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Thread: 7/17 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

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    Magical Elf MFWalkoff's Avatar
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    7/17 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    (This recap covers Noon Friday-Noon Saturday, BB time)

    I’m feeling that pit in my stomach again, that same heavy, leaden feeling I got during the early weeks of season 9. The feeling gives way to a question that I can’t prevent from leaving my lips and soaring into the universe: “What if there is no one for me to root for this year?” Hopefully one or two of these hamsters will eventually step up and give me a reason to be a fan. Until then, I remain an equal-opportunity snarkist.

    Fish Gotta Swim and Beds Gotta Fly

    If you watched during the first four hours of this shift…you were staring at the fishtank! Goodness, just go out and throw a ball around or something! The Have/Have Not competition took a long time to complete, possibly due to a series of motivational speeches given by the rumored guest-host for the comp, BB10 Winner and All-Around Cutey-Pie Dan! Hopefully he was able to remind this crew that they are supposed to be having fun while they are here.

    When the feeds finally return, we see that the Populars have lost, which means that Laura and Jordan are on slop, taking cold showers, and sleeping in the $39-a-Month Storage Room (have we agreed on a name for this room yet? Ice Room? Doom Room? I’ve seen so many). They are both crying over being utterly “railroaded” by the rest of the house since the game began. Jeff tries to comfort them with the thought that the others are probably being portrayed badly on TV. (Not bad enough, Jeff) During the comp, Jeff apparently made another game-related blunder involving underwear and a cheerleader outfit. He’s getting more worried about his own portrayal:

    Jeff: “I already look like an idiot, I don’t want to look like a superficial idiot!”

    Heh. Other tidbits we pieced together about the competition:
    • Dan appeared “uncomfortable” from all the tension and hostility displayed between the current hamsters during the comp.
    • Lydia didn’t watch season 10, but thought that Dan had a “devilish” streak inside him. She was not overly impressed by him, saying he was “whiny”.
    • Jessie was baiting Dan, and vice versa. At one point Dan remarked “Bitter, party of one!” and made ape noises.
    • Jordan thought that Dan was making eye contact with her.
    • Jeff thought that Dan was making eye contact with him.
    • Some kind of fight or argument may have broken out during the game; Chima threatened Casey with eviction if he didn’t bury the Populars, and talked smack about Jeff & Jordan’s friendship, as well as Laura and Jordan’s chestal regions.
    • There was also a luxury prize won by Casey, Jeff and Chima – a movie night outside the house, most likely The Ugly Truth starring Katherine Heigl, whom Chima doesn’t like as a person.

    "We’ll see who makes a monkey out of me, Dan…”

    Up in the HoH, Ronnie reaffirms to his Jock buddies that Laura is the sole target this week, with Jeff probably going up as the pawn, although Russell would prefer to give Casey the smackdown sooner than later. After commiserating with Russell about Casey, Jessie goes down to the Pool Room and strikes a détente with Casey, making sure that they are not in each other’s crosshairs. Jessie tries to convince Casey that he can still negotiate with the Jocks (even Russell), but that the others are impossible to reason with. They leave the meeting with “no secret handshake” but an agreement to keep channels open. Interestingly enough, Lydia and Kevin are in the Spa Room, talking about how Casey, their own clique-mate, nearly threw the comp. Does anyone in this house actually like anyone else in this house?


    Just call me Goldilocks, bitch, ‘cause I will cut a bear!!

    Downstairs in the Red Room, Chima is having a conniption because Michele apparently took over her bed while she was in Cold Storage last week. Natalie matter-of-factly states that whoever wants to sleep in the Red Room will have to deal with her being up all night anyway. (Jeez, girl, even Evel Dick was considerate enough to take his show out to the patio.) Chima tries to claim Jeff’s bed instead, saying that he is using it by her good graces anyway. Natalie tries to talk her into taking Michele’s bed by force instead, but she decides to keep Jeff a bigger mortal enemy over Michele.

    Ex-HoH Jessie isn’t sure where he’s going to sleep; Natalie suggests that he and Lydia claim a bed in the pool room quick. What a sophisticated threesome they are. Casey walks by, and suddenly he becomes the target of gossip between Nat, Chima and Jessie, who retells his previous conversation as if he made Casey cry. But the gossip-gun quickly turns back on Jeff, this time for kidnapping the Lindbergh baby and inventing cancer. These are the people that Casey can reason with?

    Chima gets an audience with Ronnie the Rat in the HoH, where she guns for Jeff. Of the Jocks, Ronnie wants to dump Russell before Jeff, but Chima thinks Russell is more valuable since Jessie and Nat have his back, which means more allies for the Brains. Ronnie goes off into a starry-eyed soliloquy about how his HoH will be his “defining moment”, as America rolls its eyes. All it means is that he is going to be outed as a Jock puppet, and make permanent enemies of Jeff, Jordan, and his teammate Michele. And those are just the ones he’ll know about!


