*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday*
Well, this is a fine way to start my shift. And I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way, either. As I turn on the feeds, I’m treated to a shirtless Dan, getting slathered in suntan glop by Renny, the lucky thing. He then goes to frolic in the pool, playing with the mini basketball hoop and belting out songs that cause Skippy to slap the fish-o-matic button. Okay, Dan, more frolicking and less singing. We’ve had enough of the fishies. The only fish I want to see today is the slab of salmon currently sizzling out on my grill. Renny lounges outside with Keesha, who is still working on painting her beanie lizard. Memphis is hiding out somewhere, and Jerry is taking a nap. Shocker.
By now, everyone but Renny knows that Memphis is going to use the veto to take Dan off the block, and Renny’s all amped up about finding out what’s going on. Keesha is still playing dumb (playing?) and insisting to a worried Renny that she’s not quite sure what Memphis plans on doing. Oh, but she knows. She knows. But Keesha’s not going to share with her BFF Renny, who has a one way ticket to Sequesterville, leaving this Thursday. I’m sure Renny will figure it out soon enough. The writing is on the wall, and it’s written in huge, neon letters. Poor Renny. I hope the jury house is a big one.
Memphis joins the outdoor gang, and Renny makes a beeline inside for a nap, the activity of choice for season ten. Jerry senses a gathering of goodness somewhere, wakes from his slumber, and goes outside to break up the fun. Memphis makes an excuse to leave and goes into the kitchen to find sustenance, leaving poor Keesha and her lizard alone with Jerry. Dan keeps a safe distance in the pool. Jerry blathers on about nothing, but Keesha’s politeness keeps her put for a while. Until she can’t take it anymore, and goes inside to find Renny, who shows her a nifty card trick that amazes Keesha to no end.
A skywriting plane flies overhead, and both Dan and Jerry peer up at the sky to get a better look at it. Jerry backs up, and backs up some more, until - splash! - the old man tumbles backwards into the pool, fully clothed. Dan runs over and asks Jerry if he’s okay, as Jerry moans “Oh, man. That was stupid. I hurt my ass!” Before I have a chance to run away from the possibility of Jerry dropping trou to show us all his injured ass, Skippy throws us in the fish tank as BB comes out to check on Jerry. What did the plane say? Watch where you’re going, dumbass!
Look! It's a bird...it's a plane....oh, $#!%!!!
But, not to worry, the old coot is okay. He’s got a bruise and a scraped leg, but his ego took more of a hit than anything else. He goes on about how embarrassed and foolish he feels, but Dan and Keesha tell him not to worry, it could have happened to any one of them. Jerry’s just glad he didn’t break a hip, and I’m rather disgusted that this is the only exciting thing that happens on my shift. Oh, well, I’ll take what I can get.
So, after the chatter about Jerry’s Big Fall dies down, Keesha and Renny talk again, and it looks like Renny is figuring out that Dan is coming off the block. The guys are close and all, so it makes sense to her. Well, duh. Keesha tells her "good friend" Renny not to stress, since there’s a chance that they could very well vote out Keesha. Even though she knows that’s not the plan. Renny eyes Keesha suspiciously after Keesha says that if she were Memphis, she would want to break the girls up since they were an obvious pair. Keesha asks Renny to put herself in their shoes - what would she do if she were Memphis? Renny still seems bitter about the whole thing as Keesha complains about never being hungry in the house anymore, said in between mouthfuls of some crunchy snack. Yeah, I see why you’re never hungry, girl. Put the snacks down. Back away from the chips.
Outside, Dan and Memphis delicately toss around the idea of voting out Keesha, but let it die. They wonder who they would want in the final three with them, then say they don’t want to talk about it yet. Grr. They agree that the worst case scenario is if Jerry wins the next veto, ensuring one of them would go home. Keesha, whose lying to Renny must have made her paranoid, comes to beg of the guys that if they’re going to vote her out, let her know. Memphis assures her that they’re not voting her out. The guys ask if Renny is wise to their plans, and Keesha says she thinks she is.
Jerry looks at things he shall never have...
Renny later asks Memphis point blank if he was using the veto, and he replied that he wasn’t sure yet, but he was going to do what’s best for him. Renny agrees, but still doesn’t look pleased about it. Jerry, for his part, isn’t thrilled with taking Renny out (he wants Dan gone) but Memphis tries to tell him that they wouldn’t have a chance to win against her. Jerry blusters about swaying people’s votes in the jury house if he doesn’t get his way. Like those fools would listen to him anyhow.
Renny decides to make Dan a football-shaped chocolate cake for his birthday since cheap-ass BB didn’t budget for birthday goodies this season, and does a pretty damn good job of it. Dan works on a craft-kit bracelet for Renny while she searches for the spatula. It's nowhere to be found. Dan sheepishly admits that he hid it in the pool box (I dearly hope he didn’t put cooking utensils in the Jack Shack. Ew.) - but when he goes to retrieve it, it has disappeared. Perhaps the foulness of all the things that have happened in there vaporized the poor spatula. Outside, Jerry plays pool all by his lonesome, nobody being able to bear him long enough to complete a game without popping him over the head with a pool cue.
