*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday, house time*
And my shift begins with Brendon yelling at Rachel. This is going to be a lovely Sunday afternoon. He’s pissed because while he was doing a little butt-kissing with Adam, the POV winner, Rachel kept interjecting her nonsense about how she’s a target too and Dani’s going to win and boohoo someone *sob* pay attention to meeee!
Once Adam has had enough and walks off, Brendon lays into his true love. “You need to stop!! Sometimes you drive me f***ing crazy.” Sometimes? She starts to whine some more and once again he snarls “Will you STOP?! It drives me insane!!” This drags on for quite a while (doesn’t it always?), with her blubbering an apology and Brendon calling her “so stupid” and telling her she needs to shut her big mouth. He finally tells her to put her head in his lap so the others won’t see her crying yet again, and you can almost see the steam coming out of his ears.
Ah, love. Where’s my bottle of Pepto again?
Rachel continues her simpering, talking crap about Shelly and how mean she’s gotten, even though Brendon tells her to let it go and just squash it. Skippy takes pity on our man Brendon and calls him to change his mic, then we go to trees. For a good hour.
When we return, Shelly is ecstatic - she’s out of solitary, and she got her phone call! It was about three minutes long, and she got to talk to her little girl about some school stuff. Daniele thinks they had a film crew at her house, and it’ll be on the show. Anything would be a nice change of pace from Brenchel.
We can safely assume Brendon's not a leg man...
A happy Shelly is outside on the red couches, puffing away, telling Brendon how she’s going to do something really nice for Jordan after all of this is over, something that will let her and Jeff spend some alone time. Aww. Brendon sighs, and expounds on how much he enjoyed the week away from the house. So did we, man, so did we.
Then Shelly goes into dangerous territory, gently telling Brendon that while she’s not going to rip on the “love of his life,” he really needs to get a hold on Rachel, because he’s such a terrific man (her words, not mine) and she fears that he’ll be abused in the future. He won’t be able to have any time to himself, any space, any sanity, any time alone on Skype. She’s basically saying that Rachel acts bipolar, turning into someone else when she feels threatened, and compares her behavior to domestic abuse. For his part, he keeps mumbling yeah, yeah under his breath as clouds of carcinogenic cigarette smoke gently blow in front of his face. Rachel and her boobs wander back out, killing that conversation dead. Damn, I was rather enjoying that one.
Was Shelly genuinely concerned for Brendon’s future, or was it a subtle attempt to get Rachel out of the house? You decide...
Either way, Shel’s on a roll this afternoon. After her chat with Brendon, she sidles over to Jordan by the pool and campaigns hard for J & J’s vote. “If you look after me this week, I’ll make sure you’re looked after next week. I’ll talk to her,” says Shelly. Her meaning Dani. Jordan listens, but seems to be waffling a bit and tells Shelly it’s hard to decide what to do. The trust is gone.
Over on the red couches, Brendon and Rachel have moved into cuddle phase, which always happens after a crying jag/yelling match. Bleah. After nauseating the tens of people watching feeds this afternoon, onward to the kitchen they go, for snacks and drinks. Crying and fussing burns a lot of calories, you know?
Once they’re gone, the trashing commences. Shelly, Adam, Jeff and Jordan partake. Adam shares when he heard the two of them rolling around in bed, giggling, and Shelly snarks that she “doesn’t want that juice in her bed.” Talk turns to Rachel’s loud smacking when she eats and her annoying habit of being grabby with food. Adam laughs, “Is this Festivus? The Airing of the Grievances?” Jordan is called to DR and Shelly proceeds to gush to Jeff about how wonderful a person Jordan is, so sweet and pure of heart.
And, thank god, supposedly Porsche got in trouble with BB for putting Benefiber in the Muscle Milk - she had to throw it out. Too bad she didn't follow right behind it. Sulking in the HoH with Dani, she whines that “You can’t even have fun in this house.” Fun?! I wish someone would load up her breakfast with Ex-lax, let’s see how “fun” you think it is then.
This is the self-proclaimed "prettiest girl in the room." Yep.
