This recap covers events in the habitrail from Friday to Sunday.
If you happened to be feed watching in the early hours of Friday morning, you may have mistakenly thought Real Player was running season 8. But alas, it was not Amber in the bed crying like a baby all night. It was Sheila! Now that she’s on the block, she no longer wants to be in the house. She misses her son terribly and wants to be with him. She’s just not happy and she doesn’t want to play the game anymore. Nobody likes her, everybody hates her, she’s going to eat some worms. And so on and so on. The only difference in Sheila and Amber is that Amber would have been praying to Jameka’s God all night. James and Josh have now decided that sobbing Sheila is the biggest threat in the house. If she doesn’t go this week, they’ll continue to put her up each week until she’s gone.
The POV competition was played early Friday afternoon and sounds like it involved the guinea pigs. There’s mention of them being hamsters, a water bottle, wood chips, and something about it being a game of balance. This must be James’ week because he won the POV. Matt is upset that he lost and no doubt worried that James will backdoor his slimy ass. Just like any other time, Natalie is all over him and reassures him that James promised he would not be put up while they were hanging on the disco balls. It was part of the deal. Sheila is eating a salad and looks pissed. She’s crunching the hell out of the poor lettuce. Chelsia makes a few comments about how easily anyone could have won the competition, no doubt directing it at Sheila or anyone else who thinks things may have been unfair.
While most of the houseguests nap, James and Chelsia give their feed watching fans another makeout session. She straddles him, kisses all of his fingers, and they roll around kissing. James tells her to go take a shower. At first, I wonder if it’s because of her smelly hoohah but then he says he wants to shower with her. Of course, she’s good to go but as soon as they hop in the shower, Skippy decides to show us all of the sleeping hammies instead. Damn you, Skippy! We go back to the HoH bathroom after the shower in time to see James on the toilet describing his pooping habits which I refuse to recap. He then gives Chelsia a “measurement check” by sticking his finger in her mouth to see how far back he can go before she gags. Having seen James’ goods, I’m thinking the findings of his measurement may be inaccurate.
The Light Is On, But Nobody’s Home
Sheila approaches James about the POV and he tells her he doesn’t plan to use it. He’s going to keep the nominations the same. Sheila wants to explain to him what went down when he was backdoored. She didn’t know it was him going up on the block. She thought it would be someone else. She thinks it was Matt who changed Ryan’s mind and says Ryan told her it would be Sharon to go if the vote was 3-3, not James. They both bash Ryan for a while since he isn’t there. Sheila then drones on and on about her kid who is an artist and craps sunshine and rainbows. Well, she didn’t actually say that but close. She yammers some more about how unfairly she’s been treated and how afraid she is of Josh. James finally reassures her that Ryan is the target and she is safe. I think he would have promised his right kidney just to shut her up. Hell, I was ready to give her mine!
Things That Make You Go Ew!
- Natalie has a rash from the disco ball chain…or so she claims. With Nat, who knows what it’s actually from.
- Adam says he got his first STD when he was 24 or 25 years old which indicates that he’s had more than one. Yep, the ladies will be lining up to sleep with him when he gets out of the house now.
- Matt, Adam, and Ryan have a Bible study together. They discuss things like how many women and kids Jacob had, how tall Goliath was, and someone with an uncircumcised penis. But that’s not the “ew” part. While reading, Adam keeps pleasuring himself. Ew! And he does it more than once. The Bible is the new Playboy for him.
- Matt says he always has “vacation sex” and it’s no big deal. The last time he was in Miami, he “bagged three different chicks.”
- Josh used Ryan’s clippers to buzz his pubic hair.
Sheila is telling the lame story of her “light bulb” moment again and Ryan thinks he hears her playing the 45 year old single mother card again while bitching about him stealing her $10,000. He jumps all over her saying she had this epiphany that men have done everything for her all her life and she’s doing the game for herself because she’s tired of piggybacking on men but then she turns around and plays that card. He has credit card bills and student loans to pay. He doesn’t appreciate Sheila trashing him behind his back. Sheila claims she isn’t playing that card and somewhere in the middle of their argument, she jumps on Adam for not having her back. Adam looks at her like the crazy bitch that she is and tells her he’s playing the game on his own. Both Ryan and Sheila declare that they want to stay in the house and will campaign to get the votes.
