Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to wade the way through hip deep hamster happenings so you don’t have to. When last we peered into the hamster cage, we saw Laura get served her walking pumps by the rest of the house. And to the disappointment of everyone everywhere, except Ronnie, we are now stuck with Jessie V 2.0 as HoH once again. If you missed the madness Thursday, feel free to check out the recap of it here.

Well, in the aftermath of the Athletes once again being in control – though, let’s face it, last week was their week as well what with having Ronnie the Rat in the back pocket of their sweatpants, Jordan is relieved she wasn’t evicted, but misses of female BFF in the house, Laura. Casey is sad to see Laura go as well, but he is under the delusion that the let’s boot Ronnie plan is still in effect. We’ll just see about that, won’t we? Ronnie says that his week as HoH was successful since he met his goal of getting Laura out even if it was at the expense of being on all the other hamsters’ hit lists. Jessie lays down the law that this is his HoH to his fellow Athletic supporters and that he will do what is best for Jessie. And that is different from how he normally lives his life in what way? I swear that boy is the poster child for the egocentric idiot. I can say that to his face as well, it’s not like he would know what it meant.

Kevin spies with his little eye some things that make him go ‘hmmm’ about the kind of week Ronnie will be having. Ronnie confirms the obvious to all of us lesser humans out in TV land that Jessie winning the HoH is the best possible scenario for him. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Jessie’s pet Natalie and Russell the ??? (who the heck knows what is going on in his bald little head) pull Jessie aside to make sure he is sticking with the plan – that being the one to go with what the House wants and evict Ronnie – Jessie says again that he is going to do what is right for him. Jessie tells us later on that he doesn’t have an intentions of getting Ronnie out – why should he, with Ronnie he has his own little pocket protector. Big Brother gives us a little Russell flash back where we see Russell striking a deal with Ronnie – a secret alliance! Did not see that one coming. I am beginning to think that Russell may blow a lot of hot air, but he seems to know where his balloon is going to get him to, pretty impressive, if you ask me. Of course, since this is a secret alliance, we know Ronnie is going to spill the beans to someone at some point and we’ll all get much enjoyment out of that fallout, I am sure.

Ronnie is still practicing isolationism – either to garner sympathy or because he finds the rest of the house as boring as I do. Natalie tells him he should get out and mingle more and our brave little soldier tells her he will try – but only after Nat lets him know he is safe for the week.

Oh joy of joys, it’s time for Jessie’s HoH room reveal! As can be expected, it is Jessie, Jessie and more Jessie. Kind of pathetic really. Jordan size my impress some girls, but not her. On the other hand, Lydia is practically drooling over Jessie’s motorcycle. Rumor is that is not all she’s drooling over…

Later on, Casey is hanging out with Jeff and Jordan discussing their favorite topic: the demise of the Rat Fink King. Casey says that Jessie would be stupid to change the plan this week and when Natalie comes out, he argues to her that it is in Jessie’s best interest to toss the rat overboard. Of course, since Natalie is Jessie’s self-appointed first lieutenant puppy, she goes racing upstairs to fill the King Pinhead in on Casey’s muses. Jessie is not happy. Jessie going to crush Casey. Casey Enemy Number one for having a thought other than Jessie’s.

Ooooh, there’s a three way in the house! You see, Nat likes Jessie, Lydia likes Jessie and Jessie likes boys Jessie. The power struggle between the two lap dogs is going to be epic I tell you, readers, epic. Lydia corners Jessie on the couch and hints ever so slyly, that she would like a kiss from Jessie. Jessie pretends not to understand so she keeps tapping her cheek until he finally obliges her by kissing his hand and slapping her cheek. He then goes immediately to shower all the girl cooties off. Lydia obviously wanted more, but had to be content with that and gets up to get something to drink. Meanwhile, Natalie comes out and Jessie volunteers to rub her allegedly hurt shoulder. Nat sprawls across the couch with her head in Jessie’s lap and Jessie rubs her shoulder. Of course, Lydia chooses that moment to come back and whines like a lover scorned that she was sitting there. Kevin, my hero (well. Except when he calls Jessie ‘hot’, that just gave me the heebee jeebees), states in the DR, “Lydia is into Jessie, Natalie is into Jessie and Jessie is into Jessie.” Classic three way. Natalie tells Jessie that Lydia doesn’t like her and is jealous of their relationship. Yeah, as walk in and find your bunny cooking jealous, if you ask me.

For the Have/Have Not competition this week, the hamsters are going to the races. This means that Jessie will have to talk in an absolutely awful accent and that a representative of each clique (except the Athletes who are living the high life again this week) will be racing little electric beer kegs around the lot so they can collect ‘ice cubes’ to water down the opposing teams drinks. At the end of the time, the team with the most ice cubes in their cups will be the Have Nots for the week and will be on slop and America’s Choice for the week. Oh, and just to make it a bit more interesting, they will have to wear ‘beer goggles’ that distort their vision. As this is more fun to watch than to describe, let’s just say that high jinks ensue with poor little Jordan putting more cubes in her own cup than the others and some foam being sprayed for the added bonus of even less vision. When it is all done, the Populars, aka Jordan, have the least amount of cubes, and the Brains have the most. And what is the super secret foods they get to eat along with Slop? Why, cabbage and cocktail weenies! Ronnie is thrilled and I am sure the rest of the house is going to be thankful the Brains are in a room to themselves by the end of this odiferous week. Chima, on the other hand, is less than pleased with America’s Choice. So am I – people, people. You should have gone with the seaweed and sauerkraut, if only for the sheer joy of seeing Chima’s head spin round and round as she spews green pea soup!

In the kitchen, another cat fight is brewing between Lydia and Nat. Jordan needs a bed, since she is moving out of the dungeon and Lydia helpfully offers Natalie’s. Nat is none too pleased and whines that she shouldn’t have to share a bed and that Jordan can sleep with Jeff. Lydia and Nat go at each other with claws out, but no blood is shed, unfortunately. Finally, Lydia pulls the martyr card and says she’ll just sleep up all night. Kevin is worried that Lydia is putting a target on her back since Nat’s group is in power and Natalie is upstairs whining to Jessie, telling him to tell Lydia not to speak to her anymore. Because, she’s like, 12 years old. Jessie tries to bring about world peace, but neither girl is having any part of that nonsense.

Finally, nomination time. Jessie pretends to ponder what he will do and the other house guests make diary room threats as to what will happen if Jessie doesn’t do what they want but it all boils down to Michele and Jordan being up and Jessie offering no reason why – not even a fake one about them being good competitors. Personally, I think his little brain has been scrambled by the fighting over him between Nat and Lydia and he actually can’t form any thoughts at all right now. Of course, I am giving him credit for ever being able to formulate his own thoughts – but hey, I can be generous when I want to. Besides, now he owes me.

Stay tuned for Tuesday to find out who wins the Power of Veto and if Jessie decides to put the Rat up. See you then!