AI9 4/28 Results Recap: Odd One Out
This is the easiest recap to write ever. Almost nothing that went on in tonight’s show had anything to do with American Idol.
As you know, our Top 6 took on the music of Shania Twain for this year’s obligatory pilgrimage to Country Land. She and her particular brand of Non-Country Country led the contestants into one of their most capably done, if still super bland, weeks yet. And I can now say that I’ve heard of 9 Shania Twain songs – five of those the contestants shared with us were new to me. Shania is in the audience again, but will not be taking the stage tonight, I guess because she’s already sold enough albums to put one in the hands of everyone in North America.
So instead of her, and instead of our Season 9 contestants, Country Superstars Rascal Flatts start the show and offer something that is presumably a song, but the singer’s voice was so irritating and the melody was so plodding that I started playing music in my head while they were on. Sorry.
Time Keeps On Slipping
Because of our nation’s sudden all-consuming love of everything undead, this week’s pimpmercial is Twilight: The Musical. We go behind the scenes and learn that everyone is way impressed by how freaky everyone else’s eyes look, and then in the commercial, the
Cullens contestants sing The Bravery’s “Believe” and skulk along a foggy forest road while Mike cruises down it in his sweet cherry red Ford. They go to strike Mike, but he defeats them with the power of his super-garlicky pizza. Okay, smooth move or whatever, but look into finding a pizza place that’s not in the middle of Camp Crystal Lake.
Now we are treated to an extended, and I mean extended look at DreamWorks’ newest summer blockbuster bait. Be sure to see Toy Story 3, in theaters June 18th.
Between now and then, we’ll begin the results! Since there are 6 left, Ryan’s splitting them up into three groups of two. Siobhan who sang “Any Man of Mine” like, according to Simon, a woman giving birth, anchors the far left group. Young, young Aaron Kelly sang “You’ve Got a Way” in such a way as to make Ellen think of him as 16 instead of the ripe old 17 years he has actually existed. Center group. Mike sang another song that showed his sensitive side and made Ellen liken him to Luther Vandross, which can only mean that Ellen has never heard Luther Vandross, but has heard of him. Simon made everyone uncomfortable by calling Mike’s performance “wet,” which clearly meant overly dewy – the opposite of dry – but Ryan makes a case out of it and has him testify. Simon thus replies that “wet” is what would happen if Ryan were to ever sing a song. Ouch. Ryan takes that as a compliment though, so. Mike anchors the group on the right.
Lee sang the only Shania song of the night that I was previously familiar with: “Still the One,” to undeserved raves from the judges. Ryan inquires whether it was difficult to make the song his own and Lee goes into a stuttering monologue about how he almost didn’t choose that song, but then he totally connected with it somehow, and was thus able to make it his own. He joins Siobhan in the center.
If she weren’t standing with Lee right now, I’d be wishing very hard for Siobhan to hit the bottom. I don’t know why I’m in Lee’s corner all of a sudden. Probably has something to do with him singing “The Boxer” so nicely that only the thick coat of nerves he slathers himself with every week kept him from being great. I do usually root for nervous people. It’s a sickness, but I own it. Siobhan on the other hand seems far from nervous. A while back, I started to get the feeling that Siobhan drank the Siobhan Kool-Aid. You know, the stuff that Randy and Kara liberally laced with “I love your big old voice” sugar, and that we all spiked with “Ah, you dress like an idiot so you must have an interesting point of view” whiskey. I don’t guess I want her eliminated quite yet, but a showing in the bottom three might knock some of that assuredness/stubbornness loose. I root for that too.
Meanwhile, Casey sang something called “Don’t” and did make the judges happy. Ellen ranked it as Casey’s best performance to date. Ryan gives Kara yet another opportunity to protest too much about valuing his voice and musical skill set more than she values his hot bod. Casey moves to the right with Mike. Finally, Crystal was meh this week, and the judges told her so. Ryan revisits their lukewarm praise and asks Ellen what they’ll do as penance if said lack of raving sends Crystal hurtling home instead of someone more deserving. Ellen thinks it won’t come to that and so doesn’t answer. (The correct answer is, of course, Chinese Water Torture.) Crystal is routed to center stage with Aaron.
