Last week we saw Brian get the first boot, doomed to join the list of hamsters whose names we soon forget. Like the guy voted out first last season, um...whatshisface. Yeah. That guy. But, that’s what you get when you come in playing too hard, right, Brian? And who says the oldsters on BB aren’t entertaining - Jerry and Renny gave us our first big blowup of the season, hopping Libra’s case for bitching about having both “old” people on her team. The horror! Yeah, Libra, you guys lost because you had the two oldest hamsters on your team. It couldn’t have had anything to do with you, now, could it? And anyway, being on slop for another week won’t kill you. You look like you’ve got enough stored away to last you through the winter, you sourpuss.
So then. Let’s join the Chenbot, resplendent in her day-glo orange suit, and her throng of lucky live audience members as they await the next hamster to be thrown from the cage. But first! A recap of dingbat Michelle not using the veto to take Steven down and get rid of the highly annoying Libra. Thanks, Michelle. Steve-o isn’t going to take it lying down, however, and campaigns to save his butt. He goes to Ollie, Keesha, Libra and April to plead his case. April tells Steven he’s more of a threat because he’s a better competitor. “Don’t you think as a better competitor I’d make a better ally?” implores Steven. This bit of logic confuses April, who blinks vacantly. *blink blink* Come on neurons, you can do it. Fire! Fire, damn you!
*blink blink* Ah, it’s no use. Steven’s pledge of loyalty falls on deaf and dumb ears, as he leaves and they begin yammering on about other not-so-secret alliances in the house: namely, Jessie and Michelle and Angie and Memphis. Dan, for his part, chooses to just sit back and do pretty much nothing, playing the weakling who poses no threat to the muscleheaded Jessie. We then learn that Angie is a member of the I Don’t Like Libra and April Club, of which I am also a card-carrying member. I knew I liked Angie for a reason. Memphis warns her not to make her dislike too obvious. Upstairs, Libra is communicating how much she doesn’t like Angie, and Keesha begins pushing discreetly to save Steven.
Time for some stupid questions for the hamsters, courtesy of the audience. Jerry is asked if he thinks his housemates respect him as a competitor. He says yep, he thinks he’s earned it. Someone asks Libra if age makes a difference in the house, and she waffles around, managing to not really answer the question and get in a whine about being on slop for two weeks at the same time. Ugh. Julie then calls out April and Ollie for being the first showmance, and Ollie thinks his dad would be proud. Uh huh. I'm sure your whole family will hold this up as a shining moment in your life, Ollie.
Oooh, what a treat - a visit with Jessie and Renny’s relatives, who pipe up with their comments on the bickering duo. Renny’s family explain that people don’t always know how to take her out-there personality, with Renny’s son calling Jessie a punk who wasn’t brought up to respect his elders. Zing! Jessie’s dad shares that he was a “runt” as a youngun’ and filled out later (with the exception of his head). His mom thinks Renny exploited her pinheaded son, and believes he could grow up to be a world-class bodybuilder and perhaps the governor of California. I truly hope she was kidding.
Julie then chats with Jessie up in his HoH room, asking him why some of his housemates think he’s just a body with no brain. “Huh?” replies Jess the Jenious, asking Julie to repeat the question. Hee! He also thinks his biggest weakness is confiding in Michelle, and says he didn’t nominate Renny to show how mature he is. Okay then. I know I was impressed. Time for the voting, and Dan pleads his case to stay with the usual “I’ve had fun, guys!” speech. Steven expresses his regrets over aligning too quickly with the supposed evilness that was Brian, makes a few in-jokes about things that happened on the live feeds, and ends with “Suck it, bitches!” This bit of foul language overloads the Chenbot’s programming, causing her to exclaim “Whoa!” Yeah, that wasn’t in the script. “Let’s see how far that gets you, Steven,” she says as the hamsters trot off to vote. Not very far, as Steven the gay cowboy is voted out 9-0. I’ll miss you on the live feeds, man.
He leaves uneventfully, with the obligatory hugs and kisses, and goes out to Julie and the cheering crowd. Julie asks him if bullriding is harder than the game, and he gives a definitive no. He tears up as he watches his sweet goodbye videos from Keesha, Renny, and Angie. Aww. Then comes Jessie, who talks about nothing but bodybuilding. Ugh. Sheltered guy Dan tells him that he’s opened his eyes about gay people, and thanks him. Aww again. I hereby transfer my pre-show loathing for Dan to Jessie.
E.T. is a Klepto
HoH competition time! This one, with an alien theme, as we watch April blowdry her way overprocessed hair and spot E.T.’s weird-looking cousin in the two-way mirror. “Eeeeeee!” she screeches down the hall into the bedroom, babbling about aliens in mirrors as the others look at her like she’s stoned. Then Jessie and Memphis spot one as they admire their own musculature. And Renny, who says she wasn’t scared - she’s seen aliens on the streets of New Orleans. And who knows what else.
So, yeah, the competition. The “aliens” have been stealing things from the house, and the houseguests must guess which room the item was stolen from as Julie calls them out. To make it trickier, there is a “not missing” answer they can use. Dan gets the first one, eliminating April. Renny’s gone next, then Angie....until Keesha is the last one standing. I take back all my previous ‘dingy blonde’ comments, at least she paid attention to the house. She gets her key from Jessie and prepares for the ass-kissing she’ll have to endure in the next few days.
Julie has one more question from the audience for Libra: what will you do if you end up on slop for a third straight week? “It’s gonna get ugly,” Libra says. She claims to have lost 12 pounds already and will probably up that to 20 if she doesn’t get her paws on some real food. I'm okay with that scenario, myself.
Join us next week to see whose dreams Keesha kills as she makes her nominations, and your regularly scheduled eviction night recapper MsFroggy will return as I slink back to the live feed forum. Til then!
If they covered all the mirrors in the house, would Jessie's little head explode? PM me here