Welcome to the second American Idol 6 Semi-Finals Results show! Whew- that is a mouthful, and traditionally not a very interesting show, so thanks for tuning in.
Tonight Ryan’s wearing a serious suit, because there’s just no fun to be had during the results show. This is evidenced by the fact that Kellie Pickler will be performing… oh, and four singers will be going home. So let’s get to the heartbreak, people!
You think we haven’t seen Napoleon Dynamite, Randy?
First up is the Men’s Montage, and we see Randy telling Blake that he loved the Jamiroquai song, and I loved how Randy then said that the average AI viewer was probably not too familiar with Jamiroquai. Or popular music in general. Phil sounded good, Jared is good looking, and Simon is an ass as always.
Now on to the Women’s Montage, and we find out that Gina was edgy, but not edgy enough, Lakisha made a bad fashion choice, and Antonella was pretty sassy for a girl with compromising pictures all over the Internet. Oh, and by the way Antonella, Simon put Jennifer Hudson through to the Semi-Finals, but America sent her home during the Finals. You should be ashamed of yourself, America!
Yippee, it’s group sing time, and tonight it’s that Three Dog Night classic, “Joy to the World.” Yes, it is incredibly cheesy, but it’s also in tune and fairly enjoyable. The singers are all over the stage, are there like a hundred of them? No? Only 16? Oh. Seems like more.
The third cut is the third deepest.
It’s time to get down to business, and Ryan stands in front of the men to give some bad news to one of them. He asks Chris Richardson if he’s nervous and gets a tense “yes” in reply. Phil… you’re safe! You too, Chris Sligh, and your hair has reached amazing new heights tonight. Sundance, you also get to stay, but we’re watching you- we’d better not see another crappy performance. Blake; you’re dope and also safe.
Ryan calls Jared down to stand next to him, and then tells him to step away because he’s too tall, and we all know how Ryan feels standing next to people taller than him. Jared’s tall and also safe. Nick is… not safe and going home! Wow, that was so abrupt and kind of harsh, Ryan.
Ryan makes Nick do the walk of shame across the stage to stand in front of the judges so they can tell him that the voters made the right choice. Simon says that Nick has a good voice, but a complete lack of charisma, and Paula’s glad that Nick came back to Idol to be humiliated for a second time. Nick sings for the last time, and I utilize my DVR’s fast forward feature.
Why do they make them sing?
It’s time for the ladies’ turn in the hot seat! Jordin tells us she’s nervous but feels good, and tonight is sad because people are going home and they’ve all become such good friends. Whatev. Somehow I doubt it’s all fun and games among the Idol ladies.
Stephanie is safe! Gina is edgier tonight and also safe. Sabrina showed her big voice and got big votes and is staying in the competition, and Melinda is the one to beat and isn’t going anywhere either. Alaina? Yeah, you’re going home. Sorry.
Ryan makes Alaina come to center stage, and then repeats every bit of criticism she’s been given while on her AI journey. I’m sure that feels great, especially after she’s just been eliminated. Alaina is very diplomatic and gushes about the experience, and then proceeds to sing so horribly, even she can’t bear it and she stops halfway through her song.
Trust me, I know what I’m talking about here!
Now it’s time for Ryan to pimp the American Idol Challenge, where one lucky viewer can win a trip to the finale and some other stuff. Last week’s prize winner is in the audience, and after the camera pans to him… well, I guess Ryan’s right- anyone can win this.
Tonight’s question is a toughie: Who was a big winner at this year’s Grammy Awards? The choices are Taylor Hicks, Carrie Underwood or Ruben Studdard and I’m going to help you all out here. It was totally Ruben Studdard. That man is tearing up the charts!
Sigh. I thought I was done with her.
Dang, it’s Kellie Pickler time. Apparently she’s just released some sort of album, and has aged about 20 years since her last Idol appearance. Actually, that’s not fair. Her new haircut is cute, and her dress really emphasizes her… assets. So mush so that after she makes some stupid Kellie Pickler remarks, Ryan asks her if she’s spent money on anything lately while looking pointedly at her chest. She answers that she’s bought lots of shoes, but I don’t think that’s what Ryan was talking about.
The two chat a little longer and we learn Kellie will be touring with Brad Paisley and finally tried sushi, and with that info, we’re pretty much caught up. Kellie sings, and I fast forward, and then it’s time to say goodbye to a couple more people.
Almost there…The guys are up again. Chris Richardson, Simon thought your performance was the best of the night, and you’re safe. Brandon, although you let Simon down, you’re also safe. Sanjaya, you’re… safe? Wow- I did not see that coming. Either did Sanjaya, judging by his reaction. This means that AJ is going home. Bye, AJ!
Now for the girls; Lakisha, you’re safe. Haley, you’re also safe. Antonella, there are nude pictures of you all over the place, so please join Ryan on the stage. Leslie and Jordin- you too. Not the naked pictures part, but the joining Ryan part. Antonella- your song didn’t work, and for some reason Simon called you a donut, but you’re safe. Leslie- you’re not. You can sing one more time, but then you’re off the Idol stage for good.
Before Leslie gets to sing, the cast-offs are treated to a montage of their American Idol journeys set to some Daughtry song. Yes, I know Chris Daughtry was a finalist last year, and yes I know I always complained about how cheesy it was to play Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” over every goodbye montage, but now I kind of miss it. I can admit when I’ve misjudged something.
Tune in next week to see the final two semi-finalists sent home so that we finally have our Top 12, or just skip next week’s show and watch the real competition begin in two weeks. It’s up to you.