(This recap covers Noon Friday-Noon Saturday, BB time)
These days, Noon is just another word for sunrise at Camp Chenbot. BB just can’t seem to give these people a reason to get up in the morning. Back in the day, the chance of winning a half million dollars alone would do it. Eleven years into Big Brother, the houseguests have become more savvy (and lazy) about the idea of singing for their supper when requested. Now, for them it’s just a long, dull waiting game. I blame the introduction of free agency and the Designated Hitter in pro baseball. Then again, I blame most of the evil in the world on those two events.
As out shift begins, the houseguests, some of whom have been awake for barely an hour, are lazing around the backyard during an outdoor lockdown, while BB prepares the weekly spread of whatever America voted to feed to Have Nots in the kitchen. Once lockdown is over, Michele and Russell find churros and chitlins waiting for them. They are actually quite happy about the churros, a sweet fried-dough treat, and start storing their non-slop sustenance in the storage room.
Jeff finds Natalie and Kevin in the backyard, and tells them in the strictest confidence that he thinks Russell and Michele have already made a pact. Nat and Kevin, seeing their patented Last Minute Lie still reaping rewards, pledge their support to Jeff if he decides to put the other twosome up. Jeff tells them frankly that he still not sure he can trust them, and might have to put them up as part of a backdoor scenario. Michele comes by, and all game talk ceases. Kevin and Natalie continue their game of pool, as Kevin worries that either he or Nat are going home this week. Nat is more confident that Russ will be backdoored.
Couple #1: The Leftovers
Later, after Jeff takes a trip to the DR, he and Jordan are in the Green Room. Jeff is knocking around the idea of putting up Michele and Russell, but Jordan finally puts forth the theory that Kevin and Natalie might be lying just as much as anyone else. (Took them long enough!) They decide it's better to put up Nat and Kevin, while hanging on to the option of backdooring Russell; if that opportunity doesn’t present itself, Kevin will go. This way, Jeff can act like he’s still loyal to Russell, unaware that Russell stopped being loyal to him days ago. Nat enters the room, and is informed that she will once again play the pawn, this time with Kevin. She pushes again for directly putting up Russ & Michele, claiming they are already working together, while she just came into the house one day to get out of the rain. Sorry, no dice Nat. She leaves with a cloud over her head, and Jeff promptly asks Jordan if she’d like to seal the deal by fooling around. That’s our Jeff, giggity giggity!
The three pairs of housemates stew in their respective juices with this information until the feeds go to fishes, signifying that the nomination ceremony is taking place. Will Jeff follow through on his plan? The feeds return, and everyone is in the kitchen except for Jeff up in the HoH. Natalie is heard to say, “Please don’t vote to evict me,” and we see that Jeff has indeed nominated her and Kevin.
Jeff joins the house again, and starts grilling steaks on the BBQ, showing a sullen Kevin a trick or two. Jordan asides that Russell still has no clue about the plan; soon Russ is taking Jeff aside and telling him he owes him one, and again oversells it by vowing he will never put him up or vote against him, ever. Sigh.
Couple #2: “You use me, and I’ll use you.”
Nat and Kevin work double-time trying to convince Jordan that Russell and Michele are in fact robot vampires who must be destroyed, while they have been busy building a church for starving children. Jordan tries to reassure them (in between cramp-induced groans) that the backdoor plan is still a go. Meanwhile, Jeff (the actual HoH this week), is talking to Michele…about traveling abroad. Apparently he backpacked through Europe, and met Vin Diesel, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, and “Stiffler”, or as his agent knows him, Seann William Scott. Heavy is the head of the female companion of the head that wears the crown--especially during that time of the month. Jordan excuses herself to take a relaxing bath up in the HoH, while others join in the backyard travel discussion. The topics segue into bugs, bras, jet skiing, cellphone apps, and MTV’s The Hills. Those Showtime subscribers are really going to get their money’s worth tonight…
As BBAD begins, the house is eerily quiet; there’s more napping going on than BB usually allows. Nat and Kevin are quietly deciding what to study for tomorrow’s POV comp, while Russ is complaining that he’s already sick of churros. Soon, Nat and Kevin have fallen asleep, as Russ experiments in the kitchen with slop recipes. Jordan has already taken a nap, and after waking up for a trip to the DR, decides to do so again. Michele is setting ant traps in the backyard. Jeff showers in the HoH, although Skippy isn’t as interested as usual, much to the viewers’ chagrin.