Jerry comes inside and hamsters scatter to go outside, except for poor Renny, who is still working on the cake. She admonishes the others for leaving her in there alone with Jerry, then asks why they all stopped talking when she came outside. Sheesh. Memphis and Dan feel weird that Renny talks so much about the half million prize money, since they are plotting to get her booted and all. Awk-ward! They reassure Keesha for the bazillionth time that she’s safe this week, but the guys worry about whether Keesha will be on board to get rid of Jerry next week, since she probably thinks she can beat Jerry in the end. Dan and Memphis agree that it’s presumptuous to talk of final two while there are still five people left.
I just don't know why I'm never hungry. *smack crunch munch*
- Dan doesn’t know how to make grilled cheese, and Renny has to show him how.
- Neither Dan nor Memphis know what “toil” means. Try recapping this drivel, I’ll show you what toil means, guys.
- Keesha and Memphis nabbed some white wine and filled the bottle back with water so nobody would know they took some. Because they're both 12 years old, apparently.
- Jerry has been doing his wife’s hair for 40 years. Poor lady.
- Jerry got a Benny Goodman CD for his HoH room. Keesha, fountain of knowledge that she is, never heard of him.
- Renny has a kick-ass art deco kitchen in her home: red sink and fridge, black granite, and an authentic butcher block that took three men to carry.
- Jerry still thinks he can play in the HoH comp next week. Jerry is wrong, wrong, wrong.
- Memphis wants a son first, and will name him Cash Memphis.
- Keesha has been collecting things for her future baby nursery for years.
- Dan insists that he need not wash his shorts, the chlorine in the pool disinfects them. Renny disagrees, saying they probably smell like Clorox and pickles.
And so the evening goes, with Jerry practically begging people to interact with him, Keesha being paranoid, and Renny being pissy. Jerry asks Memphis, the Future Fat Boy of America, to play cards with him but Memphis declines. They have abs class instead, with everyone participating except Jerry. He just sits on the sidelines, looking more irritated by the minute over the dissing he’s getting. The fab four do crunches and some sloppy oblique work until Jerry can take it no more, slapping the deck of cards on the table and stomping off inside.
Having worked off, oh, 15 calories or so, the hammies return to the kitchen to chow down on some more grub. Renny finishes her delish football cake in honor of Dan’s 25th birthday, and Dan shares that his mom and Renny are the only ones to have ever baked a cake for him. Monica threw him a birthday party, but didn’t bake him a cake. Psst, Dan - I’ll bake you a cake any time you want one. Just sayin’. Keesha gets stuck listening to Jerry wax poetic on how much the evicted hamsters’ games sucked, until Memphis wanders by and she hands Jerry off to him as she makes her escape. Jerry then tells Memphis that he had a plan to go to final two with him weeks ago, and thinks that Memphis has “matured” in the house. Memphis resists the urge to slug him, going along with Jerry’s nonsense to keep the (relative) peace.
That Memphis is good, I tell you. He’s got final two deals with Keesha, Dan, and Jerry. Which deal he plans on keeping, I have no idea.
We'll miss you, Renny!
The hamsters break out the Play-doh and make a bunch of nondescript blobs, nothing close to what nutty Nat made last season. Of course, this might be a good thing, after remembering what perverted things Adam and Ryan did to her creations. I’d hate to see Jerry befoul a little clay mermaid. They make the inevitable penises, some dinosaurs, a dolphin, and an ash tray by Jerry. Memphis made a clay Peep, leading into stories of eating stale Peeps (mmm, Peeps) and turning into a discussion of food. Memphis claims that he’s a kick-ass cook on the grill, and I weep as the metal hulk sits in storage, unwon and unused this season. Remember how it blew up in Ivette’s face? Oh, the memories. Burned fingers, charred food...come on, BB, break it out for Dan’s birthday. For Labor Day!
The wine and 2.5 beers that BB so generously handed out tonight have soaked in, and the Fab Four engage in some silliness: pillow fights and chasing each other around the house. Renny pounces on Dan and then Memphis, tickling him mercilessly as Memphis convulses in giggles. “Stop, stop!” he squeaks out. Renny is called to the Diary Room as the other three continue the fun, until Jerry wanders in and kills it dead. When Renny returns, she says that BB told her to settle down, lest us feedwatchers actually enjoy the feeds we’re paying for.
Jerry ambles off to bed around midnight, but the others stay up and play Q&A for quite a while. Favorite movies, places, people, etc. They finally doze off a few hours later than Jerry did. Morning comes, announced by the sound of Jerry hacking up a ball of phlegm and making a trip to the bathroom, then pretending to wash up by turning on the water and waving his hands at it. The others are roused around 9am, and spend the morning prepping for the veto meeting. Keesha complains to Renny that she’s almost out of makeup, while Memphis tells Dan that he’s going to keep his speech short and simple. “The less said, the better,” Memphis says. Dan wants to bring up Memphis’ girlfriend’s name, but Memphis shoots that idea down: “Dude, no. I’m not cool with that.” The feeds go to trivia and we await the end of the meeting....
*Thanks to JustSayin and Snapit for some of the caps!
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