**This is a recap of events from noon Friday to noon Saturday, BB Time**
I am here to pump...ME up!
Who would have thought that the War on Terror could have such an impact on the outlooks of ordinary citizens, going about their daily lives? But apparently, if you are Jessie (Much-Respected HoH) or Libra (Chief Witch and Bottle Washer), anyone in the BB house who doesn’t pass their inspection is considered The Enemy, and therefore should be isolated, captured and eradicated. And somehow, poor Steven (Two-Stepping Brian Lover) has become a quick Saddam for both Jessie’s and Libra’s camps. Dick Cheney must be watching this season with a broad, crooked grin on his face.
The Big Brother Patriot Act & the Coalitions of the Willing (for Now)
It is the day of the POV competition, and we begin in the Witches’ War Room, where Bullwitch Libra is trumpeting to the herd. She tells Keesha that people think she’s a floater because she is seen talking to Steven. Keesha is trying to convince Libra and April that she is with them alone. Meanwhile, Libra tries to convince Keesha that Michelle is with them, but Keesha does not trust her. After Keesha leaves, Libra and April decide (hush-hush) that they don’t trust Keesha at all. Michelle then enters, and is grilled about her loyalty, and whether she has been leaking intelligence to Angie (which she has). She denies it, and pledges allegiance to the coven. Memphis joins in and they all wonder why Angie acts so weird, doing things like wearing Brian’s hat around the house (psst, it’s because she doesn't give a hoot what this newest Nerd Herd thinks of her). Welcome to a typical BB10 alliance.
In fact, the word “alliance” has such as elastic meaning this season, that you can be in or out of one merely by passing the salt to the right or wrong person at dinner. Here is a graphical estimation of all the alliances and sub-alliances and secret counter-alliances going on in the house after only 2 weeks and 1 eviction (thanks to JustJuls for posting the outline – click on the image to enlarge):
Up in the HoH, Jessie, Michelle and Keesha are talking POV. Or rather, Michelle and Jessie are talking POV, Keesha is complaining about people calling her a floater. Proving that irony did not die a few years ago after all. Michelle reports that she sort of overheard Steven trying to get Angie to use the POV on him if she wins it. (ed: How dare he try to stay in the game like that!) Jessie is confident that if anyone other than Dan or Steven wins POV, his nominations will stand. And if someone does use it, he will simply put up Renny. Because she disturbed his sleep one night last week, remember? Welcome to the typical level of BB10 gameplay.
It is not without its moments, though; after Dan has an audience with Libra and the Supremes to kiss butt and stay in her favor, Libra reminds April that the talk with Dan was solely to pass disinformation to Dan who will pass it to Steve (or vice versa), which will no doubt get to Angie, and then to Keesha, so if anything comes back from Keesha they know where it's coming from. That one officially broke the overthink-o-meter.
Leading up to the POV comp, everyone talks to everyone in some combination, pledging loyalty and warning each other how it looks to be seen speaking to the enemy. Which is everybody. What I wouldn’t give for a quintuple eviction week, just to shake these people’s heads loose.
They Found Saddam in a Hole, You Know…
Finally, the talking is mercifully over and we go to Bubbles, and when we return, Michelle has won the POV comp. Steven tries to warm up to her, while Keesha cries in the sauna, being comforted and hugged by Jessie and his brute strength. She’s not crying for Steven or Dan so much as not being able to prove herself to Libra and April (Jessie's probably hearing Chinese come out of her mouth for all he cares). He tells her to make nice with them and to rein in her emotions. It’s not like they did something awful, like interrupt her sleep one night. He advises her to avoid Steven so she is not perceived as a floater, and ultimately “fall into the same hole.” Meanwhile he’s probably thinking he can’t wait to share this with his other secret alliances. But hey, maybe she can't either…
Jessie later fills in Michelle and April about his heart-to-muscle talk with Keesha, and somehow they all conclude that Renny is to blame for all the evils in the world. I really want to know what’s in that protein powder.
Apparently, to show her willingness to make sacrifices for the team (whichever team that is) in this ongoing War on Game Show Terror, Libra had the chance to take a slop pass during the comp, but declined. And she’s making sure everyone knows it, every hour on the hour. Expect a flier in your mailbox soon with all the details. She later proceeds to reenact the death scene from Madame Butterfly while getting three bites of slop down. I’m trying to decide if her next desired career move is The Apprentice, or The Surreal Life.
