(This recap covers Noon Friday-Noon Saturday, BB time)
As Jean-Paul Sartre wrote in No Exit, “Hell is other people.” Welcome to 24 more hours in Hell! Since Jordan won the right to pick this week’s Have-Nots (Jessie, Natalie and poor, poor Kevin) in the HoH endurance comp, the houseguests have more time on their hands today to sweat the upcoming nominations by the current Roid of Household, Russell. (You can review the previous 24 hours’ antics in lildago’s super recap here)
After an outdoor lockdown, the now uncliqued housemates walk inside (well, Russell runs, as he had to pee badly) to find that America has again passed judgment on their diets, and voted for the Have-Nots to dine on squid and squash for the week. Unsurprisingly, Jessie starts whining right away. He’s not adjusting well to life on Skid Row. To which 98% of feed watchers reply, there isn’t a violin small enough, bitch.
I tried about 20 different captions, but this one is best left writing itself.
At his point begins an intense afternoon of HoH meetings between Russell and everyone who rightly thinks they might be screwed. Let’s see how Russell handles the crown:
Jeff goes up to the HoH to see where he fits into Russell’s plans in this post-clique world. Russell is incredibly open to the idea of forming a secret partnership, even hinting that his letter from home held a coded message that he should do just that. Russell’s crosshairs are definitely set on Ronnie this week. Apparently, Russell is a quietly devout Catholic, and he is deeply offended by Ronnie’s repeated swearing to God and on the Bible, all the while telling lies. He promises Jeff that he and Jordan are safe this week. They christen their new partnership the HGA (Hot Guy Alliance). Russell’s performance: 4 out of 5 Bulletheads.
Jessie pops his grumpy head in to whine some more about his Have Not status, and to beg for a blanket. After he leaves, Jeff and Russell agree that Jessie needs an attitude adjustment, and that it’s very revealing how he has turned into a crybaby now that he’s no longer in the cradle of BB power and luxury. (Hello, did either of you watch last season?) 5 Bulletheads
They consider who Russ should put up against Ronnie to ensure he goes. Jeff suggests putting up someone who would vote to keep Ronnie. Russ points to Kevin and Lydia, citing the conversation they had with Ronnie that he eavesdropped on last week as evidence that they have an alliance. J&R notice Ronnie skulking outside the HoH before they can nail things down.
Ronnie knows the routine by now: come in, sit down, and start kissing ass like there’s no tomorrow…because apparently, there isn’t! He instantly starts deflecting his entire HoH agenda (Operation: Backdoor Russell) onto Jeff, Jordan, Laura and Casey (I’m surprised he limited himself to evicted houseguests from his own season…why not throw in Kail and Angie?). He’s just this quirky guy who has always acted in the Athlete’s best interests (he leaves out the part where he’s sobbing while doing it). Russ asks him about his relationships with everyone in the house, and his problems with Casey as a teacher, and his weirdly-worded t-shirt collection. Ronnie trots out his greatest hits, telling Russell everything he thinks he wants to hear. Ronnie thinks Kevin and Lydia should go up because they are floaters, and he denies any alliance with them. He pledges that he won’t forget the way the Athletes stuck their necks out for him, and tap-dances a while longer for the secretly amused Russell. Russell offers him some Sour Patch Kids as a parting gift. Literally. 5 Bulletheads
Now it’s Michelle’s turn to kiss the HoH Ring. She also throws Lydia and Kevin under the bus, for being floaters and throwing competitions and for being so…well, offbeat. Then they share stories of the lies Ronnie has told. Then Russell asks her who she would evict if Ronnie and Lydia were on the block. She says Ronnie. DING! 4 Bulletheads
Next up is Kevin, who is decidedly cagey. Russ asks him about Ronnie’s claim that he was part of the group that led the charge to backdoor him. Kevin explains away any responsibility for the backdoor plan, being seen with Ronnie, or the conversation that Russell overheard last week. Russell is satisfied with the explanations, and agrees to a mutual; nonaggression pact. He tells Kevin (as he has told others) that he will have a big announcement to make at the nomination ceremony. 5 Bulletheads
Our next contestant hails from one of the Carolinas, and enjoys long walks on the beach with hunky foul-mouthed guys from Chicago. Jordan lets King Russ know that she’s afraid she’ll be put up yet again. She’s worried about being perceived as only being safe because of deals that Jeff makes. Russ lets her know that she’s safe this week because he just made a deal with Jeff. (Ouch!) She swears to Russ on her life and God (careful girl, this one takes that seriously) that she would never put up Russ. They are both concerned that Ronnie is going to win the Special Power. (Cha, as IF!) Jordan wonders why they didn’t just backdoor him last week; Russ rightly lays that at Jessie’s doorstep. Ronnie explains to her why it’s important to get Ronnie out now, so that he can’t stir up more trouble in the jury house. Baby is on board. 5 Bulletheads
Grab your pads and helmet, it’s Lydia time! After talking with Ronnie downstairs and concluding that they are probably the targets this week, she hops into the HoH bed that she is so familiar with, and engages Russ and Jordan in some small-talk. Russ cuts to the chase and asks her what the peasants are rumbling about downstairs. “That you will probably put up me and Kevin because we are weak players,” she replies. She claims to have an interesting bit of information that she will share with Russ after she is nominated. Russ wants to hear it now, so Jordan leaves.