    You just know this is going on in Ronnie’s head, day and night

    After their talk, Chima walks by Michele, who is making chicken parmagiana in the kitchen; she washes her hands and no words are exchanged. Jessie and Casey eat at the dining room table, and Casey woefully says “I should be happy. I won.” A wise Michelle tells him, “That's not how it works.”

    Upstairs, Ronnie decides for sure that it’s going to be Jeff and Laura on the block, and nearly cries at the awesomeness of this moment in his life. Mixed metaphors like “going all balls” and “cocking the hammer of the gun” flow from his neck, as Jessie and Chima pump him up till he nearly bursts from the wonder of the history he is about to set in motion…and he didn’t even need a joystick!

    Later, the feeds go to trivia for a bit, and when they return, sure enough, a crying Laura and a by-now unsurprised Jeff are this week’s nominees. And so begins The Era of Ronnie.

    Russell talks to Ronnie, expressing his fears during the ceremony when Ronnie pulled out his key last. But it was just to throw the others off the scent; before the ceremony, Jeff, Jordan and Laura thought if two of them went up, it was with the understanding that Russell would be backdoored after the POV. Now Russell wants to move in on Jordan and gain her trust, since Laura is the real target anyway.

    Even after the ceremony, the inconsolable Jordan and Laura still want to believe that this all wasn’t really Ronnie’s idea. Laura doesn’t plan on campaigning; if she doesn’t win POV, she’s ready to go. Jordan tells her that if she won POV, she would save her over Jeff (!) because of the huge target she and Jeff make as a couple. She’s officially over this house and this season of BB, and ready to go home too.

    Casey tries to be profound while doing dishes: "The mob mentality around here is an amazing bit of sociology…" Jeff starts feeling the weight of his situation, and tosses his dish in the sink: “Guess I don’t have to wash this!” But he harnesses his inner scumbag and decides maybe he should wash it.

    Upstairs in the HoH, Lydia and Chima come up with ways of getting into Laura’s head to throw her off her game in the POV; Chima’s brilliant idea is to tell Laura that her breasts are too big. Aaaand, I’m done.

    From this point on, the house plays out like a French door-slamming farce (if the actors were too stupid to remember to slam any doors). Let’s see if we can follow the fun:

    Jessie and Russell talk. Bad Guy to them: Ronnie

    Russell talks to Michele in the kitchen, attempting to bond. Bad Guys: Jeff/Jordan/Laura

    Laura, Casey, Jeff & Michele talk in the BY. Bad Guys: Jessie & Ronnie

    Russell and Jordan talk about the Have/Have Not comp. Bad Guys: Chima, Lydia, Nat, Jessie, Russell (to Jordan), Nobody, except maybe Jeff (to Russell)

    Natalie mentions to Jessie that she saw Russell actually talk to Jordan! Bad Guy: Russell

    (Note: Natalie has a habit of obstructing/dropping her mic and sneaking in a whisper to people here and there, thinking she is outsmarting BB and the viewers. Memo to Nat: We noticed.)

    Russell brings alcohol out to Laura, Casey, Jordan and Jeff on the patio, and promises to hang out with them, even though it may look bad since they are ‘the other side’. Bad Guy: Nobody! (but Jessie, Nat, Chima, Ronnie and Lydia implied)

    Natalie, Chima and Kevin come outside, and Russell slowly gets quiet. Talk turns to joking speculation about who may be lying about something. Casey whispers that he bets Nat is really 25(!). Bad Guy: Natalie

    Lydia, Ronnie, Natalie and Jessie can’t believe Russell is hanging out with the enemy, and start seriously speculating about backdooring him. Ronnie wants to get back at every bully who ever harshed on a geek in high school. Chima still wants Laura out, Kevin still wants Jeff out. Lydia wants to know how much face-time she is getting on the shows. Bad Guys: Pick ‘em

    Ronnie wants a Mohawk, but in the DR is told that he has to wait until after the POV ceremony, for show continuity’s sake (meaning, they love to edit interviews and events out of sequence in the shows, but it doesn’t work if someone’s hair is drastically different from scene to scene. Bad Guys: Big Brother

    Michele and Natalie have a heart-to-heart, or rather Michele opens her heart and Natalie keeps talking like she’s being interviewed after a match. Bad Guys: Nobody {but they lie!)