So, Siobhan and Lee, Aaron and Crystal, and Mike and Casey. Each could conceivably form a believable bottom two in my mind. But that’s not how it goes at all, as our favorite little host sprite has a trick up his sleeve. He suddenly escorts Siobhan over next to Casey and Mike, and announces this crew as this week’s losers. Da-da da-da! Lee, Crystal, and Aaron are safe. Wow. Aaron’s fans must be legion.
Music Again. (And Again, and Again.)
Post-commercials, we find another performance. Carrie Underwood appears via the magic of satellite to introduce Sons of Sylvia, who I passively supported on The Next Great American Band and then promptly forgot about some time before they changed names from The Clark Brothers to Sons of Sylvia. They too seem masters of that whole Not-Country Country deal; the song is “Love Left to Lose,” which I would say sounds more like watery arena rock than country (seriously, it’s almost Styx), except for the many fiddles they employ to deliver it.
Despite my advice to the contrary, the Idols Live! Tour is happening once again, and it’s almost time to buy tickets, so start saving your pennies. While you contemplate the best place to hide your piggy bank from sneak thieves, some people called Lady Antebellum (really?) sing a song called “Need You Now.” All I’ll say about it is, tonight’s performers are making me appreciate Shania Twain’s catalogue much more than I did. At least her stuff moves.
And, in case you didn’t get the message that this results show is a full-on concert, here’s another performance. Shakira, with a harmonica, backed by Rascal Flatts, and accompanied by two other pairs of hips, sings “Gypsy,” and manages to be the one performance I didn’t drift off during. We’re apparently long on time, so after this performance Ryan chats with Shakira and one of the flat rascals about shaking hips and guys in skirts.
You Are Shocked, Shocked!
Results again. Ryan reminds us that Mike, Casey, and Siobhan are our bottom three before asking Mike how it feels to yet again have hit the bottom, even after the judges saved his behind. Mike says that since everyone did so well this week, there’s no shame in being in the bottom half. As opposed to all those other weeks when some were clearly suckier than others. Ryan rewards Mike for this diplomatic answer by announcing his free passage to Safety, yet again.
Post-commercials, Casey and Siobhan are center stage looking forlorn and standing decidedly apart. This is a really weird result. Although I wouldn’t count either Casey or Siobhan as a big loss to the competition at this point, I just don’t know how to feel about a bottom two without Mike in it. But it’s not up to me. The lights are reddened, Ryan has all the drama in his voice he can summon, and then … oh, snap; it’s Siobhan! I honestly didn’t expect that. Can’t say I’m too bent about it though. Since there is a ton of time left in the show, Ryan asks Siobhan to say more about her sisters. Yet strangely I don’t know anything about them. And once Siobhan is finished with her singout (a reprise of “Think,” now with less proficiency and more scream), Ryan forces Simon to make nice and – more creepily – forces Siobhan to give him a hug. I don’t like this trend in him. You can’t force affection, Ryan. You have to know that by now.
So much for The Girls’ Year! And good luck to you, Autobahn. Have fun on the tour. Oh, and apparently next week’s theme is Sinatra songs, with Harry Connick Jr. as mentor. I love him but promise to try not to gush. Come back next week and see how successful I am.
Re: AI9 4/28 Results Recap: Odd One Out
Great recap! I felt like I was reliving the longest hour of my life again....
Except I thought the Dreamworks pimping was for Shrek # 54997564, the last one. Ever. Really. Truly. Forever.
Did I fall asleep and dream that?
Re: AI9 4/28 Results Recap: Odd One Out
No, you're right. I was making a joke.
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