Ryan and Matt go inside to play chess and Sheila starts bitching about Ryan to Chelsia, Josh, and Natalie. According to her, Ryan is making a mountain out of a molehill and everything she did was to save Matt and Nat. Now it’s all Matt’s fault that she’s not going to win the 500K. All Matt’s fault because he changed Ryan’s mind and convinced him to backdoor James. Natalie goes inside and tries to tell Matt and Ryan about Sheila’s babbling but Matt brushes her off. He doesn’t want to hear it because they’re trying to play a game. Out in the hot tub, Sheila is still rambling. She rehashes the light bulb moment and bashes Matt for how he treats Natalie. Blah, blah, blah, rinse and repeat. She asks lots of questions and answers them herself…the first sign of a crazy person. Before she’s done, she bashes Adam for being a disgusting pig and playing with himself all day. Now, this we know is true. For an hour, she goes on until Josh and Chelsia can escape. Note to BB: No more wine for Sheila. Give her the Tylenol PM instead. Sheila is called to the DR and everyone bashes her while she’s gone. Everyone is sick of Sheila and her 45 year old single mom who was robbed of ten grand crap. Natalie calls her crazy and says she talks too much. Pot meet kettle.
How To Swallow…Pride And Self-Respect
Matt finally gives Natalie her back massage. He gives the camera a look that says he’s really not into it and only massages her for a whopping six minutes. And it was a half-assed massage at that! The guys all get together in the kitchen and talk about Natalie. Matt tells them of her offer to give him a blowjob and they all encourage him to just let her do it. Matt’s a little hesitant because of the Fatal Attraction thing she has for him. He even jokes that she might show up at his place with a U-Haul. Finally, Matt admits that she’s already blown him a couple times. The guys all give him props and now understand why Nat is so whooped. They tell Adam that he should bang Sheila but he says she has a vaginal yeast infection. Adam knows damn well if Sheila was willing, he’d be all over her. Yeast, or no yeast!
The guys go to bed and Matt and Natalie start kissing. About five minutes later, she dives under the covers again to make good on her blowjob offer. All the while Ryan and Adam are in the room and AWAKE! Surely, she has to realize they’re awake. Ryan is on the floor just beside their bed for Chicken George’s sake! It doesn’t take long at all and Matt’s done. Anyone surprised? Natalie comes up for air and Matt turns over giving her his back. Later, Matt goes out and gives the guys a report of what happened. When Natalie comes out of the room, they quiz her about blowjobs and she admits that she is a swallower. Of course, feed watchers already knew that. Nat looks like an even bigger fool when she comments that she doesn’t remember the last time she gave a blowjob. Somebody please get this girl a clue and some self-respect. Maybe even a little medication.
James later tells Chelsia and Josh about Nat giving Matt a blowjob. Josh calls her a hooker and they all realize Amanda was telling the truth when she said Nat had done it early on. James shares with them his plan to backdoor someone. He speaks of Adam stabbing him in the back referring to the third vote and also to Matt who screwed him over last week. James vows to seek revenge on everyone who f***ed him over last week. James later tells Ryan that he’s planning to use the veto on him and put up Adam.
Coincidentally(or maybe not), James goes to the DR and comes out to announce to Chelsia that he’s now planning to use the veto on Sheila and backdoor Matt instead of Adam. He wants to talk to Sharon about it and sends Chelsia to fetch her. She pretends to need the HoH bathroom since Chelsia is using the downstairs one. James fills her in on his plan. He admits that he told Ryan he was taking him down and he told Adam he was going to back door him, but he wants them all to be caught off guard when it happens as he was when Ryan backdoored him. Sharon stirs the pot by telling him that even though Ryan was HoH, Matt was the one calling all the shots. She also fills him in on the fact that Matt was the third vote for the mystery guest and not Adam. She got that news from Sheila who got it straight from Natalie. So much for secrecy. James then sneaks Adam up to the HoH room where Adam swears he voted for James to return. James tells him the plan to remove Sheila and replace her with Matt. Adam then swears allegiance to James and promises to vote the way he wants this week.
- James is super sore from the HoH competition. Chelsia covers him in smelly muscle cream and gives him a massage.
- Sharon tells Josh they have the game in the bag. Please let her be wrong.
- James has a tattoo on his left butt cheek that says “I AM GOD.”
- Allison Grodner herself has reprimanded the houseguests for their foul language. Now I can’t help but wonder how Evel Dick got away with the obscenities that he spewed last season but these little hamsters are rebuked by the BB big dog.
