We meet again, Big Brother fans. It’s been a while since we’ve been together, you and I. Good to see you! Now pull up a chair, grab a couple beers and a bowl of popcorn, and let’s get to the nitty-gritty…the live feeds. By now, you’ve watched the premiere(and if not, what in the name of Dr. Will Kirby are you waiting for?) and know that this year’s big twist is this whole saboteur thing. One of the houseguests is there with the sole purpose of sabotaging the game for the others and has no intention of winning the half million dollar prize. If this saboteur succeeds, he or she will win a $50,000 prize. So basically, this is America’s Player v2.0...only we, America, are not calling the shots. On next Thursday’s live show, the saboteur will be revealed to America; however, as feed watchers, we may get the skinny a little sooner. Now pass the beer and let’s toast to a drama-filled summer with catfights, late night strategy sessions, a blindsiding or two, and of course…shirtless hunks lounging by the pool.
Feeds go live and the Jewish foot doctor is embarrassing his rabbi. Well, he would be if the rabbi was watching this debacle. He’s running around the backyard screaming like a banshee. Guess he really is a big weiner. A few minutes in and we quickly learn that Brendon and Rachel are nominated for eviction. The POV competition is Friday and players are Hayden, Brendon, Rachel, Andrew, Monet, and Enzo. Alliances are already forming, some serious game talk is already going on, and paranoia is running rampant. And of course, there is a group in the hot tub talking porn star names, condoms, and other unspeakables. Every season has them. Annie has her head in the game and is scheming with Kathy about how to get Brendon out. They don’t trust him. A similar conversation takes place between Enzo, Lane, Matt, and Britney. Seems the plan is to take out Brendon this week and Andrew next week. No one trusts Andrew and they all suspect he’s the saboteur. Hopefully, the Brendon part of this plan fails and they target Rachel or Andrew instead, because the abs of steel are more appealing on the feeds than the boobs of marshmallow or the obnoxious weiner.
Things You Should Know From The Get-Go…but might wish you didn’t
- The Have Nots room looks like a Louisiana backwater bayou fishing shack, complete with painted aluminum siding on the walls and camo netting.
- The food competition must have been brutal because the entire undersides of Kathy’s arms are covered in dark bruises. Ouch!
- Ragan says he was “gender ambiguous” in high school. Everyone thought he was a woman. Can’t wait until he wins HoH so we can see those old pictures!
- Sounds like the saboteur put X’s over some of the houseguest’s pictures on the wall.
- When Andrew thought the feeds were live(although they weren’t actually live yet), he dove under a blanket and put his head between Annie’s legs. He thought it was funny. She wasn’t amused and refers to it as an impromptu pap smear. Ick. He’s definitely this season’s ass clown.
- Apparently, Brendon has been…um…pleasuring himself in the house. He claims to have done it twice a day for most of his life and plans to do it in the bathroom with a towel over his head so the cameras/feed watchers can’t see below it. Someone should point him to the jackshack. It worked for Howie. And Boogie, if my memory serves.
- Brendon might be pretty but he kills it when he opens his mouth. Sex is his topic of choice. Thank you BB…you give us eye candy that’s also a pervy tool. Kinda ruins it.
- Rachel was apparently rude to Monet when they drew names for the POV. She pulled Monet’s name, snottily called it out, and made a weird face. This didn’t score her many points with the girls. Not that the fake laugh and even faker boobs had anyone prejudging her or anything. There was possibly a plan in place to backdoor Monet. Now if she wins POV, the plan will be foiled. This is the supposed reason for Rachel’s rudeness.
- Kristen is a Buddhist who prides herself on educating people on her faith. She and Brendon discuss Jesus and religion for way longer than I could listen.
- Enzo loves using the F word and I don’t mean fudge.
Andrew can’t catch a break. It’s obvious that he is the house pariah. Wherever he goes in the house, conversation stops and he gets silence because people think he’s the mole. Dude, it’s mostly because you’re an annoying ass clown, but whatever. He catches Enzo alone and questions him about it because it’s weirding him out. But Enzo assures him he’s safe rather than tell him he’s digging a hole for himself with his stupid antics. Enzo asks him directly if he’s the mole and Andrew denies it. Andrew pisses Enzo off by calling his little group a “gang.” Andrew backpedals and calls them a “group” but the damage is done. Enzo is now stuck on the “gang” comment. He makes his way to the HoH room along with Hayden and Matt. Here, we learn the three of them are in a secret alliance. They’re plan is to take out Brendon and then Andrew. They mention Annie maybe as the target for week 3. (Annie is scheming too hard and with everyone. This could hurt her if she doesn’t ease up. Kathy and Monet were also talking about her.) Enzo…who has deemed anyone on the block as “in the box,”…thinks that Rachel may use the POV to save Brendon if she wins it. If she does, she’s definitely as dumb as she looks. They also think Andrew might save Brendon. Enzo says the best case scenario is Monet winning POV. For this reason, they should make her think she’s going to be backdoored. This way, she’ll play hard for the POV. He tells the guys he doesn’t believe there’s a sneaky bone in her body because she was crying over Rachel being rude to her. So they can trust her to keep the nominations the same.
