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Thread: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

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    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    This recap covers events from Thursday noon to Friday noon, BB time.


    Dearly Beloved…we are gathered here today in remembrance of the man, the myth, the legend. He was a big man…with a little head. No one loved himself more, thought more of himself, or believed in himself more than Jessie Godderz. He would give you the shirt off his back…if he was wearing one. He never said a bad word about anyone…unless he couldn’t be overheard. He was a man of prayer…since it makes him look good. Jessie was a man of his word…until it suited him to break it. He was so much fun…he even wrestled and left bruises on his women. He’d yell at them and they’d still make him sandwiches….what a way with women he had. The poor guy…he didn’t even have a chance. The worst part is he knew it. He knew he was a goner when he didn’t play for POV. Curse you America for taking part in the game of Big Brother! Curse you Jeff for playing the game! May you rest in peace, Pinhead. You are gone, but not forgotten…since we’ll see your ugly mug in the jury house.

    Now…as difficult as it may be…we must move on with this recap. I know it’s difficult, but this should help…



    Feel better? Me too. Jessie who? Let’s move on…

    Since Jessie left the house, his harem of three have been in mourning. In their grief, they opened Russell’s packed bags and tossed his stuff all over the place. Russell even suspects they did something to his sheets and possible Jordan’s. The three sit at the table in tears and eulogize Jessie as if he’s dead and gone. Kevin sits with them looking as if he’d rather have his toenails ripped off. They open Jessie’s bottle of wine and toast him…. “The man, the myth, the legend. We only got a taste of you, Mr. Pectacular. Cheers.” *gag* I don’t know how Kevin sits there with a straight face. They go on and on about how undeserving Jeff is of the power America gave him and how unfair it is that he had the gall to use it. And poor Jessie. Oh, poor Jessie never had a chance to fight for himself. As if he’s some kind of saint, they blubber on about all of the kind things he’s done for them. Did you know he once fetched lotion for Chima? Well, he did. In their deluded minds, he never said one bad thing about anyone. Why, in fact, he prayed for them all daily! The three bitter bitches go from mourning Jessie to bashing Russell. Chima once again calls him a terrorist and says she is the Twin Towers. Yep, she said it. Hopefully, New Yorkers will line up to smack her in the mouth when she gets out of the house. Her comments about Russell’s Middle Eastern heritage and terrorism have gotten out of hand to the point that I’m surprised BB hasn’t intervened. Someone needs to tell her to shut her pie hole stat.



    Later, Kevin moves outside to speak with Jeff and Jordan. Jeff asks him who he voted for and Kevin honestly answers that he voted to evict Jessie. Jeff tells Jordan they’ll keep that little nugget to themselves. Mind you, Russell has already lied to them saying he voted to evict Jessie. Jeff and Jordan seem to believe Kevin since he has no reason to lie. Kevin seems to think they’re saving that info for later so they can catch Russell in a lie. Sitting with his three bitter friends later, Kevin tries to be a voice of reason by explaining that Jeff keeping Russell was not about aligning himself with Russell and “screwing” Chima as much as it was about getting rid of Jessie. Of course, they don’t hear him and are bitter about being outplayed.

    Everyone goes up to see Michele’s HoH room and surprisingly, no sparks fly. She gets a touching letter from her husband, pictures of herself with blue and blonde hair, pictures of her rats, and pictures of herself with her husband and inlaws. No pictures of her family or her as a child(Most likely her parents didn’t sign a release due to the recent death of her younger brother. She’s previously mentioned this.) Her basket of goodies contains a Weezer CD, Bath and Bodyworks goodies, Trader Joe's food, a couple of hats, ice cream, a teaching model of a rat, and a pair of stress balls. Chima realizes Michele’s letter isn’t as outdated as hers was…hers was from the beginning of July…so she starts bitching about how much her HoH sucked and how BB gave her the old letter and won’t update her on her mother’s condition. Talk about awkward silence. Jeff comments that her husband’s letter was so well-written that he now wants to date him. Michele tells them that they were apart for a long time during college and communicated through letters so this reminds her of that time. Also, her husband tells her he can’t wait to play Scrabble with her. She tells everyone that Scrabble is their code word for sex. Don’t let the white lab coat fool ya, people.

    Chima is the last to leave the HoH room so she starts in on Michele about Russell. Natalie soon joins her and they talk all over each other at 100 mph about how bad Russ is, what strong women they are…girl power and all, and how much they respect Michele’s decision no matter what it is. You just know that’s a load of BS because everything they’ve been spewing says one thing loud and clear….Get Russell Out!

    The bitter bitches aren’t done with their childish pranks. Since Jeff has an extra penalty day added on to his Have Not status, they took all of the blankets out of the frigid Have Not room. Russell tells him to go get them back and Jordan even offers to get them, but Jeff refuses. He says he’d rather sleep naked in the snow before he gives them the satisfaction of thinking they broke him. What’s worse, they took Russell’s rosary. Surprisingly, BB is letting them get away with it…so far.

    Jeff(about Chima) : You think you want her out? The people behind the walls want her out more than we do.

