Twas the night of Big Brother and all through AshleyPSU's house, not a creature was stirring, not even her computer mouse. The snacks were all set on the table with care, in hopes that the Chenbot would soon be there. The houseguests entered the house one by one, while “visions of money” had soon begun. Inside the house there arose such a clatter, I was glued to the TV to see what was the matter. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but some fake dyed red hair and a laugh that made blood trickle from my ear!
Okay, okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. More on that later. Anywho, welcome back to another season of Big Brother! If you are like me, you've been getting SUPER excited to meet the new crop of houseguests. The rumors have been flying all over the place about some famous duos from the past coming back to play. If Memphis walks into that house, I think I might pass out. *siggggggggh*
Julie informs us that one of the twists this season is that the new houseguests are going to have to team up to play the game. Lame. Let people play on their own. Also, 3 more duos from the past are going to be entering the house! Woo!
Let's meet the new hamsters!
Adam, 39, Music Inventory Manager from Hoboken, New Jersey. He loves heavy metal, bacon, and Beverly Hills 90210. Yes, that's correct. Greasy meat and trashy TV. Say no more. I love this man.
Cassi, 26, Model from Nashville, Tennessee. She is a southern girl who loves fishin' and drinkin'. She seems alright.
Dominic, 25, Student from San Mateo, California. Lives with his mom. Virgin and doesn't want to have sex until he's married.
Kalia, 30, Writer from Los Angeles. She describes herself as the real life Carrie Bradshaw. Honey, nobody will ever compare to Carrie Bradshaw so keep dreaming. Also, put on a shirt because your boobs are all kinds of hanging out.
Keith, 32, Human Resources Manager from Bolingbrook, Illinois. Keith also claims to be a youth pastor. He loves women and Jesus.
Lawon, 39, Data Entry Clerk from Inglewood, California. He appears to have a bright personality and a great fashion sense. By “great fashion sense” I mean it looks like the 70s threw up on him.
Porsche, 23, VIP Cocktail Waitress from Miami, Florida. Ugh.
Shelly, 40, Industry Executive from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Married with a daughter. Also into southern things. She is a deer head on her wall enthusiast.
The 8 houseguests meet in front of the house and enter in groups of four. Porshe, Dominic, Lawon, and Shelly go in first. Adam, Cassi, Kalia, and Keith are next. Porsche realizes that there are only 8 people so there must be some kind of twist. The luxury car has a brain. Go figure.
Everyone sits down to get acquainted. Keith lies and says he's a matchmaker. Porshe lies and says she
has a brainis a student. Cassi lies and says she is a stylist assistant and is going to go to school in the fall.
Julie comes on the screen in the house and reminds everyone to “expect the unexpected”. She drops the bomb that people will be partnering up this season instead of playing individually. HoH will be won as a duo. That duo will then nominate another duo for eviction. Only 1 member of the nominated duo will be evicted. Basically you will have to campaign against your partner to stay.
Ding dong! Someone's at the door. Please don't be Rachel, please don't be Rachel. The door opens and it's........ Rachel. Ugh! Someone producing Big Brother hates me. Brendon and Rachel are both back to play the game. Brenchel in the house. My cookies tossed on the floor. Vegas!!!!!
Ding dong! There's another duo ready to enter the house. The door opens and it's America's sweetheart couple: Jeff and Jordan. Hells yeah. I think the cuteness that is Jeff and Jordan cancels out the annoyance known as Brendon and Rachel. Puppies and kitties and rainbows and butterflies explode everywhere.
There is one more couple set to enter the house. I've heard rumors on who it is, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for Kaysar or Janie or Memphis or Dan or ANYONE but who I heard it is. The door opens, heavy metal music abounds, and in walks Team Donato. Danielle and Dick are back and ready to rock. Apparently they haven't talked to each other in years, but they are back as partners. Okay, I'm going to look at this in a positive way. Maybe Dick will make Rachel's life a living hell. I could deal with some pots and pans banging up in Rachel's bird face while her knight in shining armor Brendon defends her.
Dick runs in and gloats that he is the only BB winner in the house. Jordan stands there with her cute little mouth hanging open and says she feels like chopped liver and she hates chopped liver. Awww, our first cute Jordan-ism of the season. Squeeeeee!
It's time for the first HoH competition, and Jeff is hoping for a former houseguest to win. It's shaping up to be old vs. new. I can't say I'm surprised. The competition is called Going Bananas. The teams will have to hang on to a giant hanging banana. The last person or team hanging on the banana will win. Jordan knows when it comes time to win, she will have to depend on Jeff. Dick thinks it's funny that he hasn't spoken to his daughter in years but she will basically be sitting on his head for this competition. Rachel should fare well during this. I'm sure she is used to handling giant bananas. Just sayin'. Vegas!! *giggle*
Shelly falls off of her banana first. Neither she nor Cassi want HoH this week. Jordan falls off next. Awww, Jordo. The houseguests get shot with chocolate, making the banana slippery. Wow, Rachel should really have this one in the bag. Keith falls next, followed by Cassi, Lawon, Adam, Jeff, Dominic, Brendon, Kalia, and Porshe. The final 3 hanging are Dick, Daniele, and Rachel. Rachel assures D and D they will be safe if they drop. They do. Rachel wins HoH. I knew it. A competition where Rachel has to clutch a large object while getting shot by things in the face. Yep, she's a ringer.
“No one comes between me and my banana!!!” - Rachel
The houseguests gather again in the living room after the competition because Julie has one more surprise for them. Being nominated for eviction this summer will be both a blessing and a curse. A duo will be nominated. One person in that duo will be voted off. The person who stays will receive a “Big Brother Golden Key”, assuring them a spot in the Top 10. Anyone who survives eviction in the first 4 weeks of the game cannot be nominated again until there are only 10 people remaining. They won't participate in any competitions, but they will get to vote for evictions. Hmm.. that might throw a wrench into things. Rachel refers to the golden key as the ultimate floater. Ah, Rachel-isms. They are about as endearing as nails on a chalkboard, or possibly even screeching cats.
Well folks, the first episode of the season is over and done with. Tune in again Sunday to find out who is nominated! I can only hope that Rachel will nominate herself, but I guess the rules don't work like that. Boo.