This recap covers events in the house from noon Saturday to noon Sunday, Big Brother Time
Yet again, my shift begins with the pre-POV jitters. Rachel and Jordan are in the Purple Room, and Rachel still feels nauseous. Jordan tries to tell her it's just nerves, but Rachel insists it's not - that when she's nervous her heart beats fast, and that's not happening now. They discuss lucky outfits.
Rachel: "I always wear glitter when I want to win"
Jordan: "Of course you would"
Adam and Jordan have a brief chat in the bathroom... Jordan lets him know that if she and Rachel do come off the block, she won't vote him out. "But I know who I will vote out" singsongs our golden girl. For good measure, Jordan does some more tossing of our resident hag under the bus. (That's Shelly, for anyone who's been under a rock lately). Jordan says she's done with her, she thinks outside of the house Shelly is probably very nice, but in the context of the game she is not to be trusted. Adam tells Jordan that he knows Shelly hasn't fully had his back either. Adam trusts Jordan, but makes it clear once again that he just can't get on board with Rachel. Jordan makes it clear that she will not vote for Shelly at the end. Careful hon, you could be giving these people a great reason to want to take ol' Hagamuffin to the finals. I do like this new game-talkin' Jordie though. Adam says to Jordan, everything else aside, that he was truly hurt when Jeff questioned his vote Thursday night. Jordan says she will be sure to let him know, but that she thinks Jeff was just shocked at everything that was going on. Jordan apologizes for that, then continues to say how she feels so stupid for getting duped by Shelly, and that she's just not talking to her anymore. She reiterates to Adam to watch his back. "I see a lot more than I let on" replies Cruddy.
It's all well and good, but as we know when we get to this point in the game, we don't know what these people are really thinking until they get into Diary Room.
They've been told the POV will be at 5:00, which is still several hours away, so Rachel and Jordan head to the Purple Room and decide to start talking about positive things to get pumped up. "I can't wait until Brendon and I get married" chirps Vegas. Oh boy. She launches into talks of wedding plans and such. It just makes me sad, because I like who Rachel has become without Brendon and I don't like listening to her talking about how wonderful their marriage will be. *sigh*
Cruddy heads upstairs to the HOH room to hang out with Whorsha, who fills him in on parts of her earlier conversation with Rachel. Cowlia joins them and the discussion turns to making fun of Jordan and Rachel. She laughs at Jordan for saying she hopes the POV involves running since she and Rachel have been working out. Kalia complains about Jordan and Rachel underestimating them. Umm. The bashfest continues, and I don't think there's much point in listening anymore. I hate them all. Blah, blah, and blah. Literally. One hundred percent. I'd rather go outside and play with Hurricane Irene than listen to these losers.
My feeds are on mute but a few minutes later, out of the corner of my eye, I see Haggy McHaggerson join her Nerd Herd 2011 cronies. I'm sure the conversation will continue to spiral even further downward so sorry, I'm not listening. If there's anyone out there who actually cares to listen to the witchiness and bitchiness, feel free to watch it on flashback.
After about half an hour, I peek out and unmute the feeds, just in time to hear them laughing about the possibility of Rachel being pregnant. "I'll feel sorry for that baby" says Hagbomb. Ironic considering that people are currently calling for Child Protective Services to take her daughter away from her (check the Shelly thread if you want to hear more about that garbage.
Around 3:00, Shelly goes to the Purple Room and notices the "Do Not Disturb" sign is no longer on the fortune teller, so she starts fiddling with it, pushes a button, and it springs to life. Kalia comes in and Hagmeister tells her not to tell anyone. I'm trying to decide which face is better looking - the fortune teller's or Shelly's. I'll let you guess what I decided. Hagtastic says she's praying it will spit out a power that will save her. She begs the fortune teller to tell her something, give her a clue. "I've been good" she wheedles. Uh, yeah, not so much, precious.
Shelly pleads her case
Kalia heads into the Candy Room, I suppose the plan is to keep an eye on Jordan and Rachel to make sure they don't try to go into the Purple Room. She spies Mr. Quackers sitting on the table and acts all surprised "Ohhh, you found him! Where was he?" Puhleeze. Jordan tells her about Porsche hiding him the toilet tank and Kalia says she suspected Porsche had taken him but she wasn't sure. Stop. Just stop. I want to smack you. Kalia makes herself comfy for some girl talk and I'm back on mute.
