Hello everyone! This is the part of American Idol that I really like, the competition. Tonight we have a group of 12 men that will be battling it out for six available spots. Will any of them shine? Will any of them sink like a stone in a lake? Letís adjust our earplugs and get ready to see what songs can be completely destroyed by amateur singers.
Before we can officially get started Ryan, who is wearing jeans and a sensible vest greets us. He introduces the judges who are received by cheers and jeers. This whole routine is really getting old but we still must plug on. Since most of us have probably never watched this show until now they give us a review of the season so far. We see the 12 men audition and how they do in Hollywood. If I had know this was going to happen I would have saved myself some time and not watched the past 5 weeks. The men are introduced and I am left scratching my head saying, ďWho is that?Ē Finally, after a good 15 minutes itís time to get started.
I Come From a Land Down UnderÖerr Land Down South
First out of the gate is Rudy Cardenas, a 28-year-old professional musician. His history piece tells us he was born in Venezuela but moved to Denver and grew up there. He thinks that Simon hates him from the auditions. If he does not start singing soon I am going to hate him as well.
Finally the music starts and he comes out singing Freeride. The song goes well and he seems pretty energetic through the whole performance. He is sporting a shirt with a large target on it. He better hope there are no stray assassins in the building because that is just asking for trouble. His performance was decent and he is darn cute so I give him thumbs up. My opinion matters the most so I donít know why they even waste time with the judges.
Randy thought there were a couple of pluses to the performance, like he got the party started. I thought alcohol got the party started but I guess I have been mislead for years. He also thought it was a bit corny. Paula thought it was fantastic. Simon tells him that he has never heard him do anything unique. He thought the song was dated and he doesnít stand out. I really wish he had directed that comment at Randy.
Iíll Have You Naked By the End of This Song
Up next is a fine little specimen I donít remember either named Brandon Rogers. He is a 29-year-old background singer. The judges apparently liked him a lot during the auditions but they could be lying for all I know. Brandon comes out singing very slow and breaks the first rule of Idol, slow song equals standing at the mic. Much to my relief the song picks up and the need for a mic stand is gone. He sings Rock With You and pulls quite a few Constantine moves with his stare down of the camera. He sounds good during the performance but all I can focus on is the hope that a fierce wind blows through and rips his shirt off leaving his toned chest exposed to the viewing public.
Randy thought the song was pitchy and not his best performance. He thinks he needs to remember he is a lead singer now and does not need all those runs in the refrain. Paula repeats exactly what Randy says with a few more slurs and hiccups. Simon tells him he is a good singer but sang a safe and predictable song. My only advice to him would be the shirtless number next week, he will be guaranteeing himself lots of votes from the State of Michigan.
Reluctantly crouched at the starting lineÖ
Sundance Head is going next and he is a 28-year-old Machine Shop employee. He struggled through Hollywood but got so much airtime there was no doubt in anyoneís mind that he would not make it through. The music starts and Sundance comes out and I guess he missed the memo that said satin suites should never be worn while singing Knights in White Satin. I hate this song so I donít have a whole lot to say except I really want to like Sundance but I just donít know if I can. He needs to step it up and wear a nylon tracksuit next week and sing, Going the Distance by Cake, and then he would have my love and respect.
Randy tells Sundance that he was one of his favorites during the auditions but he seems to have abandoned his bluesy sound. He also delivers one more blow by telling him he was not on pitch the whole song. Paula tells him he picked the wrong song and that he is a better singer then what he displayed. Simon thinks he was like a Dad at a wedding, old-fashioned and flat.
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service
Next is Mr. Barefoot, Paul Kim, the 25 year old who wants one last shot at music. His thing is to always be barefoot and he will never change that. I for some reason see Paul eating those words. He sings Careless Whisper and I laugh the whole way through the song. That song just cracks me up for some reason, and I will be honest, I was too busy laughing and being distracted by his bare feet to notice much more. I hate feet so the thought of his feet all over that stage is disturbing me, a lot.
Randy does not know if he liked it but thinks he still sees promise and potential in young Paul. Paula tells him he was pitchy and did not find his center. Simon tells him to put his shoes on next week and I couldnít agree more. He also thought it was an ordinary attempt to copy George Michael. He needs to bring the WOW next weekÖand some shoes or even flip-flops.
He May be Bringing Sexyback
Is that Justin Timberlake? No, itís none other then Chris Richardson, the 22 year old who works in the Restaurant business. He comes out singing I Donít Want to Be and wearing a trendy, nerdy suit. He sounds good but he is doing this odd bobbing thing the whole song. Itís almost making me sick the continual bobbing of his body behind the microphone.
Randy thinks the show just started and now I really question whatís in his cup. The show has been on for almost an hour and Randy must been confused. He should keep to his own cup and stay out of Paulaís. Randy thinks that Chris made the song work by bringing his own flavor to it. Paula thought it was a great arrangement and that it had great flavor and was lots of fun. Simon thought his voice sounded really small. He liked him and he thinks the girls will like him but his voice was just sub-standard.
