**This recap covers events from noon Wednesday to noon Thursday, BB time**
As the curtain rises on today’s pageant, we find Ollie shaving his cream-covered head as other houseguests primp and preen for…no reason, really. Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show is in reruns this week, so there will be no awkward exchanges with Julie and the Mad Scotsman later. The only game-related business left to do for the week is taping the goodbye messages for April and Jerry in the DR (which we don’t get to see).
Dan is in the sauna, talking to us (or rather, the cameras), detailing how he is going to take apart and eat all the cameras in the house, and when he’s done, go to the manufacturer and start raiding the warehouses. Methinks he’s wound a little tight today. Keesha walks by and asks “who are you talking to?” Ah, let the America’s Player conspiracies continue!
Michelle joins Dan in the sauna, and proceeds to once again “entertain” us with her cutesy baby talk. Hearing her speak like that instantly reminds me why I’m an uncle and not a father. (That’s right, I went there!) The Portuguese Princess begins describing a dream she had where Holly (yes, the stuffed poodle) won HoH. Anyone else wishing for another earthquake right about now?
The afternoon is filled with idle chitchat: comparing stories of living in/visiting Los Angeles; pining for their cell-phones; marveling at their changing sleep habits and fluctuating weight; deciding what to wear tomorrow for the live show; calculating the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow (okay, that time I was just checking to see if you were still with me).
There is a brief interlude where Dan begs Renny to use the HoH bathroom, as Memphis has just used the downstairs WC (which apparently fills Dan with dookie-dread). An increasingly annoyed Renny shuts him down, telling him that the HoH blogging computer is still up there, which means no guests in the HoH. I guess that’s one less pretend-thousand dollars you make as Not-AP, Dan…
Renny receives her HoH camera, which kills some more time. Michelle snaps Renny holding her parents’ pictures by the HoH door. Renny tells April & Ollie to kiss for one photo, but they refuse (oh please you two, people in Siberia have heard about you by now). Ollie finally gives April a peck on the cheek. Renny continues teasing
her boytoyDan by making him take pictures of her, and then posing with him under the spiral stairs.
Michelle then gets the idea to put on her blue-striped shirt so that Renny can take a shot of her being held sideways, and matching the wallpaper. Dan calls Memphis and Jerry over to help with the Hoisting of the Princess; hilarity ensues. Then Dan makes a beeline for the pool, and performs a huge cannonball, getting the camera wet in the process.
Whoa, things got exciting there for a minute, eh? Don’t worry, it didn’t last long. April and Ollie visit Renny in the HoH, where she decides that they have feelings for each other. It’s official, people! April attempts some lovey-dovey sweetness by proclaiming that she won the most of anyone this season…because she has Ollie. Thankfully she didn’t place a monetary value on him as well. But if she had, I’m sure his price-tag would have inflated enormously in a matter of days.
Mr. MagooCol. Jerry has been staring at the washing machine for almost a half-hour, as it taunts him with chugs and gurgles. Apparently he is concerned because he may have put too much soap in with the clothes. To remedy the situation, he does what most men would do: he pushes every button on the thing, hoping one of them will magically fix everything. Even after being called to the DR, he returns to stare down the evil contraption some more. This inspires Renny, Michelle, April and Ollie to bash on most of Jerry’s living habits.
Ed. note: Personally, I’ve reached a saturation point when it comes to badmouthing Jerry. He apologized to Dan this week, and seems to be starting from square one in the house. Not to mention, he has been on a slop penance all season for any wrongdoing he has done. The chances are good that he is not going home this week, but the rest of the season will be an uphill battle for him. Hopefully he will make it to the jury house with some grace and dignity, and enjoy some real food for a few weeks. End soapbox rant.
Michelle, Keesha and Dan are discussing the next HoH. Dan says he would really like to see pictures of Monica. Keesha adds that he and Memphis are the only houseguests left who haven’t gotten pictures (won HoH). Michelle says, “Ollie hasn’t, either.” Keesha comes right back with, “We know what his girlfriend looks like!” ZING!