Andrew is definitely the topic of conversation throughout the house. He creeped Kathy out by asking her whose body she’d like to dismember. She recounts this to the others. Annie then tells them how upset Andrew was because they made pepperoni pizza on a cookie sheet so now it’s ruined for cookie making since pepperoni isn’t kosher. Or something like that. Annie wonders how he’d feel if she threw the pepperoni in his face. They joke that it would burn him like acid. Matt says that Annie’s hoohah isn’t kosher either….referring to Andrew diving down there when the feeds went live. Heh. Now that one is funny.
First night on the feeds and we already have the first hook up of the season. When most of the others are tucked into bed, Rachel and Brandon start kissing in the cabana room. She tells him she wishes the cameras weren’t there so she could kiss him whenever she wants. So he covers them with a blanket. *Insert slurping, smooching, smacking sounds* Finally, the smoochfest ends and Rachel comes out from under the blanket looking like Wynona in her mugshot. Someone should have given these two a hint…if you’re going to hook up, do it with someone who isn’t on the block with you. At least then, you’d get a few votes out of it.
Houseguests were awakened early this morning and the backyard is locked down…a good sign that the POV competition is coming soon. One by one, houseguests are called to the diary room. When Andrew isn’t around, they’re still whispering about him…Annie’s impromptu pap smear, his complaining about them messing up dishes and such in the kitchen for him…you name it. The guy is on everyone’s bad side. Annie is irritated because he complained about her eating the last bagel when that’s the only thing he can have. She says he told her where the bagel was and if it was a problem for him, he should have said something before she ate it. Not after. Annie worries for a few minutes that she’s lost a diamond ring that her boyfriend gave her. They joke about Annie’s boyfriend showing up to propose in Pandora’s Box and make fun of Natalie from last season. Annie has a boyfriend? Listen closely…is that the sound of Annie’s closet door slamming shut? Hm. Either way, she gets points for making fun of Natalie.
Brendon goes to Hayden who tells him that the nominations will stay the same if he has any say. Brendon is pissed. Alone in the bedroom, he says that not everyone in the house is an intelligent player. He chants “I’ll win. I’ll win. I’ll win.” Annie joins him in the bedroom and he tells her Hayden thinks he’s God because he’s HoH for one week. He claims to have offered Hayden everything but Hayden won’t budge. So now Brendon is going to win and go after Hayden. Annie repeats the whole bagel incident to him because that’s obviously more important to her. Finally, she encourages him to fight for POV. She asks him if he’s okay with Rachel going home if he comes off the block. He is, so those kisses can’t be all that. Annie honestly tells him that if the nominations remain the same, he will go home because that’s what Hayden wants. Rachel comes in and Annie leaves them alone. Brendon tells her Hayden won’t change his mind. He says he’s going to win HoH next week and watch everyone dance. His theory is that Hayden is only going after him because he’s threatened by his powers with the ladies. It’s a testosterone thing. If he stays on the block, he plans to mess with Hayden’s head and his game since he’s going home anyway. Brendon tells Rachel she can give him a kiss to make him feel better so she lays it on him. Andrew comes in and there’s more game talk. He warns them not to trust Annie because she’s playing everyone.
Hayden tells his “gang” that if Brendon wins and takes himself off the block, he’ll just put up a pawn with Rachel. She goes home. Easy peasy, according to Hayden. Looks like someone forgot to tell him how the pawn thing almost always plays out on Big Brother.
And that’s it for me. Feeds go out just before noon, BB time, when the POV competition starts. Catch MFWalkoff’s stellar recap to find out who wins. One thing I know for sure…these houseguests are going to bring the drama this summer. So if you have the feeds and can handle this new SuperCrappyPass, better keep them fired up so you don’t miss anything. Oh, and the other thing I know for sure… after seeing Rachel in the pool…those boobs will double as flotation devices. See ya next week…
Thanks to MFW for the screencap.