Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to bring you all the hamster happenings. And happenings there have been. Last week we said goodbye to Braden as he lucked out and got to escape the Habit trail madness. In a clique against clique showdown, Ronnie was victorious and will wear the crown as well as the bed up in the penthouse, otherwise known as the HoH room. If you missed Thursday’s episode, never fear, our resident snarky amphibian, MsFroggy, has recapped it brilliantly for you here.
After watching the inevitable recap we hear comments from Jordan and Michele that they knew they had the votes, so someone switched at the last moment. Oh, the drama! Who could it be? We all know that Ronnie was the rat fink who went against his alliance to vote out Braden. Why, we can only speculate because it makes no sense to me, but I believe that super nerd Ronnie really wants to be one of the cool kids who he perceives to be the Athletes. Ronnie – did you watch last year? Did you see what a tool Jessie is? And these are what you want to be a part of? Perceiving himself to be somewhat at risk he practices the age old blame game of rat finks everywhere. Who does he blame? Michele. He references himself as ‘Darth Ronnie’. Oh, please. Like your high pitched nasal whine could be anything near as cool James Earl Jones’ deep bass. I think of you more of a Jar Jar Binks, myself.
Back in the pool room, Jordan, Jeff and Laura are puzzling out who could have turned. Jeff strains his poor brain thinking, but Laura has Ronnie’s number. She lays it all out for them and I find myself rethinking her intelligence level. She says Ronnie is playing both sides of the house. Cue the rat’s entrance. Laura asks him why the game is so stressful and plays Ronnie perfectly with a little sympathetic hug. Ronnie goes running back to the jocks to tell them the other side of the house is sweating bullets. Russell, in his infinite muscular wisdom, says Ronnie is the ‘mastermind of the house’. Well, look what he is up against. Russell – it’s not like being a mastermind is an achievement with you lot. I swear, the average IQ in the house has got to be a -7.
Just when I was thinking Laura may have some brains at least half the size of her left boob, she decides it is a good idea to confide in Natalie and Chima her suspicions about Ronnie. What do those two pocket protectors do? Yup – run right to Ronnie to tell him what Laura said. And that she took their lunch money. Ronnie decides that this may be a good reason to put Laura up.
All these happenings and we haven’t even gotten to see Ronnie’s HoH room yet – gosh, wouldn’t want to miss the soundtrack to Legally Blond, the Musical or a giant bubble maker. Yeah, because that is just like a light saber. Darth Nerder has his revenge.
Later on in the backyard, Ronnie happens upon Jeff, Laura, Jordan, Michele and Casey in the back yard trying to figure out what went wrong and why was Chima still in the house. They each stated they voted to evict Chima. Odd, because they all know that someone there did not. Even this lot can figure out that there are 6 people and only five votes for Chima. Casey lets Ronnie know that he thinks it is Ronnie who changed his vote. Ronnie goes on the defensive and says that Casey is paranoid and states that the one who points the finger is the one who is usually responsible. Except in this case, Ronnie. Casey realizes that it is never a good idea to call out the HoH and thinks he may have a target on his back now.
Ronnie announces it is time for a Luxury competition! What, already? Oh, I see, they are pimping out a movie that is premiering soon. I won’t pimp it here, because I don’t see any of those royalties, but I will say that Katharine Heigl is one fine looking woman. Just saying. And who will be hosting this event? None other than Renegade Dan, last year’s winner of Big Brother.
Dan tells the hamsters that there will be one male and one female winner. They will take turns by gender answering questions about the opposite sex housemates, ‘the ugly truth’, if you will. After each round, the person with the most right answers will win the movie showing.
The guys are answering first. First question is about Lydia: Which tattoo would she not want to see on her new boyfriend – the logo of his favorite boy band or his ex-girlfriend’s name? Lydia comes out dressed to the muscle and declares the girlfriend tattoo would bother her more. Especially if she dated her as well, I’m guessing. Rimshot, please. For Jordan, which pick up line would work better – my guess is the one that doesn’t confuse her. What would Chima be more likely to do to an ex – egg his car or take his best friend on a trip to Australia? Would Laura be more likely to reject a bald guy or a guy with a hairy back? Would Michele be more likely to choose a surgeon or a fireman for her boyfriend? And would Natalie be more upset if she took a boy to Hawaii and he brought stuffed animals or a picture of his mother? Scintillating stuff, I tell you. At the end of it all, it was Casey who will be seeing the movie. He hopes that it is anyone but Chima who he gets to see it with. We all know how this will end, right?
Now the girls. Would Jeff prefer to date a football fan or a dimwit cheerleader? Would Jessie prefer a little junk in the trunk on his girl or some high quality headlights? (did he have the choice of neither?) Would Kevin write his boyfriend a smushy love poem or a humorous limerick? Would Ronnie rather his wife dress up as a sultry space princess at a comic convention or sexy lingerie in a hotel room? (Space princess, in case anyone cares.) Would Casey do a robot dance or a rump shaker to get a girl? Would Russell end the relationship if a girl turned off the prize fight or if she made him watch her favorite musical time after time? It all ends in a 3 way tie. The tie breaker is a question from Dan – how many minutes would Dan wait before he kissed a girl on the first date? Chima wins when Dan reveals it would be 243 minutes. Poor Casey.
Since Casey and Chima won, they have to decide who will be the have nots this week. The Brains are excluded since Ronnie won the HoH. Casey wants the Athletes to suffer, but Chima wants the Populars. When Casey tries to protest, Chima reminds him that the Brains are in control by way of Ronnie and it would not be in his best interest to go against her. Ooooh, someone is feeling the power, isn’t she? Casey capitulates and Chima can mark some more friends off her already short list of those in the house.
Laura, Casey, Jordan and Jeff make a plea to Ronnie to keep them off the block, if he pleases – they are sure that even if they should go up as a pawn, any one of them would go home. Jeff ponders why Ronnie and the rest of the household is so afraid of Russell. Ronnie says maybe they should back door Russell – but the Populars are worried. Later on, Ronnie claims to Jessie and Natalie that it is the Populars who want to back door Russell. Jessie tells him that Russell is not after Ronnie. When Ronnie runs, Jessie tells Russell that Ronnie is scared of him.
And it is finally nom time. Ronnie makes a stupid speech that I wasn’t listening to and the names are read out as follows: The Brains, Michele and Chima by default, then Jordan, Casey, Lydia, Natalie, Jessie, Kevin and finally Russell. Laura and Jeff are on the block. Laura wants to yell out ‘I told you so!’ and Jeff says it hurts to be nominated and Ronnie is playing the game 100%. Ronnie claims in the Diary Room that Jeff is just a pawn and he wants to backdoor Russell. Yeah, brave words when no one can hear them, Ronnie.
And that is all folks – stay tuned to Tuesday’s show to see if Ronnie will stay strong or wimp out at the first sign of a wedgie. See you then!