**This recap covers events from noon Wednesday to noon Thursday, BB time**
“They always try to get me to say something cocky in there.”
“Dan, knock it off!”
So begins the Wednesday shift, full of sulking, production talk and BB admonishments, and not a whole heck of a lot else. This is (presumably) Renny’s last night in the house, and one would expect the remaining fishes to go out with a Mardi Gras-caliber bang. But no, Auntie Mame has turned into Margo Channing, and she who is about to die salutes you. Her boas are packed, she’s ready to go. But she doesn’t have to like it!
It’s Dorky HoH Activity Time!
Jerry gets his HoH camera, and instantly flicks a booger on it. Just kidding. The boys and Keesha pose for Col. Mustardpants in the backyard. Renny is coloring her hair inside, but eventually comes out to join them. Afterward, Jerry climbs the spiral staircase so that he can stare down the computer and write his second HoH blog. He wrote his first only a few days into the season:
“The Houseguests that were chosen to be in the house with me shall be in my thoughts long after this is over. The angels are some of the warmest and most loving ladies I have ever had to be around. The guys seem to be searching a little more for an identity but are again sincere in trying to be good Samaritans. I know that they are sincere in their thoughts of me and know that I represent the military and senior citizens in the best of lights.”
Heh, can’t wait to see what a couple of months in the house have done to that outlook. As Jerry searches for his muse upstairs, Memphis and Dan notice that Keesha is upset on the BY couch. Jerry’s photo session has “ruffled their feathers” and Keesha wonders just how much smack Jerry has talked behind each of their backs all season (Oh honey, wait till you see the video). They start writing Jerry’s blog for him: Keesha is the sleeping tiger that made deals with everyone, Memphis the sleeping wolf that made deals with everyone, and Dan the snake that…you get the idea. Hollywood Memphis tries to cheer up the weeping tiger by speculating on the money they will collect in appearance fees after the show ends. Perhaps if Frito-Lay opens a new factory, Keesha can appear at the ribbon-cutting ceremony!
I believe a picture like this is mandatory in these recaps…
Overall, Keesha is getting antsy, and wants the season to end quickly no matter who wins. If this were last season, I’d be agreeing with her, but I actually like the current crew. She and the boys are also antsy because they think another twist is coming, like a returning houseguest (I’d doubt it, kids). Memphis mentions that BB has finally made it clear that Jerry cannot play in this week’s HoH competition, as Col. BB-Expert had wrongly assumed all week. Gee, I was kind of hoping for a live “Dustin” reaction from him this Thursday. Dan wonders if it will be a taser competition, and the last person to drop wins HoH. As the sun sets earlier, the humor gets darker I guess…
When there’s no one to talk to, talk to the audience!
Dan tells us that he wants us to check out his favorite web video EVAR. He says to go to your favorite vid site and type “Smash That GameCube” in the search window. (I did this and got dozens of vids showing people, y’know, smashing their GameCubes. I guess he’ll have to be more specific after he gets out…) He also sits head-to-head with Keesha, and out of nowhere, wonders aloud if the twist could be that one of the houseguests is masquerading their true gender. Keesha responds, “Let's not play that game.” As further evidence that Dan is slowly cracking up (as if the unwashed trunks weren’t enough), Dan volunteers to shave Memphis’ back. He has a flash of clarity halfway into the proceedings and asks if Keesha wants to take over, but he is trapped. You gotta dance with the bromance that brung ya, son.