- Both Ryan and Matt let Natalie pluck their eyebrows.
- This morning’s wake up song was “You Keep Me Hanging On” by The Supremes. Paying attention, Nat?
- Sheila claims to have been a dancer on Friends but it isn’t listed on The Internet Movie Database (IMDb).
James and Chelsia boil water for a bath. Is there no hot water in the HoH bathroom? Apparently not. They both get naked and Chelsia climbs into the tub full of bubbles while James goes to “poop.” He comes out and joins her and then jokes that he pooped in the tub. So romantic, these two. In a disgusting kind of way. They play around a little more and then kiss passionately. James pulls Chelsia over to straddle him and they kiss some more. James then stands up for a minute and he’s visibly…um, excited to have Chelsia in his tub. Skippy decides we don’t need to see anything more and that’s the end of bubble bath fun for us. Ah, but don’t worry. We get to see Natalie play hide and seek with Matt, Adam, Ryan, and Josh. Secretly, they probably like that she’s actually quiet while hiding. She hides under the massage table and they quickly find her. The next time, she hides behind the upstairs couch and it takes them a while. Adam finally spots her foot. This goes on and on forever and I long for a night of beer pong. Finally, Natalie hides under a pile of dirty towels that I imagine must be musty and covered with God only knows what considering this group of hamsters. They quickly find her because the genius’ knee is sticking out of the basket. She then hides under the bathroom sink. When Josh finds her, he screams like a little girl. Really. Natalie comes across the unitard and the guys talk her into stripping down to put it on. Ryan comments that this girl is entertainment.
Big Boys Don’t Cry
After the POV ceremony, it doesn’t take long to figure out that Matt is on the block with Ryan. James tells him it’s not personal but about the third vote for the mystery guest that has been talked to death since Wednesday. He knows that Natalie was lying when she said that vote wasn’t Matt. James explains that he doesn’t consider Matt an enemy but a bigger threat than Sheila. Meanwhile, Natalie is crying to Josh about the deal that James has now broken. She’s pissed that she hung on for five hours and James can’t give her one week as he agreed. She says Matt was the only person she could trust and now she’s all alone. Josh advises her to choose sides because the power in the house has shifted. Matt comes in and tells them he can’t compete against Ryan. He’s crying and wants to be left alone. He keeps telling himself that he’s a tough kid and should stop crying. Finally, he goes outside and asks Adam for his vote. Adam mumbles that being in the middle is a tough spot but doesn’t commit. Matt then goes back to James and asks what he can do, offer to throw HoHs maybe. James tells him to wait a day and then come back to talk to him again. If the vote is 3-3, it could go his way. But Matt doesn’t think he can get three votes. In fact, he says he just wants to drown himself in the pool. Dude, it’s a game. He goes on to whine about how he doesn’t want to spend his birthday next week alone in sequester. Over and over, he claims it wasn’t his idea to backdoor James.
In the house, Matt even offers to give Josh a massage. Josh says it will take more than that. Hee! Sheila and Josh discuss everything and Sheila swears she won’t go back to the other side. She tells Josh everything Natalie ahs been telling her. Matt joins them and asks what he can do to get their votes. He borrows Sheila’s single mom card saying his mom was a single mom and he would have never taken the ten grand from her like Ryan did. Sheila tells him straight up that he doesn’t have her vote. When she was on the block, no one comforted her so she doesn’t owe him anything. Matt even goes so far as to tell her she’s the mom of the house and he wants her to be his friend and his mom. Sheila keeps asking him to hear her out as she rambles on and on about herself as usual. Matt swears he wasn’t going to vote her out but Ryan and says he plans to distance himself from Natalie so he won’t be seen as an extension of her.
So let me wrap up the rest of the afternoon and evening in a nutshell…Matt makes the rounds sniffling, crying and begging for votes. He’s willing to do anything to stay in the house, even turn his back on Natalie. And he’s not just talking about after she services him. Sheila plays her single mom card over and over and over again. Natalie rants about James and Josh and tries to make a deal with Sheila who makes the conversation all about herself. Ryan lays low and reads the Bible. Sharon rubs her ratty blue blanket. James, Josh, and Chelsia make fun of Crybaby Matt and joke that they’ll send Natalie to him next week. And Adam? Well, Adam plays with himself.
Thanks to waywyrd, barefootdyke, and Snapit for the screencaps.
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