    The three bitter bitches know that at least one of them will be nominated and they aren’t happy about it. Lydia offers to be a martyr for her team saying if she goes up, they should vote her out. We all know she just wants to get to the jury house so she can relieve Jessie of his heavy load. After several minutes of Michele bashing, Lydia and Chima go up to HoH and ask Michele for the use of her bathroom to do their hair. She lets them in and they promptly go in to the bathroom and shut the door blocking Michele out. Since Michele is so timid, she doesn’t bother to toss them out on their asses like they deserve.
    Kevin goes to Michele and pleads his case to avoid nomination. He starts by reminding her of everything that Russell said to her. He lets her know that he’s not taking sides but he’s glad to see Jessie gone. He’s tried to get the girls to see the light but they’re too blinded and in love with him. Michele tells him that she will not be nominating him and asks him not to use the POV if he wins it. Russell later goes up to talk things out with Michele. They make amends for what happened between them and hug it out. Later with Jordan who sleeps in HoH with her, Michele does confess that she doesn’t completely trust Russell. However, he is a vote for their side and she has a bigger target this week…sounds like Chima and Natalie will be going up with the plan to vote out Chima. She knows Russell will be on board with that. My only hope is that Michele grows a pair and gives them a speech reminiscent of Janelle’s “Bye bye bitches!”

    Things You Just Have To Know
    • Michele has offered her HoH room to Jeff and Jordan for one night so they can have some privacy. Prepare for more Jeff and Jordan cuteness.
    • Lydia swears that she heard cheering from outside during the night. Most likely those voices inside her head.
    • Michele and her husband plan to be foster parents and later adopt since she’s had some previous health issues and also because she works around so many chemicals.
    • Jeff is going to wear his chicken suit for Halloween.
    • To pacify the three bittercakes, BB has given them beauty products such as lotion, body wash, etc. Too bad it can’t improve their ugliness on the inside.
    • The three bittercakes have all said that they will not take cold showers if they become Have Nots. Instead they’ll take hot showers and Chima goes on to say she won’t eat slop. She’ll eat real food. And eat and eat and eat until she gets a penalty nomination.
    • Michele is allergic to red food dye and breaks out in a rash if she has it.
    • Lydia stole Michele’s lotion saying she doesn’t need it since she got new stuff in her HoH basket. This was after Michele offered her some of her B&B lotion.



    Kevin tries once more to be the voice of reason for Lydia. He tells her that Jeff is allowed to have this moment. He goes on to tell her that he is effing ecstatic that Jessie is gone. Jessie threw him under the bus twice and badmouthed Lydia to him. He also points out to her that Chima said she was always having to listen to Jessie talk about how much he liked Natalie. Of course, not a word penetrates Lydia’s thick skull. No doubt she’s already dreaming of more toe sex in sequester with Jessie.


    Lest you forget this is a time of mourning, I leave you with ten things you should never say at a funeral.
    • I should have said something earlier... but I really, really need his kidney.*
    • Better him than me.*
    • Hurry it up - I've got Jazzercise at four.
    • Hey, let’s order a pizza.
    • Can I put my drink here?
    • Happy trails to you, until we meet again…
    • Pass the pork rinds, Ma.
    • Can I use that Kleenex when you’re done?
    • See kids, this is what God does to the bad ones.
    • Stick a fork in him…he’s done.
    Last edited by lildago; 08-17-2009 at 10:07 AM.
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  2. #2
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    "Feel better? Me too. Jessie who? Letís move onÖ"

    Haha that made it a lot better!

    "We all know she just wants to get to the jury house so she can relieve Jessie of his heavy load."



    Excellent recap!

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    FORT Fanatic ko_vixen's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Excellent recap! As I watched the show last night I laughed my off at the girls "mourning" Beefcake. So pathetic!!

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    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Dearly Beloved…we are gathered here today in remembrance of the man, the myth, the legend. He was a big man…with a little head. No one loved himself more, thought more of himself, or believed in himself more than Jessie Godderz. He would give you the shirt off his back…if he was wearing one. He never said a bad word about anyone…unless he couldn’t be overheard. He was a man of prayer…since it makes him look good. Jessie was a man of his word…until it suited him to break it. He was so much fun…he even wrestled and left bruises on his women. He’d yell at them and they’d still make him sandwiches….what a way with women he had. The poor guy…he didn’t even have a chance. The worst part is he knew it. He knew he was a goner when he didn’t play for POV. Curse you America for taking part in the game of Big Brother! Curse you Jeff for playing the game! May you rest in peace, Pinhead. You are gone, but not forgotten…since we’ll see your ugly mug in the jury house.
    Excellent intro...and I love the 10 things to never say at a funeral. Your recap was more than worth the wait.

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    FORT Fanatic Jinxie's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Lildago,

    Awesome recap! You describe it all perfectly.

    After watching those three I laughed so hard! Kevin's DR was the only voice of reason there....

  6. #6
    FORT Oldie/Posting Newbie MontanaSky's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Great recap! Watching those three "mourners" on last nights show just makes them look like complete idiots, not to mention the funeral parlor music piped in the background was priceless!

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    FORT Devotee Mike'sgirl's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Great recap! and a Big Thanks to CBS for providing so much entertainment!!! (That funeral was hysterical to watch, as well as to read about).

    Dear Natalie,
    America sends you a big "Your Welcome"!!!!
    So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
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    Win Together, Die Alone JustJuls's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Lildago...the eulogy had me cracking up! You nailed it!
    When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, the World will know Peace

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    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Lydia offers to be a martyr for her team saying if she goes up, they should vote her out. We all know she just wants to get to the jury house so she can relieve Jessie of his heavy load.
    Spot on, lil.

    Excellent recap!
    Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted - John Lennon

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    To my hubby's chagrin... Addict4Reality's Avatar
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    Re: 8/13 Big Brother Live Feed Recap : Three Bitches and a Funeral

    Classic, classic, classic!!! I love this board, the spirit and intelligence of you all cracks me up.
    Everybody plays football....Ohio State just does it better!

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