After throwing snit #962 this summer, Brenchel goes to Dani to desperately beg for their lives, tossing Jeff, Jordan, and Shelly as far under the bus as their raggedly little arms will throw them. Jeff’s won all that money, Shelly can’t be trusted, Jordan can’t win comps, Jeff has a bad temper, blah blah blah. The same tired-ass argument we’ve heard ad nauseum. Dani, for her part, stares at them with that semi-comatose “You bore me” look of hers, not really responding to their droning. She’s probably thinking of what color to do her nails next, and wishing they’d get out of her face.
Outside, Jeff and Adam are playing pool. “So right now they’re on Showtime throwing me under the bus?” laughs Jeff. Adam questions if Dani believes what they’re shoveling out, and Jeff says he doesn’t think so. She doesn’t. Shelly later asks if Rachel offered her firstborn during the pleading, and Dani said “Pretty much!”
While Dani & Co. giggle over Brenchel’s inane logic, Brenchel has snit #963. Rachel assures Brendon that she has tons of friends in Vegas, the kind of friends that would “save her” if she were to be stuck at some dude’s house...WTF?! says Brendon. Why would you say that? Is that something you used to do? She quickly changes her story, and I have to wonder if Brendon’s family is arranging an intervention as I’m typing this...
The rest of the night is fairly uneventful, unless you consider Rachel making greasy, artery-clogging queso with four freaking bags of cheese an event. One that might need that Benefiber later. Yech. Jeff and Jordan still don’t go to talk to Dani, a talk that is sorely overdue. And Kalia and Dani fill a condom with lotion and plant it in Adam’s bed.
Morning dawns over these marbleheads, and the parannoying begins in earnest. Shelly is worried, but Adam calms her fears and confirms that Brendon is the target. Get ready for the tears, warns Shelly. Crybaby Rachel, the sequel. I can’t wait. Adam tells her that Jeff and Jordan are thinking that they’ll be the next targets, with good reason. Rachel by herself is pretty much a useless blubbering lump, but both Adam and Shelly say that if they win HoH they’d put her up in a heartbeat.
I don't know *chomp* why I feel so *chew* bloated!
Brendon takes his turn to whine, complaining to Adam that Kalia should offer up the double bed she’s hogging to him and Rachel instead of making them sleep in a little single. You should get used to sleeping on the couch if you marry that lunatic, you douchecanoe. “It’s so f***ing inconsiderate,” huffs the ever-entitled Brendon. He goes on to trash Kalia for not acting like an adult (like he and Rachel do?), insisting that if he’s nommed today he’s going to demand a bed. Yes, let’s see how far your demands get you when you’re on the block, Bren.
Upstairs, Kalia and Dani are discussing what to wear as Brendon continues to bash Kalia with a passion. Jordan sits forlornly in her tutu, telling Jeff how Rachel asked if she had J&J’s vote - she said yes - but when Shelly walked in the room, Rachel gave her (Shelly) the stinkeye. Of course, Jeff and Jordan can have no peace this morning, as Rachel comes slithering over to talk about making deals with Dani. Jeff blows her off, saying “If she puts one of us up, it’s because we’re a target. She’s not looking for a deal.” Brendon joins the fun, but the plotting gets them nowhere. They do agree that Adam is the key vote, which doesn’t bode well for Adam this week: he’s going to be pestered to death by Brenchel.
They give us a headache, too, Adam.
Feeds go to trees for about an hour, and - surprise, surprise - Brendon is up and Rachel is bawling. She should get a sponsorship deal from Kleenex. Brendon is doing his best Manly Man act for her, saying that he’ll always be there for her, etc. It doesn’t stop the waterworks. Nothing does. Nothing. Ever. Does.
Upstairs, Dani warns Kalia that “They’ll be coming after us now.” Well, duh. Kalia shares that she was trying to keep Porsche from looking like a “ho-bag” for the veto meeting, but apparently failed. Something about a see-thru shirt. Daddy will be proud!
And my shift ends on a happy note, as a weepy Rachel trashes that awful, two-faced Shelly, making fun of her good mother “act”. Brendon tells her for the bazillionth time to suck it up and be strong (oh, the jokes) while Kalia bemoans the fact that she feels like a bloated, miserable whale. And there ya have it.
*Thanks to JustJuls and Irish for the great caps!