Welcome back, Big Brother fans, to our Tuesday show recap with no Veto Ceremony. One of the worst kept secrets in reality tv this week was the Chima had been removed from the house before Sunday’s episode even aired, but rather than address it then, they saved all of the glorious meltdown footage for Tuesday. Thanks, producers. We’ve been dying for some real drama in the Tuesday slot, and we got it this week.
Let’s catch up with our houseguests. Michele is HOH and had nominated Chima and Natalie at the end of the last episode. Chima, Natalie and Lydia have all been crying their eyes out ever since Jessie was evicted courtesy of Jeff’s exercise of the coup d’etat power on Thursday’s episode. Even though someone has left the show every single week this summer, for some reason when it is a member of Chima and Natalie’s clique (and someone that Lydia lusts after), it is a tragedy on par with the deaths of Princess Di or Michael Jackson. Vigils will be held. People will remain inconsolable. Drunken French limo drivers and highly paid private doctors will be blamed, or in this case someone playing a game with his own self-interest in mind. Jeff, you evil bastard, playing this game with thoughts of winning yourself – how dare you!!!!
Yes, I think it is a rather raw deal for Jessie to get the boot two consecutive seasons due to America’s vote, but learn from it dude. Stop being such a tool, and maybe next year, America will vote for you to have the wizard power. Nah, that won’t happen. Not when there are custom t-shirts about “the man, the myth, the legend” that is Jessie. I have my own version of that shirt with Jessie’s picture on it. The man, with a woman’s name, and an itty bitty head - what a tool. I actually thought that Jessie had been playing a very strategic game this season. He seemed much smarter than he was last year, for some reason. But he had one huge oversight, and that was actually talking to Jeff after he thought Jeff most likely had the coup d’etat and trying to convince him that someone else was a bigger threat. But alas, Jessie spent the majority of his last days in the house sleeping, something I envy enough to wish him gone.
But Chima, Natalie, and Lydia did not want him gone. They want him here. They want his scintillating conversations (about himself) and to see his gentle caresses (of himself). Wake up ladies. Jessie is not interested in any of you romantically, or women in general, as he is entirely too much in love with himself. And now he’s gone. Chillin’ at the Jury House. For some sad reason, Kevin sits around and listens to all of this moping and whining. He’s not feeling this extreme sense of loss they all have, and honestly I think he’s losing some respect for his friend Lydia as she seems to have forgotten that Jessie’s power clique had put Lydia on the block. But let’s not remind Lydia of being on the block or she might remind Kevin that he did nothing to get her off of it. Is Lydia grateful to Jeff, who actually saved her from possible eviction? Not in the slightest. In fact, I’d say she’s ungrateful, or at least an ingrate.
Chima is pouting and pitching a tantrum like a three year old who isn’t getting her way at the candy shop. She refuses to wear her mike, and then throws it in the pool. She refuses to put on a replacement mike. She’s generally a PITA (pain in the – um, something) and consistently refusing to follow any of the rules of the Big Brother game. I could elaborate, but why. Children just throw a bigger tantrum if you pay attention to them. She ignores all of her friends in the house (who seem to include Lydia, despite the fact that she had nominated Lydia last week) who beg her to knock it off and start getting with the program. Well, she didn’t and the program got along without her. Chima went into the Diary Room and was told to not even bother to sit down, as she was coming with them. It’s not exactly the same producer eviction as when drunken Justin held a knife to drunken (and mother of the year) Christa’s throat and he was hauled away, but the result is the same. Chima is outta there.
The houseguests are informed, but none are surprised. And honestly, they all look relieved to be separated from her drama. What does that mean for the current week’s nomination, the veto ceremony, the eviction, etc? They let the houseguests wonder overnight, and the next day Michele comes out of the HOH room with a letter announcing that her week as HOH is over (after only 2 days – so yes, here is our indication that this had clearly happened well before it aired). There is no veto competition, but that day the houseguests will be using the mini golf equipment that had been set up for the Veto Competition as the new HOH Competition.