I'm still enjoying Hagmonster staring down the fortune teller on the other camera (still on mute) and the feeds switch to Adam and Porsche up in the HOH room. I figure I'll see if they're talking about anything interesting (not likely) and sure enough, this is what I hear come out of Whorsha's mouth: "Talking to her [Jordan] is like talking to a ham sandwich." Well sweetie, talking to you is probably like talking to a rock wearing velour. I think it's time to fix dinner.
I still have the feeds on mute, and we're at just over 2 hours of Shelly berating the fortune teller. It's pretty funny to watch on mute, actually. She'll lie down for a bit staring at it, then get up and push the buttons and talk at it for a while, give up, lie down, lather, rinse, and repeat. It's good stuff.
aaaaaand, she’s still at it!
We finally go to trivia at 5:45. (Hagwart is still staring down the fortune teller at this time, in case you were wondering, which puts it at almost 3 hours).
2 hours later, we come back to find that Rachel won! Oh happiness! Kalia is bandaging her arms, says she has rope burns., and our favorite hag can barely move. Aww. The competition was endurance, and involved them hanging onto a dummy fashioned into a likeness of their former duo partner. So much irony I don't even know where to begin, so I won't. Adam was the first to fall at 5 minutes, followed by Jordan at 9. Then Shelly, Porsche, Kalia. After such a long setup time, the whole shebang lasted a whopping 33 minutes. I'm sure production is thrilled about that. Chatter among the houseguests tells us they're pretty sure the powers that be were thinking it would last a lot longer. They could see all kinds of contraptions that never even came into play, such as rain machines, etc. Oh well. I guess maybe that makes it the 2nd shortest endurance comp ever, after the infamous Janelle & the Volcano incident
Rachel is pep-talking Jordan about how they have to work together from now on, they have to win HOH this week, and so on and so forth. Jordan keeps apologizing to Rachel for doing poorly in the competition. Rachel tells her not to be silly. "Jordan, I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you're my friend." Jordan shares her concern - that in her season everyone said Jeff just carried her, and she doesn't want Rachel to have to carry her this season. Rachel says no way. They suspect Kalia and Porsche will try to push to get Adam out instead of Shelly. (They're right). They see through the plan - Kalia and Porsche want to keep Hagadoo to final 3 because they think they can beat her more easily at the end. Jordan is insistent that Shelly be the one to go this week and Rachel is down with that plan.
Kalia: “See all this food on this side? This is MINE. You can have the stuff over there”
When Hagaloon comes out of the Diary Room, she's playing all happiness and sunshine, acting resigned to the fact that she's leaving. Rachel and Jordan walk through the kitchen and after they pass, her bitterness quickly pops up again. Seems her new attitude is that she's above this game. Mmmmkay, whatever makes you feel better, Hagster. She claims she dropped off in the competition because she didn't want to mess up her back - that being able to pick up her kid is more important than the game. She has a semi-smile on her face but it's a forced one and not reaching her eyes. She states that she's accepted she's leaving, she's not going to stoop to Rachel's level, she'll be keeping her dignity, reputation, and integrity. Um, okay. When are you gonna return Rachel's stuffed dog?
She continues giving Adam and Kalia a speech about how to play the game, be smart, not play personally, don't lose your dignity. Rachel walks through the kitchen and Shelly continues to talk, saying don't act trashy, because people will see it. I can't even listen to her self-righteous nonsense anymore Furthermore, the dog stealing hag says she's not giving Rachel her dog back. She plans to take it with her to jury and put it in Brendon's stuff there. But hey, as long as you're holding onto your class and dignity that's a-okay.
nom nom nom
Moving forward into the evening... I check in with Porsche and Kalia up in HOH. They're practicing their pitch to Rachel and Jordan about keeping Adam over Shelly, and using the little colored pieces to go over scenarios. Matt and his assorted ducks were much more fun last year to watch. Shelly says she is going to ask BB if she can come back in and host a veto since she never got to host one. Mmmmkay. Downstairs, Adam, Rachel, and Shelly are touching up the nail polish on the teabag cards. The next few hours pass with mostly random chit chat, ranging from their initial impressions of the other houseguests to whether or not they'd ever do Big Brother again. When Kalia first saw Adam, she thought he was a white supremacist, and Rachel is retiring from reality TV because "Brendon won't allow it."
