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Thread: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

  1. #1
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    *This is a recap of events from Monday through Thursday*

    Picklegate is still going strong in the wee hours of Monday morning. Matt, ever the tough guy, pronounces that James is a lucky guy because Matt didn’t whoop his ass after baptizing Natalie with the pickle juice. I’m thinking that James could whip out a certain appendage and whoop Matt’s ass with it, but anyway. Sharon wastes no time in doing a little campaigning for herself, glomming onto Matt and the boys while Joshie fumes in the backyard. Josh again throws his girl Sharon under the bus and backs over her several times, telling Adam that if he can get Sheila to vote out Sharon, Josh would add his vote to theirs, making it four against Sharon: Adam, Sheila, Josh, and Chelsia. Of course, Adam runs right back to Matt and tells him.

    The next morning, Josh shows the world just how bad drugs affect your brain by talking to himself outside. Either he’s lost what few marbles he had left, or he’s making a lame attempt at copying the Dick at Night show. He rants about Jen using a strap-on on Ryan, Natalie’s abortions and boob job, etc. It’s not very clever, funny, OR interesting. Let’s hope that the Josh in the Morning show gets cancelled. He later lies in bed, reading his letter from home and bawling.


    Yes, Adam, it's still there...

    James campaigns hard to stay, offering to turn on Josh and Chelsia, throw HoH comps to the other guys, anything. Matt and Ryan tell him that they’ll discuss it later. As soon as James is out of sight, they both agree that he has to go. They know James would never turn on Chelsia. They were right - James and Chelsia have a heart-to-heart later and say that what they have is more than the game. Neither one of them wanted to fall for someone on reality tv, but they did. Aww.

    Breaking news: Chelsia finally got her period! Full story at 11.

    And here’s where Natalie starts to lose it. Worse than she already has, I mean. Sheila spills the beans that Mattie made out with Sharon while she was HoH, sending Natalie into fits. Fits, I tell you! She rants to Sheila that she and Matt had a pact that they wouldn’t make out with anyone else in the house. When Sheila asks Nat if she and Matt “hooked up,” Nat replies that they haven’t done anything nasty, but Matt has tried to touch her in certain places and she wouldn't let him. I hear you laughing out there. Who would be so stupid as to have sex in the house, asks Sheila? I know, replies Natalie with an innocent look on her face. That sound you just heard was me falling out of my chair, laughing.

    Of course, Natalie suddenly wants Sharon out instead of James. Not out of jealousy, mind you, but because Sharon is such a good mental player. If you believe that, I have some land to sell you...

    Sheila implores the numbskull not to confront Matt, but Natalie runs right to him and gives him what for. Matt gets all indignant, denying anything but the hot tub kiss from the house orgy. I get the feeling ol’ Matt is an expert at sidestepping these kinds of accusations. After lots of yelling, lying, and flailing of hands, Matt sniffs to Nat that if she doesn’t vote with him (to get rid of James), they are through as a couple. She simpers that she doesn’t know what to do, and he huffs off while she cries and reads her bible.


    In an attempt to bond with the guys, Nat lets one rip.

    So while Natalie leads the charge to boot Sharon, Chelsia and James take the opportunity to do a lot of making out. Not that we get to see it, though. Whenever they really get going, the feeds are yanked onto something else, like Adam picking his nose/crotch/fill in the blank. What gives? Last year we were privy to Eric and Jessica’s every move (an experience I still have nightmares over), so why hide these two? Hell, I even got to watch Nat in action, but the only couple that doesn’t make me retch, they hide. You suck, Skippy. And not in a Natalie way.

    But, all the campaigning James did was for naught. He was voted out 5-1 (Nat caved, of course). And all the voting we did was for naught, also, as the big Save-a-Hamster poll crashed and burned - Alex won America’s vote, but the dimwits in the house decided to keep the one they just voted out: James. They open the big blue box, a huge penis pops out dragging James behind it, and we’re right back to where we were. Ryan's HoH reign may as well have never happened.

    The following endurance HoH challenge lasts well into the night. Adam, Josh and Matt drop off the disco balls on a chain quickly, leaving James and the girls hanging on. Natalie chirpily flaps her gums the entire time, probably as a plan to cause the others to run screaming into the house. Off falls Sheila, Sharon makes it two hours, Chelsia three. Over four hours into this thing, and the spinning Natalie is about to toss her cookies, pleading for a deal from James if she drops. No way was James coming off that platform - this white boy has payback in mind. But he offers to keep Nat (and Matt, at her insistence) safe anyway, and she falls, vomiting into a bucket. Thumbs up to them both for lasting so long. BB gives them the pizza party they promised for being good little hamsters during the live show.


    Crank it up and let's play Sling-a-Hamster!

