*This is a recap of events from noon Saturday to noon Monday, house time*
Oh joy. Recapping the dullest cast ever is difficult. Especially when you have over-eager Skippy getting trigger happy with the FISH button....you tend to miss all the good stuff. I’ve found myself wondering if the fish are really the houseguests and when they are discussing production or past fishguests, we get hamsters instead of FOTH. Damn you, Skippy, damn you.
I begin my shift with Boogie and Frank discussing how they are “reality gold” and that Boogie has been speaking to the “Wizards” about the FrankenBooger team doing a little show called The Amazing Race. If there is a God and he loves me, he won’t let that happen. Boogie is complaining that nobody in the house this season knows how to play the game. Uhm, just because they aren’t all egotistical cutthroat ass boogers, doesn’t mean they don’t know what’s up. Well, a couple of them anyway. I keep waiting for him to ask them all to bow and kiss his feet. I’m sure the thought has crossed his mind.
Elsewhere in the compound, we have several HG’s wondering if it’s going to be a night time VETO comp and then we have Brit and Danielle discussing Shane, his lack of interest and why he was pissy towards the Queen last night. Brit says it’s because Danielle took his blanket. I got mad at a boy for that once...we were in kindergarten and it was naptime. Later, Brit says she’s not a complainer (what??) but they got them up at 8:15 and it’s now 5:00. Yeah, that’s how time works...it creeps forward. Ian is running down things that happened on Brit’s season. Kid is a genius...I can’t remember the last time I took a poo, let alone what happened two years ago. About ten minutes later we hear “GREETINGS LOSERS”. Yep...Zingbot is in the house, trivia pops up and the POV comp is under way!
No wonder you can't keep a boyfriend....you're doing it all wrong
*HG’s got scrubs that say Zingbot Labs on them from the POV comp
*Frank won POV..it was a puzzle of some sort
*Speculation about next week being a double eviction is rampant
*Zingbot got Danielle good- “Shane’s got a special gift for you after the show—a restraining order! Zing!
*Ians: "For a chemical engineering student, you don't have much chemistry when it comes to the ladies" Zing!
*Apparently Joe winks at Frank a lot. Frank farts a lot, so I'm calling this one even.
*Charades was the chosen form of entertainment on this particular evening.
*We get a DR leak with Danielle: "Sara, I am distraught about today." Sara: "Why?" Just once, I want for the person in the DR to tell her they don't really give a flying fig. Can you imagine the meltdown?
*Danielle knows her way around a card trick. Slip of the hand and a lie….yep…sounds about right!
*Ashley has been down for several days due to her back issues. I can't tell if she's faking it or if she really does have an issue.
The biggest surprise of the weekend is (drum roll, please!), the Knockers alliance finally got a clue! Somehow, some way, all the signs from the last two weeks pointing to a big alliance that they aren’t part of, finally clicked! Maybe it came to Ashley when she was in her drug induced coma, or to Wil when he was picking at his head, or to Jenn when she was...well, whatever it is that Jenn does. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure a couple of them, at that moment, realized…uhmagahrd….”We aren’t on vacation? Where the hell are we? What are we supposed to do again? On TV? Like, seriously?” That all works best if read with a valley girl inflection. Wil finally gets that he’s the real target and, oh yeah, comes to the realization that evicting Janelle was really stupid. DingDingDing!!! Jenn decides she needs to start winning things. Ok honey…good luck with that! This crew is up a creek without their life jackets. Where is Rachel when you need her? We end Saturday with the pros and cons of keeping Wil or Joe being bandied about.
Douchebunny fixin' her face. Next up, the trowel.
Pretty dull day….Joe pretends he’s on a cooking show again and Brit, Danielle and Wil demonstrate their pageant walks in the backyard. Danielle complains about pageants in typical Danielle fashion. Then why’d you do them??? Later Brit is chatting with Ian about dating. His deal breakers are cheating, poor fashion sense and bad underwear. When asked to elaborate he says “granny panties”. Then he makes a reference to The Chamber Of Secrets, which is ironic because that’s the title I went with for last week’s recap. I found it amusing. Back to dating…Joe says he is old school…wants a lady, not a tramp. Joe tells a story about a girl he dated. He really liked her until his buddy informed him that she’s on a certain website looking for a certain type of sex that’s similar to regular sex but different. Rhymes with banal. There is much more sexy times chatter but I really don’t want to repeat it all. It’s gross. I will say that Danielle tells a story of a blind date she was set up on. The guy had bad acne, so bad it looked like chicken pox. He kept staring at her so she excused herself to go to the bathroom and just left. Honey….you sure that wasn’t a MIRROR?
This is what the Phantom of the Opera looks like without the mask
A little later, Dan turns up in a banana suit. He claims it was in the storage room and he has to wear it for seven days. It’s a practical joke from what I can tell. Boogie claims to have brought it in the house and is in on the joke. I still don’t get it. Weird. After that brief distraction we are back to game talk. Frank really wouldn’t mind using the POV to get Dan out but Boogie is against it. He says they need the six for a little while longer and if they put Dan up, they lose the others. Jenn (who?) and Ashley talk about trying to pull Brit into the Knockers Alliance. If they can get Dan out, they can bring Danielle in, too. Gee, why didn’t you think of that weeks ago? Frank later discusses showing Dan the ole “backdoor” to Ian, who tries to talk him out of and later tells Brit and Danielle what Frank said. Meanwhile, the boobs crew is celebrating prematurely over Dan’s demise. And look...Ashley is with them...her back miraculously healed.
The day dawns early for Frank and Boogie. Frank is still wanting to oust Dan and Boogie is still adamant that it is simply too soon. Boogie seems to be more worried about Britney. Meanwhile, he has an ear ache and thinks it’s from slam dunking the ball in the pool. He’s waiting to be called to the DR to have it looked at. I think it's just his slime, trying to fight it's way out, but I'm not a Dr, like Danielle, so what do I know?
Pretty soon we have outdoor lockdown and the POV. Lucky for you guys, the ceremony was finished right at the end of my shift, so I can tell you if the POV was used or not. It wasn’t. Frank didn’t go against Daddy Boogs. So who will be leaving on Thursday? Wil or Joe? On another note, I wish AG would pick a handful of us Forters to spend a summer in the house and show these asshats how it’s done. Frank would be gone. Boogie would be gone. Danielle would have been tossed over the wall..head first. And all would be right in the world.
P.S. Danielle told everyone when she got her HOH letter that she didn't tell her mother she was coming into the house. But...she commented that her mother told her to be careful not to show anything to the cameras while in the house. This girl is certifiable. Single White Female.
So I says "Danielle, your thighs are this big!