*This is a recap of events from noon Wednesday to noon Thursday*
Itís Wednesday, which means camera day, which means a happy Rachel. Any time she gets to take a picture of herself, this chick is happy. Check out the very last HoH pic this week on CBSís site to see what I mean. Or check out the group photo, with Rachel front and center, all up on Brendon while the others do their best to keep their lunches down. Bleah. Fortunately, most of the cameraís memory was used up in taking a video of Ragan doing Rachel impressions with the silly fake red hair extensions, hollering about Vegas. Rach either doesnít seem to realize that these impersonations arenít terribly flattering, or she just doesnít care: any attention is good attention, in her eyes.
This is one dead house today. The extended indoor lockdown doesnít help. The majority of them lie dormant, seemingly in comas (bear in mind, this is Kathyís normal state) - except for Brendon, who is in the kitchen making stuffed peppers. Probably with two pounds of rosemary. He fancies himself a master chef, I do believe. Iíd pay to see Gordon Ramsay tear into him, just once. Anyhoo, Brendon asks Rachel if she wants a stuffed pepper, but she replies that she doesnít like beef - all you gutter minds, please join me in thinking of off-color jokes. Though she does say sheíll try one of he really wants her to.
Rachel shows off the outfit she got from Hookers R Us.
You still awake? Hey, I work with what they give us. Which ainít much. Ragan awakens from a nap and murmurs ďThis is what it comes to, we donít even get out of bed anymore.Ē So sad. Kathy is called to the DR for something about her medicine, and says sheís okay after Matt inquires. What are they feeding her, Xanax? It would explain the slothiness.
Rachel corners poor Ragan, telling him that something was said to her in the DR that made her think the HoH comp will be a big one. Ragan seems uninterested but is too kindhearted to walk off like I would. Rachel continues nattering on, thinking there will not be a double eviction this year.
Meanwhile, Britney and Matt are conferring about the upcoming vote, and both claim to be voting to keep Hayden. Well of course. Brit also says that once Kristen is out the door, she plans on asking Hayden about her brother/sister theory. Why she still believes this is beyond me. Kristen, for her part, still thinks she has a chance as she retells the same old story to twin sourpuss Kathy. Sheís got Laneís vote because he said so, she can probably get Ragan and Enzo too...delusional, thy name is Kristen. Those boys arenít going to be voting to keep you, hon.
One little slip of that razor and she could stay another week...
Later, itís haircut time. I pray for someone to chop that mop off of Hayden, but no dice. Kristen gives him a shave and a trim under Kathyís supervision (hey, sheís vertical!), but itís damn near impossible to tell that she took any hair off. Itís a shame, because he looks better without that mess of hair in his face. Small animals could take up residence in there and youíd never know it. Matt does Enzo next (his HAIR, gutter minds) and I think thereís more hair on Enzoís back than there is on his head. But Lane isnít allowed to cut his beard yet, and Matt cannot get a haircut until after midnight. So BB has decreed, so shall it be. I wish one of them would rebel and buzz all their hair off, but alas - we have no rebels in our midst. Only famehos.
Matt later got BBís approval to cut his hair before midnight, if anyone cares. No? Nah, neither do I.
Kristen takes her pity party upstairs to Brendon and Rachel and pleads her case once more to them. Sheís almost got the votes she needs, sheíll work with the slurpy duo, etc. Itís all BS. Once she slinks back downstairs, Rachel remarks that she canít believe Kristen would have the audacity to talk to them. Is she supposed to bow down and kiss Rachelís feet? Kiss Brendonís ring? I loathe these two. I really do.
Especially after Brendon asks Rachel if she wants to pop out her boobs for all the 13 year old boys watching the feeds. ďEwww!Ē squeals Rachel. No, she saves that show for old men in the bar with plenty of cash to blow. Silly Brendon.
The houseguests attempt to remove Brendon's lips from Rachel's butt. It didn't work.
Brendonís absolutely positive that heís going to win HoH next - if he does, youíll hear me screaming obscenities all the way from South Carolina - and says that he will put Ragan up since he doesnít trust him. Matt, too, since Matt hasnít been upstairs to kiss their collective behinds all day. How dare he! Matt is supposed to go and plead for his life, make deals, kiss butt. Brendon the Genius thinks that if Kristen stays, she would align herself with these two guys and go after Brenchel. There arenít any other alliances in the house, he claims. Oh, if only he knew the whole damn house was gunning for them. Nah, a blindside would be better. Heíll find out soon enough, if I get my way.
Lane ponders if Annie, Monet and Andrew are watching the show. Only if they need help falling asleep, Lane.
Enzo busies himself with teaching the others how to say vulgar things in Italian as Hayden teaches Matt to throw a lariat. Ragan does an ab ďvideoĒ for us feed watchers and adds in one of his phone routines, probably the most entertaining thing this season along with Britneyís Diary Rooms. I vote for these two to host next yearís Real chats. Letís dump Chelsia and get a petition going...
Itís Showtime, and that means Rachel and Britney. In bikinis. And mud masks. Eating ice cream. Oh, brother. Brendon crashes the ďpartyĒ and blathers on about endurance comps and how everyone would do in one. How Britney can keep a straight face while sitting there, Iíll never know. The girl is good. Brendon goes on about how heís afraid of Matt winning HoH (he had called Matt several foul, unprintable names today) and thinks heís skating by. Which irritates His Highness Brendon.
Much of the late night consists of Rachel giving Brendon a massage, which I refuse to recap, and the others nervousing about the upcoming comp. Lane says he gets very nervous and sweaty. Lane also clued Britney in on a conversation he had with Brendon, basically trashing her fiancť. Brendon thinks Brit must not know her Nick very well if they never fight, heís probably not as awesome as she says he is...this pisses Britney off, and rightly so. She calls Brendon a douchebag and is raring to win the comp. Brit returns the favor by spilling everything she and Rachel talked about in their bubble bath - the guys just eat it up.
What a way to go out. Poor thing.
Rachel bashing ensues, my fave activity this season. Everyone who is not Brenchel makes fun of how Rachel will be cheering HER MAN on during the HoH comp, bouncing around and being generally irritating. Enzo and Lane even attempt to pump up Kathy for the competition, perhaps hoping someone else can do the Brigadeís dirty work for them.
Hamsters fall into bed around 2 am, and Hayden and Kristen get in the last bit of snuggling theyíll have for a while. Enzo loudly munches chips in the dark, while the others a still spazzing about the next HoH comp. Ragan makes fun of Brendonís nasty, crooked toes and declares that heíll never again use the nail clipper that Brendon used, wondering if that was a big toe or a hoof that Brendon was chopping on. They all laugh so hard it hurts. Enzo pipes up that heís ashamed to be in a season with no balls and how the ratings must be awful this year. Psst - Enzo. Grow a set and make some moves, then.
Britney declares that Brendonís new name is Hoof, and they all giggle themselves to sleep. Lane snores and Kathy hugs her only friend, the sock monkey.
Morning arrives, and with it, a Bon Jovi song to wake up to. They waste no time in worrying anew about the HoH comp. Enzo says he gave Kristen a good farewell message. Whether he meant good as in nice or good as in funny, I donít know. Rachel makes pancakes for the troops and my shift peters out with Britney, Rachel, and *snort* Brendon talking about shopping. If you've lost your balls, Bren, there are some on the pool table...
*Big thanks to TheIrishEyes for her terrific caps!