Hello fellow hamster watchers! Here we are again, spending our Sundays laughing at our favorite rodents and their antics. As y’all read in MsFroggy’s recap (or perhaps you took the more painful route of actually watching the show), Brian was the first houseguest evicted and Jessie somehow was able to win HoH. Not quite sure how that happened, even though I watched the show and read the recap, but I am guessing some kind of dumb luck had to be involved. Certainly, he did not begin his reign of gormlessness because of his wits. Let’s see how the great oaf rules his kingdom, shall we?
Dan muses that he stayed true to his word with Brian, but that may not be a good thing with these vindictive little hamsters. Steven was surprised at how emotional he got after seeing his crush walk out the door. Instigator in Briangate, Ollie, says his conscious is clear, because his relationship (of one week, folks – man, they have staying power!) with April trumps all alliances. Libra just wants to put on her dancing shoes and do a little witch dance on Brian’s grave. Jessie has the nerve to say that Brian looks better in black and white – at least his teeth do. Renny is just relieved not to be the house’s first victim.
Oh, but joy of joys, it’s time to see Jessie’s HoH room! All the hamsters troupe up to see his assorted food related items and the thousand faces of Jessie on the photo wall. I know I can go to bed relieved that by the judge of Jessie’s competition photo, he is indeed au natural. Because it is so natural looking. No, really. But what is this? A hamster is missing! Where is the lovely Steven and why is he not partaking in the homage to farce that always happens when a hamster wins the crown of glory? Turns out he really doesn’t care that much for making nice to false idols and goes to bed. Jessie notices that he is one hamster down in devotion and later lets Steven know that this is unacceptable and, gasp, ‘disrespectful’. What is this, the Godfather version of Big Brother? I’d check your bed before you get in it again, Steven…
Once Dan, Renny, Keesha, Angie and Jerry leave, Jessie and the Harpy Alliance (plus Memphis) get to discussing nominations. Being a bear of very little brain, Jessie of course wants to put up Renny. I mean, come on, she committed a cardinal sin of waking him up over a week ago, and then does not kiss his ass every chance she gets by way of apology. Oh, yes. She deserves to die. The Harpies say no emphatically to that idea. Calling it a waste. Poor Jessie of the one thought just does not understand why it is a bad idea.
Meanwhile, Angie and Keesha commiserate that they are not in with the Harpies and Keesha declares her hatred of previous BFF (remember – back oh, last week when they first arrived?) and does not like her cattiness. Angie, so happy to be included in something agrees.
Our Hallmark moment is brought to us by Jerry. He tells Libra and Angie that his wife has Parkinson’s and that no way will he ever put her in a nursing home (though he will leave her for months on end to do a game show). He explains that he got himself into such good physical shape so that he can take care of her. Actually, I am feeling a little bit guilty snarking on him, as it is clear he loves her very much and after 54 years, she is still his best friend. In this day and age, that kind of devotion is a rare and wonderful thing. (/Hallmark moment), While all this sentiment is going on, Angie tries to convince Jessie that she made a mistake. Jessie says she put him and himself (and maybe the rest of the house, it’s hard to tell) at risk. He doesn’t forgive her. He’s one for holding a grudge, isn’t he?
Food Comp: Stop Your Wining!
Jessie comes out of the diary room where they spent about 5 hours explaining the food competition to him. The house will be divided into two teams: The Chardonaynays (green team) and the Pinotwahwahs (red team). The all don their costumes and go out to the back yard which is adorned with two huge elevated barrel halves with a trough running down into them and a row of wine bottles and wine glasses. The hamsters will have to fill up glasses with wine that will pour form holes in the bottom of the barrels and then carry them across the yard to pour into wine bottles. Two players from each team will be up in the barrels trying to plug the holes so that less wine flows down, therefore hampering the other team’s efforts to fill their glasses. One person form each team will root through a bucket of corks pulling out their teams color one by one and then tossing them up to the people in the barrels to aide them in stopping the flow of wine. The team to collect the most wine in their bottles will win food for the week and the losing team will be on slop.
And there off! Angie and Steven are up in the barrel for the green team and they are plugging up their holes nicely with the expertly flung corks from Dan. Michelle and Jessie are doing the wine runs. Jerry and Memphis are up in the vat corking away – or they would be if April could actually get the corks to them. They seem to land everywhere but the vat. Renny and Libra are the wine pourers and seem to be doing a good job. But, at then end of the time, The Chardonaynays win the wine war.
So, of course, the whining has to begin. April blames everyone but herself and Libra says it’s the old people’s fault and Keesha just laughs and laughs at seeing her former BFF’s in such distress. Confession? So do I.
Dan, meanwhile, has a master plan of getting some time alone with Jessie to plead his case. He’ll ask to use Jessie’s bathroom – which everyone who is acquainted with Big Brother at knows is code for “I’d like to speak with you privately, if you don’t mind”. Well, everyone but Jessie who stands downstairs in the kitchen wondering what is taking Dan so long. Or looking in the mirror at himself. To be honest, it is hard to tell how much Jessie actually thinks. He finally even seems to forget that Dan is up there and goes up with his new BFF, Ollie, and they begin to chill on the bed. They actually call out who is there when they hear the toilet flush. Dan seems in disbelief that Jessie didn’t pick up on the international bathroom code, but what did he expect? It’s not like Jessie has shown any type of intelligence thus far. Finally, later on he is able to make his pitch to Jessie for not being nominated. He tries the “I lost all I had when Brian walked out the door” tactic, which is the oldest trick in the book, but of course, Jessie buys into it.
Finally, it is nomination time. He pulls out Keesha’s key first and tells her she is safe. It goes on down the line til finally only Dan, Steven and Renny do not have their keys. Oh the suspense! The last key is pulled and it is Renny’s. The Harpies did get their nominees after all. Jessie says he chose Steven because he didn’t show him respect by coming up to the HoH room. Steven retorts that he was asleep and Jessie says that he didn’t come up for almost 24 hours. I am shocked because I had no idea Jessie understood the concept of time. Steven fumes in the diary room that “Jessie is a tool, because he’s a tool. I also think he is a tool of people in the house.” Well, of course – you don’t think Jessie can think for himself, do you? Dan isn’t surprised and plans on working the houseguests before eviction night.
And that is all folks. Who will win the PoV? Stay tuned for Tuesday’s show, or better yet, read Yardgnome’s most excellent recap of the show instead!