**This recap covers events from noon Saturday to noon Sunday, BB Time and is quite possibly the longest recap ever written**
Well folks, tis I, Iguanachocolate, about to try and step into the exalted shoes of AshleyPSU to wade through these boring hamsters lives at the Big Brother house. Personally, I hope these rodents are more fun at home then they are here, otherwise there are probably some deaths from boredom attributed to them in their local precincts. But, things should be good as the PoV was played today and that always brings on some rocking good ass kissing, not to mention that the Feast they won during yesterday’s Food Competition is to be held tonight and rumor has it there will be alcohol supplied. If there is one thing we’ve learned, houseguests with alcohol = fighting and that is good for us feed watchers!
Now, as we all know, the good stuff won’t happen til after the feast, so I am going to employ the ever popular bullet points to bring us through this day and into the early hours of the night:
•Renny made a perennial favorite: slop nuggets
•According to Jerry, conversations in the storage room cannot be heard by the cameras
•Memphis, Jerry and April were the players picked for PoV
•The PoV was called Cry Me a Veto
•April won some designer clothing – note this, it will come back to haunt Keesha later on
•Memphis has to wear an onion necklace for 24 hours.
I am Onion Man! Fear my wrath!
•Surprise, surprise, Jerry wants to use the PoV to take someone down and put Dan up. He seems to be under the impression he picks the replacement.
•He is also under the impression he saved Keesha from certain doom
•He also called Dan ‘Judas’ and something that a pg13 site should not know about.
•Libra is wasting away in the house having dropped to 162 pounds from 179.
•Jerry says the HoH bed has a hump in it, it must be used…. Errr, yes, Jerry. Used for unspeakable acts between the resident ho and her boy toy last week.
Ok, enough of this petty nonsense, let’s get to the good stuff, shall we?
The feast begins and for a while there is a lot of please pass this, please pass that and of course, the requisite lip smacking and chewing with their mouths full. You know, I bet these hamsters have sat at home watching this show on tv and have all said that it is gross to smack and chew with your mouth open, yet here they are grossing out all of us at home. Rude, I tell you.
The wine has been flowing a bit now and Keesha says they should all go around the table and say what they like about each other. Yupper, it’s just a big lovey dove smush fest on Big Brother tonight. Makes for such a good time on the feeds, doesn’t it? Everybody loves everyone else, yada yada yada. Finally, Dan goes and says how he loves everyone and out of all of them, he does seem the most sincere. He tells Jerry that he only had one Grandfather growing up and that Jerry has taught him a lot. Nice and smushy. Jerry seems to think this is some kind of debate and wants to rebut Dan’s kind words by telling him he thinks he is America’s player and that he hopes that is true because it makes Dan’s ‘betrayal’ more palatable. Oh, and that Dan will have to live with his own actions. Yeah, nice way to be gracious, old man. Of course, to give some credit to Jerry, he has probably been without his medications and nursing staff since he entered the house. To continue the peace and harmony Jerry began, April snipes at Ollie to remove his hat at the table. And yeah, Big Brother gives them even more alcohol! I love that rascally big Brother god of beer and wine.
The dinner has ended and tipsy Libra has cornered Ollie in the store room in order to express her extreme sadness that he called her a ho and how it makes her sick to hear all the nicey nice fakeness going on at the dinner table. She feels she is being made the scapegoat for the Jessie vote and how she was just a poor little lamb following the big bad wolf mastermind Keesha in the whole thing. She punctuates her rewriting of history with rivers of tears and claims of being a good person. Ollie assures her that calling her a ho was nothing against her personally, he was just mad that thing’s didn’t go April’s his way at the vote and he was afraid his little sexual gravy train would end. He apologizes over and over and Libra cries her crocodile tears emphasized with huge body wracking sobs.
Meanwhile, in the spa, Keesha and April are forging a bond over Libra bashing and confessing their sins against the other at the same time (with all the requisite justifications for why they sinned in the first place and why it really wasn’t a sin because they were told the wrong information by their minions and others who just have it out for them….). And according to April, Memphis is a threat because (gasp) he is smart. Well, I can see how that would be a threat to her…..
The Blonde leading the Blonde
News Flash: April is really a nice person and she gets taken advantage of because of that. In a related story, Mother Theresa is heard guffawing from Heaven.
