Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to bring you all the latest nonsense from our captive rodents. When last we saw our furry faced friends, Jeff had won the Power of Veto with amazing small change counting prowess, forcing Ronnie to nominate his arch nemesis for eviction. And who is it that strikes such fear in the rat fink’s heart? Lydia, with her idiotic Jessie worship? Russell the ‘roid driven maniac? Jessie, the retread pinhead? No to all of those choices. Sparing no thought for his own safety, he nominates the true menace of the house: Jordan. Oooooh – what a BIG GAME CHANGING move that was. If you missed all the fun, be sure to take a gander at LG’s magnificent recap, here. With Chenbot leading the way, inexplicably dressed as a shiny pumpkin, let us join our hamsters…
Kevin muses that the Populars may have been popular in high school, but they certainly aren’t popular in the house. Ronnie says that with putting Jordan up on the block, he has achieved his goal of getting his true threat Laura (!?!) out of the house. Casey thinks Ronnie allowed Russell’s bullying to get to him and he put Jordan up out of wedgie fear. “What were you thinking, dude?” Casey wants to know. Awww, Casey, Ronnie must have had flashbacks to high school when he was stuffed in a locker a bazillion times. Jordan feels betrayed by Ronnie and Laura doesn’t think she has a chance of staying because she is smarter than Jordan and also can tell time. Jeff consoles Jordan outside and Jordan declares he is a boy version of herself. There is something either very wise or very stupid about that statement, I haven’t decided.
Laura goes up to the HoH room to talk with Ronnie. She says that Jeff and Jordan are a team and to leave Jordan in the game would be the downfall of civilization, or something like that. She says that Jeff would be much more biddable to Ronnie’s whims and that she, Laura, would not go after Ronnie next week. Ronnie pretends to listen. He then calls up Kevin, Natalie, Chima and Lydia up to his lair. He wants to float an idea past them – what if they kept Laura and got rid of Jordan? Immediately Lydia and Natalie take target practice at that idea and Ronnie flits to plan b – Russell’s smear campaign. You see, Ronnie says, that Laura said that Russell said that he would be working 24-7 for the rest of his life to make sure Laura would be staying in the house. Lydia and Chima buy this hook line and sinker and take a few zings at Ronnie for not putting Russell up. Ronnie says, he knows, he was a bad, bad rat fink. The meeting is adjourned and Natalie goes scurrying off to Jessie to tell him what Ronnie said that Laura said that Russell said. Follow?
Jessie is shocked, just shocked that Russell would go against his supreme wishes. Jessie is King of the Pinheads, after all. He confronts Russell who smells a Ronnie rat when Natalie tells him that it was Ronnie who was the root of this evil. Jeff and Jordan overhear this conversation and along with Natalie, they confront Laura when she comes into the yard. Laura denies she had a conversation like that with Russell – she says she has never asked anyone for a vote. She and Russell go to get Ronnie to a hamster meeting in the backyard. The whole house is waiting to hear what the scheming rat fink has to say for himself which is nothing much claiming houseguest/HoH confidentiality. Russell leaps all over him, and Ronnie just clams up, repeating his confidentiality mantra. He then scurries back to his Ratman Lair while the rest of the houseguests finally get on the same page by - get this – talking to each other to learn what they think first hand! Wow, I would never have thought to talk to my fellow houseguests that I have been spreading gossip about willie nillie for the past two weeks. They troupe into the house where Ronnie plays the role of Evita from the HoH balcony:
Don’t yell at me fellow houseguests,
I was doing the job of rat finks
Everywhere – I lied and schemed my way
Into your confidence and into your alliance
I really need you…
to win this game…
But the masses aren’t buying his song and dance routine this time. Russell, especially, seems agitated – shocking, I know. Ronnie slinks into the HoH room muttering he should have put Russell up. Well, yeah, doofus.
Casey tells us that Ronnie the Rat has not come out of his hole. When he does come out, Russell is lying in wait for him to taunt him in the oh so clever ways that bullies everywhere have engaged: I am rubber, you are glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you, Ratty Ratterson. Ronnie cries in the diary room and then cries in the HoH bedroom holding the picture of his alleged wife and kitty. He misses her. Awwwwww. Not.
Chenbot hosts the obligatory question and stupid answer session with the houseguests. She, the veteran reporter, wants to know what the feeling is like in the house now. Natalie the observant one, says things are tense and Julie segues into the crazy costumes of the have/have not competition. Jeff and Casey won the drag competition – and I for one could have definitely done without the reminder of Ronnie in the gold bikini. I guess that will be another 18 visits to the therapist for me…
Chenbot then visits Ronnie in his hideaway where he tries to convince that he didn’t put Russell up for strategic reasons and not because he was afraid of him. This coming from a ‘brain’. He claims that the Athletes are his true alliance and he never lied to them. Except when he did. He thinks he has garnered sympathy votes from people in the house, though surprisingly he does not name names. If he did, he might have to go with his mom as one. Well, the only one. He likens his self imposed exile to video gaming marathons. Hopefully, for his wife’s sake, that happens a lot.
Finally, we are at the vote. After the meaningless speeches, it goes like this: Jeff, Jessie, Lydia, Kevin, Casey, Michele, Chima, and Russell voting for the eviction of Laura and Natalie trying so spice things up by voting for Jordan. Laura exits and gets her last 2 minutes of fame with Julie. Julie wants to know why Ronnie went after her and not Russell and Laura says it was because she was an easier target. And that she wouldn’t have beaten him up. She thinks the hamsters would be stupid to keep Ronnie around. Laura, did you get to know your fellow houseguests? They pretty much share one brain with the IQ of a turnip. I’m sure Ronnie’s transgressions will all but be forgotten by the time the day is over.
The HoH game is basically a giant skee ball set. The hamsters will have to launch a ball and try to get it into one of the buckets that are numbered lowest on the outside of the ring and highest in the middle. One hamster, one ball. Highest score wins. Michele, up first, scores a 4 that Jessie immediately conquers by scoring a 6. Kevin, Natalie, Lydia, Russell, Chima, and Jordan fail to knock him out but Jeff ties him by also scoring a 6. Casey is last to go, but his ball just bounces off the rim and he cannot beat them. In a shoot off, Jessie again scores a 6. Jeff launches a throw that looks right on target, but it end up bouncing off the rim of the bucket and out of play. Jessie is HoH again.
And that’s the show, folks. Stay tuned for Sunday’s show when we find out who will be suffering through America’s food choices, who will be nominated, and we will know if there is still room in the HoH room for Jessie and his ego. My bet is no.