This brief A to Z rundown covers event in the house from Friday to Sunday.
- Adrianna - James’ name for his bike. She’s his iron horse and he takes her everywhere.
- Backstabbing - Psycho Sheila feels like Allison is a lying backstabber. It’s the same old song and dance she’s been doing all week. Chelsia calls her on being nice to Allison but talking about her behind he back.
- Confrontation - Sheila confronts Allison about her willingness to do anything for votes. Specifically, she calls it disgusting that Allison makes out with Chelsia after badmouthing everyone else for doing it the night of the nudie pool party. Allison insists that she’s not just doing it for votes and that she and Chelsia have made out like 50 times already.
- Deal - James told Sharon that Matt and Natalie have a deal with Ryan and Allison. He makes her swear not to tell Josh and swears he won’t tell Chelsia. If this is true, it means the vote will be 1-1 and HOH will cast the deciding vote.
- Exorcism - Josh and Natalie feel the need to purge the house from evil. They “baptize” a cup of water, therefore deeming it holy. Armed with Bibles and their “Holy Water,” they go from room to room casting out evil and asking God to bless the house. At one point, James walks through the house wearing only a sock on his erect penis and they cast “Holy Water” on him as well. I wish I could say I made all of this up under the influence of codeine-laced cough syrup but every single ridiculous word is true.
- Foil - During the exorcism, Josh and Natalie make foil hats to wear on their heads to keep the evil from penetrating their brains. I’d argue there isn’t enough brains in their heads for that to be a concern.
- Gonorrhea. Oh wait! That was last season.
- Hickey - Chelsia has one from James.
- Intervention - Josh spent some time in the hot tub crying and praying for divine intervention. He’s sorry that he lost his cool and cursed and prays God lets him win. Reminds me of Amber but not quite as pitiful.
- Jedi training - Josh goes through the house studying Jedi-style(a la Janie and Howie). He counts the logs and stones in the wallpaper and goes around the house memorizing things.
- Kissing - Allison kisses Chelsia in the hot tub and James can’t resist joining in. Chelsia and Natalie also do some kissing. James and Chelsia make out in the sauna. Matt and Sharon make out all hot and heavy in the HOH room until they’re interrupted by Josh. There’s been more kissing this season than any other. The only houseguests that haven’t seen any action are Sheila and Adam. Well, Adam has gotten a smooch from Natalie but she gives so freely, I’m not sure that even counts.
- Lunatic - Matt argues with James for upsetting Natalie. He says she’s already a lunatic, a mental case, and James needs to back off and leave her alone. He even goes as far as to threaten James by saying if he makes Natalie cry, he’ll make James cry. When James asks how he’d do that, Matt says he’d knock him the f**k out.
- Message - The houseguests receive a mysterious message that reads, “To be read aloud by the Head of Household after gathering all the houseguests in the living room.” Sharon gathers the houseguests and reads on, “Sometime in the coming weeks you will hear a distinctive sound over the PA system. (An siren-like sound is played as a sample.) When you hear this sound you will need to gather immediately here in the living room and follow the instructions given. Expect the unexpected.” Hamsters speculate that one of their former housemates may be returning.
- New York - Sheila left home for New York when she was 14. She said people thought she must have had it made living in a mansion but it was really hard. She never graduated from high school and is constantly bringing up Allison thinking she’s better than her because of her education.
- O - The Big O,and I don’t mean Oprah. There were a few this weekend - James, Matt, and Adam - all Eric-style with a sock, and James? Did it under the covers while Chelsia sat on the side of the bed and Allison talked dirty to him.
- Penis - Seriously, does James have an aversion to clothes? He just struts around the house in the buff like it’s a perfectly normal thing to do in a house full of strangers. I, for one, have seen enough of James’ giant penis.
- Queens - Chelsia puts makeup on James and Matt and has them looking like a couple of queens. Matt looks surprisingly pretty. Also, Josh puts on a crown in the HOH room and dances to Britney.
- Rumor - Matt denies that Natalie gave him a blowjob and says it’s just a rumor. That lie might fly if it wasn’t all over the internets.
- Squirt - Natalie squirts James’ back with her breast milk. Everyone is equally fascinated and disgusted by her nifty little trick.
- Threesome - Slutting for votes, Allison climbs into bed with James and Chelsia. According to Josh, she gave them both a hand job and he saw her go from the bed to the sink to wash her hands. All I could see was a lot of kissing but I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if Josh is right. Either way, it’s a hell of a way to get a vote.
- Underwear - Chelsia and Natalie both prance around the house in theirs as much as James does in the nude. And Natalie is quite fond of thongs.
- Veto - Matt and Natalie won POV and naturally, removed themselves from the block. Adam and Sheila are the replacement nominees.
- Wine - The houseguests get wine and Natalie doesn’t think her share is as much as everyone else’s share. They say her share is appropriate since she hid all of the beer last time. She storms off in a huff.
- X-rated - I’m starting to think Alison Grodner has a deal with Showtime this season to provide the most nudity and sleaze possible. There has to be an explanation as to why this bunch is so willing to take it all off and make out with each other.
- Yeast infection - yes, Sheila still has one. She’s also 45 years old and has a son. Just in case you missed it.
- Zits - James pops Josh’s back zits and Natalie pops James’ back zits. Gross! Kind of like this season though…one big festering zit!
Thanks to waywyrd for the screencaps.
Why would you wear a tin foil hat? PM me.