The lockdown ends around midnight and everyone except Shelly goes running our. Hagadelic stays inside a while longer, parannoying about the purple room and all the power it holds (in her head). She and Kalia discuss their concerns that Rachel already got a power from the fortune teller. Then Kalia tells her that out of nowhere, Adam is suddenly talking about the fortune teller. This sends our resident hag into a tailspin about flushing out the power by voting Adam out this week. Kalia then heads outside and tells Adam about the fortune teller springing to life. Heh. Along with Porsche, they discuss that Shelly was in there most of the day with the door closed so nobody could see it. Adam chimes in that the Do Not Disturb sign has been gone since at least Wednesday.
And then.... and then... the moment we've all been waiting for. The Talk between Jordan and Shelly. Or, as I picture it in my head, Cinderella and the wicked stepmother. For the full conversation, flashback to 8/28, 1:30 am, Feed 3. I'm gonna hit the highlights:
- Before Hagarooni can really even get started, Jordan jumps in and says she should start by apologizing. Shelly accepts her apology but doesn't apologize right back. Of course not.
- Jordan talks about how betrayed she and Jeff felt, that they trusted her completely, and that then Shelly took that knife and stabbed her in the back. But according to Shelly, she stabbed Jeff in the back, not Jordan. (Whatevs)
- Shelly says she's never said anything bad about Jordan or Jeff in the Diary Room. You didn't have to, honey, you've said plenty outside of the DR. She gets choked up and said she had put Jeff and Jordan on a pedestal, that before she even came in the house she said they were her heroes (true).
- Shelly says she overheard Rachel and Jordan calling her a bitch in the bathroom yesterday. Jordan says she never called her that (true, they were talking about Dani)
- Shelly throws Rachel under the bus (shocker!). Tells Jordan Rachel was completely on board with the "keep Dani" plan until she saw she could use it as an opportunity to be the hero. (we'll probably never really know if Rachel was ever truly on board with this plan).
- Shelly, still in tears, says she came into the house with one alliance, her family, and that in the last week, it became clear to her that she was pushing Jeff and Jordan ahead of her own family. She says she realized she couldn't beat them, started discussing it with Adam, and that she was the one that started it all, not Dani (all true).
- Shelly outlines her plan for the game - she knew she couldn't win competitions, so she was going to have to rely on social moves and strategy.
- Shelly points out that week 2, Jeff and Jordan went back on their word by nominating her. Jordan points out they had to, it was a duo. She launches into descriptions of all the times that Jordan and Jeff doubted her allegiance.
- Shelly continues to cry and says what hurts her most is the possibility of losing Jeff and Jordan as friends, for making a game move. (This is where it starts getting deeper. If Hagalala really felt that way, she wouldn't have been talking trash about Jeff and Jordan this past week. That's not a game move, sweetie pie)
- Jordan says they were always open with Shelly and doesn't understand why she never came to her and said she wanted to try other options. (good point - Jordan gave her several openings to do that)
- Shelly talks about how arrogant Porsche and Kalia are, and how badly they talk about everyone. Says she doesn't want to be on that side, but that's the only option she has at this point. (Oh please, you're saying things just as nasty as they are).
- Shelly complainsthat Rachel has stabbed Jordan in the back many times, and Shelly only did it once. And furthermore, Rachel is just overall a bad person, and that's who Jordan has chosen to align with.
- The tears keep coming, blah blah blah. She brings up the phone call. At this point, it seems to me that the manipulation is in full swing. Shelly's trying to make Jordan feel bad. She's all on and on about how much she just loves Jordan. Guess watch Hagbitch, Jordan's just gonna be hurt all over again when she sees what you've been saying about her lately. Such as saying after the show when Jordan calls to apologize, she won't even answer the phone.
- Jordan steers the conversation to how everyone followed Dani. Shelly steers it right back to Adam, and they start discussing the big fight that happened before the live show. Shelly says Jeff and Jordan believed Adam, but Adam was in on the plan all along. (Nope, you just thought he was. You're not the only one that can lie!)
