Ready to save the world? Oh sorry, that was last week. This week Idol is back to its regularly scheduled program -- all nonsense, all the time.
Gina Glocksen’s in the audience, presumably because it’s rock night, and no one rocks harder than she, except for almost everybody who’s ever tried to rock.
That’s a lot
of money. Just imagine how many commercials during Idol that would buy. I think 7.
Smiling a lot, even. Cue footage of Jon and the band straight up rocking arenas twenty years ago when it was apparently okay to have hair bigger than your own face and taller than your own babies.
And I wonder if he means royalties too. Because I could totally work out a mean “Bed Of Roses,” accompanied by a clarinet if that’s the case. Practice Really Does Makes Perfect … Eventually
Phil confesses to having been practicing it for 15 years
, even as a young kid in his mirror with a comb. Yeah, he actually had a comb. I know; I’m confused too.
Aww. Never let them see your lip quiver, honey. That’s not rock. Oh, and neither is begging for votes, just for future reference.
I question the suitability of a pretty fortunate seventeen year old girl singing “Living On A Prayer,” because … dude, what would she know about it? Does she even know where the docks are? Love, American Idol Style
Yeah, um, ew. He goes on to rub his lips for the next few moments while he’s telling her she nailed it, and then says, “Nice lips.” Inappropriate! Although I bet Gina’s in the audience sulking with jealousy. The Return Of The B-B-B-B-Blakebox
So. Black is obviously this week’s white -- everyone’s dressed in Black; Blake’s hair is black, even the Coca Cola cups are black tonight, y’all. They’re not angels saving the world anymore; they’re the devil’s own spawn, here to show us that Rock Night on Idol is serious business.
It’s all actually pretty good. Unless you disagree with me, of course, in which case it was the grossest thing you wish you never saw. Wanted? Really?
Chris must’ve taken this last sentiment seriously, because the spotlight finds him writhing around and grimacing like his pockets are full of snake oil at a low, low price.
I don’t want to say anything about that because I don’t want Chris fans to be mad at me when he goes home.
Although it wasn’t as cheesy as I’d hoped it would be. I guess I’ll have to wait for Village People Night. (They will have one, won’t they? Someday?) President? What President? Why, I don’t know to what you are referring.