    Paranoia runs rampant afterwards, as they all wonder who James will put up. Ryan knows he’s screwed, having broken his word to James. Matt and Nat wonder if James will keep his promise - speaking of promises, Matt finally DID give Natalie a massage. A lame-ass, half-hearted massage, but she enjoyed it nonetheless. Hey, it was attention. Josh gets bug-eyed and paranoid, wondering if his two-facedness will come back to bite him. I love when it gets to this point in BB. Love it.

    One of the biggest feed bleeds ever happened Wednesday night when Chelsia was called to the Diary Room: we got to hear the whole thing. 20 minutes worth of coaching, asking her to repeat some choice sound bites - “World War three is starting! - and Big Brother reminding Chelsia of her promise to her dad not to have sex on tv. Oh, and they reminded her about the box of condoms. Talk about a hint. But, are they super-sized condoms?


    I've finally figured out why Josh is so angry all the time.

    Chelsia sleeps on her old bed she shared with James so Ryan couldn’t get it, leaving him the “cursed” bed in the boat room. He decides to sleep on the non-cursed floor instead. Sheila has a “lightbulb moment” that she needs to start playing the game for - gasp - herself and stop piggybacking others! Imagine that. Now imagine her telling this story over and over and over all day Thursday, because that’s what she does. Josh creeps around like a chubby little cockroach, listening to people’s conversations out of paranoia.

    Did James keep his word to Natalie? Yep. He nominated Ryan and Sheila for eviction. Ryan, payback for last week, and Sheila, because James thinks she’s got too much pull in the house with her 45 year old single mother schtick. Let the games begin!

    Things I Didn’t Need To Know For $500, Alex:
    • Josh is glad that Chelsia and James kiss so much, because it disproves his earlier theory that they were brother and sister. Ew.
    • Sheila chides Natalie for using the term “nutsack,” saying she prefers the word “balls” instead. Insert your own joke here.
    • Ryan thinks Matt looks like Tom Cruise or Tom Selleck. Ryan needs glasses.
    • Natalie named one of the guinea pigs “Cinnamon,” but couldn’t spell it.
    • James says he can’t sleep in Wal-mart dumpsters, because they pour bleach in there so people won’t dumpster dive. Damn them.
    • Josh is nauseated by the female anatomy. And tampons.
    • Adam regaled the houseguests with a filthy sex tale. There were two rather large women, and him, and....on second thought, never mind.
    • Ryan says he’s glad he doesn’t have a vagina. They’re too high maintenance.

    I leave you with this quote:

    "I don’t want to look like a dumb idiot on national television!” Natalie, to Matt.


    Thanks to Snapit for some of the screencaps!
    Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted - John Lennon

  2. #2
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    I’m thinking that James could whip out a certain appendage and whoop Matt’s ass with it, but anyway.
    So true! Fantastic recap, way!

    I damn near choked on my tea when I saw the condoms for Josh.

    And what is it with Adam sticking his hand in his pants!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  3. #3
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    Quote Originally Posted by waywyrd;2841369;
    They open the big blue box, a huge penis pops out dragging James behind it,
    Priceless! That had me in fits of laughter. Thank you, wayward.

  4. #4
    Resident Nerd munkeechi's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    Does anybody know if the ooppsies regarding Chelsia and the DR is on youtube anywhere? I'd love to catch it and hear what REALLY goes on in there.
    Britney: "Brendon has the worst sportsmanship I've ever seen and I played 5th grade basketball"

  5. #5
    what are you watching? iguanachocolate's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    ditto to the above quotes, loved the penis line... great reading, Wayward, as usual!

  6. #6
    Premium Member gagi's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    That was awesome, way!!!!! Well, except for the reason why James is angry all the time. Yup, I was reading that caption as the SVP went by. Good times on a Friday afternoon!

    I just might have a lot of free time starting next week to do some transcriptions and maybe write a few recaps. You get paid for recaps, right?

  7. #7
    FORT Consumed RoyaltyBuff's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    Excellent and better than watching!! Thanks waywyrd!!

    I love TAR!

  8. #8
    Mommie2KandK addicted2tv's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    Just wanted to say that I have been walking around my house laughing out loud thinking about this recap several times today. (My dogs are looking at me funny!!) GREAT JOB and THANK YOU!!

  9. #9
    FORT Newbie DreamTheaterfan's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    Great recap ! Maybe the best I have read in three years of hampster watching. You should be paid ! Keep up the great work
    "To those who understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am"

  10. #10
    ☆ Janie Queen of BB cottoncandy's Avatar
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    Re: Big Brother Live Feed Recap: The Art of Revenge

    I cracked up throughout this recap. Great job waywrd! 4 days somehow boiled down into a succinct summary, while still containing all of the snarkiness it truly deserves.

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