This recap covers Friday-Sunday in the Big Brother house.
Two weeks into the first ever winter edition of Big Brother and there’s already history in the making. In two short weeks, we’ve learned more about the houseguests than we ever really wanted to know. So far, we’ve seen banging in the bathroom, blow jobs, fights, fainting, a taint slap, an allergic reaction, a strip tease, a yeast infection, and even one uncircumcised penis. Forgive me for being so crass, but crass is all I’ve got to work with this season. Day one, some were naked in the hot tub. That should have given us an inkling of what this season is all about. These hamsters have no shame.
Case For No Shame - Exhibit A
The guys somehow talk Natalie into doing a strip tease for them. Actually, it doesn’t take much convincing. She’ll do it if Matt cuddles with her for a couple minutes. Matt agrees to cuddle with her until he falls asleep. They all move to the sauna room for the show. Natalie enters wearing a bright red wig, tank top, and bootie shorts. She shakes her goods in everyone’s faces and eventually strips down to her bra and see-through panties. She gives them a full show complete with straddling, grinding, bending over, and rubbing her tatas all over them. Even Adam gets the VIP treatment. She finally gets to Chelsia who pulls Nat’s bra off and feels her up. Her daddy must be so proud. Matt yells at the cameras that nothing like this has ever been seen on Big Brother and he’s right. Big Brother has really scraped the bottom to find these people. After the freaky peek show, Adam, Alex, and Matt toss around voting scenarios. They try to figure out how to keep them all in the house. Matt complains that he now has to leave to go cuddle with his “bitch” now. Classy guy, Matt.
In bed, Alex and Amanda argue like a married couple. He bitches about her shaking the bed and the way she dresses. They discuss the POV and Amanda thinks it will be a mental competition. As if that will give her an advantage! She goes on to list all of the things she’s willing to do to win the POV, including eating poop. Alex agrees that he’d do the same. She asks him to play with her hair but doesn’t touch her. Who can blame him after the big deal she’s made out of him putting the moves on her? As all conversations in this house tend to do, the talk soon turns to sex. Alex wants to know if Amanda is a virgin. After some playful banter, she finally admits that she is. Well, color me surprised!
Up in HOH, James and Chelsia play kissy face again. They roll around a little but she slams on the brakes before he can get too far. The cameras still make her nervous because Daddy is watching. No, I can’t imagine Daddy would be too pleased about his baby hooking up with the homeless bisexual porn star. James heads down to the sauna where he sits in his underwear and BITES his toenails. Seriously.
While waiting up for the POV competition to begin, the houseguests were fairly boring. Some whispered their “strategy,” some slept, and some read the Bible. Some random things I learned…..
- Alex does not look good in a mandanna and football warpaint.
- Natalie used to have lots of guinea pigs. She knows that they like to be held and seems to know entirely too much about the size of their sex organs. According to her they have huge vaginas. I'd rather not know how she knows this.
- Sheila washes her panties in the sink. She was also unable to sleep because she has a yeast infection.
- Sharon plans to read the entire Bible while in the house. She’s also doing a great job with her plan to stay out of the drama and under the radar. True, her type usually skates by until the end.
- The houseguests don’t know if they can trust Allison and Sheila because of the lesbian lie.
- Sheila likes to brag about what a great actress she is. She once posed for Penthouse and has just written a book. Her being on the show is only to help promote the book.
- Matt and Alex plan to target James for putting them on the block.
- Adam says he’ll flip flop, throw Alex a sympathy vote, and then blame it on Sheila. The others tell him to just vote the way they tell him.
Finally the POV gets under way and when the feeds return, it’s apparent that Sharon and Joshuah won. The competition was called “Driving You Nuts” and they had to find something in foam peanuts. They hang out in HOH with James and Chelsia to discuss all possible scenarios. They’re leaning towards keeping things the same but plan to tell everyone that they’re undecided to keep them in line.
Get Some Monistat, Stat!
