(This recap covers Noon Friday-Noon Saturday, BB time)
I’ve decided that I don’t mind being flabby. In fact, I have embraced my flabbiness, and will wear it proudly from now on (except at the beach, of course, I’m proud but I ain’t crazy). And I have Big Brother to thank! As if former muscle-bound castmates (Cappy, Hardy, Scott, Howie, Jase, Zach, Jessie) weren’t enough to sway me, now there’s Russell, Jeff, and Jessie Redux! If these guys are what fitness is about, then bring on the french fries. With gravy!
As my premier shift begins, the houseguests are waiting to play the POV competition, and have just been called in for a lockdown. Inside the house, they find a book titled The Big Brother Dictionary. Chima, Natalie and Ronnie are instantly drawn to it, for surely it must contain clues for the upcoming POV! Most of the other houseguests pass it by, but Chima begins rifling through it up in the HoH, where she, Nat and Two-Faced Ronnie meet to talk game…and turtles (See the end of lildago’s recap from yesterday).
Before heading up, Natalie had a quick convo with Russell in the Ice Room, where he laughed at how Lydia and Jordan had tried to butter him up by rubbing up against him. Natalie reiterated that Lydia needs to go this week, and told him about the dictionary, but Russell showed little interest. Words don’t build muscle!
Hmm…”noun: a muscle used for love." Well, DUH!
Back to the HoH, where the threesome continue to over-read the book, and overthink things in general. After strategizing about who should go up if Lydia is taken off the block (Jordan), Natalie decides they should wait for Jessie to come up so he can “make sense” of it all, because “he’s actually pretty smart, he’s very analytical and he thinks three moves ahead, like in chess.” Oh brother. Natalie is totes into Jessie, which is something that she and Jessie have in common.
After another half-hour of brain-beating, they decide that the POV might be a spelling bee, which Chima the journalist would love. She thinks that Jeff can’t spell. Jeff seems to be their target next week. Apparently the jocks don’t get along, what a surprise…
Meanwhile, Lydia and Kevin are in the Pool Room talking about life and love, and other Lifetime topics. Zzzzz. Kevin disappoints me; he’s supposed to be the sassy, flamboyant gay housemate, but he’s kind of a schlub who just sits there and listens to people. Apparently he is the expendable member of his clique, so unless the Freaks…sorry, Offbeats…get into the HoH, he better watch his back.
Downstairs, a group discussion gets going on the couches. Casey says that this summer is costing him money, since he had to prepay his insurance through the summer. They wonder if his school will have a problem with his behavior and language when he returns. He’s not worried: “What, do I drop the F-bomb too much? It’s not like I’m doing bestiality in here!” That nugget instantly launches a discussion of the nastiest internet videos that everyone has seen. Aaaaand, moving on.
Upstairs, Jessie is shaving while Russell watches. They worry about their “little sister” Natalie’s ability to keep secrets, and wonder how far either of them should take her in the game. Russell is confident that his charm is working on all the girls, while Jessie is concerned about Braden’s slyness and hidden talents (Sly? Talents? Really?). They agree that there are no lemmings in the cast this year. (Except for Jessie, who was handed the first HoH and hasn’t had to really do anything but talk about himself all week.) Jessie is self-aware enough to know that once he gives up the HoH key, he is an instant target. He says he was so close (he used a foul, misogynistic term for ‘so close’) to putting up Lydia and Jordan instead of Chima, just to break that team up. Russell says that would have been a smart move.
We are here to pump each other up!
They talk together for quite a while. I’ll give them this, they never stop strategizing. Downstairs, Lydia is still in the Spa Room, only Jeff has replaced Kevin, and they aren’t even talking. Jordan comes in and starts massaging his back and getting flirty. Life is good. Between massages and snuggles, it’s clear that Jeff is not liked by his own clique, and that he’s open to other offers, especially ones with boobies.
Three-Faced Ronnie has a heart-to-heart with Laura, to dispel notions that he is after her. He then meets Jessie in the Storage Room, and reports that Jordan, Lydia, Jeff and Braden are “tight” enough to be concerned about. Casey might be in the mix, but he’s too much of a wild card at the moment. Jessie asks him about Laura, and all Ronnie can say is that he’s not sure if she’s coming after Jessie. Jessie leaves and Ronnie turns one of his faces to the camera and quips, “Who knows who to believe in this house?” And it’s still only Week 1, folks.
