I begin my shift with a little trepidition. After the eventful last Friday, I wonder if Iím being sweet helping out with recapping or if Iíve totally gone off my rocker by volunteering to do a Friday shift again. Iím gonna go with Ďsweetí because crazy people never realize that they are, in fact, crazy. Just ask Rachel.
THE ONLY THING MISSING IS THE STRAIGHT JACKET
It starts off greatÖ.Jeff got to choose who the have-nots were going to be for the week and he picked the three stoogesÖDani, Kalia and Porsche. Well done Big Jeff, well done. Dani is mad that sheís going to be a HN on her birthday, Porsche takes it in stride claiming that now she gets to have the whole BB experience and Kalia is angry that someone is going to take their beds. Iím wishing that BB hadnít made Porsche pour out the muscle milk she tainted and saved it for her. The foods America chose were boiled eggs and jalapenoís. Slop and eggs? The HN room is going to be smelling pretty rotten and Iím just thankful that the feeds arenít scratch-n-sniff.
Kalia approaches Jeff to do damage control. He flat out tells her she should be worried and that he did warn her what would happen if she put him up. She pushes for Rachel to be nominated. With that, she heads back into her HN cave for a tall glass of whine while Shelly gives her a pep talk. Meanwhile, Dani has cornered Jeff and he tells her sheís not going up and that if she wins POV, he doesnít want her to use it. He wants the Tweedle Twins to duke it out. She asks if someone else wins POV will he still put her up. He says no.
KALIA'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO EAT THE BEAR WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING.
Outdoor lock down and the hamsters get their new, smaller table. Not that it matters because Iím not sure itís even been used this season. Everyone scatters at this point with Jeff & Co by the pool and Dani and her minions in the kitchen, bitching about Jordan not wearing her humilitard 24/7. Pot, Kettle, meet Kalia. Sheís been threatened by BB with a penalty nom for singing, yet continues to sing. Then we get Porsche sucking up to Jeff for a bit. It hasnít been three hours yet and theyíve all talked to him. He really should take notesÖthatís what you do to the HOH. Heís cute, but thatíll only get him so far. Ass kissing is a must.
We get idle chatter about the uncircumsized penis, stuck up applicants at the audition, Enzo thinking he would be famous, and how a high school boyfriend of Rachels took all the marshmallows out of the lucky charms and gave them to her with a note claiming heís so lucky to have her. My gag reflex kicks in so I leave this conversation. Shortly after, the nomination ceremony begins. We come back to find that Big Jeff has nominated Kalia and Porsche. No surprise. We get more idle chatter and Dani cookingÖnothing interesting until they get to pick POV players. Everyone is picked to play but Rachel so she is hosting.
The houseguests get alcohol and the HNís are livid. Porsche jokingly (or not) suggests they dump out the wine. Dani nixes that idea. Dani tries her hand at making slop bread and isnít happy with the results. She keeps trying. And failing. After awhile, Rachel comes in and tries to antagonize Dani but she ignores her. They all lost Kalia for a bit but she resurfaces with a gift for DaniÖ.a birthday hat and sash she has decorated. Rachel tries to taunt Dani again. After earlier stating that itís not bad turning 25, she asks if Daniís upset about turning 25. 25 was greatÖ.Iíd trade my 38 for her 25. There has been a lot of normal chit-chat today and not much else.
THE EVIL QUEEN PLOTS TO OVERTHROW THE KING
Some of the topics have been decorating you living space (Shelly hired someone to do hers), Dick has come up a couple of times (it would be more exciting if here were thereóJordan said), the comps, how small the BB house really is compared to how it looks on televisionÖetc. Nothing exciting, but for the most part, everyone has been pleasant. Except for Rachel. And even sheís been relatively tame. And slightly boring. But after last FridayÖI deserve a little bit of boring. Jordan gets to ditch her humilitard. Then we get more idle chatter before everyone turns in for the night.
MISS SOURPUSS 2011
Itís wake up time and the HNís seem to be grumpy. Especially Kalia. Sheís used to eating non stop so this has to be a shock to her system. I wish I felt bad, but I honestly donít. In fact, if I were in the house, everytime I spoke to her, Iíd be munching on something. Dani is grumpy and worried about losing weight. Itís only a WEEK. BB also told her they can only celebrate birthdays on Sundays. Kalia hopes the competition is Ďcateredí to her. Itís always about food with this chick, isnít it? Anyway, I end my shift with trivia. Whew! Iím just thankful the inmates didnít put ME through the ringer this week.
SHELLY'S DISGUSTED AND SO AM I.
*Adam has seen girls with a 5 o'clock shadow. Daniele tells him Rachel waxes her chin and upper lip.
*Shelly has a hot tub and a pool at her house. Why would she give that up to sit in a hot tub that Kalia peed in?
*Adam is going to do a birthday dance for Dani Saturday. Something to look forward toÖ.
*Porsche is really feeling sorry for herself because she hasnít won a single thing.
*Dani told Shelly that Adam flicks his boogers on the floor.
ONCE AGAIN, I LEAVE YOU WITH BIG JEFF. YOU'RE WELCOME.