BB history-drilling and hot dog-grilling fills up the rest of the afternoon, as well as an outside lockdown. Jerry remarks that they aren’t giving us viewers much good TV today. That’s OK, Col. Boogie Nights, we know you’re doing your best for a Wednesday. There’s eating, and packing, and napping. And then, trivia. Apparently there will be a taping with Craig Ferguson this week. It’s so good of him to come back from his vacation just for them. Upon returning, they chat about the appearance: Keesha wonders what network Craig is on, and her hair suddenly turns blonder. Renny made a naughty pun to Craig about how her husband “lays some good pipe.” And for some reason, Jerry just kept saying “Huh!? Huh!?” Must be a Marine joke…
Talk So Small It Could Fit in Your Hand
After the taping, an inside lockdown begins, and possibly some set construction in the backyard for tomorrow. Dan and Memphis play chess outside the HoH, and whisper their concern that Jerry has become edgy. Meanwhile, Jerry is watching the boys play chess on his spycam from inside the HoH. They may be on to something there. At this point, Skippy gets bored (or has an acid flashback) and treats us to wacky close-ups on things and people until they go blurry. Perhaps Skippy was at Woodstock all those years ago, or maybe worked for Laugh-In. Memphis wonders who the other guests were tonight, and Dan guesses Andy Dick. (Yep, Dan is losing it, folks.)
Soon Dan and Memphis are contemplating grilling some extremely frozen pieces of fish for dinner. Man, are they going to miss BB Chef Renny if she goes tomorrow. Soon Jerry comes in to make himself some pork chops, and Renny throws herself into the mix and makes something as well. (For the completists out there, it was an open-faced sandwich of halibut and cole slaw with mustard, on wheat bread) Keesha, of course, is napping during all this dinnertime activity. She’ll just make herself a potato-chip sundae later.
Dinnertime and early evening pass with lots of chitchat and benign game talk...and more napping. If there’s going to be some kind of surprise in the voting tomorrow, these people are great at playing dumb. Renny keeps asking BB to place her suitcase in the storage room so she can finish packing. She obviously knows the plan, even if no one has come out and told her directly.
The evening passes with lots more chitchat about jobs, families and Diary Room sessions, all of which bring about fishes on the feeds. I think we are quickly approaching the day when these people will officially run out of things to talk about. Helicopters take off near the house, and Memphis decides that it’s Julie Chen going home for the day. Keesha says, “Do you really think she goes home in a helicopter?” Memphis says sure, don’t forget who she’s married to. And Keesha, bless her heart, says “Who!?” Try as I may to avoid the easy dumb-blonde jokes, Keesha just makes it so difficult sometimes…
Skippy is going for his Emmy nomination.
Back on the couches, Jerry recalls how BB9’s Adam and Ryan would say awful things about Sheila after she was evicted. He was disgusted and appalled by the way they would make filthy, inappropriate, sexually graphic jokes at her expense. I wonder who will be sitting there a year from now, saying the exact same thing about Jerry. Maybe he started realizing the irony of his statements, because he started worrying about all the people who watch After Dark. What if a schoolteacher or grandmother were watching them say things in the heat of the moment? Incredulous schoolteacher Dan says he doesn’t think they were so bad this season.
Get Out Your Handkerchiefs
Meanwhile, Renny and Keesha have retrieved their suitcases, and are finishing their packing under a gloomy cloud. Keesha is now at the point where she’ll cry over anything. As they pack, people are summoned to the DR to tape their goodbye messages to both of them. Could this get any more depressing? Renny can’t even lighten things up with a wig or a boa – she’s already packed them! The VW Bug on the wall is stripped of all its glitter and glitz. Oh well, as Joan of Arc once said, “This SO blows, you guys!”
Renny says to Keesha, “Why you packing, you know you’re not leaving!” Keesha says she would never be that cocky. But Keesha Marie and Renny Roo can see the writing on the Bug. The girls escape to the patio with the paltry two bottles of wine (and no beer) supplied by BB tonight, and commiserate some more. Renny wonders if she should have won more POVs, as I reach for cyanide, razor blades and a strong rope. I guess the girls won’t be fun drunks tonight.