Ronnie then joins Russell and Laura in the Spa Room, where Russell is working his “charm” on her. Meanwhile, Jessie and Natalie are snuggling in the Red Room. Jessie complains that BB took a shirt that he was wearing because “they got phone calls,” although they wouldn’t go into specifics. I find this hard to believe, mostly because I don’t remember Jessie wearing a shirt outside of competitions since he entered the house. Natalie says she’d like to see Jeff win the POV, just to see what he does to reveal his true loyalties. Jessie doesn’t think she’ll ever get the chance to find out, as Jeff won’t ever win a competition.
Lydia goes up to the HoH to retrieve the dictionary, and Four-faced Ronnie interrogates her about being up there as she heads for the Pool Room to read. Jordan, Braden and Jeff are in there, and they call Ronnie in to see if he’s sprouted any more faces in the last hour. Ronnie uses his tap-dancing abilities to steer the conversation toward dissing Chima. He’s so light on his feet!
An oblivious Chima re-retrieves the dictionary, while most of the women make themselves pretty for the POV. While studying, she chats with Kevin, Ronnie, Michele (remember Michele? I don’t!), Braden and Laura. The banter swings from game to sex to conspiracy theories, while the clock ticks and ticks and ticks. Finally around 6PM BBT, several houseguests are each called to the DR, and at 7PM, we hear a brief bit of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” before the feeds go to fishes, followed by this swank new game-specific graphic:
Yowza! Thanks, BB (and in this case I mean Big Bird, since TPTB seem to be talking to us feeders like we’re 5 years old)! The POV won’t be a long one, since After Dark starts in less than two hours.
Sure enough, just 10 minutes before BBAD begins, the feeds return, and we eventually learn that Russell won the POV, although it turned out to be a nail-biter between him and Chima. It was indeed a spelling bee, combined with some climbing and button-pushing of some sort. The important details to know for later in this recap: Russell won with the word “shotgun”, and Jeff went out on the word “tectonic”, instead going for humor by spelling “technotronic” when he got lost in the middle. Got that? Write it down!
During the 3 BBAD hours, the houseguests manage to sit around like lumps, following the tradition of two casts before them. They think that if they behave better during the BBAD show, that people won’t find out about what they do and say the rest of the time. Bzzzz, wrong!
Some moments during the lull:
- The Jocks and Laura think Jeff threw the comp with his antics. They are not pleased with him.
- Russell offered Ronnie a glass of wine, but didn’t offer Jeff a glass while he was standing there. Then, Jeff’s fellow Jocks repair to the HoH without asking him along. Jeff later declares his hatred for Russell, calling him all kinds of un-PC names and speculating on various sexual services that he might be performing on Jessie.
- Russell flashed his deal for the internet while changing after showering. Color me impressed. Nuff said.
- The Populars are one disjointed clique; Braden and Jordan don’t seem to be into the game, they just seem happy to be on TV; meanwhile Laura has drifted to the Jocks.
- Casey bemoans the lack of smokers in the house. He asks Jessie if there were any smokers last year, and Jessie informs him that they were out by Week 2 (actually Week 3, when Angie left, but close enough).
- Russell and Casey nearly finalized an agreement to take each other to the Final 2, but Braden walked in on them so they stopped talking. They are not a fan of his, apparently.
- At one point, everyone except Jessie (DR, twittering about wanting to be in the WWE) and Jordan (asleep) was hanging out in the spa room, having an ultra-graphic discussion about sex. Ronnie had to leave and come back out of modesty/embarrassment. I almost joined him; I found the frank talk enlightening, but not at all entertaining.
Just as BBAD is ending, Lydia and Russell, who were hanging all over each other in the kitchen, start talking some serious game. Russell tells her that Natalie told him that Lydia would put him up if she won HoH. Lydia lays out scenarios for him and the Jocks under an HoH by any of the other cliques next week – it doesn’t look good for him. She says she would not put him up, as they continue to wrap around each other while chatting. Who’s charming who here? Russell tells her that Lydia wasn’t the original target, but all the Jocks couldn’t get together on a vote (Jeff was AWOL); Laura was supposed to be on the block with Chima, but Natalie’s influence won out in the end. Lydia leaves Russell to think hard about the dynamics of his Jock clique.