It’s apparently common knowledge in the house that Sheila has a yeast infection. However, Natalie tells Sheila that Amanda said that her girl, Allison, has been spreading the news of said yeast infection to everyone. Sheila is pissed and in turn, tells Natalie things that Allison has allegedly said about her. Ever notice how everyone suddenly regresses to junior high when in the Big Brother house? Never fails. Sheila sobs in bed and tries to nap but can’t. She finds Matt in the storage room and bitches endlessly about Allison. Matt can’t get a word in edgewise, although I’m not sure he even wants to. Psycho Sheila is liable to take his head off if he dares cross her. Shelia then rants to Adam and to Natalie who is trying to sleep. Ryan gives Allison a heads up and she finally approaches Sheila. As expected, Psycho Sheila goes off! She accuses Allison of talking trash about everyone in the house. Allison denies it all and accuses Sheila of making it all up. Sheila won’t give examples of Allison’s trash talking because the cameras have caught it all. After a lot of you said and she said and I said, it all comes down to the real reason that Sheila is so pissed off…because Allison told everyone about her itchy situation. Ryan and Adam join the battle and both defend Allison. Sheila continues yapping over everyone until Allison eventually tells her to shut her mouth because she never lets anyone else talk. As she leaves the room, Sheila yells out that Allison probably hasn’t gotten laid in years. Don’t know what getting laid has to do with the argument but hey, it’s like junior high, remember? Allison goes on to talk to a few other people about it but I think we’ve all heard enough about Sheila’s yeast infection.
Sheila comes to Allison and apologizes for going all psycho on her. She blames it on lack of sleep and food and then says Amanda is the one who made it all up. So basically, it’s all Amanda’s fault. The hug and cry over how much their friendship means and utter “yeast infection” a few dozen more times. We’ve gone from lesbiangate to yeastinfectiongate with these two and now they're BFFs again. Amanda comes to confront Sheila and denies telling Natalie anything about Allison or Sheila or her yeast infection. I’m not really sure it matters how they all found out since all of America now knows. And I’m sure the producers are thrilled. It gives them footage that’s just a tad more exciting than Adam’s “hooded warrior.”
Dropping Like Flies
Sheila and others have been whining about their slop restriction. It’s been one day and already, they don’t know if they can survive. To them, I say, “Go cry to Chicken George.” Amanda is complaining about feeling weak as she walks with Natalie. She claims to be hypoglycemic and blames the slop diet for the way she feels. Apparently, she’d also been asking for sugar for a while but was not allowed into the diary room. Suddenly, she drops like a ton if bricks face first on the floor. Let me just tell you right now that Natalie is not the person you want with you in a time of crisis. She very calmly calls for the others to come. They rush to Amanda and James quickly pounds on the diary room door. Joshuah rushes to hit the panic button. They turn Amanda over and she immediately begins convulsing and gasping for air. They all yell for someone to get the nurse and for someone to give her a piece of bread just before the feeds turn to flames.
When the feeds return, we learn that Allison has also had a medical emergency. She had an allergic reaction to something that caused her face to swell. In the backyard, Chelsia questions why Big Brother would knowingly put someone who is hypoglycemic on slop. She thinks perhaps Amanda is faking it to get around the slop restriction and I must confess, I thought the same thing. Sheila, of course, thinks Amanda had an anxiety attack triggered by her lie about Sheila’s yeast infection. Adam tells her to give it a rest and she threatens to leave so he can have a new partner. Natalie says she has a migraine and heads off to bed. They’re dropping like flies. Any chance Big Brother just calls this season a wash and starts over in July?
Amanda finally returns with a bag of meds and orders to eat peanut butter. Alex makes her a sandwich while everyone gathers for the scoop of her trip to the hospital for an MRI. Apparently, Allison was in the diary room with a nurse when it all happened and that’s why it took them so long to get Amanda in there.
Natalie is still whining about her headache and is now nauseous. Matt is actually being nice to her and brings her a bucket to puke in. Big Brother won’t give Natalie anything for the pain. For some reason, Sheila is there moaning about her yeast infection and how much she wants to go home. She says she can’t sleep with Adam’s snoring and tossing but they won’t give her any Tylenol PM. Matt says he’ll get something for both of them. Sheila still continues to bitch about how much she wants to go home. She wishes the veto would be used so she and Adam could go up because sleeping next to him isn’t worth the money. She bitches about the get well cards everyone is making for Amanda and Allison. Then she bitches some more about that damn yeast infection. Natalie is lying there with an honest to goodness migraine and politely tells Sheila she’s going to try to sleep. Psycho Sheila who isn’t good with subtle hints continues to whisper frantically about Adam’s annoying tendencies and all of her problems. Self absorbed much?
