*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday, house time*
What a shocking way to start my shift: with Rachel pouting and whining! I mean, we hardly ever see that, right? Yeah, I know, I’m full of it. This time, Matt is the loser in the Left With Rachel game, and she’s going on and on about how she doesn’t deserve to go, it’s all personal, nobody likes her, everybody hates her, guess she’ll just go eat worms.
No, not Brendon’s. That’s for later this evening.
Matt does his best to placate the whiny redhead, telling her she should be flattered by being the target, she’s so good in challenges, etc. Rachel doesn’t take it as one bit flattering, squawking about being on the block with “the one she loves” and rehashing Kathy’s refusal to apologize. Matt actually is pretty decent with her, trying to beat it into her head that this is a game, and reminding her how well she took being on the block the first time while also being a have-not. But she’s not about to let Matt end her pity party, and takes none of it to heart, clanking her spoon irritatingly in her bowl.
Matt gives up, and Rachel goes to cry in her bed. Brendon’s wuss-sense goes off and he rushes in to see what’s wrong with his twu luv. In between sniffles she tells him how Matt is a douchebag and accused her of making everything personal and was a big meanie in general. All a bunch of hooey, of course. Brendon gets all puffed up and acts like he’s going to go find Matt and open up a can of whoop-ass, but, yeah - he doesn’t. Of course. Brendon makes a lot of noise, but never really backs it up with anything. Must be the big feet.
Look at all the food Enzo dropped! We can eat for weeks!
After an extended bubblefest, the feeds come back and we find out that another saboteur message was played (I suppose the money we shell out to Real every month didn’t cover sab messages?). Rachel says it was aimed at making the lovebirds fight: Ragan’s ominous altered voice said “Rachel, Brendon is trying to sabotage the game.” Of course, Brenchel thinks Matt the evil little small-footed monkey is behind it all. Rachel says the saboteur should have just come out and said “Rachel, everyone hates your guts.”
Britney thinks the message was a not-so-subtle attempt by BB to make them keep Rachel, while the rest of them throw their two cents into the conversation. Ragan is as cool as a cucumber throughout. Nobody suspects him at all, which I think is awesome. Everyone thinks it would be hilarious if smoke bombs went off when Rachel makes her exit, comparing her to the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz.
Rachel is still the number one suspect to be the saboteur because of her odd behavior of late: wild mood swings, walking off in the middle of conversations, and maniacal laughter at inappropriate times. This doesn’t prove her to be the sab, guys, it only proves her to be in need of psychiatric help.
It’s a typically lazy afternoon, with the Brigade minus Matt running around, making whirlpools in the pool and Matt sharing a story with Ragan about how he accidentally torched a nativity scene when he was in 7th grade. You know what Kathy’s doing: sleeping. And you know what Brenchel is doing. Or, you may not want to know. Either way. Rachel, who must be trying to scare Brendon off, tells him another story about some man (her ex?)taking her and her friend out to dinner. Sounds like a lot of men pay to be in her *ahem* company. Isn’t that usually called an escort? Better find out her hourly rate, Brendon dear. You may not be able to afford it on your salary. You’re just getting the “Try it before you buy it” freebies right now.
Not the poster child for mental health, this one.
Hey, did you hear the story about Rachel waking up after a bikini contest, topless, covered in vomit and clutching a bunch of 100 dollar bills? I kid you not. She also admits to Brendon that she occasionally gets drunk and throws up so she can drink some more. Brendon was not impressed with this discovery. She was also a Las Vegas Go Girl. Google it if you’re bored, I found several pics of her pre-implants.
Geez, who will I make fun of when Rachel’s gone?
Late afternoon is spent munching taco salad and doing Jedi drilling, except for Brenchel, who have holed up in the storage room, discussing what they need to do. Like it matters at this point. Still believing they have a shot at the half million dollars, the two talk strategy and Rachel makes fun of the way Kathy threw the ball in the veto comp. The Kathy who whooped your butt, Rachel?
Ragan is wearing a selection from the Dustin V-Neck Collection.