Libra is telling Ollie that she is just a foot soldier in this house war, that she was only doing what others wanted, a mere sheep if you wish. Baaaaaaa. Jerry is crying to Dan that everyone shunned him today. Dan just desperately wants to get away from the wrinkly old drunk and says he is going into the hot tub. Meanwhile, Libra has gone on from her poor me woes to bashing Keesha as April and Keesha bash Libra in the spa room. Michelle has now cornered Dan and is drunkenly crying on his shoulder about how she just wants her family to be proud of her. April and Keesha are getting even louder in their Libra bashing and I am thinking North Korea won’t be starting WWIII, it will start right here in the Big Brother House.
Libra has finally gotten her claws out of Ollie and goes to seek out April in the spa room but his summarily dismissed by April and I can just see the “oh no, she di’nt” expression just about to surface behind the sickly sweet expression of adulation she is showing April when she says, ok, just come find me. Michelle is going on and on with Dan about how some people don’t appreciate the things they have and how others have to work low paying jobs just to get by. Errrr, Michelle? Dan’s a teacher, you’re preaching to the choir with him. Libra has now returned to Ollie to complain that Keesha is now talking to April just because she is drunk. She goes on to tattle to Ollie everything about Keesha, pretty much calling her out on everything - Ollie is taking it all in and says that BB should give them alcohol every night (I’m with you, Ollie!). Now she wants to tell all of this to April, but wants Ollie to witness it. But Libra, if you have witnesses to your tales, you won’t be able to rewrite them later on…..just saying.
This is real!
Michelle now telling Dan that Libra is her target and she didn’t put him up because she wasn’t sure if he would stay over her, the same with not putting up April or Jerry. April and Keesha have moved on to love fest territory as April tells Keesha that she respects the fact that Keesha was the first one of the five to apologize to her – I’m presuming this is about daring to have her own mind and voting out Jessie. Keesha now telling April that Jerry told her he was in an alliance with April, Ollie and Dan and that is why she felt she needed to vote Jessie out to make sure she had an alliance as well. April can’t believe this and begins to sputter indignation and begins to get angry at Keesha when she begins to explain how she ended up with Libra and then begins to scream how she (April) never goes back on her word and that Keesha should just listen to her for five minutes. I’m not quite sure how this escalated to this screaming match, but I am enjoying the show. They are now screaming at each other in decibels only dogs can hear about various hurts and things known only understandable to their little pea brains and of course this leads to forgiveness and hugs amongst the two of them along with vows of revenge against their enemy who is now named Libra. Then Keesha goes to cry on Michelle’s shoulder about how she doesn’t want to get played.
They go up to the HoH room where Michelle tries to get through to a drunken Keesha about a comment Libra made at the feast about how Keesha was only being nice to April because she wants one of the designer dresses April won in the PoV contest. Keesha cannot seem to understand what she is saying through her alcoholic daze so Michelle goes to find April to back up her story.
News Flash: Keesha is not stupid! In a related story, pigs were seen flying over the Big Brother House.
Meanwhile, April has taken up court with Dan in the spa room and tells him that she is going to marry Ollie when Michelle comes to get her and bring her back up to the HoH. Somehow Memphis ended up there as well and tried to leave, but the girls wouldn’t let him. Michelle is now trying to explain to April what she wants her to say to Keesha who is looking like she had no clue where she was. Did I say looking? I meant she had absolutely no clue where she was – she could have been on an asteroid in the middle of a galaxy far far away for all the awareness she had of her surroundings at that moment. The thing is, when Keesha was making her let’s all be nice to one another speech at the Feast, Libra, allegedly jokingly, said the only reason she was being nice to April was because she wanted one of her designer outfits she won in the PoV. This comment flew at the speed of light past the drunken Keesha, but Michelle picked it up, dusted it off and is now using it as ammunition against Libra. The thing is, even though Michelle had no way of knowing this, she was right, it was not just a throw away comment by Libra, she really does believe that and we have proof of that in between weepings on Ollie’s shoulder when she tells him of this latest atrocity of Keesha’s crimes against April. Ollie is sopping it up and egging Libra on, using just the right tactics to get her ire up to levels never before seen in human kind. Look out folks, she’s going to blow!
Commercial Break – Everyone still with me? Still alive? Hopefully drinking?
Libra finally makes her way into the HoH room and tries to convince the drunken blond one the offending comment was really just a joke, but Keesha is not buying what she’s selling. So, of course, Libra goes on the defensive which means she gets louder and louder and then Keesha gets louder and louder until I am certain all of my windows will break. In fact, I do think one has cracked, maybe I should send the bill to CBS…but I digress.