Allison finally returns with tales of how her throat closed up on her until the nurse shot her with an Epipen. They have her on a steroid and she’ll have to undergo tests to determine the allergy. She quizzes Alex on what was in his slop since she tasted it just before she blew up like a balloon. Someone must have informed Sheila that Allison was back because she finally left Natalie’s side. She and Allison hug and cry and Allison retells her story. Sheila is still jonesing for Tylenol PM and again, makes everything about her. She launches into the same crap she’s been spewing over Natalie’s sick bed and then wants to rehash the yeastinfectiongate argument from earlier. Allison tells her she can’t talk about all of that since she’s just returned from a near death experience but that doesn’t stop Sheila who continues to ramble on and on.
Sheila and Adam have a talk that is pretty much a one sided lecture. She’s a 45 year old mother and he should respect her. She contradicts herself by saying she hasn’t watched BB so she wasn’t aware she would be so much older than the others and then names some of the past contestants. Ah, but it makes no difference since her book and movie deal are going to make her a heck of a lot more money than Big Brother. She goes on to threaten to leave the game if Adam continues his abuse. Production is as sick of hearing Sheila as I am because they finally send Allison in with some Tylenol PM. After watching Psycho Sheila, I think I need a few myself.
He’s Just Not That Into You
It’s margarita time! Houseguests have tacos, chips and salsa, a pinata, sombreros, and a margarita machine. They don’t have glasses though so they have to drink from their bowls. They only have an hour to party and all get brain freezes from drinking too fast. They also got tattoos and Natalie promptly lifts her dress in front of everyone to have a rainbow put on her butt. That’s not enough so she has the girls put big yellow smiley faces on her boobies (Case For No Shame - Exhibit 423). James comes downstairs wearing only a sombrero and Joshuah soon follows suit. Not to be outdone, Natalie pulls down her dress and wears her sombrero on her smiling boobies. Chelsia also gets her boobies tattooed but their smiles aren’t as big as Nat’s. Joshuah and of course, Natalie also have their pelvic area tattooed. Because she hasn’t made a big enough fool of herself, Natalie climbs on to the lazy susan part of the table and they all spin her around. Big Brother asks her to stop. She’s just stripped down and tattooed her privates but BB takes issue with her spinning on the table. Go figure.
Natalie thinks everything happens for a reason and admits she likes Matt. However, she’s finally had it with how mean Matt is to her. Allison, Sharon, and Amanda tell her to start ignoring him. They encourage her to go out there and tell him not to kiss her anymore. Little do they know he hasn’t been kissing her and she’s the one that’s had her mouth on him. She goes off on him in front of everyone for saying that he isn’t usually attracted to girls who get naked. She took the comment personally since she’s been getting naked since…what? Day one? Matt admits he is physically attracted to her but tends to go for girls that are more conservative. He says he’ll even bend her over and have sex with her right there in front of everyone to prove that he’s attracted to her. Classy. He tries to stop fighting in front of everyone and hug Natalie but she refuses. She also refuses to sit down. She insists that he is mean to her and shows her no respect. The houseguests are amused and laugh behind their pillows. I’m a little amused myself finally. Matt eventually gets her to hug him and deems the argument over. He even promises to start being nicer to her. Ten bucks says she’ll give him another blowjob before they leave the house.
Other Random Tidbits
- Houseguests earn $750 a week in the house. Not bad for sitting on your ass most of the day.
- Chelsia once made a sex tape with a boyfriend. She thought it was hot to watch later. She and James might just be soul mates after all.
- Allison wants to start a rehab for gambling addicts.
- Matt shows just how ignorant he is by saying, “Joshuah is gay. Gay guys are equivalent to women.”
- The slop restriction was lifted for a day after Amanda and Allison’s medical emergencies. Again I say, go cry to Chicken George!
- All day Sunday, the girls were in their swimsuits. Someone please tell Natalie that knee socks with a bikini are a fashion faux pas.
- Oh, just in case you missed it, Sheila is 45 and she’s a mom.
Thanks to Jewelsy for the screencap.
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