Always Something There to Remind Me
We are finally just moving right along and next up is Nick Pedro. You may recognize him from such shows as AI5. He is 25 and works as a salesman for a finance company. He dropped out of the show last year because he could not remember the words. He sings Iíll Be Your Man, but looks and sounds very nervous. He ends the song with a bit of a falsetto and sounds the best at it so far. He looks so cute and innocent during his whole performance that I feel the beginning of a little crush developing.
Randy thinks it was not good, boring, and really pitchy. Randy should tell us how he really feels. Paula didnít feel it and thought it fell flat. Simon didnít think it was that bad. He thinks Nick is charming but nervous and that he will be back next week.
Heís Got the Beat
We are finally at the halfway point and I do a quick shot of coffee to keep from dozing off during this sub par show. One of the people I actually remember is next, itís Blake Lewis, the beat boxer. He tells us he is here to sing and not beat box. I am a little sad because I love the beat box. He sings a song by Keane called Somewhere Only We Know. I am not familiar with the song but he sounds really good. He seems confident and is pulling into the front as one of my favorites.
Randy is shocked by his song but dug it. He missed the beat box but thought he did a good job. Paula is really proud of him. She thought he picked an odd song they werenít expecting. Simon did not think it was the best vocal. He did like that he sounded like something from this century and that it was the best of the night.
I Might Be Young But Iím No Beginner
Next is our youngest performer of the night, 17 year old Sanjaya Malakar. His sister was eliminated early in the competition and he was very disappointed. He sings knock Me off My Feet, a song his sister chose for him. His voice sounds smooth and his face is all smiles. The whole performance was a little long and boring but I do want to be somewhat kind to the baby of the group.
Randy didnít think it was very good. He thought it was a bad song choice. Paula wishes that more personality and force came through. I learned that he is a happy guy who likes to smile. Simon thought it was the dreariest performance all night. He also thought it was a waste of a performance. Sanjaya responds by smiling and grinning.
Send in the Clowns
Chris Sligh, a 28-year-old Marketing Consultant is next. He is also one of my early favorites for the fact that he wanted to make David Hasselhoff cry. He sings a song that I donít know and that no one else seems to know because it never gets mentioned. His voice is good and his performance is a bit quirky and interesting. I also have a small obsession with large puffy hair and he is rocking that style this season.
Randy thought his voice was point on and he loved it. Paula thought the song choice was good and that he had a great time. Simon thinks he has a fantastic personality but he is torn with him. He didnít think it was an incredible vocal performance and he does not look like an American Idol. Then something weird happens and Chris mentions Teletubbies and Simon calls him one and I Google and find out that Simon is involved with the Teletubbies.
Itís Getting Hot in Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes
We have about 30 minutes to go in the show and 3 people left and I want this wreck to just end. Jared Cotter, a 25 year old former waiter is up next. He is one of the most beautiful men I have seen and I am just mesmerized by his looks. I am glad I decided to stick it out for the ending. He sings that god awful song Starting Back at One, and manages to make it tolerable. I think it mostly tolerable because I can stare at him and block out the music. He looks very rugged and casual in tight jeans and a shirt and once again I pray for that fierce wind to come through and some of his clothes to up and vanish like a fart in the wind. (Sorry, I was watching Shawshank Redemption earlier.)
Randy thought it was pretty good but he didnít like the end. Paula would like a more up-tempo song. Simon thought it was an unadventurous performance. He thinks he looks good but needs to take more risks. A really risky move would be a duet with Brandon and they both lose their shirts.
Cool It Now, Oooooh Watch Out!
I can feel the ending upon us but first we have to
sufferlisten to another performance. AJ Tabaldo, a 22 year old Shipping Company supervisor is up. This is his 5th time on Idol and that leads me to believe they were scrapping the bottom of the barrel this year. This show so far also proves my point. AJ is singing a song I believe is called All My Love but I am not really sure and I am too tired to look it up now. The collar is up on his shirt so he must be cool or does that rule only work in the 80ís? He sounds good and his song is upbeat and he also does a little falsetto like every other guy tonight.
Randy thought vocally he was pretty good, kind of classic. Paula tells him he can sing and the tone of his voice is great. Simon thinks it was good. There was nothing great or nothing terrible about it. He thought it was a theme park performance and he needs to do a more challenging song.
It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right
Finally we have reached the end but my clock is deceiving me. It tells me we have about 15 minutes left and only one performer to go. If Idol pulls a fast one and lets this guy sing for 10 minutes I may have to go insane because I am on the verge of it now. Phil Stacy is last and he is a Sailor from the US Military. He sings, I Couldnít Ask For More and the weirdest thing happens, he is hideous to me. There is that one Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating that woman who looks good in some lights and unattractive in others. The same thing is happening with Phil. Sometimes he looks cute and other times I am clinging to a pillow on my couch out of fear he is going to reach through my TV and stab me. He needs to stay out of the bad light!
Randy thought it was the best vocal of the night. Paula thought he just opened up and was right on pitch. Simon thought it was ok, but not the best. It was good for the night though.
Please Be Over
This ends our first male competition night of the show. I barely made it through and hopefully next weekís show is only 15 minutes long so we all will actually be awake and alert to vote when itís over. Make sure to tune in Wednesday and Thursday night to see the women perform and see who will be LAís next street performer.
If you actually made it through this whole recap I give you a gold star. To collect said star please email me at, Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.