*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday*
As my shift starts, I’m treated to Jessie holding court with Chima in the HoH bed. He blathers on in Jessiespeak and she “Mmmmhmmm’s” enough to make Jameka proud. Outside, a pissed off looking banana is chain smoking and Michele is quietly munching out of her bowl. Sigh. Next year, I’m not taking Sundays.
In between enormous yawns (the girl could inhale half of the solar system with that mouth), Chima tells Jessie about the various pronunciations of her name and its origin. Jessie counters with more stories of his awesomeness, and how he had eleventy billion Facebook friend requests after BB10. The ones that didn’t have pictures, he deleted. And something about his agent and her commission and how popular he is and that’s why he was asked back and blah blah blahblahblahblah....
Natalie pops up in the HoH room, and for the first time this whole season, I’m glad to see her. She asks Chima to give her a minute with Jessie, informing him that BB has given them decorations because - it’s Chima’s birthday! Well, not really, but they’re celebrating a day early to get some footage for Tuesday’s show. Jessie plays along as they plot to keep Chima occupied. Nat enlists Ronnie to keep her away from the kitchen.
Lydia lets her chest hair grow, hoping Jessie might like that better...
Jeff and Nat start baking the cake and some cupcakes - Natalie has no idea how to make them. Ugh. So she begins running the dollar store streamers all over the kitchen and living room, and soon realizes that she’s no interior decorator, either. She calls on Kevin to help out. Because stringing streamers is sooo hard.
Kevin gets the area all streamered up while Ronnie keeps Chima busy upstairs so she won’t know what’s going on. And by keeping busy, I mean boring her to death by going on and on about how evil Jeff and Jordan are. And how ignorant Casey is. Ronnierat says that if he were a parent of one of Casey’s kids, he’d be on the phone with the board of education. But you’re not, Ronnie. You’re a 30 year old student who plays way too many video games.
But enough of that self-important little weasel and his trash talk. Lydia, Michele and Jessie join in the decorating fun – when all is said and done, I think Big Brother spent about ten bucks on Chima’s birthday. Cheesy hats, streamers, and a box of cake mix they had to make themselves and a can of frosting. Whee.
Fortunately for Chima and the Have-Nots, BB allows them to partake of the goodies for one hour. Hey, I’ll take cheap cake over cabbage and cocktail weenies any day. Chima gets a card from her grandma and a weak “Happy Birthday” from her housemates, who throw pillows at her. No singing, since BB is too cheap to pay royalties. Everyone munches down and pretends to like each other for an hour. No big blowup like Keesha’s b-day party. Damn.
No, really. That IS her happy face.
- Lydia wanted to start hiding Natalie’s things to piss her off.
- Ronnie says he never drinks in public. It looks bad, and he has an image to uphold.
- Natalie wants to be on BB All-Stars *snort* or The Amazing Race. Please, Lord, no.
- Nat let it slip to Jessie that she’s 24 and her boyfriend is 30. Jessie had no reaction. Jessie probably wasn’t listening. Jessie was probably thinking about himself. (He already knows)
- Jordan hates using condoms.
- Jessie told Natalie that she needed to dress like a girl tomorrow for the ceremony. She was pizzed.
- Chima asked Russell what he was going to give her for her birthday. He said “A muzzle.”
Jessie and his pet Natalie head upstairs to have a pillow fight (somewhere, Lydia is probably about to blow an artery) and bag on Russell some more for talking to the “other” side. How dare he speak to anyone not on the approved list! Come to the light, Russell. We need you.
Amazingly, Lydia and Kevin prove that yes, they DO have working brain cells and are finally realizing that they’re just pawns in Jessie’s master plan. They say that Jessie is backdooring Casey because it’s what best for him (ya think?!). As much as they want Ronnie gone, ratboy is still useful to Jessie so he’ll be around a while. Kevin uses a chess analogy and he actually….makes sense! Kevin wants to get Jeff and Jordan on their side, possibly Michele and Russell. Lydia agrees, and they pinky swear – really, now – not to tell Jessie.
