*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday, BB time*
Woohoo! I dodged another bullet, luckily missing out on another round of April and Ollie’s boinkfest. I was starting to regret picking Sunday, thinking it may be dull, but now I’m thinking it’s a good thing. Perhaps these two have declared Sunday as a day of rest from riding the bologna pony, sparing my poor retinas the vision of them writhing underneath that blanket (which had better not make its way onto an eBay auction like so many other house items do after the season is over. That thing needs to be burned. Burned, and stored in a radioactive waste facility.).
So, after all of Angie’s promises to stir the pot at the veto ceremony, what did she do? Nada. She gave a classy, non-confrontational speech that several people congratulated her on, Libra being one of them. *sigh* No drama like I’d thought we would have. But, I suppose Angie has too much class to stoop to their level. Too bad, they deserve some trash talk after all they’ve said about her. Everyone sits about exchanging pleasantries, talking about dinner plans and working out. Bleah. I want some drama, dammit!
April, we TOLD you not to leave your toys in the kitchen!
Michelle did go boo-hooing to Angie a bit, telling her how she regrets not using the veto last week, and that Angie and Jessie are to the two people she is closest to in the house. Michelle wants to win HoH this go round and pay them back for this week. Yeah, fat lot of good that will do Angie if she gets booted, Princess. For her part, Angie makes her rounds to all the houseguests, making nice and trying to go out on a good note. Or, is she? Maybe her plan is to chill out and let Jessie hang himself with his freak outs. Yeah, I’ll go with that one. I’d hate to think Angie’s just giving up.
Jessie keeps on pestering Keesha all afternoon, wanting to know who Keesha would push April to nominate if April wins HoH. Huh? April winning HoH? Way to count those chickens before they hatch, doofus. Keesha doesn’t pay the pinhead much attention, sitting there with that scrunched-up, I-just-smelled-something-foul face of hers she uses so often. He uses his favorite “I’ve been thrown under the bus” whine and adds in some new material: how he’s taken it “in the tailpipe.” Pul-lease. Jessie also takes the time to stereotype all Californians as cutthroat and untrustworthy and begins ranting about how “the Jews” own everything before we’re tossed into the fishtank. Wouldn’t want another Amber-like backlash now, would we, Skippy?
Geez, Dan, don't you ever wash those feet?
Someone please tell this boy to stop airing his pits at the dinner table.
And so the afternoon goes, with today apparently being declared a game-free day as hamsters soak up UV rays and chomp on whatever food that happens to get in their reach. Jessie regales people with his workout routine stories.
Michelle: Look how big my butt is!
Jessie: I think my butt is bigger.
Michelle: I think mine is cuter.
Jessie: Yours is cuter.
Pardon me whilst I retch. Okay, I’m all better. Angie rips herself from the scintillating conversation outside to go wax her brows and lip. The pain of ripping hair from your face is preferable to listening to Jessie, I’m sure. Jerry takes the opportunity to shmooze Keesha up in the HoH room, warning her that Dan is playing both sides. Don’t waste your breath, Jerry.
Gotta have a list!
- Jerry has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars bailing out one of his sons, according to him.
- Keesha says people from Texas are the best tippers ever.
- Libra has awful credit, and probably couldn't finance a candy bar.
- April’s afraid BB will show how incredibly often she goes to pee. I’ve heard cranberry juice will help out with those UTI’s, Ape.
- Jessie has only had four girlfriends. I'm shocked he had that many.
- Michelle insists that she’s had modeling offers in New York. Amber-like delusions, anyone?
- Memphis thinks Ashton Kutcher is an idiot for marrying an older woman.
- They don’t know the eviction night has been moved to Thursday. Har.
- Jessie claims that Libra, April and Keesha have all been booted out of the DR to go fix themselves up before the DR will talk to them.
- Oh, and - Jessie’s proposed name for their alliance? Killer Instinct. Laugh it up, I sure did.
The evening doesn’t get much better. Libra is dense enough to ask Dan the Catholic man if he’d do a threesome, and he spits out a definite no. Libra and Keesha would be up for that, but only with two guys. Ollie asks the others if they know what a “train” is. Ollie’s not as innocent as I thought he was, that’s for sure. Ollie is also surprised to learn that BB shows them sleeping. Yeah, Ollie, we watch you do all sorts of things that your grandmother would whoop your ass for doing on live feeds, buddy.
Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am!
Yeah, if that isn’t gross enough for ya, Jessie sits with a pillow on his lap and Michelle asks if he has a “woody.” No, he says. “Do you want one?” Michelle asks with hope in her eyes. Jessie changes the subject with lightning speed, asking if his legs look small. No, says Michelle. “Maybe if I had another body part to compare it to.” Give it up, girl, you ain’t getting none.
Dan later tries to save Angie, imploring Keesha that he feels the same way about Angie that Keesha felt about Steven. Keesha’s not hearing it, insisting that Angie is evil and has the guys wrapped around her little finger. Jealous much? Dan tries his best to move the target to Libra, but Keesha still stands by her precious “word.” Not too much excitement for the rest of the night, except talk of making pig’s feet necklaces and Renny’s wicked funny impersonations of the others (she also does herself, spot on). Dan is inspired to go dress in drag and imitate Renny, strutting across the kitchen. Jessie the Humorless didn’t much care for Renny’s impression of him, not that anyone gives a flip.
I have no idea how stupid I look right now.
Apparently at some point Jessie spotted Libra through a window, blew kisses at her and waved while mouthing “you’re going home.” Yeah, that went over well. Libra tells the others this story over and over, while Jessie keeps on digging his own grave...
Morning time? Meh. BB let them sleep late, and the women chit chat about how awful it is that Jerry was so intimidated by the rest of the house that he pretty much stayed in his room all day. Perhaps he was hoping for another Ollie/April peep show? Oh well. Stay tuned for Monday’s recap, where Dan is supposed to give swimming lessons to Renny and Ollie! Or, like, go paint your walls or something similarly exciting. Wait - news flash! Jessie just weighed himself and he’s dropped to....176 pounds!! Aw, hell. We’ll be hearing about this all day.
Big thanks to JustJuls and Just Sayin for some of the screencaps!