Even Gay Cowboys Get the Blues
Steven goes up to the HoH to have a talk with Jessie that he pretty much knows is futile, but what the heck. He tells the Boy King that he wasn’t gunning for him in week one, and that his words and deeds have been twisted by others in the house. Jessie doesn’t think that matters; Brian was gunning for him in week one, and now his friends have to go down the same hole he did. This boy does love his holes. Steven is guilty by association, and must atone. Steven gets in a good comeback when he states, “well if that’s the way this game is going to be played, then whoever is on the block might as well go sit in a corner!”
All that seems to matter to Jessie right now is that Steven neglected to show him the proper respect by congratulating him when he won HoH. Steven claims he did congratulate Jessie, but Jessie blew him off, which hurt his feelings, and which led him to sulk and contemplate handing in his DOR, and run to the DR for meds and sympathy. Jessie brings it back to respect. Don’t disrespect the muscles, lest ye feel their wrath, brother!
The talk goes in circles like this for a few rounds, with Jessie interjecting an attempt to show he knows the difference between empathy and sympathy. But it all goes down the predictable hole they both knew it would. Steven is a marked gay rodeo cowboy. He performs an act of chivalry in asking that Jessie not use this same “guilt by association” philosophy against Keesha after he’s gone, just because they hung out in his last days in the house.
Meanwhile, some of the girls offer Dan a massage in the sauna. See, Dan has it rough too!
Did I Say Coalition of the Willing? I Meant Coalition of the Boring
Later some of the HGs (the ones not on slop) turn their attention to dinner, which they make during a lockdown while the yard is reset from the POV comp. Spaghetti is on the menu, with Steven playing expert on the making of meatballs. Also, Michelle, who apparently lost a bet, gives Jessie a massage in the sauna room. Things turn really weird when Jerry’s hands also become involved. They mostly stayed on Michelle’s shoulders, but still…
Later Angie goes up to HoH to be grilled by King Shrimphead and his Massage Mamma. This is where (for me at least) it becomes obvious that there is a suballiance at work between Jessie, Michelle, Memphis and Angie (Never mind there’s also a subsuballiance between Jessie/Michelle, and Michelle/Memphis…refer to the above graphic). Angie is warned to watch her back against Libra, April and Ollie. Captain Obvious to the rescue!
There is eating. There is exercising. There is painting of nails. There is behind-the-back bashing (tonight it’s mostly Libra who is in Jerry’s crosshairs, so it's not all bad). There are close-ups by Skippy on certain pictures on the wall. All leading up to the most dread time of day for the houseguests, After Dark time! These are the first houseguests to use their Showtime slot to deliberately not do anything interesting. They sit around chatting. They sit around and play chess. They make food and eat it. They talk the same strategy to death, and then feast on its corpse. As many of the girls as possible stuff themselves in the sauna, and chat about grooming. Then, for the big finish, we get April plucking (what’s left of) her eyebrows, and Libra plucking around her bikini lines. With close-ups provided by Skippy. All of them are getting groomed and ready for something that, if it takes place, will happen after Showtime goes off the air. That’s just evil in my book.
April is happy to find out later that Ollie prefers things “groomed” if you know what I mean. She reports that there are no worries in that department. No no girls, April saw him first! Go find your own Ollie!
OK, here is as good a place as any for me to post some pics of my favorite houseguest for your enjoyment (OK second favorite, but Steven is already toast):
Jerry is a lucky, lucky old man…
She'll be HoH someday, I just know it...
It's not what you think, but go ahead and think it!
Anyway, back to the thrills: the big event for the night is to be a pool tournament. Several games are played and some people win and some people lose. Many are seen talking to people they shouldn’t! Perceptions are made from this! Will this bloody war never end? (Actually it will as soon as there’s a new HoH)
If You See Something, Say Something, and Say It Politely!
The tournament winds down, and Michelle and Memphis are now playing as cover for a bitching session about Jessie, who after coming out of a lengthy DR session, seemed to be considering flip-flopping to save Steven and backdoor Libra. Is Jessie going to have a problem sticking to The Master Plan?