Memphis and Dan are trying to be a little more upbeat: Memphis has cleaned the kitchen to within an inch of its life; later the boys settle in the living room, bouncing a ball across the coffee table to each other. Meanwhile, Col. Sincerity sits with the girls and bitches about the lack of beer in tonight’s basket of cheer. After Renny leaves to go to the DR, Jerry starts talking game with Keesha. He really did want Dan to go this week, and he reminds Keesha about the twist cooked up by Ryan and Adam last season, where they split their votes to evict, forcing the HoH to break the tie, which sent Sheila to the jury not knowing which one voted her out. He foresees Dan and Memphis making a similar move tomorrow, which would put him in a difficult position. You can see it on Keesha’s face that she is praying for BB to call her to the DR, and sure enough it happens. She gets up with a quiet “yay” and heads inside.
The one bright spot tonight: Renny accidentally walked in on Jerry in the WC, and is now doing impressions of his stance for everyone, with his left hand perched high on his hip. A nonplussed Jerry asks if she’d like him to do impressions of her squatting. How many rooms does that HoH spycam cover again?
The fun never stops with these two.
While the men discuss movies and the internet, Renny Roo and Keesha Marie exchange a tearful hug in the bathroom. Then they grab the wine and head outside, and sink into a maudlin coulda-woulda-shoulda funk about their gameplay. Memphis cheers them up by flashing some beefcake as he goes into the hot tub. Then they cheer themselves up by trashing Dan’s never-washed shorts. They fear that he will lose his job as a Biology and Health teacher for his unhygienic practices. They then marvel at Keesha’s laugh for a while, and educate her on the eating of crawfish. She's never had crawfish, but does eat crabs. Dan brings the conversation full-circle by announcing that he has crabs. Ba-dum-CHEE!
Renny starts reminiscing about Brian’s actions in the house, and how he wanted April to target Memphis if she had won POV that first week. This surprises and angers Memphis, who walks off and rants to Dan how Renny should knock it off, as she is bound to unearth some other unpleasant business that Jerry or Keesha could use against him. Outside, Renny and Keesha look around and wonder if they’ve just done something to tick everyone off. (Uh, yup!)
Dan, Memphis and Keesha regroup to compare notes on the ways in which Jerry has been trying to stir up trouble today, by taking each of them aside and trying to plant doubt in their heads. He told them things like, oh, that Memphis had struck deals with everyone in the house to get to Final 2. Whoops, that one’s true! But Memphis denies/deflects it anyway. They decide that whichever of them wins HoH, they will just lock themselves in there and let Jerry have the rest of the house for himself.
The night winds down with Renny dispensing motherly advice to Dan and Memphis about improving themselves as people. Memphis needs to put the toilet seat down more often. Dan needs to have a good cry. They both have unanswered questions about why their parents divorced; they need to find the answers and confront their fathers. And somewhere in the Hollywood Hills, Dr. Phil starts drooling and allowing his second jaw to unhinge.
The last bit of chitchat before lights-out involves Renny calling April “Nellie Olsen” from Little House on the Prairie. I like it.
Morning comes, and everyone is pushed out of bed into an early HoH lockdown. They are released soon after, and told that the usual HoH lockdown will still happen later. When they descend the stairs, they see that the Memory Wall now contains pictures of them at various moments in the season, each picture containing its own caption (but they’re not nearly as snarky as what you get here at the FORT, trust me folks). Obviously this will come into play in tonight’s HoH competition, so everyone starts studying the wall intently. Jerry walks by and tells them to “study them good!” Thanks, Col. Obvious. Keesha doesn’t like the picture of her grimacing during the water-torture competition. Jerry teases her and calls her Jenn. She decides not to smack him upside the head, which I admire.
Our shift ends as the houseguests are shuffled upstairs for another HoH lockdown, where they discuss the Memory Wall in between naps. My last image is of Renny lying down on the floor in front of the HoH door, trying to listen to what’s going on downstairs. I’ll miss you, Auntie Mame…
A sneak peak of next week? (Cross your fingers!)
What will the fallout be from tonight’s eviction and HoH competition? Check here tomorrow for all of lildago’s play-by-play. Thanks to SnapIt for some of the imagery!
Do you need a good cry as much as I do? PM me.