey Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto Posts: 996	Great recap Snowflake!

08-29-2005, 04:38 PM	#9
fireflyer from sky to fire Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 1,287	Your recap is too funny! I so regret missing the show. You're right, the songs for this week are killer songs... I can't wait for Tuesday. Thanks!