Michele is not eligible to compete in the HOH Competition. Does Michele yell and scream that it is unfair, she only got to be HOH for 2 days, and that Chima had been allowed to compete for HOH last Thursday after she’d been HOH for a whole week. Um no. Michele is not a screaming freaking lunatic. She handles it like an adult who realizes that this is a game, and participants should “expect the unexpected.”
That’s what I yell at my tv when Chima, Lydia and Natalie cry and whine about Jessie’s eviction and then Chima’s eviction (which Natalie blames on Michele – personal responsibility, anyone?). I just yell out “Expect the Unexpected, You Dummies!” It is about as effective in releasing stress for me as yelling “Serenity Now!” was for George Costanza and his dad on that episode of Seinfeld.
They are playing mini golf for HOH, with everyone hitting a hole in one safe for the round. When you miss a shot, the ball rolls into a “wheel of lousy scores” and the worst score for each round is out. In a display of typical Big Brother cruelty, you get a “prize” when you are out, one of which is HOH, and one of which will be some stupid costume to wear, with other prizes of varying value. I was predicting the return of the chicken costume, but was pleasantly surprised to see the return of the Big Brother red body unitard, previously worn by Jen and Sheila. This time, the uniform is paired with hot shorts and a cape with a “Captain Unitard” slogan. If anyone thinks that Big Brother isn’t in any way fixed, have you noticed that all of the unitard wearers have been women in decent physical condition. Coincidence? I think not. We really don’t want to see the “love muscle” in all of its spandex glory, and the producers know that.
Lydia is out first, pulls the HOH, realizes that she won’t get to keep it, and starts drinking mimosas. Yum, mimosas. Natalie is out next, wins a trip to Hawaii, which Russell (out next) trades for a call home. Natalie thanks Russell, as she had made it known that she wanted a call from home. Russell is too stupid to just accept a sincere thank you and yells at her that it isn’t for her sake. He’s just dying to go to Hawaii I guess. Kevin is out next and wins $5,000 I think.
It’s down to Jordan and Jeff. Jeff has not missed a hole in one yet, while Jordan has barely skated by a couple of rounds. Jeff asks her if she wants HOH and then lines his ball right off the course, giving Jordan the win. Jeff takes the Hawaii trip (I think, it could have been the cash) in exchange for a Spa Trip he won. Then for a minute I am genuinely worried that Jordan is really too stupid to realize that she needs to take the HOH from Lydia. Jeff and Jordan’s whole game is screwed if Lydia keeps the HOH. Will flighty Jordan who doesn’t know how to tell time be distracted and take the $5,000 from Kevin (or the spa day from Russell)? No. Jordan is able to line up enough gray matter to take the HOH key from Lydia, giving Lydia the Captain Unitard outfit, for which Lydia rewards her by calling her a whore. That is classy.
I’m not a fan of the “sneaky santa” type of game (which I’ve even seen at baby showers – how cruel) where people “steal” the gifts from other contestants. There was an episode of The Office where Jim and bought Pam an Ipod or something like that and someone decides to turn secret santa into sneaky santa. It’s a guaranteed way to cause hurt feelings even when everyone is playing “by the rules” which is why it is so popular on Big Brother. The producers get their desired effect. Lydia goes ape-shit mad at Jordan, Jeff, Michelle, and Russell just because she isn’t getting her way. And, she needs to wear a stylish unitard. She curses. She threatens. Jeff intervenes and tells her to chill out. Lydia wants to talk to him “in private” in the Diary Room, but he wisely declines and they all walk away. Jeff asks Kevin why he doesn’t intervene, and Kevin is clearly not up to the task of “handling” Lydia on a calm day, let alone an alcohol-fueled raging Lydia.
Everyone except Lydia checks out Jordan’s HOH room. The next day, Lydia sobers up and dons the Captain Unitard suit. Jordan needs to announce her nominees. We have a very predictable Nomination Ceremony. Lydia and Natalie are up. No indication of whether Thursday’s show will feature the Veto Competition first and then the eviction. Last week on Thursday they had indicated two evictions on this Thursday’s show with the “week in a day” format they’ve used several seasons. I think they’re probably ditching that due to Chima’s breakdown and will give us a Veto, Eviction, and new HOH for Thursday, but who knows. Because believe me, I know how to “Expect the Unexpected, Dummies!”