Jeff and Jordan have been having mini-tiffs lately, sometimes over the silliest things. It could be attributed to Jordan’s current symptoms, but suffice it to say she is more grumpy tonight than usual. And Jeff is getting angry for being barked at when he’s trying to be helpful (in his own barking, gruff way). He wonders why his HoH bathroom has to include tampons, and complains that for all the aggravation, there’s no nookie at the end of the day! Eventually they both laugh, for they know that they are in this thing together till the end, whether they like it or not.
Couple #3: The Crowds Part, the Music Swells
Soon the playing cards come out, which is always a night-killer. Jeff teaches Jordan how to play Go Fish while they bicker some more, and suddenly it’s a good idea to check up on Russ and Michele, who are in the backyard sharing personal stories. Russ talks about his accident, and the complex reconstructive surgery that was performed on his left knee. Michele talks about her parents being “distant”. Considering Michele hasn’t showered since becoming a Have Not, I’m not surprised.
Russ takes a page from The Book of Dan, and claims the first thing he’s doing once he gets home is to go to confession. He’ll claim he didn’t mean any of it…except what he said and did to Chima. Ba-dum-chee. He and Michele discuss being sent DVDs of BB8 and BB10 to watch before they were sequestered. They think that BB thinks that Season 8 was the best, but Russ and Michele think that this season will trump both 8 abd 19. (Eh, not so much, kids.)
As BBAD is ready to wind down, the talk in both the HoH and the backyard finally turns to game: everyone is playing out scenarios based on different people going home this week. Who can be trusted? Who are the stronger/weaker players? What is the ideal Final 4? Jeff and Jordan start talking about BB10 too: Jordan hopes that Renny hosts the POV this week, while Jeff is angry at the way everyone treated Dan when he hosted earlier this season (I agree).
Jeff and Jordan cuddle, and reminisce about the whole season to date, as if they were the Final 2 making that awkward, scripted stroll around the empty house, introducing video clips. They also engage in their usual bickering over physical intimacy: basically, Jeff is horny and fed up, but Jordan is decidedly not open for business. And so it goes for quite some time, until they both Tracy-&-Hepburn themselves to sleep after 2AM. Around that time, Russ and Michele decide to call it a night as well; they’ve delayed their inevitable trip to the Have Not bedroom long enough. As our couples all contemplate their eyelids, let’s contemplate the most basic and obvious Alliance Wheel I’ve ever had to fashion:
Morning comes, and a 9AM-ish wake-up call finds the groggy houseguests in an inside lockdown, not that anyone but Jeff and Michele knew about it. Michele stayed awake, but Jeff went back up to HoH to a sleeping Jordan. As she slowly awakens, she wants to talk game, but he wants to tease and flirt. They compromise under the covers—not to the extent that Jessie and Lydia did, mind you. These two are into almost doing things, and giggling about it. Eventually they get out of bed, and Jordan goes downstairs to get ready for the day,
Michele is doing her nails at the table, and Natalie finally wakes up and heads for the bathroom without a word to anyone. Jeff takes a trip to the DR, and eventually the four conscious HGs intersect in the kitchen and make small-talk. They look at the Memory Wall and discuss the Morph-o-Matic challenge that they will most likely face sometime soon.
Jeff and Michele go up to the HoH to finally have the game talk they didn’t have yesterday; they find Jordan grooving to Jeff’s Bob Marley CD. They start slow, but eventually Jeff asks Michele to join him and Jordan in bed, and also asks her about her talks with Russell this week. She says that he’s been on good behavior and they’ve mostly been having non-game talks. She says Russell hasn’t mentioned anything recently about getting Jeff out before Final 4, but then she thinks Russ may be afraid to tell her things by now (Hmm, no need to come up with a Last Minute Lie when your season-long lying still works fine).
Pretty soon the HoH threesome start napping again, as do most of the houseguests, with the exception of Russ who is finally up and making a slop breakfast. BB interrupts the naps by summoning people to the Diary Room. Michele returns from her session to find Russ in the Green Room, chillin’. He starts asking about game but she says, “We’ll talk later.”
What will she decide to tell him, I wonder. And with that, the Noon bell chimes.
Thanks to JustJuls and TheIrishEyes for their trusty cap-clicking!