    Russell walks inside and stages a classic paranoid rant at Lydia while she’s innocently talking to Chima, Kevin and Jessie. The group is taken aback, and Russell walks back out to the patio to his new buddies. Bad Guy: Whoever took Russell’s milk money in kindergarten

    Ronnie tells Jordan the plan to backdoor Russell, which may no longer be a lie. He manages to badmouth Laura too, just to keep Jordan off-kilter. Bad Guys: Russell and Laura

    Ronnie brings in Casey on Operation: Russell; Casey seems to come on board. Bad Guy: Still Russell

    Jessie tries to show Russell how he was out of line for blowing up before. Bad Guy: Still that kid from kindergarten

    Jordan goes to Laura and blabs about the new plan. Laura doesn’t believe it for a second, and thinks that Jordan is being set up. Bad Guy: Ronnie; Meanwhile, Lydia goes up to Ronnie in the HoH for sympathy and physical contact after being yelled at by the big scary juicer. Bad Guy: Back to Russell, and eventually Natalie just for kicks

    All night, Jessie, Jeff and others indulge themselves by speaking in fake Irish brogues. Bad Guy: Anyone who told them it was funny or sexy

    Natalie and Jessie work Jeff over, trying to convince him that they are working for him this week, and that he should trust them; Jessie even says “You can take that to the bank!” Bad Guy: Braden (!)

    Jordan, Laura and Casey swap HoH stories, and decide to remain skeptical but keep an ear open to see how things fall this week. Bad Guy: Maybe Ronnie, maybe not

    Russell talks to Ronnie and tries to defend his blowup before, saying he was trying to have a night without game talk where everyone is friendly, until Lydia was sarcastic and ruined it for him. He thinks Ronnie should step in and tell everyone to stop being so mean, as if being HoH means being everyone’s father or something. Bad Guy: Russell’s father, and maybe an old girlfriend who didn’t believe in him

    Jeff (remember him?) tells Ronnie simply, “Ya got me!” Ronnie tells him to hang in there, there are plans unfolding. Ronnie then finds Laura and basically says the same thing. Bad Guy: Who the hell knows at this point?

    Later, Jeff and Jordan swap stories, and wonder who the hell to believe. Bad Guy: Skippy, otherwise they would so be all over each other


    Kevin realizes why it’s hard for him to even get noticed in the house

    As everyone else goes to bed, Jessie, Lydia and Jeff stay up while Jessie tries to impart all his Big Brother wisdom upon Jeff. Jeff implies that if he stays and makes HoH, he will remember this talk. Bad Guy: Whoever recommended to Jessie that he see The Karate Kid

    Finally, after some gross cutesy talk between Lydia and Jessie, everyone goes to sleep, and BB lets them all sleep until about 9AM BBT. Everyone gets dressed, and soon after we see bubbles instead of fishes, as they pick players for the POV. When we return, we find out that the players are Ronnie, Jeff, Laura, Casey, Natalie…and Russell. Interesting! And just to make sure it never gets too interesting, Lydia is picked to host. (Man Ronnie, you really are a rat!)

    Here’s an artist’s rendering of an atom splitting, also known as this week's Alliance Wheel:



    As we leave this maze of lab rats, Ronnie Palpatine is convinced that his master plan is in effect, and that things are unfolding as they should. Whatever that master plan is, we’ll probably find out in the DR on Thursday. He’s just that shifty!


    "Her fellow Houseguests may judge her by her looks, but she says, 'Don’t judge a book by its cover!'"

    Thanks to ThinkPink, JustJuls and waywyrd for screencap inspiration!
    Last edited by waywyrd; 07-20-2009 at 10:21 PM.

  2. #2
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Re: 7/19 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    Those screencaps and captions are hilarious! Well done, MFW! Also, the bitch chains on the alliance wheel are a nice touch.

    This especially got me.

    Just call me Goldilocks, bitch, ‘cause I will cut a bear!!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  3. #3
    CCL
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    Climbing Solsbury Hill CCL's Avatar
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    Re: 7/19 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    Ronnie goes off into a starry-eyed soliloquy about how his HoH will be his “defining moment”, as America rolls its eyes.
    And Canada joins in!

    Great recap, MFW!
    If you type "google" into google you can break the internet.

  4. #4
    I Bleed Scarlet And Gray FireWoman's Avatar
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    Re: 7/19 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    Oh how i have missed the BB Circle of Life..

    this had to be one of the years best recaps! Thanks
    "Irregardless? That's not even a real word. You're affixing the negative prefix 'ir-' to 'regardless', but, as 'regardless' is already negative, it's a logical absurdity!" ~Steve Smith

    "Once I swore I would die for you, But I never meant it like this."

  5. #5
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Re: 7/17 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    I love all your captions, but Kevin surrounded by boobs is killing me!

    Excellent recap, MF! (And happy b-day )
    It was me. I let the dogs out.

  6. #6
    Mullet/Summer Enthusiast AshleyPSU's Avatar
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    Re: 7/17 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    Oh my word, the Ronnie vs Big Brother fight graphic is HILARIOUS!

    You crack me up to no end, MFW!!!

    Awesome recap.

    PS- Sorry I'm so late! Just catching up on my recap reading on this rainy day!
    Wake up and be awesome

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey VelvetHugs's Avatar
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    Re: 7/17 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Let's Play Former Houseguest Roulette!

    I'm not sure who made the alliance wheel but thanks so much! I would be lost without it.

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