*This is a recap of events from noon Sunday to noon Monday, BB time*
I'd just like to take a moment to personally thank Ollie "I Just Discovered Sex" and April "Easy Like Sunday Morning" for NOT boinking on my shift and forcing me to recap it. Thanks, guys! That said, I'd also like to make a plea to Jerry: please, for the love of god, stop with the sex talk. It's beyond repulsive. My stash of BB feed-watching snacks sits uneaten for fear of me retching on my keyboard every time you begin one of your lecherous tales, making it difficult to stay up for the late-night feeds without my sugar rush. So, please, I beg of you - enough!
So, yeah. Anyhow, when the feeds come back after noon on this fine Sunday, we learn that Michelle did not use the veto and is pulling an Amber-approved crying jag in front of Dan and Steven. Boo freaking hoo. She dries the crocodile tears and later tells Keesha, April and Libra that she never planned on using it in the first place, no matter who was up on the block. Keesha thinks using the veto is disrespectful of the HoH, anyway. Respect mah authoritah, as Cartman would say.
When your biceps are bigger than your head, you need to put the weights down.
Elsewhere in the backyard, Jerry tells a sweet story about a Korean girl that he paid to...uh...“be” with him, for the low low price of twenty bucks a day. Until he ran out of cash, that is, and someone else loved her long time. Gee, I wonder if he sits the grandkids on his knee and tells them such lovely stories. Movin’ on...
Let’s see what else is going on in the hamster hut this Sunday afternoon. Hmm, Michelle and Dan are talking about Portugese food. Snore. Hey, here’s something good: April and the girls are talking about what they’d do for some sex right about now, and April claims that she’d give up food for another week in exchange for some nookie. Except that we feed watchers know she just got some last night, courtesy of Ollie, who denies getting past first base with April. Jerry and Michelle ain’t buying it.
That's not a forehead, it's a fivehead.
I am NOT an angry black woman. Who the $#*@ said that?! @&%$!!
Wait, we’re not done with the sex talk. Steve-o asks the girls how they know they’re not gay, and Keesha explains that she’s kissed a girl before. Then April one-ups her and claims that she’s made out with her twin sister. Jaws hit the floor. I'm thankful that Jerry is elsewhere, or I'm afraid he'd have a coronary on the spot. Later, Dan the Man tries his best to hook up mop-headed Michelle and Jessie the Hairless One. I’m not sure that’s something I want to see. And I’m quite sure Jessie’s maybe-kinda-sorta-girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate Dan’s efforts.
Night falls and stupid rises as the Big Brother Dance Club opens. Renny starts it off by doing the Superman, and Memphis just has to ask the others if they know the meaning of the phrase “Superman that ho.” I can’t explain it here, but Urban Dictionary is your friend. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Superman morphs into the Electric Slide, with the whole house having fun and getting down. Well, maybe not Steven. The boy can’t dance worth a flip, but it's nice to see everyone enjoying themselves. He later asks for some booze from BB, but they shoot him down.
Ollie and April used this lotion for WHAT?!
That doesn’t stop him from doing a strip tease for Renny, however. He strips down to his boxers and straddles her. The fun moves inside with Steven promising Keesha, Libra, and Renny various sexual favors if they vote for him to stay. I think he's half serious. The girls howl with laughter as Steven describes in very explicit detail all the things he would do to them. He hops on top of Renny, who pulls the covers over her face and laughs hysterically.
In the sauna room, Ollie and April are playing kissyface and chit chatting. No booty call this evening, it looks like. Yay me. Later, Michelle fumes over Renny's implication that she and Jessie were engaging in a little extracurricular activity of their own, even going so far as to ask Michelle how big Jessie’s thang is. Michelle is highly offended at the question. Either that, or it’s really tiny like his freakishly small head and she’s just disappointed. Plus, he’s got a secret forbidden crush on Angie. Psst - she's out of your league, you tool.
Steven tries to swing Renny's vote by swinging his own thing for her.
Trivial Pursuits, the BB10 Edition:
- Ollie, preacher’s son and horndog extraordinaire, has slept with married women.
- Libra says Jerry was an okay dude until he started talking about sex non-stop. I thought so too.
- Michelle is so sex-starved, she said she’s about to make out with the bread. I’m assuming she meant a baguette or something similar and not a loaf of Wonder Bread because that would be, like, weird.
- If the girls are to be believed, Brian’s breath could peel the paint off the walls.
- Keesha says her voice is so high-pitched that she can’t sing. I thank her for this bit of self awareness, since she’s the last hamster I want to hear sing.
- The others are still giving Angie hell for wearing Brian’s hat, which apparently is the source of all evil in the house judging by how much those idiots worry about it. It’s just a hat. Deal.
- April has posed nude. Yeah, big surprise there.
- Libra’s got introverted nipples. And she wanted America to know this.
- Steven thinks that 50 sexual partners a year isn’t really that many.
- Jessie and Ollie have issues with using the term “girlfriend.”
- April refuses to eat any white foods. I’m not going there.
The hamsters finally calm down and hit the sack, only to be kicked out of bed by BB to do some DR sessions early the next morning. Early bird Jerry apparently got up early (in more ways than one) and got into bed with April, spooning her and telling her how warm her body is. April wasn’t pleased, and my skeeve-o-meter just went off the charts. Gag.
April does some charity work at the end of my shift, creating awareness for those suffering from constipation. Steven insists that the protein in the slop will get things moving, but April’s not having it. Perhaps Ollie will shake it loose for her later. Ape asks Ollie what he thinks of PDA’s (public displays of affection) and he says he’s not a fan. Boinking a virtual stranger on the internet is okay, but kissing in public is a no-no?
And so my shift ends with scintillating conversations about the benefits of central air conditioning, April’s eating habits, turkey bacon, and the hopes that BB will give them some supplies to make a slip n’ slide later. Yay.
Someone poke Jerry with a stick, he hasn't moved all afternoon.
Thanks to AshleyPSU and ThinkPink for some of the screencaps!