*This is a recap of events from Sunday evening to noon Monday*
Welcome back, feed fiends! Are you ready to kiss the rest of your summer goodbye watching another group of people who we will probably grow to loathe in a few weeks? Yeah, neither am I. It seems like we just got rid of that bunch of taint slapping, cucumber fellating, foul mouthed, candy thong-wearing blowjob-giving freaks that comprised BB9, yet here we are with a whole new group of hamsters to make fun of already. But, like any good BB addict, I await each season with renewed hope that it will turn out to be a great one. And I know this for certain: this one can’t be as bad as season nine was. It just can’t.
So, on to the new hamsters. By now I’m sure you know that they’ve been in the house for several days, and Jerry was voted HoH. Grandpa Jerry promptly put the whiny musclehead Jessie and the supremely disappointing (and screechy) Renny up for eviction with the reasoning that their bickering was irritating to the others. Brian wasted no time in making an alliance with Jerry, supposedly bonding over their shared military experiences. Unfortunately, Brian isn’t as bright as he likes to think and his other alliance with Dan and Ollie was outed - Jerry found out about Brian cheatin’ on him and put his butt up on the block in Jessie’s place. Yes, old man Jerry won the veto, too. Not too shabby.
Spread the love. And the penicillin, while you're at it.
Then the feeds officially came on. Too bad Skippy forgot to turn the freaking sound on along with the video, as we had major sound issues for almost two hours. Already, we have personality conflicts - Steven has huge issues with Libra. He bitches to Brian about how Ollie, April, and Libra think they’re running the house and how he feels all alienated. *sniff* And yes, the others already know Steven is gay. That cat’s already left the bag. Seems that he told Brian and Libra, and Libra promised to keep it to herself because Steven wanted to be the one to tell people. Of course, Libra told Keesha, who told someone else, etc. Looks like Libra is off Steve-o’s Christmas card list. It doesn’t help that she also tried to ration the booze, either, telling the boys they couldn’t have any til midnight. That went over like a lead balloon.
Midnight arrives, and the sloppers are off their food restrictions, which means a pig-out of biblical proportions. Pizza, chicken strips, french fries, pork chops and gravy, ice cream, chips and dip, mashed potatoes, booze...yep, I predict a pile of chubby hamsters by season’s end. And several clogged arteries. Brian, who is officially off my “like” list, bitches to Dan about Michelle and her big mouth (sounds like these two have gotten into a tiff already). Seems that Michelle was/is quite the wild child and has no qualms about sharing her stories, in very Amber-like fashion.
Dani Donato, v2.0. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
In the midst of whining, Brian catches a whiff of something foul coming from the couch, but nobody can tell what it is. After last season’s antics, there’s no telling what kind of residual toxic waste is left in that house. Meanwhile, Renny has changed outfits for the umpteenth time, now prancing about in shiny gold heels and a sequined beret. Then it’s black pants and top with a pink hat. Alas, nobody pays her fashion show of desperation any attention. Keesha, who claims that Abercrombie was always trying to recruit her when she went into their stores, is doing a fine job of channeling Dani Donato, parking her butt in the same chair in the same place in the kitchen, making the same bored, vacant faces Dani made. Frightening.
Why are they ignoring me? I will NOT BE IGNORED!
Dan the Catholic teacher man has never known a gay guy before and is filled with all sorts of questions in his continual quest for knowledge. Cowboy Steve explains that he did indeed date and sleep with girls, but had an awakening at the age of 21. Inside, Ollie has been washing dishes for about three hours now, almost as long as Keesha has had her butt planted at the kitchen counter. Brian and Dan, the Bitch Brothers, spend a good portion of their evening outside bagging on Jerry and Libra, with a few snipes at Ollie thrown in for good measure. Steven makes me wonder if he’s fallen off too many bulls with the comment that there’s “about 200 people watching the internet feeds.” Elsewhere, Libra and Angie chat. Libra talks of missing her kids and worries about her job, but claims that she’s a “good person” and all will be okay.
Aw, hell. Not that “good person” crapola again. Changing feeds...
Michelle and Jessie bond while playing a game of pool. Jessie tells her about something bad he did that caused a girl to break up with him, but he doesn’t share what it was. You’re no fun, Jessie. Off to Brian again, who is declaring Tuesday as “Fake Rumor Day.” This may redeem him slightly in my eyes, we’ll have to see.
Since this is the first feed recap of the season, here are a few “firsts” from BB10:
- Steven made the first stupid, politically incorrect comment, calling Libra “that colored girl.” Oh, Steven. I really want to like you. Cut that crap out.
- April was the first to let the others feel her boobs to dispel any doubts that they were real. Because letting virtual strangers feel you up is an awesome way to get to know them.
- Jerry is the first person I’ve ever heard of who has never eaten raw cookie dough. You don’t know what you’re missing, man.
- Renny got the first reprimand from BB for not wearing her mic.
- The first scandal is Thong-gate: Angie is blamed for leaving a thong on the bathroom floor, but says it wasn’t her. When she suggested it was Renny, one of the guys shrieked in horror because he touched it.
- Jerry is the first clueless hamster, telling the others that he didn’t know Steven was gay, he just thought he was “humorous.” He also told the others that BB hasn’t had live evictions for the last few years, but this year they will. Some BB fan he is.
- The first showmance of the season has been started by none other than “Feel my boobs” April and preacher’s son Ollie.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you? Around 3 am, the two lovebirds cuddle, play kissyface and make generally disgusting slurpy smacking noises for all on the feeds to hear. Ollie (whose first name is actually Bryan) tells April that he just wants to cuddle, and that it’s been a long time since he did that with anyone. Aww. And, eww. Elsewhere, Keesha is thoroughly wasted, working on one hell of a hangover for the morning.
The sun rises the next morning, but our horde of hamsters do not. BB screams at them repeatedly to get their butts in gear, and they eventually drag themselves out of bed and perform their grooming routines. For Steven, this consists of bitching about how loud Skippy was during the night, making all kinds of noise behind the walls. Steve also claims that they’re not allowed to nap during the day, and promises to show his ass about it. Memphis the bartender opines that he’ll live to be 120, since you can take all kinds of drugs to prevent aging. Yes sirree, we've got some Rhodes Scholars this season. Inside, Renny rips the beltloops off her shorts because BB took all her belts. Because defacing your clothing is preferable to just not wearing a damn belt.
Looks like another house full of nutjobs, everyone. Let the good times roll.
Me have big muscles. Me tear shirt so you can see big muscles.
Thanks to Snapit for some of the screencaps!