Small-talk rules the day today. They would love a Twister set. Ollie suggests an Uno deck, and the others love that idea. Jerry (who was pulled away from his Maytag staring contest by an inside lockdown) simply wants a standard deck of playing cards, and they all list the card games they know. Dan wonders if they would give up four nights of alcohol in order to get a deck of cards. The answer is a resounding hellz yeah. But Michelle wants to know if they get the cards forever, or just for the four days. People, do not get between this woman and a bottle of wine, she will cut you!
Fleeting Ollie moment #1: Ollie walks by and says to Memphis mysteriously, “Two is better than one!” Memphis makes his scrunchy “WTH?” face, and goes about his business.
We interrupt this small-talk for a little strategy talk up in the HoH, with Renny and Keesha. Keesha reports that Ollie approached her earlier about the possibilities of these two fine ladies making an Ollie sandwich (okay, he only asked about forming an alliance, but you were wondering for a second, weren’t you!). Keesha refuses to commit to anyone until after the HoH comp. Until then, she will tell people what she thinks they want to hear. Renny must be so delighted to learn that now, with the clock ticking away on her current HoH reign. Renny doesn’t want to trust anybody; she remarks that people will be surprised when they read her HoH blog. They hop to some Michelle bashing, then some Memphis tch-ing, and then they sing of verse of the latest Dan Conspiracy: Renny thinks that he might be April’s brother. Also, this just in: Keesha still isn’t stupid.
Memo to BB: Stop buying the cheap wine. It’s eating away at these poor people’s brains.
Still believing that they are visiting with Craig Ferguson this evening, some of the hamsters make some wardrobe choices. Renny pulls out her pink stainless-steel “Judy Jetson Done Run Away to Be a B-52’s Groupie” wig, and models it. I guess she’s going to show April how it should have been done last week. April has her own ideas: she sports a bikini top, mini-skirt and a pair of, um, Ollie-me pumps. As Michael Kors said this past week on another reality show, “Slutty, slutty, slutty!” Before she goes out with a bang tomorrow, April obviously wants to go out with a series of bangs tonight.
Meanwhile, Ollie pulls Jerry aside and lights a fire under him by telling him (among other lies) that Dan and the others don’t see him as a threat, so they don’t need to get him out just yet. Jerry takes the bait (hell, he’s just glad someone talked to him), and huffs and puffs about who’s gonna get what, just you wait and see! Ollie plants the idea on Jerry’s head about flipping the vote April’s way tomorrow. Could this be a preview of the new and improved, pot-stirring Ollie Solo Action Figure™? With his Barbie Bitch most likely going into the shop tomorrow, he’s going to have to do something to kill the time, so why not play the game a little? Maybe BB finally reminded him that he’s not on “The Real World: Skanxville.” I must admit, to hear April and Ollie talk today, one would think that they are definitely planning a life together after the show ends. However, April is Ollie’s first real girlfriend, and April wants to pose in Playboy (or the least-skanky equivalent that pays enough). We don’t really have to play the video to the end to know how this will end up. Have fun tonight, kids. Don’t put Jerry’s eye out.
Fleeting Ollie moment #2: Ollie helps Jerry unclog the toilet. And that’s all you need to know about that. Trust me.
Killing a few more precious minutes, Dan pulls out his marbles (alas, actual glass marbles), and teaches Memphis the finer points of the game. Later, they plan on exploring some caves in search of Injun Joe.
Remember those golden days when all the cool kids (Memphis, Angie, Michelle, et al) would hang out on the patio and conspire together? Those days are so gone. Michelle is now pumping Ollie to get with her and take on “The Four.” (What a lazy alliance name) She proclaims that Memphis is no longer working for her interests. Now, it’s Michelle and Ollie against the world! (Um, what happened to Jerry in all this?) Well, at least she’s making it easier for them to find her when the time comes.
