**This recap covers events from noon Monday to noon Tuesday, BB Time**
As I begin my very first feed shift of the new season, I must say I am filled with excitement equivalent to that of a child who just got a new pet or a new shiny object to play with. I have a fresh batch hamsters to
stalkwatch and we all know they can’t be worse than last season… can they?
At this point, I’m struggling to keep all of the names straight, so please forgive me in advance if I mistake one blonde bimbo for another or one toolbag metrosexual alpha male for another. Although I think this bunch is pretty tame as far as the drinking and nakedness, so far I can see they love the high school style gossiping!
There isn’t a whole lot going on besides some lounging and some trash talking. Ollie tells his bros that he isn’t going to let Brian take advantage of him. Dan is making Catholic school teachers everywhere look bad by running his mouth about ridiculous things. Jerry is changing his diaper on a regular basis. Okay, that was bad and untrue, I’m sorry. I just have so much snark saved up from last season!
Since this is a summer season and not a winter one, the hamsters can spend a large chunk of their time lounging around outside. And by "lounging outside", I really mean "using some form of tobacco product". Brian, Michelle, and Steven are talking about being on the internet and how it will be weird to see themselves on TV. Keesha, Dan, and Memphis are in the kitchen talking about the memory wall and their pictures. Keesha doesn’t trust other people’s opinions about pictures. She is also stuffing her face with chips. She doesn’t think anyone’s pictures look the same as they do in person except maybe Jessie and Jerry. She continues to wolf down that bag of Lay’s quicker than you can say “Hooters”.
Keesha is all that and
she atea bag of chips
Renny talks to Jerry AKA “The Colonel” up in the HoH and he says that he thinks the best thing for the house would be for Brian to leave. Jerry claims Brian had alliances with nine people in the house and that he is going to get caught in his own web. He thinks that Brian is a good con artist but he went too far and too fast. Anyone is probably too fast for ol’ Jerry. Renny is “mmhmm”ing Jameka style and nodding her head in agreement with everything Jerry says. Jerry also says that he refuses to wear his military hat and shirt when he is lying because he doesn’t want to disrespect his fellow servicemen. How considerate, Colonel.
Meanwhile, Angie and Michelle are having a little meeting of their own. Michelle is tired of arguing with Steven and plans to avoid him for a few days. Angie wants to try to protect Michelle as long as possible, but Michelle thinks people are already gunning for her. Michelle already misses her family and Angie hopes Michelle will win a phone call if they have one this season. Libra becomes a little bit suspicious of all the Angelle bonding and corners Michelle to find out where her loyalties lie. Michelle denies an alliance with Angie. My brain is exhausted.
A little later, everyone is once again in the backyard. Libra, Keesha, and Angie bash Michelle. Angie walks away and Libra starts bashing her. That Libra is a feisty one! These people keep trying to form alliances, but the only problem is that it seems like they want to include the whole house in their cliques. I don’t really think it’s an alliance if 10 people are involved. Libra, Keesha, and April want to bring in Michelle and Jessie. I am seriously having a hard time keeping this straight. I think Ollie is also in this alliance. I imagine Jessie would be a good alliance member because he probably just grunts and scratches himself a lot. The new “power” alliance definitely wants Dan gone next week because he is Brian’s right hand man.
It’s approaching evening, and the hamsters entertain themselves by working out in the kitchen. Yep, they are sweating in the room where people eat food. Mmm… does anyone want a sweaty armpit sandwich? The guys are doing push ups and Jessie spots Jerry while he does push ups off of a chair. Keesha is once again stuffing her face. The strategy talk is never ending with this group, and this time it’s Jessie and Michelle when they decide to head into the sauna. Jessie claims he is letting Ollie think he is controlling everything. He tells Michelle not to draw attention to herself. Aww, these two are giving me the warm and fuzzies. Not.
Jerry: I love working out in the kitchen!
Jessie: Hey guys, I found the ketchup!
Don’t like to read paragraphs? Here is a really neat list!
-April hates being on her period. Really? I thought every woman loved that.
-Jerry is going to get a facelift because his drooping skin is affecting his vision.
-Brian’s step mom is an opera singer and appeared in The Phantom of the Opera.
-April, Keesha, and Libra are in an alliance today. Who knows what will happen tomorrow.
-Libra brought 7 bathing suits with her.
-The guys want Keesha to wear a Saran wrap bathing suit.
-Renny pulled her eyes back and said she’d like to give a shout out to her Asian friends at the nail shop. She oozes classiness and appropriateness.
