*This recap covers from noon Sunday to noon Monday, Hamster Time*
It’s really a shame that I have to sit here and watch my favorite hamster of the season blithely throw his game into the trash, but here I sit, doing just that. If I weren’t on the opposite coast, I’d be tempted to sneak onto the set and yell over the fence at Jeff: “For the love of all things Big Brother, would you please stop being such a dumbass?!” Seriously, who would believe anything Natalie had to say after what’s transpired? Jeff and Jordan, that’s who. I’m starting to feel just like I did when Kaysar tossed his game away to a smiling, conniving Jen.
So anyway. My shift begins with Michele slinking up the stairs into the HoH room, where Jeff dozes. Does the horndog Michele have nefarious plans for our sleeping guy? Nah, she just wants his hot.....water. To shave her legs with. Because apparently being a Have Not means squat, as long as you can sweet talk someone into using their water heater.
All de-fuzzed, Michele joins Jordan down by the pool where they have a heart to heart. Jordan explains why Russell should be the one to go this week, while Michele thinks Natalie would probably be a better bet. Russell said he was going to go awf on them if he was backdoored, according to Michele. O Wise One Jordan tells Michele that Russell is only being nice to her (Michele) because of their final two deal; earlier in the game, he was quite the ass towards her. Jordan also BS’s that she’s not sure if Jeff wouldn’t pull a Drew (BB5) and take Russell to the finals over her.
Mmm, smell that? It's the smell of our game, crashing and burning...
After this, Jordan promptly runs up to the HoH and wakes sleeping beauty to give him the scoop on her conversation with Michele. Jeff blows a gasket. How dare Michele have an independent thought, saying that Natalie should be the bootee this week? Jeff rants that Michele better watch her mouth and do as she’s told, or she’ll be out next week. “If she doesn’t want to play by our f-in rules, she’s gone!”
Power isn’t pretty, is it? Welcome to the Jessie and Natalie redux. Sigh.
Tempers calm down and everyone lazes by the pool, usual chit chat. Jordan shares that she wore braces only eight months, while Jeff regales with a tale of childhood mono and how he was booted out of two football games for roughing up an opposing player.
Let's play "Guess Where Jeff's Other Hand Is!"
What, would you rather hear about the Great Peach Debate? Seems like Miss Jordan wanted to argue with Jeff that the nectarine she’s holding is a peach. Because it smells like a peach and has “a nut,” but this particular peach just doesn’t have the fuzz. It’s a nectarine, says both Jeff and Natalie. Jordan huffs off to the DR (yes, really) to ask once and for all. Unbelievably, the DR didn't know the difference. Still, Jordan is wrong and gets pissy with a bewildered Jeff, who asks why he looks like the bad guy even when he’s right.
She gets over it and Jeff gets to cooking, this time some grilled chicken. Jordan announces that she weighs 140.5 pounds, and helpful Jeff says his chicken would be great if she wanted to lose some weight. Well, it might if she didn’t wash it down with a pint of ice cream and three handfuls of candy.
While Jeff’s cooking, Jordan shares details of her conversation with Michele with her new BFF Natalie. Who later cackles happily with Kevin that the plan is working perfectly. Ugh. While Nat and Kevin play cards, they conspire to rile up Russell enough that he’ll flip out on the J’s, ensuring his backdooredness. They also plot to move stuff around and mess with the others. Upstairs, Jeff and Jordan obliviously lie in bed, unaware of the nefarious doings down below.
Russell's doing the Dead Man Float. Literally.
Jordan comes down after a while to join Kevin and Natalie (well, mostly Natalie) in a hearty round of Lydia bashing. She tries to convince Kevin that Lydia is a dirty no good thing, but Kevin insists she was his friend. It takes several times for him to lose trust in a person, Kevin opines. Nat says it only takes one time for her, and they move on. Kevin's not budging on the subject.
They move on up to the HoH room, to pretend to be Jeff’s buds. Russell zachs his way upstairs, wanting to listen to music. Upon spying Nat and Kevin, he goes to leave, but Jeff tells him to stay. Natalie suddenly craves tuna salad, and heads down to make some with Kevin. Why do I include this, you ask? Because Natalie tells Kevin that mayonnaise is made with animal fat (?!). He corrects her and reads the ingredients: eggs, oil, lemon, and water. No critter fat. I can’t miss an opportunity to make Nat look dumb. It’s the only pleasure I have left in this game. That, and hoping for some nekkid Jeff.
I won’t subject you to a play by play of the superbly boring poker game, because I’d have to start handing out Red Bulls to keep you all awake. Suffice it to say that it sucked. BBAD subscribers everywhere fell off their couches in total snoredom. Russell and Jordan opted out of the game - Russell probably sensed that Nat wanted to start something and he thought better of it.
Jeff loses majorly at poker (all of his Now and Laters!), and convinces Russell to join in a game of Bulls****. Yes, it’s a card game. And yes, it sums up tonight’s feeds perfectly. The most interesting thing to come out of the usual late night conversation is not that Russell wants to do Survivor (could be interesting) or that Kevin and Natalie want to do The Amazing Race (oh, please, NO)...it’s that Russell is friends with Dallas from Amazing Race 13. The cutie who had a rather revealing picture of himself floating around the net. Let’s just say that he could give Russ a run for his money and leave it at that...
Just do it, Jordan. Do it while there's still time!
By the time they all go to bed, I’ve been at work for two hours. Eesh. Jeff and Jordan play fight in the morning, talking about the stuff they’d burn if they had the “burn the clothes” thing. Jeff would burn her one bra and her Mardi Gras shirt, while she’d take out his Let’s Dance shirt and black Adidas shoes. He threatens to wear both on the show Thursday, and she retorts that she’ll burn his hair gel and glasses.
And to clear up the One Bra debate: Jordan says that since she just got the new boobage and can’t wear an underwire yet, she only got the one bra because she didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on good bras right now. So...there. That’s her reasoning. I didn't say it was a great one, but it's a reason.
Jeff finally decides that he’s going to tell Kevin and Nat that he drew cards to decide who to take off - red for Kevin, black for Nat. They pull a red queen card (really, now - a queen?) to use as a prop, Jeff confirming that he’s about to screw up royally by keeping Nat and backdooring Russell by taking Kevin off. They await the veto ceremony and the probable hellstorm that Russ is going to raise afterwards....
*Thanks to TheIrishEyes and JustJuls for some of the caps!