You just know Lydia’s going to eff it up somehow.
I'm going to stick this fork right in her...
For the J&J fans: we have peckage! Jordan tells Russell that Jeff gave her a kiss on the cheek - he laughs “Wow, you got the first kiss in the house!” She says no, it was only a peck on the cheek. But it’s a start....and it's more than Lydia has gotten. Heh.
As if Chima’s happening birthday party wasn’t enough, we get to see the margarita party tonight too! Try to contain your excitement. If you’ve seen one of these before, it’s pretty damn lame. Cheap sombreros, plastic cups, no music. The Brains aren’t allowed to eat or drink anything, but Michele hangs outside with the others just to have fun. What little there is to be had. Ronnie sits inside, bashing Michele mercilessly for “kissing ass” and being outside with the party goers. Chima: Mmmmhmmmmm....
Once the party starts to break up, Jeff asks why everyone is so gloomy. Kevin says it’s probably because of the POV ceremony coming up. An oblivious Jeff says “Then we should all be happy, right? He’s going home! Everyone’s still down with The Plan (to boot Ronnie), aren’t they?”
Jeff am confused. Casey says he’s not heard anything, but he’s out of the loop. Spying an odd look on Kevin’s face, Jeff jokingly calls him out: “I saw that look, Kevin knows something.” Kevin doesn’t reply. Dawn breaks over Marblehead, and Jeff realizes what’s going on. Ronnie's not going anywhere. Jeff gripes to Jordan later about being played. Jordan tells Jeff that Russell told her she’d be safe, but made her promise not to tell Jeff. And she didn’t. This irks Jeff, and he snaps “I actually hope Ronnie wins this, at least he played the game.” Hush, Jeff.
Here’s how the rest of the night went: Lydia bitches about Natalie. Natalie bitches about Lydia. Several chess games are played. The downstairs toilet gets clogged. A pissed off banana smokes up a storm in the back yard, wondering what his fate is.
So the banana goes upstairs to talk to Jessie.
After a whole lot of hemming and hawing and Casey trying to throw Ronnie under the bus, Casey is basically told by Jessie that their “agreement” since the start of the game is now null and void. Casey asks WTF, and Jessie replies with some crap about the way Casey played in the first week, going after Chima and trying to keep Braden. When you’re HoH, you have to do what’s best for you, opines Jessie. Knowing that he’s talking to a brick wall, Casey reiterates that Jessie is last on his hit list and shakes the Pinhead’s hand before leaving.
Casey goes outside to spill the beans to Jeff and Jordan, while Michele is lost to the Dark Side - she’s apparently gone to Jessie and pledged loyalty, even though she’s not totally trusted. Jordan even saw Michele hugging Ronnie when she thought nobody was looking. Michele is desperately trying to stick around, being friendly with both sides.
Late, late that night (4am-ish), Lydia peels some potatoes in the kitchen. Hacks, actually. Then crawls into bed with a zonked-out Jessie. And stares. Stares wide-eyed as he sleeps. Realizing he’s not going to need her services tonight, she returns to the kitchen to make pancake batter. And put eggs in a bowl, ripping up the carton they came in. I’m sure glad there wasn’t a bunny as a house pet this year, this chick’s about to go all Fatal Attraction.
One for the road, banana man.
Plenty of foulness to go around in the morning, as the hamsters are booted outside so the clogged toilet can be fixed. Once they can go back in, Casey starts spewing some poo of his own, calling Ronnie’s wife fat and comparing sex between Ronnie and his wife to that of two walruses. Tell me how you really feel, laughs Jeff. Casey can’t believe he got a margarita party for the house, only to be treated like this. He’s not a happy banana.
Plenty of non-PG things are said about King Jessie and his pets, and a few rumblings that give me hope about a possible alliance between Jeff, Jordan, Lydia, Kevin and Michele. Could it happen? Who knows. The griping continues as they await the POV ceremony...
A big thanks to ThinkPink and TheIrishEyes for the hilarious caps!