In the kitchen, Kathy regales anybody who will listen with the story of how she beat Rachel, and doesn’t owe her an apology at all because she was only celebrating her own win, not rubbing it in Rachel’s face. Still in the storage room, Brendon blathers on about how certain comps are designed for certain body types. And foot sizes. It’s gotta be a conspiracy, BB doesn’t want Brendon to win, people. Everybody in the world is picking on the two people in love! *sob*
Later, Rachel is in an up cycle and is suspiciously nice to Kathy, offering to make her slop or some slop chips. And by that I mean Rachel orders Brendon to make them, which he does after Kathy requests some slop cookies. So after weeks of isolating themselves and being antisocial, Brenchel decides to crawl out of it’s cave and be civil to people. Rachel even tries to get Ragan to play her at pool. Weird, weird, weird.
Enzo is eating like a feral hog, smacking and chomping and dropping bits of food all over. Just so you know what he’s up to.
Speaking of, Enzo and Lane have Ragan on their hit list. They want him to go next, but know they can’t put him up against Brendon or he won’t go. Enzo, who has yet to win anything or get any blood on his hands, yammers on about how he wants to put up Brendon and Kathy, leaving Ragan as a backdoor possibility. They’re convinced the next HoH comp will be a quiz type. They also wonder if Matt isn’t the saboteur, and are so confident in their status that they say the Brigade doesn’t have to win HoH this week because if Brendon wins, he won’t target any of them.
A very unexciting pool tournament commences, and I’ll spare you the details. You’re not missing anything. Except that Ragan beat Rachel in their match. Heh.
It's still there, Matt, it hasn't fallen off. Only Brendon's is in danger of that.
Oh, no. The libations have arrived, in the form of a six pack of Coors Light (yuck) and two bottles of wine, all happily brought out by Brenchel, everyone’s new besties. Bolstered by wine, Rachel corners Britney and brings up the offer of her 5 grand in exchange for the veto and a promise that they won’t come after her. Britney tells her that even if she takes one of them off, the other will go home and she doesn’t want to "sign her death warrant" by using it. So no deal. The best thing you can do is campaign for votes, she tells Rachel. Rach leaves with an awkward hug and joins HERMAN out in the kitchen, her enormous implants bouncing to and fro in her bikini top.
After swilling a good bit of wine, Rachel accosts poor Lane as he tries to take a shower, babbling about motorcycles, herself, and her boobs. Lane later tells Britney that as Rachel was talking to him, she heard the camera pan in on her and started bouncing to jiggle her boobs. Rachel moves on to Hayden, who is outside playing pool with Brendon. Rach confides to Hayden that she’ll spill everything she knows to him in order to help him and Enzo out after she leaves. Brenchel mistakenly thinks these two Brigaders are on their side. Hayden plays along.
The best part of the night is a mock talk show hosted by Hayden, called WWJD - What Would Julie Do? If you have Flashback, it starts around 11 pm. Well worth it! It’s basically a Rachel roast, with Brit, Ragan and Matt participating. They make up rules for future houseguests: hair extensions must match, how to cover your genitals....and any word with “to” in it becomes a toe joke, in honor of Brendon’s mutant big toe. Go watch!
After an in-depth discussion of strip clubs, they all slither off to their respective lairs. A drunken Rachel hops on Brendon, and they proceed to have sex. At least that’s what it looked like to me. The very last thing I wanted to see when I got up to get ready for work was those two, moaning and writhing under the covers. Totally made me lose my appetite for breakfast, I tell you. In the HoH room, Ragan and Matt chat. Ragan proposes that they tell Brendon he is going to cut down on the drama. Rachel will still be evicted, and Brendon will be so distraught that he’ll tank the HoH comp. Especially if it was rigged for people with small feet.
Ragan finally goes to bed, leaving Matt and to play with his rubber duckies, moving them around like he’s plotting something sinister.
An early POV ceremony is held, and right before my shift ends, drama unfolds. Apparently Brendon showed his ass during the meeting, calling out Britney and attempting to put the heat on himself to save his ladylove. They all saw through it. Matt thinks this act of theirs will play out perfectly with their idea of fooling Brendon into thinking he’s going and Rachel is staying. Britney consoles a fake-upset Rachel, who soon goes to play kissyface with Brendon, who she’s fake-mad at....
Fave quotes of the day:
Britney: They always hear us talk about production but they never hear us talk about being out of milk or toothapste.
Brendon: Obviously the competitions were designed for small people, with small feet. It's not f***ing rocket science, it's just physics!
Brendon to Rachel: It's weird, you have so many stories about getting wasted.
Brendon: Well, I can see the greater picture. There is more outside this house and I'm okay with not winning the money, and being with you and giving you the shot at it and giving you your time to shine.
*Props to Irish for her superb caps once again!