Meanwhile in the spa room, Chima starts telling the others she was raped and beaten by a serial killer. She wasn’t killed because she kept fighting, but she had to have two surgeries on her face to correct the damage. (Note: The serial killer she named was executed in Texas earlier this year, and there are searchable news articles that back up her story). This brings the room down a little, and talk turns from sex to lab animals and stem-cell research. Oh, just go to bed, people!
In the kitchen, Lydia tells Jeff that he needs to make nice with Russell, but Jeff will have none of that. He scoffs at Russell’s claims that he wins competitions and Jeff doesn’t, since Russell lucked out at the last minute to beat Chima in the POV. At this point, Jeff assumes he is going home next.
Talking to Ronnie next, Lydia gives him the highlights of her convo with Russell, and can’t believe that Jessie is letting Natalie (“an 18-year old”, heh heh) run his HoH so freely. Then they both compare wounds they suffered during the POV, and resolve to talk to Michele tomorrow to try to sway her vote Lydia’s way. (Again, who is Michele?)
Then she talks again to Jeff, who agrees with her that Little Nat has been on a power trip during Jessie’s HoH. She then stands in the hallway, listening to Kevin and Michele talking to Natalie in the kitchen, basically saying they don’t know which way they will vote (hello Kevin, Lydia is in your clique, you boob). Natalie is pressing them to “vote with the house” as it’s the smart thing to do. Five-faced Ronnie splits his time between this convo, Lydia, and running upstairs to try and horn his way into a conversation between Natalie and Jessie on the couch. Ronnie reports his findings to the Power Couple as usual, and Jessie’s head is about to explode from all the confusion. Then Natalie goes downstairs, and Laura goes up but is shooed away. Then Lydia goes upstairs, has some kind of physical play with Jessie over flinging yogurt and water, and ends up in the HoH with Jessie and Ronnie, probably where she intended to be in the first place. We may be watching a genius at work here.
After some more horseplay, they decide to have a serious talk, and Ronnie is given a few dollars to go to the movies. Ronnie finds Michele and tells him everything he’s heard tonight, and they make plans for their glorious reign next week. Casey is a target, because he bugs them. Also Kevin. Ronnie figures the vote this week is going to be tied since she is voting for Chima. Michele says of course, she likes Chima, who is sassy. Ronnie reiterates the need for the Brains to get HoH next week. Throw another face on the pile, Ronnie.
Upstairs, what begins as small-talk progresses as a serious heart-to-heart between Lydia and Jessie (it’s after 5AM on the East Coast kids, you couldn’t do this during BBAD?) They both lay their feelings, relationships, and games on the line, and they seem to be making a connection, and are frank in confronting each other about the weaknesses in each other’s cliques. They start replaying almost every day in the house to date, and add what they wish had happened or had been said, instead of what they are faced with now.
Natalie gets wind that Lydia is still up there with her man, and goes up to “say goodnight”. Jessie brings her into the conversation, where Jessie has her tell Lydia why she was put up. “I wanted you up because someone told me you wanted me up” is her reply. And with that, the air begins clearing on just about every negative feeling that has occurred between these three people since entering the house. Is Lydia a secret mastermind at this game, or did she merely get tired of being “offbeat”? It’s hard to say, but we are watching a real shift in the house in either case. They (Jessie especially) speak to an awareness of their situations in the house that I didn’t think they possessed. That may not be a compliment, since nobody in the house has shown that they can keep a secret or even keep their alliances straight, but still it’s surprising. In the wake of their talk, none of them can think of anyone else in the house quite the same way as before. Braden is probably the biggest casualty, for telling Lydia one thing and Natalie another about what he would do if he had won POV (even though he didn’t play).
Master manipulator…or just plain horny? You decide!
After another hour or six of this sharing, they hug goodnight and resolve not to be forthcoming to the others about their little summit. Nat stays behind, and she and Jessie wonder if they can get Russell to take Lydia off in order to put up Braden and vote him out instead. Jessie isn’t convinced that Lydia was being sincere, but Natalie gives him her hypnotic stare and says she thinks she was telling the truth. Yes, Master…
Suddenly, they hear someone stirring downstairs. It’s Russell, so they drag him upstairs to fill him in on all the revelations of this long, late night. Russell isn’t convinced; his firsthand experience tells him that Lydia is the most manipulative person in the house. They start reviewing who they can trust, and whose vote they can count on. Casey is a bag of poop but might be reasoned with. Michelle is solidly in their corner, as is Ronnie (HA!). Jordan is a no. Laura is feeling too comfortable with them. The Power Couple try to sell Braden as the real troublemaker to Russell, from everything that Lydia spilled. Russell still wants Lydia out, because she is too good (scary even) at swaying people. If they decide to backdoor Braden, he’d still prefer to take Chima down.
