*This recap covers events from noon Sunday to noon Monday*
If there were any events to cover, that is. Is this the most boring final four ever or what? Sleeping, laying out, and repetitive trash talking make for a snoozer of a recap. If you’re still hanging in there this season, you must be a hardcore BB fan. Or, you’re just biding your time, waiting for Survivor to start.
Well then, on to the repetitive trash talking! Our usual suspects, Natalie and Kevin, start us off with some tired-ass Michele bashing. Natalie says “She’s evil, she’s a liar, she talks behind your back, and she’s shady.” Gee, those four qualities remind me of someone else, and it’s not Michele.
Nat lets the nastiness flow freely, practicing her long winded POV speech. In her oh-so-not-clever speech, she explains all her actions (like anyone gives a rip) and ends it with her favorite “You got got!” Har de har, you’re so clever, Nat. Dr. Will could give an awesome speech. You just make your self look stupid. She goes on to snicker about messing with Jordan, not telling her that she’s staying until the last minute. Natalie says Michele was always the target, and claims that the whole thing is “Vengeance for Chima!”
Vengeance for Chima? The twit who got herself kicked out by acting like a spoiled brat?
Oh, brother. Sorry, Nat fans, I just can’t hop on board the Natalie love train, short one that it is. I keep hoping that it derails before final two, but I’m starting to lose hope.
Due to a severe lack of anything interesting going on, and the resulting lack of screencaps, I'm going digging in my folder:
I am doofus, hear me roar.
Outside, Jordan and Michele talk about jury votes, and Jordan wishes there were another mystery power. Sorry, girl, that ship has sailed. And sunk like the Titanic. *waves at Jeff*
The two girls later have a clothes swap, with Jordan giving Michele a bunch of her summer stuff, along with things that no longer fit. Blame Ben and Jerry for that. Michele is sort of in awe of herself and how tanned and in shape she is. A bird dive bombs Jordan as she does laundry, and she screamed, thinking it was a bat. Cue a wandering Jordan story about bats getting tangled in hair. Michele complains that it’s impossible to keep the house clean - looking at Natalie sleeping upstairs yet again, I wonder why. Pigpen’s little sister isn’t exactly a clean freak.
Betcha he's playing World of Warcraft at this very moment.
Jordan and Michele then play some Q&A card game, where they ask each other questions. Since Nat is still sleeping and Kevin is MIA, here ya go:
What’s your favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Michele: Cranberry sauce and spending time together.
What change would you like to make for your health?
Jordan: Work out more, take vitamins, eat less candy.
Michele: Needs to floss more!
What do you wish you were better at?
Michele: Saying no to people, because nobody ever helps her out.
What fear would you like to conquer?
Jordan: Afraid to fly, and hates roaches. (Michele asked about the flight to Hawaii with Jeff, and Jordan said she’d still be afraid)
How would you like to spend your old age?
Michele: By an ocean. Her hubby wants to live in a cabin in the woods, but that’s not her thing.
If you got a tattoo, what/where would it be?
Jordan: On her wrist, not sure what it would be. She had asked Jeff what his Chinese symbol meant, and he said faith and trust.
Still with me? This goes on for a good while. Better than the venom that’s been dripping from the HoH room, I’m sure. Speaking of, Kevin makes an appearance outside. Jordan explains to him how she couldn’t get her size two (?!) capris over her behind so she gave them to Michele.
I'm still in awe that someone wanted to marry this.
With Natalie still asleep, Kevin takes the opportunity to trash her to Michele. He says Nat always tries to get information out of Michele and Jordan, and Michele snaps “She’s not getting jack out of me!” Kevin apologizes for not telling her who he’s voting for, saying that he just hasn’t decided.
He needs to apologize for talking about putting bleach in her contact solution, the turd.
Natalie’s radar must have went off, because she swoops down on her broom and breaks up the heart to heart between Kevin and Michele. Michele goes inside, and Nat berates Kevin for talking to her, even as he trashes Michele and flat out makes up things that she didn’t say. Like how she threatened him by saying she’d vote for Natalie if she got voted out this week.
I don’t understand what all the lying is for, but whatever. I gave up trying to understand these two weeks ago.
Natalie continues her yapping like a hyper chihuahua, not letting Kevin finish a sentence. He tries to prove that Jessie isn’t the saint that Nat thinks he is by spilling some information he got from Michele, but of course, Natalie has a selective memory and recalls only what suits her. She insists that Jessie hated Michele and would never talk game with her. Kevin might as well talk to the wall. It has a higher IQ.
Natalie once AGAIN practices her stupid veto speech, thinking she’s just the most awesomest BB player evah. Thankfully, Jordan comes outside and stops the gloating. Not so thankfully, BB has gifted these dullards with pedicure supplies, and Natalie takes the opportunity to scrub her nasty feet in the hot tub. She then scrapes the dead skin off Kevin’s feet, rinsing the pumice stone in the hot tub.
I really, REALLY hope that thing is chlorinated. Heavily.
Conversation turns to nasty dead foot skin and then Jordan ponders why Russell gets his...um...butt waxed. Kevin gives a detailed explanation of how a guy would go about this and why, and I have totally lost my appetite. After making me ill, Kevin thanks Natalie for doing his feet, and asks if she wants a tip. Vote out Michele, she says.
Somehow Nat cut her finger with the twist tie engagement ring, joking that the ring made her bleed but she’ll wear it anyway because she loves her boyfriend so much. Not that I could tell by her excitement on the show Sunday. Honestly, she got more emotional over Jessie being booted. She thinks Jessie won’t vote for her now that she’s engaged. *snort*
This brings about more Jessie talk - sigh - and at least Kevin has the decency to trash him for me. I can’t deal with the Saint Jessie crap anymore. Kevin says Jessie uses women and was only playing Lydia and Natalie. Nat remains silent, shockingly. Jordan pipes up and asks why America hated Jessie last year, and Kevin goes into the many reason why we all thought he was a douchebag. Nat interrupts and claims it wasn’t Jessie’s fault, he’s just a bad public speaker and was portrayed badly.
That, and he’s a flaming douchebag, woman. Wake up and smell the douchiness.
Jordan then begins scrubbing her feet in the hot tub, and I just give up with these people. Let’s all just start peeing in the sink and eating off the floor, then. Sheesh.
I would tell you that exciting things happened that night and later in the morning, but I’d be lying. A two day lockdown - yep, two days, can you imagine the pigsty the house will be? - is called as my shift ends. Kevin hears construction outside. Hopefully they’re building some epic monstrosity for the comp that will lend some kind of excitement to this mess of a season. It’s pretty sad when the highlight of the day consisted of a communal callous removal in the freaking hot tub. Pretty sad.
*Thanks to JustJuls again for the cappage!