April and Ollie basically hang out in bed and whisper, when not talking to Michelle across the room, for the remainder of the evening. She counsels him to go after money and prizes in comps from now on. I guess she doesn’t have much faith in him going all the way in the game. Ollie vows to grab what he can.
Later, after BB has granted the houseguests a meager amount of beer & wine, during one of A&O’s long conversations with Michelle, she tells them that she tried out for BB8, and after not making it, and deciding that Jen was her least favorite BB8 hamster, she bumped into Jen. Jen asked her if she's ever tried out for the show, and Michelle replied yes, for Jen’s season. Jen concluded, "I guess I took your spot then!" I tell ya, these reality TV people, they’re a handful…
Dan retreats to the sauna room to read the Book of Daniel, Chapter 10. We know this because Skippy zooms right into the open page. I guess King James isn’t going to come looking for royalties anytime soon.
Fleeting Ollie moment #3: Ollie stuffs April into her suitcase and lugs her, screaming, all over the house. Both of their future therapists will point to this day as “telling, very telling…”
Finally, well into After Dark time, BB starts calling the hamsters into the DR one by one, to tape their goodbye messages for tomorrow. So long Blahblah, you were a fierce competitor. Lather, rinse, repeat. Dan asks Keesha what she is going to say to April in her goodbye message. She says she is going to be sweet, after all April is going to the Jury house, even though she would never give Keesha her vote. Keesha is sure that BB will try to get her to say something a little spicier than that. Perish the thought, child!
Things get boring as Michelle starts a game of “Who Would You Evict?” Mickey or Minnie Mouse? Snow White or Cinderella? Peter Griffin or Homer Simpson? Please shoot me, or please jam a pillow on my face.
Things heat up when Memphis leads Dan and Keesha in some ab exercises on the rug in front of the Memory Wall. Dan and Memphis then scurry off to grab a sauna together, as Renny and Keesha (and we) watch. As Renny always says, there’s somethin’ not quite right about those boys, mmm hmmm…but I digress.
Fleeting Ollie moment #4: April tells him not to have any fun without her, and don’t shower with any of the girls. To which Ollie says, “I won’t. I'll respect you.” And that’s enough of that.
As Dan, Renny and Keesha hang in the kitchen, Dan begins channeling his fellow AP Eric, and as payback for being denied the HoH bathroom earlier, he begins mimicking everything Renny says. Renny becomes more and more enraged, and thumps Dan a couple of times, causing Dan to call (jokingly) for a penalty nomination. After a few rounds, they laugh it off.
The night winds down (or should I say plummets) as Dan reads aloud from his trusty Book of Daniel to Keesha and Memphis. They try not to roll their eyes. In the next room, heathens April and Ollie decide to trash Dan’s faith and hypocrisy once more for old time’s sake.
Apparently, throwing Christians to the lions is hot talk, and soon the Heathen Bunnies get to their Going-Out-of-Business…business…under the sheets. Next door, Keesha hears thumping and thinks Jerry is working out in his room. Then Memphis walks in on the Hot Bunny Love, and finally, just under the wire, everyone is on the same page about those two. Hallelujah.
There was so little game action today that there’s no logical place in the recap to consult the Alliance Wheel, so let’s just slip it in here:
That’s the way the cookie crumbles…
Memphis, Keesha and Dan chitchat in the Hippie Room for a couple more hours, and Michelle gets up to make a snack, but otherwise, the house settles down for the night. In the morning, housecleaning is the order of the day, with a grouchy but still OCD-riddled April leading the charge. Jerry incurs her wrath for only washing his cup and nothing else, and not even washing it well. It seems like everyone has a back to bite this morning. Maybe the wine was a little stronger than usual. In any case, BB closes my shift by calling for an HoH lockdown, and all the harrumphing hamsters file upstairs to be locked in the plush but cramped room, where they mostly nap and avoid talking to each other.
Will their brittle spirits be picked up by an eviction and an HoH competition? Check back tomorrow and see what lildago has to report.
Today’s BB Quote of the Day:
Memphis: At least they give you weapons on Survivor.
Renny: Yeah. And more liquor.
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