They also hint to Russell some of the things that Jeff said about him earlier tonight (Lydia spilled the beans on that one; she’s no longer a fan of his), but didn’t get into specifics for fear that The Love Muscle would pound Jeff into a wall and get kicked out. They spend a while ripping Jeff apart, which is all they can do for now since he is still a part of their team. Russell says he went off on Jeff in the DR, watch for that this Tuesday! The word “technotronics” comes up several times. To be fair, Russell also admits that he lucked out in the POV; he grabbed a ton of letters so that others couldn’t make big words, but most of his letters turned out to be consonants, which left him in the weeds until the last minute.
Since Braden likes to stir things up, they think that maybe Russell should pick a fight with him in the morning to call him out, and see where things land. They should also bring everyone else up for a chat to make them feel included in the switch if they do backdoor him, in order to cover themselves. Russell will talk to Casey and Michele to make sure they have their support.
Finally, everyone goes to bed. About five minutes later, Jordan wakes up and starts cooking breakfast. Casey joins her soon after, and they chat about dieting, exercise, home, and gossip. Gimme a break, guys!
The others don’t stir for a while, as BB decided not to give them a wake-up call this morning. Ronnie and Lydia compare war wounds again, and wonder how to style their hair today (Ronnie wants devil’s horns...is this guy a sociopath, or does he just see himself as an avatar in an RPG? We’re not quite sure yet). Russell starts a workout session in the backyard, while Casey hits the elliptical. Ronnie chats with Laura, Jordan, and Jeff in the kitchen, and says he worried about coming on the show because everyone else would be “hot, cute and skinny” while he is “fat and ugly”. They all tell him to shut up and stop thinking that way. Jeff sweetly tells him he is the cutest guy in the house! Then Ronnie remembers what his wife tells him whenever he is down on himself: "Being pretty on the outside is an accident, and being pretty on the inside is hard work." Of course Ronnie is a two-faced player, but I’m sure he’s nice in real life…
It’s pretty much small-talk from there until about 11:30AM BBT, when a fight erupts between Russell and Jeff in the backyard. Several people are lounging by the pool to witness it, but the feeds missed the beginning of it, so it’s hard to say what set Russell off. But off he went! He repeatedly ridicules Jeff’s goofy “technotronics” move in the POV, and accuses Jeff of floating through the game, and being a lousy teammate. He tells him that if he weren’t in his clique, he’d evict him right now. Jeff calls Russell an idiot, a dork, a bitch, and something else that will most likely get him in trouble with GLAAD. He tells martial artist Russell to get in the ring with a "real" boxer and see what happens. Russell keeps ragging on Jeff’s intelligence and his hometown of Chicago. Jeff says he wishes he could knock him out right now, and they go back and forth on each other’s spelling abilities, as well as their desire to appear on TV with their shirts off rather than play the game. Sheesh. Now I remember why I hated the jocks in high school.
Russell goes into the house, and then Jeff takes it up with Natalie. They argue about why Jeff doesn’t seem to be a part of their team, and whose fault it is (basically, the fight he and Russell should have had if they weren’t both idiots). Jeff feels left out, Natalie thinks Jeff leaves himself out on purpose. They call each other out on things they supposedly said or did, although Nat seems to be able to cite more evidence to her claims. Jeff continues his blue streak, dropping f-bombs right and left at Natalie as if it were still Russell in front of him. It becomes seven kinds of ugly, mostly on Jeff’s side, and he finally announces that his entire team can f*** off, he doesn’t want to be a Jock anymore.
At this point, I will introduce the season's first Alliance Wheel. It's too early in the season for it to be anything close to accurate, plus having to color-code for the cliques makes it a confusing mess. Once the teams split up and people figure out how to become better liars, it will become more clear:
After the fight, Natalie goes inside, and runs upstairs to tell Jessie about the morning’s drama. Unfortunately, Jessie is still asleep, and as my shift ends she is still trying to get him to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Keep watching the feeds (and reading the recaps) to find out how Jessie takes the news, and how it affects their plans for the week. Thanks to waywyrd and ThinkPink for assorted screen-cappage!
Anybody who can tell me who Michele is, please PM me. I still think she’s the real mystery houseguest…