-Steven saw Michelle’s crotch while she had her leg in the air applying lotion. What is she worried about? He’s not ordering off that menu.
-Keesha is a size 2.
-Jerry’s ideal woman is Vanna White. Why don't you give Jen a call? I hear she has the hook up.
-Jerry tells Angie that big boys and girls don’t cry. Tell that to the emotional wrecks this season *cough* LIBRA/ANGIE *cough*
-Brian thinks Keesha’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I was thinking her voice is more like a screeching cat. Oh well, same idea.
Libra is apparently going to be the “crier” this season as she bawls to Steven that she is really sorry she was so rude to everyone before, but she was just hungry. That’s a lame excuse if you ask me. She apologizes to Michelle and Steven both for her behavior. Sorry I *sniffle* was such a *sniffle* bitch but I just wanted a *sniffle* cheeseburger. Not one to let things go, she explains to April that she wasn’t trying to be controlling, she was just hungry. She rehashes her conversation with Steven and tells April and Michelle how Steven was talking behind her back and giving her “nasty” looks from across the room. Then he called her house and hung up and left a scary note in her locker. Okay maybe not, but come on, how old are these freakin’ people?
That Michelle is such a classy lady, but Jerry doesn’t mind!
There’s more strategy talk going on between Brian and Dan. Brian and Dan remind me a little bit of Scott and Jase or Will and Boogie with their “bromance” love for each other. Brian tells Dan if he wins HoH, he needs to put up April and Ollie. Brian is scared of Michelle and tells Dan not to put her up or she’ll come after him. They talk a little more about who to put up and they decide that Jerry and Renny are not threats. They hug and cry. Well, not really, but they look like they could. They’ve known each other for
a lifetimea week and already they are bros for life. Where’s the puke bucket?
The guys head out to the backyard and meet up with Jerry. Jerry tells Dan he knows Dan has it in him to win HoH. Jerry also tells Brian that he had to nominate him because everyone in the house wanted it. Jerry thinks he was Brian’s puppet, yada yada. I’m kind of over this same conversation. They have it over and over again. You’d think at Jerry’s age, he’d forget about it. Sorry, had to.
*sniffle* I don’t want to leave you, bro.
Brian, I wish I knew how to quit you.
It’s almost midnight in the BB house, and we all know what that means. Let’s get these hamsters liquored up so they do more than eat chips and play chess for the BBAD crowd! Libra digs right in to the wine and Keesha helps herself to a beer, although “she never drinks beer.” All of the drinking leads to
a group orgy like last seasonan exciting game of charades! Can I use “exciting” and “charades” in the same sentence? They break into teams: men vs. women. The losing team has to clean the house on Wednesday. But guess what? This riveting game of charades can’t hold their attention, nor does it hold mine. Several of them go inside where Angie hides under her covers and cries because Jerry called her a psycho. Seriously honey, get a grip. He didn’t even really call her a psycho. He told her he wanted her to act out a scene from the movie Psycho and that it would be perfect for her. Libra, Michelle, and Brian comfort her because everyone is one big crazyhappy family this season.
Steven, Angie, Dan, Memphis and Brian decide it might be a fun idea to make sock puppets and put on a little puppet show. Ah yes folks, this is why I bought the live feeds this season. Socks on a hand. Awesome. Anyway, they make fun of all the other people in the house and act out what they think will happen on Wednesday night’s episode. There is a Chenbot puppet and a pretty funny looking Renny puppet. They all agree that the puppets are definitely making it onto the show this week.
If only we could replace the real Renny with this one…
All of the hamsters are in bed by 3am, BB time. Most of the hamsters sleep in, except for Jerry and Jessie who are up at 8:30am working out in the backyard. Eventually everyone else wakes up and once again we are thrown into the never ending strategy talk. Brian’s cult wishes he wasn’t leaving. Angie tells him if there was a way to help him stay, she would do it. Keesha cries because she hasn’t been able to make number 2. She comments that she has asked for fiber. More “down there” stories are shared, but nothing that I care to mention. The bromance of Dan and Brian is still going strong, as they are playing chess and professing their undying devotion to one another. They are still trying to think of a way to get Brian to stay. Sadly, this is where my shift ends.
Can’t keep up with all the alliance changing? Don’t care for the feeds when there are a million people still in the house? Does Renny just plain out scare you? Be sure to check out tomorrow’s recap by that hamster loving marybethp. She will for sure have a snarkalicious recap on all of the things you missed or couldn’t stomach watching.
Thanks to JustJuls for the sockalicious sock puppet screencap!
If you like to exercise in the kitchen, PM me.