Lydia would prefer to see Ronnie and Michelle put up, since they are basically the same person in her eyes. Russ presses her for the info, and she proceeds to sell out Jessie and Natalie, claiming that she had to do some serious tap-dancing to get Ronnie not to backdoor him the other week. She butters him up by saying he is a new, sweeter man now that he is HoH. She goes into an anti-Natalie speech, and pushes harder and harder for Russ to put up Nat or Jessie against Ronnie. She also says she has no deals with anyone, and starts subtly selling out anyone else she can think of, but really pushes for Jessie and especially Natalie. She also does what she considers flirting, and most everyone else considers creepy. She is shameless…she must really love that mattress. 5 Bulletheads
Later, Russell plays host to Natalie, Jessie and Chima, and the new topic of the day is “How big a bipolar psycho slut is Lydia, huh?” Russ is having fun now, and hints to a horrified Jessie that Lydia offered him sexual favors for safety. He shares everything she said about them, which gets them riled, and then tells them he has the votes to evict Ronnie already lined up. They are shocked, and try to sputter whatever double-talk they can to seem supportive yet turn him in a completely different direction, but at this point Russell is all talked out. Russell comes in at the end to trash Lydia some more, but that’s when the meeting breaks up and everyone pledges that they are Russell’s best buddy this week. 5 Bulletheads
And so goes the first four hours of this shift. I’m so impressed, I need a cigarette. We get an hour or so off from the intense stuff while everyone gets cleaned up for the nomination ceremony, and then the feeds go to trivia for another healthy hour.
When we return, we learn Russell is a man of his word: Ronnie and Lydia are nominated. Kevin offers a shoulder for Lydia to bitch on, and suggests she start working Russell over if she doesn’t win POV. She thinks it’s just another example of the alpha males picking on the small and meek (which is slightly true, but not to the extent that she thinks).
Meanwhile, Jessie, Natalie and Chima begin making nefarious plans: they will pretend to go along with Russell until after the POV ceremony, and assuming Ronnie doesn’t save himself from the block (they can’t be caught doing it for him), they will quietly work on Michele to vote with them to keep Ronnie.
Insert the theme from Deliverance here.
Later on, Russell tells Jessie/Nat that if Ronnie wins the POV, Kevin will go up (True? Who knows). Also, Ronnie works over Michelle but good, spinning yarns like he’s going to crochet the world’s biggest afghan. Ronnie isn’t going down without a fight, which in his case means a series of ass-kissings.