- Shelly claims that when she told Rachel about Jeff throwing the veto, it just "slipped out" (another lie, OBVI)
- We finally get an apology, as Shelly says she's truly sorry for ever hurting Jordan. She'll have her back until the end of time. (blah blah blah)
- Shelly reverts back to her old sayings about how she wants to do whatever she can to advance Jordan in the game, that she hopes she wins. She claims she is not on "their" side (Kalia/Porsche). More BS.
- I'm having a hard time believing any portion of this is sincere since all her "apologies" are interspersed with these blatant lies.
- Shelly tells Jordan about the little colored pieces that "they" are using for strategy.
- Jordan points out that she could tell that Shelly was pulling for Porsche to win HOH. Good girl, she's not buying everything Shelly's selling.
- Shelly asks Jordan, if she had come and told her what was going on, that it would have really been okay. Jordan emphatically says yes, and points out that she even told Shelly that. (She did)
- Jordan brings up Dani's speech, and claims that there was never any guarantee that Jeff and Jordan were going to make it to the end. Shelly agrees that Dani's speech was wrong, and claims that she didn't support it at all, and she never "followed" Dani. Jordan says Jeff only made the move against Dani because he checked with everyone, and everyone agreed that was the best move.
- Shelly plays the "I'm alone" card, saying she doesn't hang out with the others, and she has no desire to sit and listen to them (huh?). She says ever since all this went down, all she's wanted to do was come and talk to Jordan, but she wanted to give her space. (Um, like the space you gave her Thursday night immediately after the show, charging in and yelling at her in the purple room? Right).
- Shelly saysshe wants Jordan to win, gets all teary and choked up again saying to remember that she and Jeff are going to have a family one day, and it's so special, blah blah blah. Jordan says she doesn't care about winning this year, and Hagtoots launches into a pep talk. I've been listening to this old hag blowing smoke for 45 minutes and my skin is absolutely crawling at this point. "Win this game" she says. (She was telling Kalia and Porsche the same thing mere hours ago). Body language from Jordan shows she's also tired of hearing this nonsense, as her leg is swinging off the edge of the bed.
- Jordan says she's embarrassed at how she acted during the fight, that her family, people at church, etc, will see that. Ironic. Jordan is so worried about how she acted over the span of 10 minutes, and meanwhile Shelly's been trashing her for days and is still lying about it. Jordan says she forgives Shelly, and she does not hate her.
- Jordan confesses that one thing she said in Diary Room is that Shelly took the knife and stabbed her in the back, and she's going to take it out and stab it right back in Shelly's. Shelly says that's fine, she gets it. I'm amazed. Jordan has completely acknowledged the minor things she feels guilty for, and Shelly is just in complete denial about all the hateful things she's been saying about Jordan. Makes me want to
- They end with mutual tears and a hug.
For a portion of this time, Kalia and Rachel were also chatting it up in another room, and Kalia took the opportunity to let her know that quite a few houseguests have indicated they will never vote for Rachel to win in the end. Once they finished, Rachel overheard a lot of the talk between Shelly and Jordan. When Jordan finishes with Hagly, a gloomy Rachel starts her questioning. Were you ever really in an alliance with us, are you going to keep Shelly now, etc etc. Rachel has a mini meltdown, about how based on last summer, nobody wanted to give her a chance this summer. That everything she says always gets turned around to make her look bad. "I could tell someone your hair looks nice and they would turn that against me!" Jordan promises she would take Rachel to the final 2, and thinks that she does have a great shot at winning.
Kalia and Porsche head to the HOH room for bed (Kalia is planning to sleep up there), and talk about Shelly's duplicity and shadiness, and how they will continue to try to work all angles with Rachel and Jordan. Sleepytime finally takes over.
Sunday morning starts slowly. Kalia and Porsche sleep in, Rachel and Adam work out, ChimneyHag smokes, and Jordan gets laundry together. As my shift winds down, BB has put them on outside lockdown (probably to fix the door to the Purple Room).
Whew. And that’s it, folks. Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to add more suggestions on what to call the hag. And tune back in tomorrow as Waywyrd will summarize what we have no doubt will be a whole lotta suckin’ up!