Michelle decides to take control of her HoH room the only way a hot blooded Portuguese woman can, but getting into the battle. Soon, she and Libra are yelling at each other with Keesha yelling at both of them. Libra is sarcastically trying to tell Michelle that she APPARENTLY got all the votes to get out Jessie and Michelle does not pick up on her oh so subtle sarcastic tone and begins to yell even louder. Keesha screeches that she hates the fact that she was told by someone that Jessie was after her, and this starts all of the women (except Renny who has wisely stayed out of it) screeching supersonically about every hurt (perceived or real) that has ever happened to them since the dawn of Big Brother and Keesha finally makes a dramatically pissed off exit from the HoH room.
Keesha may have exited the room, but that has done nothing to damper her ire and, in full blown MEMEMEME mode, has begun to reenact the fight from her birthday with all the fervor of a civil war enthusiast. Renny, who followed her out is trying to calm her down but she is having none of that. Why be calm and waste a good drunken buzz?
Michelle soon follows them out and into the Hippie room where she tries to understand why Keesha is so upset when she isn’t even the one Michelle is targeting. Keesha launches into how she hates herself in the house and everyone is blaming Libra when it is all April’s fault. She punctuates it with another tirade of how she hates how this house has made her – that she isn’t really this person outside the house. Y’all know this song, every housemate in every season has sung it. Libra, meanwhile has begun her ever popular self-affirmations about how wonderful she is whilst still up in the HoH room with April.
Michelle can’t take it anymore and leaves the hippie room for the back yard where she buries herself amongst the pillows and cries. Keesha is now out by the pool telling Memphis and Jerry that she doesn’t even care about the money anymore and Jerry yells that “Everyone wants the f****** money” and now Keesha wants to go home. Jerry lets us in on his own warped sense of the house when he tells Keesha that she shouldn’t be worried because he controls the vote. Errrr, what, geritol man? Really?
Keesha says that Dan should win the money and Jerry says he doesn’t know about that – and Keesha gets even more hysterical and crying and says she is losing her mind. That’s giving yourself a lot of credit for even having one, Keesha. Now she is telling Jerry that April is after him. Keesha wants to leave and Memphis and Jerry are telling her they won’t let her.
Meanwhile, Michelle has made it back into the house and goes off on Libra and April when they come out of the HoH. I’m not sure what she is saying, because I’m not proficient in early Rhode Island f*** talk, but it sounds terrible. Ah, now something coherent comes out, Michelle is screaming that she is tired of people telling her what she should do, that she has to do what is best for her.
Keesha is beginning to calm down or pass out or whatever, she is just sobbing now. Renny, who has joined them outside, kisses her on the cheek and tells her she loves her. Say it with me, folks, awwwwwwwwww.
Michelle is in full on rant just yelling and throwing pillows and yelling some more. Libra is trying to talk to her but Michelle is having none of it. Libra tells her to be calm and Michele screams back that she is calm and that Libra hasn’t seen her crazy. Now I am scared.
Keesha is now screaming that she liked Angie and that she never wanted her out of there – yeah, anyone who believes that, I’ve got a bridge in Arizona I’d like to show you. She’s calmed down by the others and then finally, thankfully, goes to lay down in her room to hopefully sleep it off.
Michelle and Libra still going at it with Libra trying to deny that she thought Jessie was going after her and Michelle yelling that she was the one who told Libra that and that Libra was behind all of the evictions in the house. Libra tries to play it off that there are bigger fish than her to be after and gets no where with Michelle. Libra finally says to April that if April doesn’t vote her out she’ll never speak to her again. Michelle says that she guesses she’ll be speaking to her then.
I feel pretty, oh so pretty, damn it!
Poor Dan has taken refuge in the shower and is listening to all of this when Michelle storms in and sees him there and then starts to grill him about last weeks vote, wanting answers. Dan wisely says nothing. Yes, Dan, let the crazy ones carry the conversation, do not get sucked into their delusions.
April and Libra have moved their fight to the storage room with April telling Libra that a f****n’ floater is going home.
And with that, the major fighting has died down. There are still spats here and there and accusations fly around the house, but it is the same old same old. It’s bad enough going through this stuff once, let alone regurgitated over and over again.
And back to where we began, the ever popular bullets:
•Michelle and Keesha make up with Keesha telling Michelle if she wins she wants to put up April and Ollie, but don’t tell them.
•Ollie thought the whole fight scene was funny and had to keep from laughing by pulling his hat down over his face.
•Jerry has aspirations of being a goat.
•Memphis’ car has gone up in value again in the world according to April. It is now worth $100,000.
•Nothing really happened in the morning because BB let the hamsters sleep late.
•I am d.u.n. dun with this recap.
Thanks to MFWalkoff for the recap title and to ThePinkOtterPop and ThinkPink for the screen caps!