Chima has another cuddle-summit with a meeting-weary Russell. She’s going to try the direct “devil’s advocate” approach with him before resorting to any secret plans. She tells him that she will vote for Ronnie because he wants her to, but she would actually prefer to evict Lydia. She also hints that not everyone may vote the way he wants them too. He tells her point-blank that he already has Jeff, Jordan, Kevin and Michelle locked, so he will know who didn’t vote his way (namely, Chima, Jessie and Nat). And he will know that he is done with those people. He rehashes his personal reasons for wanting Ronnie gone, and the more Chima challenges him on it, the huffier he gets, but she diffuses it by repeating, “…I’m going to vote how you want this week…”
Russell wants to know why Chima wants Lydia to stay over Ronnie. Chima tries logic: Ronnie may be a liar, but when push came to shove, he was a liar in their corner every time. And really, isn’t everyone in the house lying to some degree? Russell gets more irritated, he doesn’t feel like being challenged on his beliefs at the moment. But Chima keeps coming back with more “I’m just sayin’” logic: Ronnie saved her week 1, and ultimately didn’t backdoor Russell when he was HoH. If Lydia won HoH, she would go after Russell just as much as Ronnie would. Russell agrees, but he’s just getting rid of the one he hates more first, and since everyone went along with Jessie during his two HoHs, he expects the same loyalty this week. Chima reiterates she is voting his way, and jokingly (?) asks if Lydia has already started giving him sexual favors. He is amused but not amused, and wants to stop talking game. Chima reminds him it’s going to be like this all week. The talk turns to shameless flirting on Chima’s part, which Russell allows for the time being. Giggle giggle, big heart, giggle, big love muscle (Eric comes up in the conversation briefly, ha-ha), giggle giggle, if we met in a bar, giggle rub head giggle. Yeesh. You get the idea.
It’s not easy being green (and doomed).
Elsewhere in the house, Jessie eats squash and bitches and moans, and everyone can’t stop talking about the Mystery Power (at this point they’re calling it the Magic Wizard Power…Ronnie has too much influence in this house). Jordan plays with her boobs and points a hairdryer at them, while Ronnie cries a little bit more, all alone once again, his metaphorical milk money taken yet again.
Kevin tries to get in the game by getting in Natalie and Jessie’s ears, but he’s not very good at it. In fact, the talk sends Jessie and Natalie up to the HoH to bitch about him to Russell, who just wants a break already. Being HoH is boring, apparently. They start a full court press on him to evict Lydia instead of Ronnie, which he shouts down. He doesn’t consider Ronnie a part of this group.
More Wizard Power talk, more apologies and yarn-spinning from Ronnie, more backbiting and gossiping and ass-kissing, more pool-playing, more production talk which BB shuts down. Eventually these wind-up dolls wind down for the night.
Around 8:45am BBT, Big Brother woke up the house with N*SYNC and Justin Timberlake. Natalie thinks this bodes well for her because she loves them. Ronnie takes her aside, confident that the PoV comp won’t be physical this time. She tells him that if he doesn’t win, the rest of them are going to tell Russell that they won’t be voting to evict him, which would give him a chance to replace Lydia with someone else. She tells Ronnie to avoid Michele until after the PoV is played. Of course, 15 minutes later, Ronnie has Michele in the Pool Room, trying to butter her up. But he forgets that she is the only real Brain among the Brains, and she sits, arms folded, while he spins and spins and spins until he tires himself out.
Soon we are confronted by trivia, which means the PoV players are being chosen! And the winners are: Jessie, Kevin, and previous PoV champ Michele. Jessie goes to Lydia and sweet-talks her, then goes to Natalie and talks game, and then decides to pray. Meanwhile, the Red Room is filled with talk of breaking wind, and I’m not going there.
Srsly America, why do you hate me so? I’m so awesome!
Jessie has a pre-game summit with Russell in the HoH, this time without training wheels (Natalie). They talk long-term strategy. Is yet another F2 deal brewing? Russell is this year’s Memphis in that regard. Jessie starts talking about targeting Jeff next week, which Russell subtly tries to deflect, since he already has an F2 deal with him, and that one might actually stick. Talk turns to Michele, and Russell drives home that she is on board to evict Ronnie, excited even, she just couldn’t talk to Jessie about it for fear of retribution. Basically, these two can’t see taking any of the women too far in the game because they know they would lose to them in a Final 2 situation. This male-bonding is interesting, and mostly baloney on both their parts. One thing Russell does realize is that the choice of PoV players leaves him few options – Kevin would take down Lydia and be immune from going up in her place. And Jeff and Jordan are untouchable this week because of the deal he made. He may even have to backtrack on that deal in a worse-case scenario, and use Jordan as a pawn again. The two keep sweet-talking each other for a while longer until they both get cavities as this shift ends. How is the Alliance Wheel, you ask? Why, it’s a big mess again!
Stay tuned for more riveting developments from these Big Brother rivets, all week long! Thanks to waywyrd, JustJuls and ThinkPink for screencapping brilliance!