Jessie is up playing chess with Dan, and whispering sweet nothings in his ear to ensure a smooth post-HoH week for himself. Michelle and Memphis need to nip this problem in the bud, fast. Memphis goes up and asks the Boy King if he can go in the HoH to “rock out” with the CD (biding his time until Dan is gone). Michelle, while still covering the pool table outside, mutters to herself “What do I have to do, babysit these boys? They’ve got me f***in’ talkin’ to myself!” Preach it, sistah…
Michelle then joins the chess game and engages in small talk, also willing to wait out the game’s natural end to appear as if she’s not about to blow a gasket. Finally Dan heads to bed, and The Summit begins:
M&M can’t believe that Jessie could be so dumb as to consider changing their Master Plan without telling them. Jessie complains that Libra pounced on him after he came out of the DR, and her babbling made him think that the Plan had gone awry while he was in there, and that he had to improvise. M&M are disgusted that he didn’t find them first to check. Jessie instructs Michelle that she should address a Boy King in a civilized manner and not shriek at him when she needs to tell him something (Michelle’s eyes rolled so far back in her head at this, they knocked over a chess piece outside the HoH). M&M keep telling Jessie to, y’know, stop being such an idiot, and that the only thing funnier than his tiny head is when his tiny head starts to swell. Memphis keeps hammering away to stick to his glorious Master Plan, and all will be fine for them and with Angie, whom none of them trust and she’s not there, but somehow she’s still a part of the team. Welcome to a typical BB10 secret suballiance.
After they are done stroking their own egos while appearing to work together as a team, they disperse, and finally the house settles down in darkness at around 3AM BBT. Other than a couple of minor stirrings, they all sleep in until we see Bubbles at 10AM, as the houseguests are woken up to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. (Just tell me whatcha want, whatcha really really want, I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want!) It looks like the end of this shift will be concerned with nothing more than getting dressed and eating…UNTIL…
The Flapjacks Aren’t the Only Things Flipping for Breakfast
Jerry and Libra are suddenly screaming at each other. Jerry calls her out for complaining the other day that they lost the food competition because of the “old people” (Jerry & Renny). Libra is floored that he could accuse her of such a thing (BTW, yes she did say it, plain as day)! She starts backpedaling and saying she meant that they played as a team, and they lost as a team. That Hallmark sentiment doesn’t fly with Jerry (partly because she shrieked it), so she tries another: that she meant that next time, the teams should be more balanced in terms of gender (Jerry was the only guy on their team). Strike two. Libra runs around wanting to know who said this about her! HER of ALL PEOPLE!
The March of the Walker Brigade
She then alternates between shrieking at Jerry, and shrieking at Renny for stirring things up (why should only one old person have all the fun?). Renny is having none of it and standing her ground, saying she heard what Libra said plain as day, and even heard her say "slow" too. More gaskets are blown, more fingers pointed, more howler monkeys are given inferiority complexes at the level of Libra’s screaming. It moves from bedrooms to hallways to bathrooms, all the while Skippy and his mates spitting their coffee while trying to keep up.
After a few rounds of this crazy shuffleboard game (old people get tired, you know), Libra returns to the Hippie Room, where April is upset over all the yelling. Libra tones it down enough to converse like a human again, and apologizes for yelling. April suddenly transforms into a fast-talking UN Peacemaker, and calms Libra and anyone within earshot down, and engages in fast banter explaining away everything to everyone in a crisp, efficient manner so that people can at least move on to the next drama. (Ain’t no way she’s gonna be called a floater!) However, this drama has left Libra a broken and confused Witchypoo, and she is crying in bed as this shift comes to an unexpectedly dramatic close.
But I’m still left to wonder: guys, you couldn’t have done some of this during After Dark? The suits at Showtime are ready to hang themselves. Please, throw them a bone once in a while, they have stockholders to appease!
To find out if Libra will, as God is her witness, ever go hungry again, tune in tomorrow, when the wonderful AshleyPSU provides our next recap.
Wondering why I didn’t go into the messy details about a certain Portuguese wedding ritual that Michelle shared with the house that inspired the title of this article? PM me, and I’ll get back to you when my stomach settles!